Anything for the One You Love
by Dragen Eyez
Summary: Warning: Yaoi. some 1x2. hints of 3x4 and 5x? Duo is depressed when Heero moves in with Relena, but when Heero is back in his life, life becomes a living nightmare for Duo as his cutting and EDs get worse.
1. Prologue

Okay, I didn't steal this from "Dragen Eyes". Why is her story here, you ask? Simple. I am Dragen Eyes. However, I had to get a new account… so, I'm back! And yes, eventually I will begin posting new chapters instead of old ones…. But for now, every few days this one will be updated.. depending on various things… anyway.. on with the show.

DISCLAIMER::: I do NOT own Gundam Wing, it's characters, anything associated with it…except this plot idea… I sweat I'm making no profit on this… and if you sue me…I shall cry because I am just about to use all of my hard earned money to buy a camera. Oh yeah, I also don't own anything else that really belongs to someone else… (the plot is still mine after this statement!)

* * *

Anything for the One You Love

::Prologue::

"Anything for the one you love." Duo whispered as Heero walked out of the room; Relena had been kidnapped.

Duo leaned back in his chair, thinking about Heero, dubbed Hee-chan in Duo's mind. Duo had finally convinced Heero that his spandex and yellow sneakers were inconspicuous, _more like hideous. He looks good… dressing normally made him look a lot older, and taller. Though he's still shorter than I am. _Duo blinked as he realized Heero had taken the jacket Duo had given him for his 'birthday' instead of his prized leather jacket. _He always takes the leather, no matter what… Hee-chan has gone through at least twenty of them by now. But, damn, those jeans look good with that shirt! _Duo mentally slapped himself. _Hee-chan is my partner, not a potential boyfriend. Hell, he's straight and loves Relena!_

"Heero, just get with her!" Duo yelled angrily. "Stop asking me about her, and staring at her, and doing nothing!"

Heero only gave Duo his trademark glare.

"Damnit, Heero, stop pretending you can't feel anything!" Duo hissed. "Just… leave! Don't come back until you've at least talked to her—stop stalking her in the shadows! We all know she wants you, and just admit it, you want her!"

Heero stared at Duo before he picked up the bag Duo had packed and thrown at him. Without a word, Heero walked out of the small apartment Duo and he shared.

A month later, Heero returned; Duo was asleep. Heero woke him up with a grunt after he entered the bedroom they shared; the two twin beds and bureau took up most of the space.

"Hee…Hee-chan… err… Heero?" Duo asked sleepily.

"I'm getting my things. Moving in with Relena."

Duo sat up fast at that. "But… it's only been a month…" _Anything for the one you love_, Duo's mind whispered to him. He forced a grin and said cheerfully, "Well, about time! I'll help you pack!"

Duo grabbed a box and haphazardly began throwing Heero's clothes into it until Heero grabbed his wrists and glared at him before dumping the clothing out of the box. Meticulously, Heero folded and sorted the clothes into two boxes, interspersed with other items he owned, namely guns and bomb parts. Duo shrugged and began tossed things into a pule for Heero to sort through; however, Duo soon grew bored of this and bounced into the kitchen with far more enthusiasm than he felt. The braided boy quickly began to make coffee; however, as soon as Heero heard the coffee bag being opened, he appeared behind Duo to take the coffee away.

"Hey! I was just gonna make coffee!" Duo whined.

"Like a baka like you could do that and not kill us both." Heero muttered darkly.

"I would not!" Duo made his voice light, but Heero's words stung him. Never once had he made any sort of food for Heero.

Heero finished making the coffee and poured his into a deep blue mug with a simple "zero" scrawled in elegant black writing across the side, surrounded by a few falling white feathers. Duo had given him that mug for Christmas; he had it handmade for him. Heero had given him and the other pilots generic Christmas cards signed H. Y. Duo sighed; the others had put at least a little thought into their gifts—even Wufei and Trowa.

"Why the sigh?" Heero asked bluntly.

"Because I can, Hee-chan!" Duo ran out of the room with his black "Shinigami" mug of coffee only to trip into his bedroom moments later. "Shit!" Was all Duo could mutter before Heero ran into the room to see his clothing now a dark, wet mess.

"Maxwell… clean this the fuck up now." Heero's black glare sent Duo scurrying.

Five hours later found Duo and Heero eating ham sandwiches expertly thrown together by Heero. Duo had been surprised when Heero had proved to be a formidable cook, albeit he cooked a few too many Japanese dishes for the American's taste. After their sandwiches, Heero cleaned his dishes and carefully dried his coffee mug before adding it to his bags.

"I'm going now." Heero informed Duo as he picked up his bags.

Duo felt his breath catch a little and he pulled Heero into a tight, one-sided hug—Heero couldn't even push him away thanks to the bags in his hands. Duo helped carry a few boxes down to Heero's car until only one bag was left in the apartment the two men had once shared.

"Bye Heero, I'll miss you!" Duo chirped as he opened the door for the smaller boy as Heero carried out his last bag. _I'll miss you more than you know, but anything for the one you love, right? He's happier this way, at least._

Duo watched Heero's car disappear from his window before he slid back against the wall and let the tears he'd held in for so long. Heero was gone.

* * *


	2. Chapter 1: Three Years Later: Arrival

Weee! Three Reviews… okay..so 6 less than the LAST time I posted this…but..hopefully that number will begin to increase again, ne?

Joy2::: YES!! You ARE the first to review!!! well, for THIS story anyway!! Ya know… I think that big, neon "LOSER" sign is kinda really cute!!! -glomps you- my wonderful beta gets to be my first reviewer!! How awesome is that?? -feels all…loved n' stuff- (the stupid starts…won't work when I upload for some reason.. GRRRR) yeah..i have a uhmm.. "few" more chapters before anything new comes around…eheh… but I'm hoping that between now and then my review count will go up and then life will be good! I kind of have writer's block… so writing stuff is a bit of a challenge.. I made a huge cliffhanger… one so big that it threw -me- the -author- through a loop… that's not good, right?

Kage kit::: don't worry, Kage, there is MUCH, MUCH, MUCH more of this story…uhm…about 100 computer pages more…. literally…. It'll come up with time!! Depending on how lazy I am… Though…I hadn't thought the prologue was all that sad…-shrugs- then again…this has some really sad parts in this! I hope you continue reading this later on

Catoblepas::: Yes….I was displeased when the story disapeared, but thanks to Joy2's wonderful encouragement, everything is VERY VERY slowly coming back… (you know… the more reviews…the happier authors are, right?) eheheh… anyway… yeah.. there's even new chapters already written…though those won't be added for quite some time…

Soo, here's another chappie… I also have promised to eventually finish this story… of course, I have writer's block…(but writer's block is occurring in the far and distant future!) yeah…it IS true…the more reviews, the sooner I feel like putting up new chappies… I admit it, I have the author's review syndrome… sigh

DISCLAIMER::: Refer to Prologue's disclaimer, and uhm…for all future chappies…let's just refer to the prologue's disclaimer, yeah? Yeah. Let's do that.

* * *

Chapter 1: Three Years Later: Arrival

(journal entry) :Entry #784: Quatre gave me this thing a couple years ago, I figured I might as well start writing in it then. I still wonder if I should be talking to this journal instead of at you, whoever you are. Nah, I'll go with you, because you're not really inanimate like this journal, you're an amazingly good listener, AND I already am, so why not? Heh, you already remind me of him… I would always think he wasn't listening, but then he'd do something during dinner or whenever. Like the time I mentioned I didn't really like the coffee blend he kept buying, and a few days later, a bag of chocolate hazelnut was sitting by the coffeepot and a cup of the stuff was sitting by my seat. …I still miss him… (end journal entry)

Heero came to the reunion with Relena draped on his arm. His fiancée. It would be the first time he saw Duo since he left that night. Heero could still see the violet-eyed boy's chestnut braid whipping around furiously as he stalked out of the room after Heero had refused to let the boy make coffee. _I should've let him make it. I don't know why I never let him even try cooking. He always looked so sad when I told him no, but it was always only for half a second. Then it would be back to his cheerful grin… _Heero thought as Relena energetically rung Quatre's doorbell.

For the past three years, Heero had always intercepted the invitation before Relena's nosy gaze found it. Heero would always promptly burn the invitation before sending it down the toilet. Relena had since become used to the smell of a lit match, so Heero had no worries she would ask why the room smelled funny.

However, Relena had chosen the day the invitation had arrived to check the mail and so she found the invitation and immediately replied to Quatre saying she and Heero would be delighted to come, though the invitation had only invited Heero.

This was because Heero had started smoking and drinking soon after he had moved in with Relena. During the war, he had also smoked; however, he had quit once he moved in with Duo. He still wasn't sure why he did as soon as Duo expressed his dislike of Heero's smelly habit. As Heero reflected on his smoking habit, a thought floated to his mind. _I always went to the reunions when I lived with Duo… Why did I always agree? I hate these things…_

Quatre answered the door promptly and smiled at the two warmly. "I'm so glad you finally decided to come Heero! And it's a pleasure to see you again, Miss Relena."

"It won't be miss for long!" Relena exclaimed happily, showing Quatre the perfect three-karat pink diamond set between two single karat white diamonds on a gold band settled on her left ring finger.

"Oh! Congratulations! I had no idea." Quatre gave a quick, surprised look at Heero. "Come in, everyone else has already arrived."

She asked me, what was I supposed to say? Heero thought to himself.

Heero examined Quatre as he walked inside the capacious mansion. This particular mansion was located in Europe. Quatre had barely changed from the 5'2 figure he had been just after the Eve Wars. He was just barely shorter than Relena in her expensive flats. His large blue eyes did not hold quite the same innocence they had once held, but Heero knew that was because of his brief, but steamy relationship with Trowa. His style had, however, changed. In place of the light pink collared shirt he had once preferred, he now wore a comfortable, yet vaguely business-like sweater and a pair of brown slacks. He matched Relena far better than Heero; her shoulder length dirty blond hair styled in the latest trend while her pristine white dress edged in pink complimented the other blond surprisingly well.

Heero's jean-clad figure looked oddly underdressed next to the other two. He suddenly felt he was once again the stranger, wearing a green tank top and the jacket Duo gave him. Heero had grabbed his jacket at the last second, running late for the first time he could ever remember, and he had grabbed the wrong jacket. On the way to the airport, he realized this and cursed at himself.

Heero surveyed the room Quatre led him to; Trowa was poised on a couch, his long legs sprawled neatly under a table. He was easily the tallest of the group at 6'5. He had also put on some much-needed weight. His short sleeved shirt and jeans easily showed off the powerful muscles gymnastics and lion taming had given him at the circus. Wufei was sitting on the window seat staring off into Quatre's rich estate. He had rid himself of the tight ponytail he had worn for so long, but otherwise remained the same as the last time Heero had seen him.

Heero did not see Duo as he scanned the room and frowned slightly, but allowed Relena to pull him onto a couch where she promptly sat on his lap and began talking politics with Quatre, lavishly waving her left hand around so everyone would notice her glittering ring.

Heero decided then that he needed a smoke, badly. "Quatre, do you mind if I smoke in here?"

Quatre blinked at Heero a few times before answering uneasily. "Um, I'd prefer you didn't, but you can do that outside I suppose. If you go through the far door, it will take you to the kitchen, which has a door to the back."

Heero nodded and set Relena next to him and started towards the opposite side of the room. As he entered the kitchen, Duo slammed into him, knocking them both down. Duo landed on top of Heero with a thud that knocked the breath out of Heero. For a few moments, Heero felt like he was drowning in Duo's violet eyes, but those eyes were wrenched away and Duo pushed himself up quickly with wide eyes, only to gasp in pain and fall back on Heero. Heero quickly discovered why Duo had gasped; Duo's braid had wrapped itself behind Heero and was currently caught in Heero's belt.

"I'm so sorry." Duo muttered quickly and softly, his eyes darting for a moment before a wary, but cheerful look covered his face and he asked Heero brightly. "Don't kill me?"

"I'll try not to." Heero answered wryly. "If you hold yourself up a bit, I'll undo your braid. It's caught on my belt."

Duo barely nodded and did as Heero asked. Heero cautiously disentangled Duo's braid, his hand brushing against Duo's chest, causing the other boy to tense. "Sorry… Okay, I'm gonna lift myself up so you can pull your braid up."

Duo immediately pulled his braid out from under Heero as the Japanese boy lifted himself off the braid. The American then flung himself off of Heero and backed away several feet before Heero had even sat up.

"S…sorry. I'm such a klutz…" Duo added, more to himself than to Heero. Duo gestured towards a counter with several packs of soda on it. "Um, wanna drink?"

"No." Heero got up, causing his pack of Camel cigarettes to fall out of his pocket.

Duo hesitated a moment, gazing at the pack. "Mind if I join you?"

Heero stared at Duo for a long moment, remembering the other man's hate of smokers. "You… smoke?"

Duo hesitated and pulled out his own pack of Camel cigarettes, and answering cheerfully. "Looks like it!"

Heero shrugged and headed outside. _He couldn't stand the smell before, so why now_? Heero glanced at the braided boy he had so often called a braided baka. _Something is different about him… He's taller, his braid is longer, sure. But what is it? Lord, he's shorter than me!_

Duo followed and pulled out his lighter; however, when he tried to light up, his lighter turned up empty. "Hey, can I have a light?"

Heero quickly lit both cigarettes and then pulled in a long stream of deadly smoke. Something Heero couldn't quite catch passed Duo's face as Heero blew the foul-smelling smoke into the crisp air. Duo followed suite. Heero closed his eyes as the familiar warmth relaxed him slightly; all he needed was a drink: beer, vodka; it didn't make much difference to him as long as he had a lot of it. But that could wait until later.

Heero finished his cigarette and walked inside; Duo didn't follow.

* * *

Er... NEXT chapter, will be when my chapters are beta-approved... -blushes- i sort of forgot that there was a prologue and not just a chapter 1.... so, it's all my fault, but I wanted to post a chappie so I did anyway. chapter 2 is all set... it should be posted fairly soon... depending on when I next remember I should update it.... eheh...


	3. Chapter 2: Later that Night

Err... I –meant- to put this chapter up a few days ago... but I got distracted by my great weakness for fan fiction for a few days... and then, I spent the ENTIRE day with my friend.. (she called, woke me up, picked me up... spent the night..yeah) so, I got about an hour of sleep that night..then I was up at 4am... and then I got ready and went to a "Race for the Cure" with her... See, there was no way I was going to say no to her because her mother died from breast cancer... (however, because of her mother's death, I met this friend...and now she is my best friend... funny how that works) anyway, I FINALLY got the new chapter out!

****

IMPORTANT note::: I would like to introduce everyone to my wonderful beta, Joy2. I am a very lucky author having her as a beta. Not only does she do a wonderful job cleaning up after my mess of a story, but she even makes me feel –good- about writing it. In fact, so good as to make me believe that what I wrote might not be so bad, which makes me want to write more. Uhmm.. yeah.. –glomps Joy2-

Oh yeah.. Reviews are good!

Mailing List::: Yes, I have one... if you want on, please e-mail me or ask to be put on the mailing list in a review! Thanks

DISCLAIMER::: don't own nothing except the plot. Don't sue… I'll cry… oh yeah.. for future chapters I'll probably forget to put a disclaimer on... see chapter 1...

* * *

Chapter 2: Later that Night

: Entry # 785: I couldn't believe it. He _came. He hadn't come since he left that night… But now he's going to marry her. I don't know why that hurts. He started smoking again. I wanted to cry, but I just lit up instead. I still can't stand the smell. Why'd I start? You're a good listener and all, but, damn, I wish you could answer some of my questions. Like why he was wearing the jacket I gave him. He got taller too--10 inches or so. I guess he must be 5'11 or 6' now… But I'm still 5'5 flat. Gad, I'm so short. Quatre said dinner's done. Later. (end journal entry)_

Thank… something… that Quatre bought my "I need an extra room to do my work in" plea. There's a couch I can probably sleep on after Relena falls asleep, Heero thought as he sat down at the table, Relena between him and Quatre. The two were still talking about politics; something Heero hated. Relena had subtly placed Heero's hand on her thigh.

The hamburgers had been passed around the table before Duo came down; only one burger remained. Duo grabbed it up without a bun and threw some cheese and bacon on it before quickly eating. Five minutes later, Duo excused himself, vaguely complaining of a headache.

Heero kept his stoic gaze fixated on the wall, though his mind reeled with questions. _He left half his burger… When had had strep and could barely swallow, he still managed to eat an entire pizza… and half of mine half an hour later…_

* * *

Heero paused in his rapid typing as another thought of the violet-eyed twenty-year-old crossed his mind. _He's lost weight…_ Heero blinked and went back to typing.

He wanted to finish his book within the next few weeks. No one knew he wrote, not even his publisher knew who he was. Via a fake ID with his pen name on it, he had already written and published three books, one of them making the best-seller list.

Heero sighed as his mind lost its train of thought for his book. Heero stretched and looked at the bookshelf across the room; it was stocked with seven rows of books. Heero was sure he would find something he wouldn't mind reading.

As Heero walked over to the books, his eyes fell on three books by Dune Y. Macoy. He gave an amused shake of his head and picked up a science fiction book. While his books were supposed to be a good read, Heero had never bothered to read them before. Heero slumped into a chair facing the window and began reading, nothing interrupting the quiet solitude except the wind whistling outside.

All at once, Duo was in Heero's study, begging Heero to not only hide him, but to tell Wufei he wasn't in the room should he ask.

Heero gave Duo his customary death glare, quickly shoving the book he had been reading under a cushion. "Why do you need me to hide you."

"I kinda stole Wufei's katana for awhile, but when I gave it back, he threatened to cut my braid off." Duo shivered at his final comment.

Heero sighed, but pointed Duo towards the closet and began typing, lest Wufei walk in on him reading a science-fiction novel. Moments later, the door to Heero's study slammed open to present an irate Wufei.

"Is the idiot in here?" Wufei glared at the room.

"No. Leave, now." Heero answered, clicking the safety off of his favourite gun for effect.

The door immediately slammed shut, and Wufei began a search of the other numerous rooms of Quatre's mansion.

Heero waited several minutes before addressing the closet door. "You can come out now."

Duo came out with a grateful and plopped down on the couch. "We-ell, looks like you're stuck with me for awhile!"

"Hn." Heero's fingers flew across his keyboard.

"Watcha typing?"

"Hn."

"Hmm…. Maybe some sort of top-secret, government report? I bet it is…" Duo mused half to himself. "Must be really important and time consuming, since there's not a day I know of you haven't typed on that thing."

Heero didn't answer, but continued writing his murder mystery. He couldn't stand reading them, but this story had become one. With Heero's assassin/soldiering background, it was easy for him to construct the perfect murder and make it complex enough to keep everyone else guessing. Soon, however, Duo's incessant drumming on a small table began to cause Heero's concentration to waver.

"Wanna play some chess?" Duo finally asked, his voice dripping with boredom.

"No."

"How about some poker?"

"No."

"Any card game?" Duo begged. "Please? Pretty please?"

Heero stayed silent a long moment, pondering the situation. If he said no, Duo would continue asking him to play various other games. If he said yes, he would have to play cards. "Fine."

Duo grinned and pulled out a set of cards. "Okay, what game?"

"Gin Rummy."

Duo grinned, though he had never beaten Heero. "Okay!"

Duo deftly shuffled the cards, bridging the deck every time in a perfect arc. After dealing, Duo possessively grabbed his cards and sorted through them in mock-seriousness. Heero sorted his deck in seconds and took the card Duo had flipped up to begin the game. The taller man played in silence, ignoring the many comments the braided figure offered.

After winning six games in a row, Heero felt the slightest bit sorry for the cheerfully losing man across from him. Heero let Duo win, though only by a slight margin. Duo grinned, amazed that he had won, appearing to Heero as if all the happiness in the world had bloomed at that moment. Heero almost smiled. Almost.

"Thanks for playing. I'll leave you alone now." Duo finished collecting his cards, unsure if Heero would try to kill him for winning or not.

"What about Wufei?"

Duo stared at Heero before grinning. "I bet he's meditating now, so I can make it to my room without losing my braid!"

With that said, Heero was left to stare at the door Duo disappeared through.

Heero settled down to read again, but just as he settled down into a comfortable position, he was once again interrupted. "Heero! Come to bed, now!"

Heero sighed and trudged into the bedroom. Relena had already switched the blue bedspread with a pink quilt. Pink lace curtains now hung over the windows, and a bucket of pink paint rested on the bureau. Heero guessed the next day one of Quatre's servants would be painting the room pink. Relena was perched on the bed wearing a low-cut pink silk nightie, waiting for Heero to climb into the bed.

Heero stripped down to his boxers and slid underneath pale pink sheets, suppressing a shudder; the bedspread was the colour of Pepto-Bismol. The blond woman situated Heero in what she decided was the perfect position for her to sleep on before laying across her childhood crush and turning out the light. It only took her five minutes to start snoring softly. Heero gave her another few minutes before sliding out of bed and pulling his jeans and tank on in the dark.

Heero exited the room via the study so the noise wouldn't wake his fiancée, and walked down the hall towards the music room. During Quatre's tour, they had stopped by the music room and Heero had noticed a beautiful guitar huddled in a far corner. Guitar playing was another one of Heero's secrets.

The Japanese man realized no one had played the guitar for some time as he quickly tuned the horrid sounding instrument until it sang sweetly. After tuning the acoustic guitar, Heero turned the lights off and played for two hours, his eyes closed as he let his hands find the notes they pleased, forming a haunting, sad song.

* * *

Yes, I know, Heero playing the guitar is... different, but you know what? I think I like it that way Anyway, here's all the replies to my loving readers!

EmeraldKoneko::: Er, well, I got this up a few days later than expected, but I DID get it up! I'm glad you like this story, because there are MANY more chapters. ...k-k-kitty tactics?!?!? -worries- you see, I ADORE cats...and uhm... that could be trouble...

M.navi::: I'm glad you love this! I promise there are many chapters to come so no worrying about that! Hope to see the likes of you in the reviews again

Dagger Maxwell::: I'm sorry it took me awhile to update... I admit, I got a bit distracted by life.. –points to her author's notes- however, I'm going to TRY to update more often... I don't know why it's so hard for me... I already have chapter 3 beta approved... and well, I really should send her some more chapters.... She's such a good beta..

PUnK-RoCk['s Sk8ter chic::: well... I wouldn't go so far as to say Heero's a baka... you'll like him real soon, I promise. I really need to be better about updating... it's pathetic..i have the chapters right here... –sighs-

Chamaeleon::: I'm glad you like this... however, as for the improvement... most of this story is already written... and I hate reading what I've already written... (unless my beta tells me to change it... then it's just a matter of changing things...not reading) so, I can't say your advice will be put to any good use anytime soon (sorry..) since uhmm.. there's a LOT of chapters pre-written... but..when I start writing new chapters, I'll try my best to keep your suggestion in mind

Hey.. cool. I got 5 reviews!! I'm a happy authoress! Now, if I can get MORE reviews... that'd be wonderful


	4. Chapter 3: Later that Week

Also, there is a **MAILING LIST** that wants YOU on it! Sign up now! (yes, it does boost my ego)

Also, **please review** and let me know what you think about this…. after all, this is the first time I've ever edited a story of mine myself… which makes me really nervous…many thanks!

DISCLAIMER: I love and adore Gundam Wing with all my heart..but alas I own none of it.. nor anything else I could possibly claim to own (except the plot…it is MINE! Mine I tell ya!) Also, I will most likely forget to put the disclaimer in other chapters…this disclaimer can apply to all future chapters, okay? Okay.

* * *

Chapter 3: Later that Week

: Entry # 799: Every night he comes and plays. Every night I slip in and curl up on the piano bench and listen. He keeps it dark, but this way he can't see me come in. I don't think he'd play if he knew I listened. I wouldn't have even known he played, except my room is by the music room and I was curled up against the wall. I could just barely hear him, but then I didn't know who it was. I never thought he would have known how to play the guitar, but then again, I always knew there was something more to him. What does he do on the laptop of his? Even when I was my quietest, I still couldn't even get a glimpse of what he was writing. It has to be something important. I hate not knowing, but I should just give that up. I'll never know. Just like I'll never stop… Gotta go, everyone is heading down to Quatre's huge indoor pool, and the famous Shinigami has even more famous cannonballs. (end journal entry)

I bet Duo is waiting for all of us to get into the pool before he comes down, Heero thought to himself as he glided underneath the cool water, out of reach from anyone's voice. _Him and his cannonballs… I swear, if he hadn't saved my life during the war…_ Heero felt his lungs tightening, and he found himself pushing up from the bottom of the pool towards the shifting surface._ Do I really care about living that much? Yes, Heero. You've been over this a thousand times. You don't really want to die._

Heero thought to himself as he glided underneath the cool water, out of reach from anyone's voice. Heero felt his lungs tightening, and he found himself pushing up from the bottom of the pool towards the shifting surface. 

Heero came up for breath as Duo performed his infamous cannonball, which drenched everyone--even Relena who was lying back on a lounge chair, clad in a scanty g-string bikini, leaving much of her self-proclaimed perfect body in the open for admiration from the five guys. The five men in question averted their eyes, but not from embarrassment. Cathy, Hilde, Sally and Dorothy had merely rolled their eyes at the blond self-worshipper. However, now all of the women in the group gazed with sizzling expressions at Duo. Their victim surfaced, took one look at the girls and hid behind the nearest guy, who happened to be a well-watered Heero.

"Don't kill me!" Duo whimpered from behind Heero, his hands clenched tightly on Heero's shoulders.

"Oh, we won't kill you—yet." Hilde replied, smiling evilly. "There's much worse things than death, you know."

"Meep!" Duo cowered behind Heero.

The taller boy stayed motionless as Relena told him angrily, "move out of the way, Heero, or else!"

After a few moments of Heero's lack of compliance, Relena eyed at Heero darkly. "Why do you always ignore me? We've been together three years, and you haven't stood up for me or supported me in any way once!"

Maybe because you constantly trash-talked Duo and the others… Or how you never have a good enough reason for me to support you--like that time you wanted me to agree that the Foreign Minister should retire and appoint you in his place. You based that entirely on greed when you know you have your hands more than full as it is being the Vice-Foreign Minister. Heero thought, though he didn't voice his retort, as usual.

Relena fumed. "There you go again with that stupid attitude! Well guess what mister 'I'm so quiet and mysterious and always, ALWAYS, right'…" Relena paused, trying to think up a suitable threat.

You are going to repaint the house blue and stop flaunting yourself? Heero thought darkly, eyeing his fiancée warily.

"If you don't come out of this pool this instant, our wedding is off!" Relena screamed. By this point, everyone was staring at the couple, attention centered on the screaming princess.

Heero sunk into the water slowly, re-emerging with Duo still attached to his shoulders several feet nearer to the side of the pool. _Why am I doing this?_ Heero wondered, even as another thought drove itself through his mind. _Because you don't love her, let alone like her. And you most certainly don't want to marry her. _Shocked at his thoughts, Heero sunk down to the bottom of the pool and sat there, cross-legged. Duo still held onto Heero's shoulder as the girls slowly came nearer.

Heero resurfaced a minute later, secretly glad to breathe again. Duo coughed a little as he was finally able to choke down a bit of air. Heero turned towards the edge of the pool only to meet Relena's heavily flushed face.

"HEERO YUY, I REFUSE TO MARRY A CHAUVINISTIC PIG LIKE YOU! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT NOW! I AM SO SICK OF YOUR COLD, UNFEELING ATTITUDE! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!" Relena burst out, before running out of the poolroom, her anger dissolving into tears of self-pity.

Heero blinked once, and Duo let go of Heero as the slightly older boy drifted back down to the bottom of the pool_. There now, aren't you happier?_ The same nagging little voice asked Heero, who could only happily affirm the voice, though hating to be proven wrong, even by himself. By the time Heero resurfaced three minutes later, everyone had emptied out of the poolroom.

After taking a few shuddering mouthfuls of oxygen, Heero pulled himself out of the pool and calmly dried himself off before changing into a pair of black jeans and a buttoned, long-sleeved blue shirt, and heading outside without his jacket for a smoke. Heero was halfway through his cigarette when Duo came up to him and offered Heero his jacket.

Heero took it and nodded his thanks before offering Duo a cigarette, which Duo quickly accepted. "Your stuff is in a new room. I think you pissed Quatre off because it doesn't have a study, and it's next to mine."

Heero glanced at Duo briefly. "There's worse things in the world. I just put up with one of them for three years straight. I'm sure I'll manage."

Violet eyes burned as they stared into the smoke, marred slightly by the haze of smoke trickling up into the air. "I'm hungry!" Duo promptly put out his cigarette on some ice on the side of the house and ran inside.

Heero stamped out his cigarette and decided he would order a pizza and eat in his room that night. He had a feeling Relena and Quatre would both yell at him, while the girls glared and Wufei ranted. Heero's mouth twisted a bit as he realized he didn't know which room Duo's was, and thus did not know where his own room was. However, as Heero walked into the kitchen, Duo grinned cheerfully up at Heero.

"Where's my room." Heero simply asked.

Duo took a bite of his sandwich. "I'll show you. Quatre assigned me to move all of your stuff out of Relena's room because he somehow blames me for making Relena break up with you."

"Why? It obviously wasn't your fault, and why can't I get my own things?" Heero asked suspiciously.

"Because Relena refuses to allow you within fifty feet of her room--it's a good thing Qat's house is so big--and Qat is upholding Relena's will. Don't worry, I'll let you carry plenty of stuff as soon as the stuff is out of the fifty foot range." Duo grinned and started on his second sandwich, prepared by an ever-present chef. "Oh, you're also forbidden from eating dinner with everyone else tonight."

"Joy of joys. Good for them. I'm sure I'll figure something out on my own, maybe pizza or something." Heero murmured somewhat sarcastically as he sat on a counter, eating an apple as he waited for Duo to show him his room.

Another one of Quatre's many servants entered the kitchen to inform the two ex-pilots that Heero's things had been moved to his room already, causing a relieved sigh from Duo. The servant promptly left, having heard of other servant's encounters with the dark-tempered, somewhat impatient Wing Zero pilot. Heero chucked his apple core into the trashcan the chef opened from across the room, not bothering to watch is sail perfectly into the trashcan before turning to Duo.

"Done yet?"

Duo nodded and gulped down the last bite of his sandwich. "Am now!" Duo hopped up and walked backwards out of the kitchen, as always, a grin adorning his ever cheerful face. "Come on! I don't want to miss the new Escaflowne video, and it starts in ten minutes!"

Heero sprinted off after Duo up two flights of stairs and down several long halls flanked on either side with endless doors. All at once, Duo stopped in front of a simple wood door, nearly causing Heero to crash into him. Heero sent a black death glare towards Duo who jumped back several feet.

"Your room!" Duo quickly ran into his own room, which he slammed shut loudly.

Can't he do anything quietly? Heero thought as he realized his new room was very near the music room. Heero's feet led him towards the empty room; slightly agitated by the fact Duo's room was on the other side of the wall. However, Heero decided he might as well brush up on his piano skills since he was already in the room. Three hours of scales, arpeggios, and songs from a piano book sitting on the music stand later, Heero found his attention wandering to thoughts of his latest book; he finally knew how it would end.

Heero strode out of the music room and just past Duo's room. Duo's door flew open and the smiling braided pilot accosted Heero. "Are you really going to have pizza tonight?"

"Probably."

"Can I please eat with you!" Duo asked desperately. "I found out Qat is having the chef make some sort of Arabian dish with tongue or something in it."

Heero turned around and gazed at Duo for a long moment. "Fine."

"And will you play a video game with me? It's so boring and I can't bother anyone else because everyone is pissed at me, even Hilde!" Duo begged, attempting to use his favourite puppy eyed-expression on the stoic Japanese man.

"Hn." Heero replied as he walked into his room.

Duo grinned and ran into Heero's room moments later with his game cube and quickly hooked it up to the TV in the corner of Heero's room. Heero stared at the American as the braided fellow sat down on the floor and began playing The Legend of Zelda.

"What are you doing?" Heero asked, his voice dripping annoyance.

"Playing game cube!" Duo answered cheerfully.

"In my room."

"Yes, in your room." Duo agreed.

Heero blinked, deciding it would be easier to simply ignore the other man, and began typing. _I'm going soft. I remember a time I would have pointed my gun, safety off, at Duo for suggesting I play video games with him. Now he's playing them in my room. _Then Heero spotted his favourite mug; or rather, the shards of it.

"Fucking bitch." Heero began picking up the shards of his deep navy mug, cutting his hand on a piece with half the feather sheared off. Heero dropped the shards in a box before he stormily as he searched out his first aid kit.

"Whatcha looking for?" Duo asked, looking up briefly from his game.

"First aid kit."

"Why?"

"Cut myself."

"How?"

"On a shard of glass."

"Glass from what?"

"From my mug Relena apparently dropped for me, now shut up." Heero pulled out the first aid kit and attended his bleeding hand. Heero cursed under his breath as his bandage slipped for the sixth time. Duo appeared in front of Heero and wrapped the long cut precisely; not too tight or with too much wrapping as he had done during the war.

"…Thanks…"

"No problem! I guess I gotta do something for my pizza!" Duo went back to playing his game.

Heero resumed typing until he got up to order pizza, which he ate in silence with Duo chatting away to thin air.

After dinner, Heero's limited patience ended and he sent Duo out of his room with a particularly dark glare and resumed typing until an hour or two after midnight. At this point, Heero got up and stalked into the music room to play the guitar--after checking to make sure Duo's light was off.

* * *

:Replies to Reviews:

Dagger Maxwell: Err…well, fast update, huh? coughs it's been a little while… but I've finally perhaps found inspiration again..so I can start posting again I guess. I hope you continue to read this!

Gundam06serenity: That I did! Sorry I haven't updated for so long… I kind of lost my inspiration for awhile…

Evilgoddess1990: Yes, it is a sad story..but I am glad you enjoy it. I shall try.. I lost my inspiration for awhile…

Chamaeleon: Yes… Heero was stuck with Miss Idiot in her self-proclaimed land of pink…ew… yay! I got a Heero moment! Excellenet! Those are highly sought after things by me--since I want to keep Heero, well, Heero.

ChibiNekoShinigami: EmeraldKoneko, eh? Cute kitty tactics…! How'd you know I'm highly susceptible to cute kitty tactics! Eep! cries

Joy2: Aww…I forgive you. I've been busy and muse-less for awhile anyway. I'm glad you like this story so much… thanks to your lovely reviews especially, I've gotten inspiration and been able to write much of the story. In a minute, I'm going to edit my own chapter for the very first time… I'm kind of scared to do it, but we'll see how it goes. I'll have to try to keep my usual critical, cruel eye turned to my own writing… But, already I have more reviews than I had by this chapter from the first time around! Luvz

Onee-sama: yes…you' have to be patient..because the new parts haven't really been written yet… except for one chapter…but it's a big secret! yeah…I'm STILL annoyed at GRRRRRRSSSSSS but…I still read here often… annoying addiction! Lol.

Kimpatsu no Hoseki:Hoseki: Yes.. poor Duo indeed… but maybe you'll understand Heero's reasoning better as the story progresses! He really isn't a bad guy! I promise!

Michikaru: Uhm…at long last I have updated….?

DemonsKid: You'll just have to wait and see now, won't you?


	5. Chapter 4: A few days later

Err…I've been busy and thinking about non-writing things…so I kinda forgot to update this… blush

DISCLAIMER::: only the plot/idea is mine. Don't sue because I need my $20 to see a movie this Friday.

Replies to Reviews at bottom

Also.. don't forget about my **mailing list!**

Please** Enjoy **and** Review!**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 4: A few days later

:Entry # 807: The reunion is going to be over in four days. Four more days I have to last… I never thought it would be this hard to go two weeks. Anytime I started itching to do something, I've been running into his room. Sometimes he points his gun at me, other times he only slams his laptop shut. It's kind of like Russian Roulette. Maybe that's why I like running in there. That chance… He hasn't clicked off his safety yet. Maybe he's afraid he'd kill me. Probably. He ignores me enough, probably just hoping I'll shut up and disappear. Just like everyone else here. I've seen Quatre rub his temples after I've been in the room for awhile. Wufei seems completely serious in his threat to kill me, and he's not one to lie. Trowa ignores me completely. Once in awhile he'll actually answer everyone else. Relena… she drips hate for me. Every time she looks at me, it's venom and red anger. Why'd I ever start smoking…? It's snowing like crazy and I need a cigarette… This sucks. (end journal entry)

Heero methodically typed away at his laptop. At last, he knew how he wanted his book to end. He felt quite sure than Dune Y. Macoy would soon have another book out on the shelves. Another chapter flickered by under speeding fingertips, and then Heero typed "Chapter Nineteen", and he had no idea how to form the words that made up the abstract image in his mind. Heero sighed and wiped his hands across his face. It was two a.m., and he was in no mood to sleep.

Heero didn't bother tossing a shirt on as he crept into the music room wearing only a pair of flannel pants. His muscles rippled slightly as he began playing the guitar. Tonight, a sad, lonely melody floated up towards the shadowed ceiling. Heero had been playing for half an hour when he heard a choked sob. Immediately, Heero's fingers stopped drifting across the strings and his head shot up, peering into the empty darkness the sob had come from. Heero quickly walked across the room to turn the lights on; however, whoever had been listening was gone. Heero almost went into Duo's room to ask him if he knew who had just been in the music room, but that would require explanations Heero did not wish to give.

The Japanese man decided he would not use the music room again during his stay at Quatre's, though he would sorely miss it. He was looking forward to the end of the reunion. Relena was staying two extra days so Heero could gather his few possessions so Relena would not have to see him again. Everyone besides Quatre and Relena were once again speaking to the ex-Wing Pilot. The Japanese man had been surprised that the usually quick-forgiving Arabian had not forgiven him as of yet.

Heero fell asleep, but was awake by 8 and drifted out onto his cold balcony to have a cigarette. He was unnoticeably surprised to find Duo up and out in the cold, leaning against the side of the house on his own balcony. Heero pulled out a cigarette.

"Need a light?" Duo asked nonchalantly.

"Sure." Heero held out his cigarette to Duo, who immediately lit it up for him.

"So, where you going after this?"

Heero eyed the oddly serious American for a moment before answering. "Somewhere." _Somewhere that I can afford… like the streets. Books aren't great money._

"You know, you can crash at my place if you need to for awhile." Duo informed Heero in a voice that served to deepen Heero's frown, though he didn't know why.

"Is your place of residence clean?"

"Yes, I'm not a slob… as opposed to what everyone might think." A slightly bitter tone crept into Duo's voice for a moment.

"Is it pink? Anywhere?" Heero kept his voice a monotone, but this factor was very important to him after living several years in a house that contained nothing but pink.

"Fuck no. I like black. Not pink." Duo took a long drag of his cigarette.

"I'll take you up on that offer then." Heero told Duo blandly.

Duo nodded and tossed his cigarette into the snow below and went back into his room.

Heero stayed out, even as snow began to drift gently to the earth. _Why did Duo offer to let me stay with him? What does he know? And why is he being so serious? Something's off--or maybe it's just been too long since I saw him last…_ Heero sighed and let the snow collect on his hair and shoulders. The Japanese drifted inside only after his lips had turned a deep, chilling blue and he had lost feeling in his toes and hands.

Duo was running haphazardly down the hall carrying a tall mug of hot chocolate when Heero emerged from his room to get a cup of coffee immediately after he went inside. Duo tried to stop before he hit Heero; however, the hot cocoa flew into the air to decorate Heero's shirt. The liquid burned Heero's chest, causing him to gasp slightly as Duo rammed into him, sending them both flying through the air a few feet.

Duo looked at Heero's blue lips. "Shit man, you need to warm up!"

With that said, Duo dragged Heero into his room, rather than Heero's. _I've never been in his room before… not even when we lived in the same apartment. I never thought he could keep anything this clean. _Heero thought as he observed the neat order of the room. Duo ordered the chilled Heero into a giant leather chair near the roaring fire Duo had going in his fireplace. Heero's teeth started chattering as he began to slowly thaw. Duo gave Heero a towel for the snow still clinging to him and a blanket while the American went in search of warm tea to make Heero drink.

Heero slowly thawed under Duo's unusually patient care, though as cheerful and talkative as only the violet-eyed pilot could be. Heero relaxed slowly, and simply let the other man take care of him, for once not worrying about what the consequences would be. Eventually, Duo began playing on his game cube and the dull noise eventually drove Heero into a quiet sleep.

* * *

::Replies to Reviews::

Kichiko::: Brilliant, huh? That's awesome! That's one I don't get too often.

Gundam06serenity::: I'm sorry :( yeah..i forgot to update it… blush however, sorry, but it won't be a DuoxHeeroxWufei. I don't do threesomes… Just lettin' ya know now. I'm not sure about Milliardo. He might be. But not for a VERY VERY long time.

DemonsKid::: poor Relena…..? EVIL relena..gah!!

Ahanchan::: yay! Updated as asked! I hope to see ya here again!

Mystical-Maiden::: I'm glad you're liking it! Thanks!

Heero2001::: Well… I guess Duo was never caught, eh? There's a lot more of this story to come, that's for sure.

Onee-sama::: I know, I know..it took me forever to update! I'm sorry!! L I'd forgotten I needed to… blush (since it's already written and stuff)   
-Yeah!! A long review!! grins It's so cool! I'm proud of you too! I Feel all special and stuff.   
-Yes! I am glad you agreed! I dislike Relena… but Heero was rather glad to be rid of Relena so it was fine for her to dump him…he was after all, only with Relena because of uhm… well..reasons mentioned in the future of the story.   
-I probably did get them… I can't remember…I'll check later though!! OH!! And hotmail now has a BIGGER storage amount!! A TON bigger!! is thrilled luvz n' hugz

I know, I know..it took me forever to update! I'm sorry!! L I'd forgotten I needed to… blush (since it's already written and stuff)-Yeah!! A long review!! grins It's so cool! I'm proud of you too! I Feel all special and stuff.-Yes! I am glad you agreed! I dislike Relena… but Heero was rather glad to be rid of Relena so it was fine for her to dump him…he was after all, only with Relena because of uhm… well..reasons mentioned in the future of the story.-I probably did get them… I can't remember…I'll check later though!! OH!! And hotmail now has a BIGGER storage amount!! A TON bigger!! is thrilled luvz n' hugz

Evelyn::: I'm glad you think it's great! And that it's a nice chappie!! So, you also reminded me I needed to update, so here's the update!


	6. Chapter 5: Arrival Seven Days Later

Wow.. I was NOT expecting to see that many reviews for the last chapter!! That was fantastic!! The replies to all of them will be at the bottom. I apologize about a thousand times for taking sooooooooo long to update!! But I'm back, I'm on track! So here we go! (I really should get someone to e-mail me every couple of weeks to remind me to update… I'm so horrible! Yeash!

Also, don't forget about the mailing list!! I got to add **Cryn** today!! hugz to Cryn

DISCLAIMER::: Refer to some other prior chapter…. Too lazy to write one… and if the disclaimer is missing in the future… refer to chapter 1 or 2 or so.

* * *

::Chapter dedication:: **Joy2, Onee-sama, Nikkler, Shinigami Nataku, Magic-shield, Priscilla, **and** moonprincess2097**, who all wished me a Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays, and again to **Joy2** for supporting me so much in so many ways and being a wonderful friend.

and, who all wished me a Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays, and again to for supporting me so much in so many ways and being a wonderful friend. 

Chapter 5: Arrival (Seven Days Later)

:Entry # 823: I don't know what I was thinking… But yet here he is, in the guest bedroom. My apartment was getting a little dirty, well, it used to be clean… but I haven't really bothered cleaning it for over a month before I left for the reunion, but I haven't been caring as much lately. I guess I hadn't noticed just how dirty it had gotten. Until now. He's only come out once of his room since he got here. It was a little dusty, but clean. I told him he could decorate it however he wanted to. He nodded and left for a few hours, coming back with some brown bags. He doesn't like it here. I saw him eyeing the walls. It looked like a glance, but I've known him to long to be fooled. It's getting cold again. Do you think I could get away with a few slashes on my arms? I'm sure I'll be able to. I miss how those knives feel… I tried to get help once… I talked to a counselor where I worked for a bit, but she shrugged me off as just having a little post-war trauma. A little? My ass. I'm sure I have some of that, but I feel so alone. I hate being alone. There's one thing he won't be able to find out about. The shower covers up all the noise I make, I tested this once of twice on some of the others. I wish I could blast my stereo, but I don't think he'll let me. I'm such a fool. After all this time, I still give a shit about him. He's finally coming out of his room! I'll talk to you later. (end journal entry)

Heero walked out of his room carrying a brown box, carefully locking the door behind him as if the room contained some great treasure within its walls. As Duo struggled to put something away, Heero walked around a pile of Duo's dirty clothes and side-stepped around old fast food , and finally had to half jump over a growing mound of trash and entered the kitchen; the worst of Duo's apartment.

"I thought you said you kept this place fairly clean."

"I do… or at least, I did." Duo tossed Heero a grin. "I guess I just forgot to clean!"

"Hn." Heero dropped the box on the floor. "Do you have a broom, or a vacuum?"

Duo nodded and retrieved both items from a closet, which flooded out loose ends Duo didn't really care about. Heero solemnly opened a trash bag and started tossing garbage and molded food into it. Next were dishes with food caked onto them. Duo watched, painfully aware of just how much of a slob he had become. He cheerfully offered to help Heero clean, but he was brushed off indifferently, almost harshly, as always.

Hours later, Heero walked into the living room where Duo looked up at him from the television. Duo had snitched a garbage bag from Heero's stash and filled it with the trash in the room. Heero nodded a brief thanks and started putting everything that wasn't going to be thrown away on the coffee table, and then eyed the pile of Duo's old clothes and frowned slightly before looking at Duo, then back to the clothes.

"Laundry room?" Heero asked, bluntness unsoftened by the years.

Duo looked at the pile of clothes and hurriedly picked up an armful, and scurried down the hall, yelling over his shoulder. "I'll get these. But if you really want to know, laundry room is the last door on the left!"

Once Heero had the living room cleaned to perfection, he informed Duo that, "You have no food in your kitchen."

Duo made a face, but grinned sprightly. "I ate it all! What do you expect? I'm a growing boy!"

"We still need to eat." Heero muttered tonelessly.

"Pizza!" Duo exclaimed excitedly. "We can have pizza! What kind you want?"

"…" Heero only offered Duo a death glare.

Duo faltered for a second. "C…come on, Heero. Pizza's not that bad! And I don't want to go to the grocery store at midnight!"

"Hn."

"Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine." Duo rolled his eyes at Heero. "I'll just pick you out some pizza all by myself!" Duo picked up his phone and speed-dialed Pizza Hut to order a non-greasy, extra cheesy, Canadian bacon and onion thin-crusted large pizza.

"What if I'm vegetarian?" Heero asked.

Duo sweat-dropped. "But you ate the hamburgers at Quatre's house!"

"Good to know you actually pay attention once in awhile."

Duo made a face, flopped back onto the couch, and turned his television on, flipping channels until he found an anime movie. Heero returned to his room, typing away at his laptop until the pizza arrived, whereupon he brought his laptop to the freshly scrubbed kitchen table and ate five slices of pizza in between typing.

"Wow… I have NEVER seen you eat so much pizza!" Duo exclaimed as he ate the remaining seven slices. Soon after dinner, Duo disappeared to take a shower and Heero threw the empty pizza box out.

> >

The next morning, Heero ordered Duo to show him around the city—Duo had opted to move to New York City soon after Heero had chosen to move in with Relena permanently. After a quick breakfast at a close by diner, Heero obtained job applications from fifteen different corporations; all of which involved computer skills. Duo had blushed when the subject of Duo's own job came up. He hadn't answered because he had lost his job months before, but he still had plenty of war money left. After collecting applications, Heero had Duo drive the two to a grocery store to restock Duo's empty kitchen.

Heero seemed out of place as he pushed a silver cart down the aisles of the store as he carefully selected nutritious, vitamin filled necessities. Duo, on the other hand, ran up and down the junk food, candy, and soda aisles and attempted to discreetly hide the stuff underneath packages of tofu, salad, celery, and a million things Duo hated to snack on. While Heero put some of Duo's selected items back, he found himself overlooking much of Duo's additions to the cart. Heero paid for all of the groceries, ignoring Duo's protestations, though it put a dent in his currently limited fund; however, he was sure he would find a job quickly--he was, after all, an expert with computers.

Heero quickly made sandwiches once they were home. His own sandwich consisted of rye bread, honeyed ham, provolone cheese, a little lettuce and some honey mustard. Duo opted for a peanut butter and pickle sandwich, which Heero was sure he would never go near; he hated pickles.

* * *

::Replies to Reviews::

Kichiko::: Yeah… not truly understanding Duo and seeing only his mask is a big thing in this story… I'm glad you like that!

Broken-backed-bunny::: You know…your name is sooooooo sad!! Any reason? Hmm… I think you started reading a little later on… I only had two reviews for the last chapter originally (a friend of mine aka Solar Kitty and Devona Wolfe who no longer reviews… L ) However, I am VERY thankful for the review!! I always remember your reviews, because they're usually so wonderful! Reviews make my day! Yeah…bad Duo and Heero!! glares at them but.. I actually don't feel sorry for Relena much… she just makes me angry, usually (which is probably good since I'm the author.. :S) yup… ff removed my account.. mutters angrily so, now I'm attempting to repost this story! I already have more reviews per chappie than I did before, so I'm quite happy. Sorry the update took sooooo long L However, it's good to hear from you again! You leave wonderful reviews!

Evelyn::: takes notes: evil witch aka Relena needs to die hmm… future check! Quatre does NOT end up with Relena, thank goodness. Glad you like the story!

Ahanchan::: I'm sorry the update took so long, but my life became a living hell for awhile, but everything is okay now, so I'm back!

Arianna15::: I'm glad you approve of my actions! It's fun writing this, so I'm glad I'm getting back on track with this story. Your reviews (and the other reviews) always make me want to write even more!

Heero2001::: takes notes Trowa jump Quatre… Heero with Duo… hmm.. interesting indeed….. grins I'm just glad you're enjoying the story!

Elle::: I used to live off of ffnet too, but I'm not able to do so anymore… sigh I loved spending all day reading, but now I seem to hardly have any time to read.. I have a stack of about 20 links to chapters waiting to be read in my inbox.. Sigh Well, I'll try to remember to post new old chapters so I can get to those chapters you're so excited about reading soon!! I'm almost out of pre-edited chapters though, so pretty soon, I'm going to have to go back and edit some more (ick!) Thanks for the encouragement and support!! You've been wonderful and unearthly helpful in planning -those- chapters!! Also, thank you for your wonderful reviews!

Cryn::: A mailing list person?! YAY!!! Now, to go find your e-mail address so I can add you…. It always excites me when someone wants on the mailing list because then I can nag you to read! grins

Tyi-Maxwell::: Sorry bout the long wait…. But life happens….

Dark-Mage-Quisits::: Well, updating took awhile, but I'm glad you're on the edge of your seat!!

Lil Shini::: I'm glad you're enjoying the story!

Anonymous reviewer who didn't leave a name :S::: There is MANY more chapters of this story! I hope you return, whoever you are!

* * *


	7. Chapter 6: Three Weeks Later

Oh yeah!! Don't forget about the **Mailing List!!!!** I LOVE to put people on it!

WOW… I have 56 reviews now. That just amazes me. stares in wonder

DISCLAIMER::: Refer to prior chapters

****

PLEASE REVIEW!!! I'll love you forever if you review!! Reviewing is the BEST thing you can do to keep me writing this!! Even if all you say is "update" or something, though I prefer something a bit more…detailed, I'll STILL be ecstatically happy!

* * *

Chapter 6: Three Weeks Later

Entry #862: He works all day, comes home, makes dinner, eats, does the dishes, and locks himself in his room. That's it. For two and a half weeks. It makes me feel so alone… At least my apartment is cold; I can wear long sleeves and not be dying. He has no idea--I think I told you earlier how stealth and sneaky I can be. I haven't kept a single one of his dinners down, not that they aren't good but… It's a good thing I have an unlimited hot water limit, or else he would never have a hot shower. Or I'd take up cold showers. I would deserve it after all. Tonight he told me to get a job… He gave me a lot of applications, which was why he was late. I kind of thought he wouldn't be back, but as usual I was stupidly wrong. I'm always wrong. I'm so stupid. Ha ha… at least I don't have to act cheerful and shit for more than dinnertime. At first I tried to bother him when he locked himself in his room, but now I've just given up. I'd rather sit in the shower with a knife… It's a little dull, but I deserve that too. For being such a screw up. When I left the reunion, everyone was glaring at me, even him. They all hate me… Ha ha… look, there's tearstains on the pages… I don't want to die, but gad, it hurts. You're so silent, now I'm wishing you'd answer me… (end journal entry)

Heero brought his laptop into the living room; he couldn't stand locking himself up anymore. Heero felt Duo stare at him and met the violet eyes. "Tomorrow's my day off. We need to get more food."

"I know!! We've been out of chocolate for _two_ days, I don't know if I could live a third without it!" Duo fell to the floor, mock-choking without his prized chocolate.

"Hn."

"It's not that bad, you should try it sometime. Though you'd have to buy your own bag of chocolate. Not touching mine. N'uh." Duo leapt up from the floor and hooked up his game cube, after which he complained. "I really need to get Soul Calibur II." Two weeks before Heero had discovered Duo's unemployment, and had wanted to correct that fact since then, but the American was lazy, and kept putting off filling out the stack of applications Heero had brought him.

Heero's mind flew, and saw his chance. "If you get a job, I'll get you your game."

Duo's jaw dropped, his character fell off a cliff, and Duo stared at Heero. "As soon as someone accepts me?"

Heero nodded, and Duo grabbed a pen and sat down in front of the coffee table with the stack of applications and rapidly filled them out. Heero shook his head slightly and inserted a tiny microphone into his ear so he could listen to his CD. The Japanese man watched the American from the corner of his eye, though he never skipped a beat in his typing_. He's so thin. He eats a lot though, I don't want to even think about what kind of metabolism he has… _Heero's gaze moved to the long braid that was trailing down Duo's back to twist across the floor_. …So beautiful… _Heero's eyes widened slightly. _Heero Yuy, what are you thinking… _The same soft voice, which had whispered before, murmured, _He's beautiful._

Heero kept his eyes firmly off the small American, he could just barely hear Duo's pen quickly writing onto the fifteen different applications he had given him.

Heero woke Duo up at eight a.m., which was much earlier than the braided ex-pilot was accustomed to, but nonetheless, Heero had him eating breakfast and out the door less than an hour later. The first stop Heero made was an electronics store for some new computers parts. While Duo was turning in an application and speaking in hushed voices with the manager, Heero quickly bought his items, including Soul Calibur II, though he kept the latter well hidden. Duo bounced up to Heero and the pair left the store to head to the next place Duo had an application for.

After the applications were turned in, Heero parked his cheap blue compact car in front of a pizza parlour after Duo's numerous requests for that, opposed to the small Japanese restaurant Heero had found earlier in the week. Heero mentally shrugged. The Japanese restaurant was more of a dinner type thing than lunch anyway.

"So what kind of pizza do you like, Heero?" Duo asked, grinning as he gazed over the three pages of pizza combinations.

Heero shrugged. "Cheese is all right, I suppose."

"Oh, come on! You have to like something just a bit!" Duo rolled his eyes and flipped his braid around like a child.

"Just pick something out."

"I always get the same thing! So, it's your turn!" Duo glared in mock anger.

"The only pizza I've ever had has been what you ordered." Heero shrugged again.

Duo stared, and then stared some more. "Whoa, buddy… That's just sad! Okay, uhmm… we're going to try… pineapple and ham. That's pretty good. Damn, Heero, I can't believe you've never had pizza any other time!"

He didn't call me Hee-chan. Heero thought, almost sadly.

Duo set the telephone down carefully, and then pounced on Heero, ignoring the fact Heero was in the middle of cooking chicken for dinner. "I got the job, I got the job!"

Heero nodded and pried the American off of him; the close proximity of Duo's body made Heero more than a little uncomfortable as unwanted images flew briefly across his mind. With a slight blush gracing Heero's cheeks, he put the chicken into the oven and set the table while Duo played yet another one of his infamous game cube games. Heero slipped into his bedroom and returned to the kitchen after placing a small, wrapped package on Duo's plate. After setting the food on the table, Heero called Duo in for dinner.

Duo stared at the package, to Heero, then to the package again before ripping off the simple blue and white striped paper off. "SOUL CALIBUR II!!!"

Heero found Duo hugging him for the second time that night; this time he had to force himself to pry the shorter man off of him. _Stop acting like this Heero! _Carefully keeping his breathing from becoming short breaths like it wanted to do, Heero ordered. "Duo, eat your dinner."

Duo quickly ate his dinner before taking his shower. Heero frowned. _I would've thought he would head straight to the game…_ Heero sighed and slowly finished eating his dinner before locking himself up in his room. Heero pulled out his wallet, and from it pulled five crinkled, worn photographs. One contained all five pilots, all wearing at least the tiniest of smiles; it had been taken just after the Eve War. The second contained the five pilots, Sally, Dorothy, Catherine, Hilde, Relena, Noin and Zechs. Everyone was dressed up for Zechs' wedding. Only Heero and Wufei weren't smiling. The last three were of Duo; asleep in one, waving up from under a car he was working on in another, and in the last he was looking at the camera from the corner of his eye with a sly grin on his face. Heero left the last picture out as he typed up yet another chapter to his story.

* * *

::Replies to Reviews::

Nikkler::: aww..i forgive ya! I feel bad for Duo too… but it has to get a lot worse before it can get better..poor Du-man.. L -huggles-

Randompancake::: pickles and peanut butter…olives and peanut butter… sardines and peanut butter….. oh the horrors!!! I've never had any of those myself…I only like the pb out of those 4 things.

Yasei Raiden::: I don't like pickles… ick. Hmm..the smell of gunpowder, eh? That's actually…really cool!! I feel bad for Duo too, because normally his apartment isn't that bad..or at least it didn't used to be that bad. You'll just have to read to find out everything! Glad you liked it!! PS I sign things with the "" too!! That's too cool!!

Ahanchan::: Yeah…Duo has a lot of problems.. it's really sad. You'll just have to wait and see about Heero and Duo's secrets!! Heero might even have a few of his own (aka foreshadow)

Priscel::: It's okay, just as long as you still like this!! I LOVE mindless rambling!! It's the greatest!! (I do it ALL The time!!) anyway… yeah…I'm TRYING to remember to update this…but I keep forgetting because I'm so busy with a million and ten different things :S

Princess2000204::: yeah.. I FINALLY updated. Yeash. Took me long enough, eh?

Dagger Maxwell::: I'm pretty sure I already added you when my e-mail alerted me you reviewed, but I'm going to go make sure RIGHT now. Ooo…good thing I did!! See, I added you to the contact _list_ but not the actual group!! I'm glad you love the story!! You'll get an update tonight (with any luck…if I don't fall asleep at my desk here)

I'm pretty sure I already added you when my e-mail alerted me you reviewed, but I'm going to go make sure RIGHT now. Ooo…good thing I did!! See, I added you to the contact but not the actual group!! I'm glad you love the story!! You'll get an update tonight (with any luck…if I don't fall asleep at my desk here)

Kichiko::: bloody brilliant, eh? That's one of my FAVOURITE sayings!! I'm glad you like what I'm doing with them! Sometimes I can't explain things exactly how I want to either, but kudos to you!

Heero2001::: Duo do something nice for Heero, huh? Hm…we'll just have to see! Heero's an interesting cookie, but so is Duo, in the end. However, question, why should Duo do something nice for Heero? I may have forgotten something important.. hmm…

Chamaeleon::: I'm doing great, huh? Yay!! I'll try to keep it coming then!!


	8. Chapter 7: One Month Later

stares I NEVER EVER expected to get this many reviews for chappie 7. 16 reviews. I nearly had a heart attack when I realized it was that many. I want to thank you guys about 1000 times for that. You have NO idea how much it means to me. Replies to those AWESOME reviewers are at the bottom. I realized that about half of my reviews…for some strange reason… didn't get sent to me!!! so most of these reviews are new for me… which is why I didn't think I had so many. Huh.

As usual, please **R&R**… I LOVE IT when you do!!

Oh and, **mailing list, mailing list,** I've gots a **mailing list!!!** Join and be merry! It's worth an automatic dedication

Dedication: to all 16 reviewers of chappie 6!

Also….. I just want to express my sorrow and anger that ff took down a wonderful fic here by LinkWorshiper (Smells Like Teen Spirit). Only that story was erased, however, she lost 3000 reviews (that's not a typo). Having lost an account myself and 300 reviews, I can feel some of her pain. Times like this I simply want to wring ff's neck.

DISCLAIMER::: Don't own anything except the plot, don't sue, I'll cry. I'm poor.

* * *

Chapter 7: One Month Later

:Entry #917: He said he's going to leave. He found an apartment already so he can move out tonight. Does he hate me that much? He must. I always fuck up everything. Damnit. It's snowing, I only know this because I just came in off the balcony from smoking. Gad, I hate how it tastes… I can still taste the smoke in my mouth and every time I breathe in it's all I smell. I hate it… I can't even keep anything down anymore. Before, I only got rid of dinner, but now, I can't eat at all… I just want to die. Maybe after he leaves… I'm so glad it's cold. There's nothing like long sleeves to hide scabs and red flesh. Yes, I definitely think after he leaves. I'll give myself a week to set everything in order. What should I use? Oh yes, my old gun. It still has a couple of bullets in it. I know I always said suicide was for the weak, but I'm definitely one of the weak, so damn me to hell, I don't care anymore. I just want to stop hurting. This should be my last entry, so I guess I'll finally tell you who "he" is, and why I always talk about him. He is Heero Yuy, the Japanese ex-pilot of Zero. I always talk about him because I love him. There, I said it. But now Heero is calling me to dinner… Good bye. I love you, Heero. (end journal entry)

Heero hardly had anything to pack; most of his belongings were still packed away in storage. It took him all of an hour to collect his clothing and a few other essentials and stuff them neatly into three black suitcases. Heero made a homemade pizza since it was his last night there, and pizza was, by far, Duo's favourite dish. Heero called the slightly younger pilot into the kitchen as he pulled the cheesy masterpiece from the oven.

"Pizza!" Duo grinned and pulled out a can of coke and sat down at the table, impatiently awaiting his food.

Heero complied with his friend's request and set two slices onto Duo's plate; Duo immediately wolfed down his first slice while grabbing three other slices. Heero quietly ate several slices, still amazed by Duo's appetite. _He got some sauce on his nose…_ Heero mused, almost reaching out to wipe it off. Almost. Heero immediately excused himself and locked himself in his room. _I thought that I got rid of that feeling. I thought I had left it completely behind me over three years ago._ A quiet voice intruded into Heero's panicked thoughts. _Yes, you _thought_, but obviously you were wrong. _Heero's mind argued back weakly. _I did…_ The other voice presented itself again for the last word. _Either way, it's back._

Heero heard the shower turn on, and he darted into the living room to grab his black leather bound book he had bought the day before. He hadn't wanted Duo to see the blush that coloured his cheeks as his mind began to think more and more about the braided man. To the steady beat of the shower, Heero brought his suitcases down to his car, mentally noting he needed to pick up his custom-made car in a few days. The last book he had published had firmly rooted itself onto the best-seller list, while he had been promoted several times for his computer skills at his new job until he was earning thirty dollars an hour.

Heero waited on the couch until Duo came out of the shower; the entire apartment had retained the neatness Heero had imposed during the first few days he had moved in with Duo. The Japanese ex-pilot stood up and announced he was leaving as the American walked out of the shower in his too-long robe.

Heero suddenly found the shorter man's arms wrapped around him in a tight hug, which Heero hesitantly returned as another blush graced his face. Then Duo shoved Heero fiercely away, causing Heero to wonder just how long he had let his arms linger around the other man's shoulders. Heero quickly nodded his good-bye and left, his mind still lingering on just how soft Duo's hair had been in the all too brief moment, but at the same time, Heero berated himself for causing the other man to push him away.

* * *

Heero rolled out of his still unfamiliar bed, happy that it was his day off. He had spent all of his spare time after work for the past six days fixing his apartment up, but today he decided he would spend it reading the book he had started reading before he moved out of Duo's house. _Duo… I wish I could tell you I loved you…_ Heero thought as he gazed at the picture on his bed stand. _But… you can't possibly be gay, or even bi… Even then… how could I possibly say those three words to you? I tried so hard to ignore it all, but you're too strong… _Heero had said the same thing for over a year before he moved in with Relena, and for a year after. Now he had admitted he had never lost his feelings for Duo and once again began his morning ritual.

After making a fresh pot of coffee and a quick cheese and apple omelet for breakfast, Heero leaned back on a black leather chair and picked up the black leather bound book and opened it about a third of the way through and realized it wasn't his book.

He realized it must be Duo's private journal and was about to snap it shut when a sentence flew up at him. "I cut myself again." Shivering, Heero scanned the entry, feeling ill. He hurriedly flipped through scanning the pages, praying he would find out the book was some sort of sick joke or that, at the very least, Duo was better.

Heero was nearly sick as he neared the end, realizing every shower Duo took was a way for Duo to hide the sound he made as he emptied his dinner every night. Words swam through Heero's mind "cutter", "bulimia", "depression", but as he read the last entry, Heero dropped the journal and four words made themselves known; "suicide", and "I love Heero". For a moment, Heero fell into sweet bliss as he realized Duo loved him, then Heero realized it was day seven; one week from when Duo's last entry had been made. Duo had given himself a week in his journal.

Heero ran to his car, barely remember to shut his door, not bothering to lock it. Heero hit the gas in his new pristine deep blue car and prayed Duo had yet to do anything, whispering in his mind. _Please be okay, Duo. My love.

* * *

_

Sooo.... don't kill me?? Don't worry, there's more chapters after this. many people can testify to that. I'll TRY to update fairly soon!! depends on when I can go get editing done.. eep! Somehow, my author alerts AND my review alerts got turned off.. grrs I wonder what I've missed...... sigh it'll be a pain to try to figure it all out...

::Replies to Reviews::

Princess2000204::: It's certainly interesting when Heero finds out, eh? This was probably one of my favourite chapters to write. Hope you enjoyed!

Dragongirl85::: Tell me about it… time is a thing of the past!! Yaoi updates are good. I haven't had one of those in probably 5 months.. gasp horror gasp Glad you enjoyed the story!! There's a LOT more of it. A sickeningly large amount more….

Elle::: The next chapter I have to start editing things again. I can't believe the response I'm getting for this story all of a sudden. I'm glad you're looking forward to them. Hopefully, I'll be able to edit up the next chapter fairly soon, but with too many classes and too little time… eh… hopefully I'll remember this weekend… yeah.. before, I couldn't stand the thought of seeing what I'd written before, but it's going okay now, I think. I'm also writing another story over at fictionpress and it is also oddly successful. I think I'm finally beginning to put the stuff in my head down on the paper, if that makes any sense. I still have a long way to go, but I'm feeling good about what I'm writing lately. It'll be fun to write new chapters for this--expect by then I'll have to re-read the story so that I can remember everything that's happened!! Grounded, eh? Now what did you do, you naughty girl? ;) Dedication, eh? I think mostly I'm just stubborn, plus… well, I gotta show those ol' bastards that control everything up one, eh? For instance, this time around, my review count has, I think tripled from where it was last time at this chapter. Oh!! Also, sometime remind me to tell you about "Behind the Lines". I think you'll be very interested in it.

Random Person::: Does this chapter answer your question? Poor Heero, I'd hate to be him right now.

Onee-sama::: Thank ya kindly --especially since you've already read it…twice. I'm glad you're one of my fans cuz you kick some ass! The new parts…are…well.. up there… somewhere…far, far away!

Yasei Raiden::: I'm glad you like the photo thing . Hmm… Duo and chopsticks…. I'm not sure that's come up in my story yet…. It MAY have… but it's still far in the future… which I still have to edit drastically. Heero's a sweetie, eh? I guess he kinda is… as long as I keep him semi in-character, it's all good!

Nikkler::: What job…? Err… let's see here…. Oh yeah!! The job at the…. Well.. e-mail me and I'll tell you…because I can't remember what's happened so far in the story at the moment because this was a pre-edited chappie. However, I will hopefully do some more editing this weekend (though…this MAY not be an edited chappie..it was either ch. 6 that I last edited or this one..i'm hoping this one.. eep!)

Ahanchan::: Yup. Heero found out about Duo…. Poor guys… Of course Heero has secrets!! He is, after all, Heero…and uhmm… yeah.. mind black

ChibiNekoShinigami::: falling in love with this, eh? That's always a good thing!! Soon….? Oh dear…. Let's put it this way… this is NOT a short story. There's already around 30 chapters written--but they all need to be edited. See? Heero found out something! But now I left you guys with a horrible cliffy!

Laru::: Yay for complimenting the authoress!!! Kudos to you! (I love getting ego boosts LOL!) yeah… I thought it was such an important issue… so important an issue, in fact, that eventually, I will begin another story (not GW related, just regular fiction) dealing, perhaps, even more in depth with bulimia, anorexia, and cutting among several other things. So thanks!

Hellcat81::: sorry you lost track!! I have a mailing list if you'd like to join, if that'd help!

Foxy-comic-death::: cool, eh? That's always good!

Kichiko::: bloody brilliant…that's one of my FAVOURITE phrases EVER!! YAY!!! I'm glad you like how I'm portraying everything. This story has really grown on me the longer I've written it.

Duo7109::: I'm horrible at remembering to update. I seriously need someone to say…sit down and send me e-mails weekly to remind me to update!! It's terrible!! Glad you like it though!

Alonelyshadow::: yup, I feel bad for Duo too… I even feel bad for torturing him… L but I'm glad you're loving the story!

Zero Saotome::: yup… poor Du-chan… though in this chappie, I feel more sorry for Heero. Poor guy. No drink or drugs for Duo because his release is in the anorexia/bulimia. To him, drinking and drugs would negatively affect attaining "perfection" (what he believes is perfection in his mind, anyway) so he simply isn't able to. But as for Duo getting better….well, at any rate, he isn't getting better right now.


	9. Chapter 8: 10 Minutes Later

So, I felt like being verra nice to you guys. So I decided to update today. Can you believe it? I actually got out an update on time! Go me!

Oh yeah… Don't forget about the **mailing list** because it's kickass!

Dedication: ChibiNekoShinigami because she left me a nice lil compliment. Compliments make me happy lol. (yes, I admit I have an inflated ego… but if you sue me..it's all you'd get… and it'd deflate..cuz I'd have been sued)

Oh yeah… disclaimer: look to like..chapter 2 or so…

* * *

Chapter 8: 10 Minutes Later

Heero ran up the stairs three at a time to Duo's apartment. He rudely pushed aside a woman in her mid-thirties as he ran past the second floor. He dropped into a quick walk as he neared the door and calmed himself. He knocked and waited as detached as he could, hoping Duo was all right.

Silence.

No footsteps running across the floor to answer the door. No cheerful voice yelling at him to come in. No sound except the heavy beating of Heero's heart. Nothing.

Heero tried the door; it was locked. Heero quickly picked the lock; he was still a formidable soldier, but he couldn't quite take on a steal-enforced door anymore. Heero frowned; the apartment was dark, and all of the shades had been drawn. Dust floated idly through the air, while a musty scent invaded Heero's nostrils. Dust coated everything, but not a single dish was out of place; no clothes graced the floors.

Heero shivered as he slowly walked into the apartment, it felt dead and empty. The Japanese man felt like he was in a dream. _A nightmare._ He corrected himself. Heero walked in further and his eyes immediately fell upon the stack of white envelopes on the dark kitchen table. Heero's eyes widened and his steps quickened. Three feet from the edge of the table, he could make out the loose sprawl of handwriting across the top; "_Heero_". As the blood drained from Heero's face and took on an oddly green tinge, he ran towards the living room. Empty. Next was Duo's room, looking for anything that might tell him Duo was alive. Empty. Next to Duo's room was his own, the door was open, revealing the deep blue walls Heero had painted during his stay. Empty.

Heero's steps quickened as they led him to the bathroom; the light was off. It was nearly pitch black inside. Heero could barely make out the sink, which was by the door. Heero flipped the light on, and gasped.

He sunk to his knees. Blood began to soak his pants. Lifeless wrists shone pale and white; a stark background for the swells of blood that no longer flowed. Blood-tainted wrists belonged to a paler face, unmarked from the dark horror surrounding it's hushed perfection. The end of a braid dipped in blood, soaked through until it was black.

Duo's braid.

Duo's face.

Duo's wrists.

Duo's blood.

* * *

So talk about cliffies…. Ehehehe… I'm evil, I know it.:Replies to Reviews:

Zero Saotome: Yup… I feel verra sorry for Heero-chan right now. This chapter was even more… "AHH" than last time, if I do say so myself lol. I have…over 22 more chapters that need editing for this story, as in, already written, so I'll definitely keep posting!

Nikkler: The job… I e-mailed it to you so :P. Well actually, I replied to ur e-mail…. Longer….? Kinda hard since it's already written lol. I was on, like, chapter 27 when they killed me. But I'm insanely glad you're still enjoying it AND still reviewing. It means the world to me.

Princess2000204: I updated fairly quickly this time, yay! Lol, I think I mentioned in my commentary on that about her website… which I need to go get myself caught up on the story with… poor gal…. sigh I've actually had her book marked on my favourites list (her site, that is) for months now.

Hellcat81: you can smell the end…? Wow, that's great, cause I sure can't. it's still a long, long, long way off. As in…20+ more chapters off. As for your suggestions, I'm sorry to say I won't be able to use them because the next 20-ish chapters are already written. Wow..that's a bloody lot of chapters… yay for author alerts!

Kichiko: no worries about not being logged in. A review is a review n' a good review (like yours) is great. Yeah… I tend to make things a bit rushed… piff. Oh well. I'm too lazy to go through n' edit it again… I don't like editing things as it is lol. This chappie is the one I actually like quite a bit, even though it's so short.

Alonelyshadow: yay for story loves! I'd hate to be Heero though just because he did find the journal. Poor guy.

Dk-joy: well, I'm glad you're loving this! However, later on there's an interesting twist in the whole love part. It DOES stay 1+2 though. So no worries there!

ChibiNekoShinigami: better n' better, eh? Yay! "honestly one of the best stories I have read" hmm… I think I found my dedication for this chappie! Yay! coughs okay..so… I'm trying to encourage ego-boosting for me… so sue me lol.

Thalia16: Aww…thankies for the review! Yeah..i was pretty upset about losing the reviews, but thanks to faithful readers and new folks, the story is doing even better this time around AND it's edited! So thank ya much!

Plaidnsuspendahs: lol here's your update, but I don't think you'll like me ending it here either LOL!

Kaiichisei: how does it remind you of high school…? confused love confession, eh? coughs well…err… yeah…. Definitely not in this chappie eep.

Robin: finish….soon? oh dear… but there's more than 22 chapters left…eep.

Ahanchan: yeeup.. yay for cliffies! coughs so this one was a cliffie too… . ehehe. As for Smells like Teen Spirit… it is available with updates at Link's website which is, I believe www. Underthebridge. Org I THINK. I'm pretty sure that's it though. For the moment, though, it is not being reposted in any shape or form…


	10. Chapter 9: Half a Second Later

Well… not quite so many reviews as last time; however, still more than I had for this chappie LAST time! grins I'm trying to put off some of my homework, so I decided I'd get off my lazy ass and come over here and, well, edit the chappie and put it up for you guys.

13 Reviews! Many thanks! Also, I'm past 100 reviews! jumps up and down like an idiot Please **RR!**

Also, don't forget about the **mailing list** because I love adding people!

Disclaimer: Go search for it in chapter 1.

Dedication: **Nikkler**: You're review 100, babe! Love you so much for all your wonderful support. You were here last time, and you're here now. That means sooooooooooooooooooo much to me. When I realized you were number 100 I went YES! Because, well, for being so patient and supportive you certainly deserve a dedication!

* * *

Chapter 9: Half a Second Later

A chest rose slightly, almost unwillingly. A raspy breath, slowly filled the air, almost as if that breath was unwanted. Painfully, lidded eyes slid open slightly to reveal a sliver of murky, clouded violet. "H…Heero…"

"Shh…" Heero quickly tore a towel from the towel rack behind him into strips. He bound Duo's faintly dripping limp wrists as the American slipped into unconsciousness once more. Heero frowned; he didn't have much time. There was so much blood already on the floor, and so little coming from the pale boy. Heero shook his head. He knew Duo was a man now, but he looked so fragile and young in the dim light spilling from the hall; half of him still in the shadows, blood pooled around him. It was like a nightmare. …It was a nightmare.

"Duo?" Heero called. His voice seemed hollow and loud; it seemed to bounce off the walls in chaotic jumbles that made no sound. Heero wasn't even sure he had said the boy's name a moment later. A shiver ran down his spine, shaking him deeply as the silence ensued from the once cheerful pilot. Heero gathered small man into his arms, clutching him close as if that could bring him back and let him smile once more. He ran out of the dark, grim apartment in heavy footsteps that, for once, thudded loudly against the floor. He never bothered to close the door behind him, too transfixed by running faster than drops of blood hit the floor in tiny splatters from the swinging end of Duo's braid. Heero raced towards his car, and then, the ER. His face had taken on the same serious, blank tones it had adopted during the war.

As he lifted the slight ex-pilot out of the car, Heero could barely tell Duo was breathing, nor could he find a pulse, no matter how hard he tried. This scared him more than the dropping blood because his senses were far better than that of the average human from endless tests and experiments during his training. Heero whispered "I love you" in Duo's ear as he half-ran into the hospital, just in case. Heero still kept a few fake IDs in his wallet from old missions. He knew he had a set he could use now; not everyone was found of the ex-Gundam Pilots. "Michael and Gabriel Mitsukai". Brothers. "Gabriel" was sent for a blood transfusion nearly as soon as a nurse laid eyes on him, while "Michael" desperately filled out endless forms, all the while glaring with a stout, gray-haired nurse named Bertha, ordering her to let him see his "brother".

Heero paced the waiting room; waiting. He hated pacing; had been trained against it by both himself and the good doctor, but yet he still paced. Not even his most formidable death glare, burning more fiercely than ever before, aided him against the doctor-some young know-it-all who called himself Dr. Milden. Heero shed no tears, shred no magazines into pieces, yelled at no nurse, nor forced his way back to where they held Duo near a prisoner, too scared of what would happen if he did. He paced. Stalking silently back and forth, whipping forcefully around to continue his path with long strides, only to find the room too small for him. Each second, Heero's foot fell, and each second he waited, he counted in agony.

Eight heart monitors pitched into that single ethereal beat that caused doctors and nurses alike to run to its source. Eight times Heero thought he would crumble. But each time, someone else cried, and three times, no one cried at all—the entire family had died in a car accident. Heero would have gladly taken their place if Duo died. He had already tried begging Duo's god of death to take him in Duo's stead. Outwardly, Heero remained impassive and silent, aside from his pacing.

Three hours, twenty-nine minutes and thirty-four seconds after Duo had been taken away somewhere inside the emergency room, Dr. Milden came up to the pale "Michael" and said, "He's going to be all right now. If you hadn't brought him in when you did... Well, anyway, he's still asleep, but he should wake up within a day. Room 243."

With the hint of a nod, Heero walked towards room 234 slowly, afraid of what he would see. After a long pause and a hesitant Japanese hand turned the handle of a cream coloured door and stepped inside. The lighting was dim, but Heero could still see how pale Duo was, though perhaps he held just a tiny hint of colour now. Limp, carefully bandaged wrists lay lifeless by his sides, the pristine white gauze thick, making Duo's wrists appear far larger than they were. A tear slipped through Heero's precarious mask; he could barely hold it up now. Heero slid down onto a chair, it's padding had been smashed into a hard lump long before, causing it to be more uncomfortable than a plastic chair. Heero wrapped his own hand around Duo's smaller, cold one and waited. Heero watched the seconds tick away, leaving the small TV remote laying uselessly on the nightstand.

Heero fell asleep once for a few hours, but to his dismay, the cherubic American slept on, though he had gained a bit more colour. Twenty-two hours, forty-two minutes and thirty-nine seconds after Heero first sunk into the seat by Duo passed before the American shifted and slid his eyes open.

Heero found himself hugging Duo, pulling him up off the bed slightly, one hand entwined with the American's braid, the other still wrapped around Duo's hand, jarring Duo the rest of the way out of his sleep-muddled and blood-weakened mind. Heero had meant to make Duo promise to never try to kill himself again, to tell him why, but what came out was, "I love you."

Duo pushed Heero back with what little force he could muster, tears filling sad, angry violet eyes as he fell back against the bed with a loose thud as Heero's arms let go.

* * *

Not exactly the reaction you'd think Duo'd have to THAT particular statement, eh?

:Replies to Reviews:

ChibiNekoShinigami: How can I be anything but dedicated with awesome reviewers like you? In fact, it's been awesome posting this the second time around (damn ff . net for killing my first name here!) I was a bit worried I went overboard on the descriptions there… or not in depth enough… I always have a horrible tendency to either do too much or not enough. sigh (I wish ff . net would let me use my asterisks! I love those things, but in uploading, they get totaled…thus the 's) Chilling… the effect I wanted! YAY! grins Love n' respect to me…very cool! I love you too!

Catoblepas: The only changes being made are editing ones for now, unless I decide I really don't like something. So, ya like the cliffhangers, eh? Great! I acutally have Link's site bookmarked. I just…need to go over there n' read. I'm soooo horrible about that.. sigh Eagerly awaiting. Yay! Scare me away…? Eh, many people have tried that, none have succeeded. Now, stupiding me away is quite possible. But, you can type in such a way that I can understand you, so I doubt that'll happen!

Amytiger: of course he's in time! I have many more chapters to go still, and I couldn't do it without my favourite (okay, so ONE of my favourite) Gundam Pilot! Though…. There's always that possibility…. (meaning the deathfic) hmmm…..

Zero Saotome: Hmm…. You know, one of the few statements with "bad" in it that an author loves to hear is "Bad! Bad Cliffy!". I must be doing something right! Yay!

Hellcat81: A go back in time and fix things……..? Sorry, I've never liked those because they're just so…. unrealistic. Part of the main challenge of this fic is simply keeping it realistic…. So at times, I sit there thinking "is this soap-opera-ish…?" Of course, I'm praying it's not! And I actually only have the next 20 chapters written. The rest is unwritten still. Yeah, I know. Gasp, shock, wow that's long.

Smooglepuss: well, I didn't let Duo die. I decided he's an important character to keep alive….for now. coughs

Foxy-comic-death: I always update….eventually. I'm just glad I have most of this story pre-written since I don't have a lot of time to spend typing these days.. sigh

Alonelyshadow: ooo…I got a teddy bear! Awwwww grins thankies! I'm glad you like the story; however, I only update once a week, always on the weekends, so for the next update, you'll have to wait til next weekend.

Thalia16: Well, there wasn't a call to 911, but well, as you can see, I didn't feel like killin' off our favourite death scythe pilot! Long recovery….? Hmm….workable. Very workable.

Kichiko: I always liked the last chapter in particular. It was just one of those chapters that absolutely refused to be any longer than it was. It was very stubborn, so I left it alone so I wouldn't mess it up. I'm glad you liked it too.

Nikkler: Double the chapters written? Well, maybe not quite double them….but, well, there's much more to come, to say the least. I'm afraid my habit of writing long stories shall always stick with me. I only hope that you (and everyone else) will too! I like secrets I have issues to. It's okay. I think I'm the vice-president of the "I have issues" club. n' huggles to you too! grins

Romantic Devil: Duo? Dead? Nope, sorry, not this time! But yeah, poor Duo. Poor Heero too. After all, he found Duo.

Ahanchan: Updates should be approximately once a week on the weekends. And you're welcome about the info!

And Another One from Chapter 8….

Giara Gryffindor: Wow… scary. Anyway. As I said before, FF . net already took my story down once. Actually, my entire account…and all my review… still scarred


	11. Chapter 10: And it Continues…

So, it's uhh… been awhile. Uhmm… don't hurt me until AFTER I've explained? …please? huddles behind a table to avoid all the rotten veggies and fruits I got extremely busy with school, mostly because of my calculus class. It drives me nuts because I always have things to do. Even now, I have 7 things for 3-4 classes I need to do. Horrible, isn't it? That's my main excuse. Please forgive me…someday.

Also, due to complaints about the replies to reviews, they will be shortened Well, actually, that's just an excuse to shorten them because I'm feeling lazy today. It gave me an excuse. I'm a horrible person. However, as for what the person said about my story's development. Please refer to the past several author's notes where it says the next 20 chapters are already written. So deal with it.

I don't mind getting complaints, but honestly, if you must complain, read my notes first so you don't look like an idiot.

Dedication: **ChibiNekoShinigami** You gave me a lovely little review that was just what I needed to grin after getting a complaint. While I'm open to complaints, they still bum me out!

DISCLAIMER: Refer to some other chappie… it's there. ….somewhere…

Please read & review. WOW. **15** reviews for one chappie. I _think_ that's a new record! Thanks so much!

* * *

Chapter 10: And it Continues…

Realization dawned upon the American, his cheeks flared with brilliant red while his eyebrows scrunched tightly together. "You… you read my journal! You fucking bastard. Don't you _dare_ play with my mind like that!" His voice was haggard, drawn with emotion.

"Hai, I read parts of it; I grabbed it by accident because it looked like the book I'd bought a few days before I left." Heero told the other man bluntly, taking Duo's hand as if the action would convince Duo; he couldn't lie to him, but he knew no softer way to tell him. "But I am not playing with your mind. I swear it."

Duo shook his hand out of Heero's larger, rougher palm, voice vicious and cutting. "Do. Not. Lie. To. Me."

Heero sighed inwardly; there would be no fairytale ending. His head knew this, he had told himself that logically, but his mind had still believed there could be. Heero took a breath and gestured vaguely towards Duo's wrists. He doubted a subject change would help, but they still needed one.

"Do you want me to tell the others, or tell them yourself?"

Duo shook his head, causing his messy hair to flutter; it was beginning to fall out of its braid, and whispered quietly. "D…don't tell them, not yet…"

Duo began shaking slightly. Heero slid onto the edge of the bed and roughly began rubbing Duo's back. Once again, Duo shoved Heero away. Duo turned so his back was to Heero; his shoulders shook slightly. _He's crying. Duo's crying. I made him cry._ Heero thought miserably.

A doctor walked into the room and gestured towards Heero to come out of the room with him, and then led him into a small office. "Mister Mitsukai, I trust you are aware that your… brother, Gabriel, attempted suicide." Dr. Milden glared at "Michael", as if he blamed Heero for what had occurred. In a way, Heero decided, he was to blame.

"Hai, I plan to have him see a therapist twice a week, as well as have him stay with me until the therapist deems him better. I have also considered hiring in a nurse so that he won't be alone in my home at any time." The lies slid easily off his tongue. He had been lying since he was a child to authorities; it was as simple to him as piloting had been.

Dr. Milden nodded grudgingly. "Very well then. I have signed his release forms, but he should not do anything strenuous for at least a week. Also, after a week, he should see a doctor to look at his wounds. However, I want you to send me the name and number of your brother's therapist within five days."

Heero nodded and grabbed the release form from the doctor's hands. Walking quickly, he betrayed none of his own fear about Duo's attempt. He returned to Duo's room held the release form in front of Duo. "Well, here's your release form."

"Gabriel Mitsukai? I'm not Japanese… I'm American…" Duo half-muttered before snatching the document out of Heero's hands, moving quickly, though he was exhausted. His eyes scanned over the regulations that allowed him release. "I'm not going to therapy, not seeing a doctor, having a damned nurse, or staying with you." He spat out in a quiet hiss.

"You are staying with me. I lied about the rest." Heero tossed Duo's clothes onto his bed and turned around so he was facing a wall. "Get changed." Heero knew he'd gone back to his simple dictator-like diction he'd adopted during training and the war, but he knew if he didn't he would have to feel every emotion in full. That was something he couldn't afford to do at the moment.

Duo did change, but his eyes were dark and fairly crackled with anger. Heero played the kindly, worried older brother as he gently led Duo to the car, where Heero quickly reverted to his stoic face as he settled Duo into the passenger seat and headed towards Duo's home.

"I'm not staying with you." Duo repeated, stubbornly.

"Okay, then it's Quatre, Trowa, or Wufei." Heero quietly informed him in the same tone he had once used to give orders.

Duo was silent as they trudged up to his apartment. A neighbor had been kind enough to close and lock the door. While glad nothing was taken, the lock slightly annoyed Heero because he had to pick the damn thing. Silently, Heero gestured for Duo to sit and grabbed a large saucepan after his search for a bucket turned up empty. Heero poured hot water into it after filling the pan three-fourths of the way up with a thick, white cleaning solution. Grabbing a sponge, and a roll of paper towels, Heero walked into the bathroom. He couldn't stand the smell of the dank, blood-scented apartment.

Heero frowned at the bathroom door. He didn't even remember closing it. He reached out and turned the knob, swinging it inwards. He was nearly sick as he opened the bathroom door. A sickening scent oozed out of the door; a dark, reddish gummy mass marred most of the once cream linoleum. Heero shuddered as an image of how he had found Duo invaded his mind. He poured half the contents of the saucepan onto the floor where the whitish liquid quickly turned a pinkish-red. Heero dropped to his knees and started scrubbing. Once he got up the worst of the blood, Heero poured the rest of the solution onto the floor, spreading it over the linoleum in thick bands.

Once he finished his task, he sat on his heels and swallowed hard for a minute or two. Then, Heero washed his hands, scrubbing viciously at the places he had gotten Duo's blood on his hands. Finally, he walked into the living room where Duo was huddled on the couch; his arms wrapped around his knees, he looked half-asleep.

Heero sighed softly. "Do you want something to eat?"

Duo shook his head vaguely.

Heero frowned at the back of Duo's head, remembering the passages about Duo's eating in his journal. "…Okay. What do you want to take to my apartment?"

"I'm not going." Duo stubbornly stated to his knees.

"Okay, you can stay here and I'll move back in." Heero said firmly.

"Fine…" Duo got up slowly and walked towards his room, swaying slightly, Heero on his heels. Heero quickly left to ask neighbors for boxes, though he allowed himself to be gone for no more than ten minutes, explaining the morning's occurrence as a bad accident, sparing only enough time to tell them lies in short, clipped tones.

He returned to find Duo asleep on the floor surrounded by clothing. The Japanese man shook his head and gently picked the American up; he had forgotten how weak the American was; how frail and light he was. It almost made Heero afraid he'd break Duo. He gently placed Duo on his bed and covered him with a blanket before neatly packing Duo's belongings, though he left out Duo's mismatched plates and a few other things Heero already had at his apartment, like saucepans.

Heero loaded up the back of his SUV; he had some extra money from various things, so he'd decided to get himself a second car, just in case he ever needed the extra space. It was times like this Heero thanked the voice in back of his head that wanted to make him overly prepared for everything.

Heero gently woke Duo up when he returned. "Time to go. Everything is packed up and in my car. If you need something else from here, we can come back later."

Duo slowly got up and found the apartment key. Duo quietly locked the door and eventually curled up on the passenger seat and stared out the window forlornly. He'd refused to say a single word to his new roommate since he'd been awakened. It worried Heero, but he supposed it was somewhat normal for Duo to be angry at him at the moment. He'd simply have to remedy that as soon as he could.

* * *

:Replies to Reviews:

Special thanks to: Zero Saotome, CaramelAriana, foxy-comic-death, CrossHunt-s, Chamaeleon, Wufeisgirl, Links Angel, and demonsxtears

ChibiNekoShinigami: I didn't expect Duo to react like that either lol. I'm glad you like this so much!

Princess2000204: Unfortunately, I did try posting my story elsewhere, but I always would forget to update it on the other places, but thanks for inquiring.

Avel: Welcome back. At least you mislabeled Heero now? Lol

Nikkler: I almost re-dedicated you. But then I realized other people need a turn! ; )

Erebus: Yeah… I've been trying to work on the typos and long sentences. I have a dreadful tendency to ramble… and then forget that I tend to ramble… I'll try to keep a better eye out, especially since I hate it when other authors use annoying, long rambly sentences! Lol. I'm glad you noticed the differences in the adjectives. I try pretty hard to mix 'em up, but sometimes I sit there going "ugh! What's a word that means ?"

IchigoPocky: Hmm…you're the first person to complain the replies to reviews. Maybe it's just you. Shouldn't generalize about that one. Also, if you really want to complain, try constructive criticism first, and look at Erebus. She made some good points, and didn't piss me off. Besides, how do you know I'm trying so hard to get new paragraphs down? I mean, jeez. This story is only already written…and when I do add more, it's not slap down some words, there, done, thanks. Also, I don't "jump time" to show progression as you put it… I stop where the story tells me to stop and start where it tells me to start, not you. If you don't like it, well don't read. Because while you -say- you like the story, it doesn't sound like it. This is the first time I've heard from you, so honestly, what you say isn't really going to change anything.

Onee-sama: weee three reviews! I'll put you on the mailing list ASAP. Also, thanks for the feel good comments! They make me well, feel good! I'd ramble more, but I'm wiped out (I'm sick. Blah) and ya know I love ya! (and I'm sure the readers really want me to FINALLY post this lol!)


	12. Chapter 11: A few Hours Later

Hey! look! An update…and it's on TIME! gasp it's amazing! Anyway…have fun with the chapter!

Dedication:** Zeilya** because Zeilya here paid attention and caught a mistake I missed. Thanks!

Disclaimer: look at another chapter.

Also..things in "()"'s in the text… with an AN: signifies an author's note…

* * *

Chapter 11: A few Hours Later

:Entry #918: He told them. They were all shocked; of course, I have always played the jester-fool well. Quatre… burst into tears, but he's Quatre. He burst into tears when a fucking goldfish died… only he cried more. Trowa was kind of quiet… oh wait, he's always_ quiet. He didn't care. Wufei snorted and said something in Chinese. Not like I'm smart enough to know Chinese, but he is. He knows more languages than Trowa and Trowa knows about a million. None of them care. But why won't He let me alone? He made me eat as soon as he finished bringing up all of my stuff. But while he was running down for another box, I got rid of my lunch he had watched me eat. He wouldn't let me carry anything. I'm not a weakling… I'm not. I'M NOT! I guess I should tell you that it's been a week since I last wrote. Why? I lost my journal, or rather, when He moved out, he accidentally grabbed my journal. Yup, he read it. I would have been happily dead now, but noooo… He just _had_ to find me alive. And even worse, he doesn't trust me alone for more than fifteen minutes… Just because I tried to kill myself. Next time I won't try, I will. Damnit, he says the others want to visit next week for a few days. I hate him. He gave me my journal back and promised to never read it again. How much is a promise worth? I don't know. He lied to a doctor, why not to me? He's making me eat dinner now. Later. (end journal entry)_

alwayshad 

Heero brought out two things for dinner; he knew Duo had thrown up his food earlier, but now he had a plan to make Duo keep his food down without the American feeling bad about eating. Heero set the nonfat vanilla yogurt on the kitchen table along with a salad topped with a few strips of chicken. This time, however, Heero did not give Duo a plate full of food. When he'd heard Duo coughing up his lunch, he'd immediately put up his soldier mask and put up the gundanium walls around his heart so he could try to help Duo. He couldn't afford to let emotions rule him when Duo needed his help.

"Duo, eat a little, even if it's only the yogurt. It's nonfat." Heero could tell by the slight change in Duo's cheerful mask that the American hadn't known Heero knew what he had done that afternoon. Maybe that would make him afraid to try again; the fear Heero would find out.

Duo sighed and slowly ate the yogurt, refusing to touch the salad. Heero quickly ate his own dinner of salad and yogurt, though his meal was about twice as large as Duo's and he had his chicken separate from his salad. He didn't like the two items touching.

He didn't let Duo leave the table once he finished, nor would he let Duo take a shower when he started washing the dishes. Heero sighed as he kept his watch on Duo, refusing to submit to Duo's excuses to enter the bathroom.

However, Duo's old habit was stronger than Heero's will. After his attempt to run to the bathroom failed, Duo gagged himself while Heero was putting a few dishes away. Heero could only stroke the American's back as he threw up into the sink. Heero let Duo brush his teeth and then set him on the couch with the TV remote.

Duo did, however, stare at Heero incredulously half an hour later as Heero handed Duo another container of strawberry yogurt. "We can keep doing this all night, if you want. There's more than enough yogurt to do that. Nor is there any reason for you to be doing this. Now, eat."

Duo ate mechanically under Heero's watchful eye and curled up miserably on the couch. Heero watched the boy out of the corner of his eye as he watched the comedy Duo had turned on. It was full of idiotic humour, but everyone grinned in it. The ex-pilot of Deathscythe slowly slid into a quiet slumber. Heero carefully picked him up, still amazed at his lightness. Heero guessed hopefully that his love weighed 115 pounds (AN: that's 53 kg for all you metric people out there), but in his heart, he doubted that. But his heart couldn't tell him anything behind the thick walls set to protect it.

Heero weighed himself holding Duo and took note of the weight: 250 pounds (AN: 114 kg). Heero gently tucked the braided man into his bed and went back to weight himself, silently praying to nameless gods he had somehow lost weight. Heero hit an even 160 pounds. (AN: 73 kg). Heero shuddered; Duo only weighed 90 pounds (AN: 41 kg… yes, less than Duo's weight during GW).

Heero climbed into his own bed, sleeping fitfully as dreams of watching Duo slit his wrists, throw up, and finally, dying filled his mind. Heero woke up in a cold sweat and half ran to Duo's room to make sure he was alright, even though Heero's acute senses told him Duo was asleep and breathing normally.

Heero was sipping at a cup of chocolate hazelnut coffee and typing away on his laptop when Duo trudged into the kitchen sleepily. "What is it you're always typing up? There can't be that many reports for whatever it is you do. I mean, you type what like 500 words per minute…"

Heero ignored Duo's question, instead asking him, "Want some coffee? It's chocolate hazelnut."

Duo nodded vaguely and a warm, familiar black cup appeared in Duo's hands; his Deathscythe cup. Duo noted Heero was using a cheap white mug for his own coffee. "Didn't like the mug I gave you, huh?"

"This is a new cup. Relena broke my mug for me. I believe the pieces are in a box in my junk drawer." Heero said quietly as he took another sip of coffee. "I don't suppose you want breakfast?"

Duo's stomach gave a now unfamiliar and unwelcome growl. Duo blinked.

"I'll… take that as a yes. What would you like? I restocked the pantry this morning so there's pretty much anything you want." Heero tried to encourage Duo, though feeling he was failing miserably. He had gotten up at 4 am in order to make a run to the grocery store solely to ensure that he could make nearly anything Duo suggested.

Duo quickly made up his mind, but his eyes widened in surprise as "strawberry pancakes" slipped through his lips. He quickly corrected himself with "er, I meant yogurt".

Heero quietly stood up, wondering if strawberry pancakes were Duo's favourite breakfast food. Duo weakly attempted to persuade Heero to stop as the taller man began making pancakes from scratch; he made nearly everything that way, even during the war when he could. Then came small, deep red strawberries from a plastic container, which Heero cut into thick slices. A small handful of these Heero added to the batter and beat them in, turning the batter pale pink and giving it a faint hint of strawberry.

Finally, Heero poured the batter onto the griddle. He formed the first pancake into a turtle which gained a strawberry shell, while the second pancake, a teddy bear was given a face with tiny bits of strawberry, and two pointed strawberry ears.

Praying a little, Heero let a few strips of bacon sizzle in another pan as he set out plates and juice for himself and Duo. After flipping the bacon and pancakes over, Heero set a wide array of breakfast condiments on the table, including butter, maple syrup, cinnamon sugar, strawberry and blueberry sauces, powdered sugar, and lemon juice on the table. Heero slid the first two pancakes onto a warm plate and slathered them with butter; turned so Duo couldn't see what he was doing, while the bacon was put on several paper towels atop a different plate.

The Japanese man carried these over to the table and told Duo to help himself. Heero used up the last of the small pancake batch to make six more plain pancakes. Heero could eat four, and any uneaten pancake could be given to the birds. Heero noticed the turtle pancake had disappeared with satisfaction as Duo drizzled maple syrup in heavy streams on the remaining two slices of bacon and strawberry sauce was poured into a pile on a pancake-free area of the plate. After liberally dumping powdered sugar on a well-buttered pancake, Duo cut a small piece and dipped it in the strawberry sauce and ate it, a small smile gracing his lips. Heero suddenly smiled as well; not only was Duo eating breakfast without a fight, he seemed to be enjoying it.

Heero finished his four pancakes, but Duo had stopped halfway through his third pancake, shoving his plate back, refusing to look at the pancake. "What's wrong?"

Duo softly replied. "I don't feel good."

Heero frowned slightly, but remembered how little Duo had eaten for so long. "Want to lay down?"

"I'm going to go to the bathroom." His voice was still soft and quivered a tiny bit.

"I don't think that's a good idea." But Heero's order was clear; Duo would not be going inside the bathroom or anywhere near the sink.

Duo shook his head, drawing his knees up to his chin and gave Heero an almost sad look. "I feel sick."

Heero gently picked Duo up and set him on the couch. Heero rhythmically stroked the American's back, causing Duo to lean against Heero slightlyDuo didn't move for several hours, but Heero didn't mind; in a way he was glad. Duo's easy surrender lifted a bit of the weight that had fallen onto Heero's shoulders the moment he had read the final journal entry. For now, he simply rubbed Duo's back. He even allowed his hand to slide down the length of Duo's braid a handful of times.

* * *

:Replies to Reviews:

GladAngel24: No, for the moment, I believe Trowa and Quatre aren't a couple. They just had a brief steamy relationship during the war. Sorry I didn't make that clearer.

Zero Saotome: go ahead and say finally..it WAS my fault, but I shouldn't even be updating today…sigh I should be doing homework…shudders

Hellcat81: Yeah… mostly Duo was too weak and exhausted to do much of anything…poor guy. As for Heero cleaning the floor.. just thinking about that nearly makes me sick.

ChibiNekoShinigami: There…is a lot more to this story. I'm not sure you want to know how much more…eheh…though the chapters are pretty short. And…glad to be a favourite!

Nikkler: Hmm.. running away is an interesting idea…. Have fun reading!

Ahanchan: I'm glad you liked the chappies! Heero definitely has his work cut out for him.

Foxy-comic-death: yeah…something like that

WufeisGirl: I'm glad you're enjoying the story. The chapter 10 thing is kinda weird though lol.

Zeilya: Don't you hate waiting? I hate it too… but if I forget to update one week, you can feel free to e-mail me n' remind me (politely of course lol) at least for the next like…15 chapters. I sort of forgot Heero was a smoker at some point writing this…. however, I have made some corrections in the hard copy which I'll eventually re-post. Mostly, Heero just has to go for a smoke during the hospital chapter. He isn't pleased about it.

Lady of the Rose and Rain: I suppose you'll just have to wait and see what happens!

Weissangel24: I guess you'll just have to wait for more cliffies until I end the story, huh? I TRY (note the emphasis on "try") to update once a week.


	13. Chapter 12: Later that Day

Err… so I've been very busy these last few weeks. First, there were AP tests to study my ass off with, then there was finishing up my college courses and taking the finals for those… At the same time, high school finals were going on, so more studying my ass off. Then I had to go and graduate. That took up a LOT of time, what with preparations, parties, graduation ceremonies, etc. Anyway, it is now DONE with. And I shall update. Finally. I really am sorry about the late-ness but I truly was going crazy with the other things I had to do.

Dedication: **Zeilya** for not only reminding me I needed to update (she did so with my full permission and she did so kindly and sweetly, not snappish at all) and **Dying Redemption** who joined my mailing list (as the seventh member)

: for not only reminding me I needed to update (she did so with my full permission and she did so kindly and sweetly, not snappish at all) and who joined my mailing list (as the seventh member) 

Update: Hopefully, the next update should be Friday. Or Saturday. If one of you would e-mail me early Friday or late Thursday to remind me, I'd be happy. Just be nice like Zeilya, or else I won't update because I'll be annoyed.

* * *

Chapter 12: Later that Day

:Entry # 919: I can't believe I ate those pancakes. Why? That was so stupid of me! Why did he have to make strawberry_ pancakes! But… gad, I'm so stupid. I went to the bathroom earlier. He hid the razors. He _hid_ them. Damnit all! Nah, just me. He doesn't trust me. I'm not trustworthy anymore. I. Am. Such. A. Fuck. Up. Gad… I'm crying. Again. I'm such a damned weakling! Why couldn't I have just died? He doesn't really care… it's because I saved his life that once… and he hates to owe people. That's it. All he ever does is type and click away at his laptop. Usually in the kitchen, probably so he can make sure I don't do something "stupid". Maybe I should break something… maybe then he'd kill me. (End journal entry)_

strawberryhid 

Heero typed up a program for his company wearily; his shoulders slumped just the slightest bit. Duo had refused to eat lunch, claiming he was still full from breakfast; however, Heero made the American eat some dinner, which Duo promptly threw up. Heero hated this war far more than both wars he had fought in.

A crash in the living room ended Heero's typing. A second passed, and then he was fighting Duo for a shard of pottery. Heero felt an edge drag across his fingers; a tiny trickle dribbled its way onto Duo's hand. Duo let go with a gasp and edged himself into a corner, staring at the blood, transfixed by the bright red, horror smacked across his face.

Heero flashed Duo a look full of sorrow before it hardened into the impassive mask he had created once for training, then for war, then… for life. Slowly, Heero got up and tended to his cut . He set the first aid kit in front of Duo and pried the American's hands apart to clean the gouges on the his palms. Duo whimpered.

"Duo…" Heero sighed quietly, wishing he could hug the other man.

Duo stayed quiet with wide eyes.

"Duo… tomorrow I have to go to an appointment, but I'm not leaving you alone. You can either come in with me, or wait in the lobby." Heero changed subjects calmly.

"What sort of appointment?" Duo asked suspiciously.

"Psychologist…" Heero whispered, barely audible.

"I'm not going to a fucking shrink!" Duo growled.

"You're not. I am." Heero stated simply.

Duo stared at Heero. "Y…you?"

"Just don't tell the others, ok?" Heero spoke softly.

Duo nodded slightly. "What do you want me to do?"

"Come in, actually… My shrink has demanded I bring someone I know in with me within the next four visits…" Heero said, uncomfortable. Not even Relena had known about the shrink. Not that Heero had ever bothered to tell her anything.

Duo gave Heero a slow nod.

"She told that damned doctor you'll be seeing her. Just not in the sense he wants." Heero told the silent American.

"Isn't that against the law and stuff?"

"Her family was saved because of the Gundam pilots… more specifically, Deathscythe's pilot. She believes she owes them, so she said she would do this."

Duo blinked a few times before getting up to go to bed. Heero heard Duo's unsteady, harsh breathing five hours later as he headed for bed. _I wish I could make him stop crying…_

* * *

Heero sat down rigidly on the edge of a wooden chair as soon as he entered the room. Duo, with a grinning mask sparkling, sprawled across the couch. A pretty woman of about forty took off her glasses and rubbed the bridge of her nose where her glasses had rested.

After replacing her glasses, she took a pencil from the silver-streaked mahogany coil of hair at the nape of her neck. She shook her hair out and smiled at the men. "Well, Heero, so you finally managed to bring one of your friends, I see."

Duo grinned lazily after Heero's customary "hn". "Duo Maxwell. I talk about as much as he's quiet!" Duo waved towards Heero.

"Dr. Amaryllis Edron, but feel free to call me Amary, and please, make yourself comfortable." The doctor slipped out of her shoes. Turning to Heero, Amary added, "You too, Heero."

Duo kicked off his shoes and grinned up at Heero. "Heero, buddy, yeash. Loosen up a bit!"

Heero glanced at Duo and almost tentatively leaned back against his chair and slipped his shoes off after Amary did, but his body was still stiff and tense.

Amary looked slightly surprised by Heero's actions, but continued calmly. "So, Duo, do you mind if you and I talk about Heero? He'll get to listen, and even comment if he wants, but mostly it'd be me asking you questions about Heero."

Duo nodded, and let loose a broader grin. "So I can say anything I want about Heero, huh? Sweet."

Amary nodded. "So how long have you known Heero?"

"Since the war. He was obsessed with his missions back then. He's a lot better now, though."

Heero listened in silence as Duo attacked his flaws, but with every flaw, the ex-pilot tagged something else to it to either lessen the effects, or point out a good trait of Heero's. For each, Heero was glad, though he didn't believe most of the positive attributes, especially ones giving him emotions and more human-like traits.

"So, Heero, what do you have to say about all of this?" Amary looked at the Japanese man intently, who had slowly gone back to his regular rigid posture, shoes back in place.

"The flaws Duo spoke of are true, almost all of the positive attributes are false." Heero informed Amary in a monotone.

"As impossible as you are, Heero, they actually are true." Duo yawned.

"One more thing, Duo." Amary added.

"Yeah?"

You mentioned you're currently staying with Heero, correct?" Amary asked.

Duo nodded.

"Well, I have a job for you. Make Heero relax for a little while everyday. Anyway you can think of." Amary spoke as if Heero wasn't there.

Duo saluted Amary. "Will do, Amary-babe!"

Heero was quiet as he unlocked his car. Heero had picked his custom up on the way to Dr. Edron's office. Heero noted Duo's gaze had lightened when he saw Heero's car. Everyone, including Heero, knew that Duo adored cars. Heero made a quick mental note to give Duo an opportunity to play with it.

* * *

:Replies to Reviews:

ChibiNekoShinigami: I'm glad you like the diary entry as well

Nikkler: You'll see about, well, everything soon! or well, eventually at least.

WufeisGirl: I'm glad ch. 10 got fixed! And I can't tell you if Duo will get better or not sorry

Avel: Avel… I hope you continue reading. I think you, especially, will find this story quite interesting.

Ahanchan: Yay! Another diary fan! But yeah… poor Heero.. sigh

Yasei Raiden: Yeah… Heero never really understood human subtlety did he? I'm glad you're enjoying this one. And Heero actually was switching news channels on the TV one day, but he accidentally typed the wrong number on the remote…and ended up watching a food show… and found it somewhat entertaining. So he watches them in secret when he's bored and the news is bored lol.

Shi-tenshi: Duo needs his brain back on a lot of things.. sigh though, as for being too hard on them… eh… well… my fingers sometimes don't want to comply

Foxy-comic-death: Well, I wouldn't say it's a good thing that Duo's throwing up his food… because I'm writing this with a very realistic point of view… so you'll have to see what happens..

Amy Hirosaki: I like strawberry, blueberry, banana, or well, a few others!

M. Logan: I'm glad I'm doing this well. Since you've been there, it's encouraging to have your support. Is it all right if later I e-mail you about my story?

Zeilya: I'm glad you love the diary entries. There's still a long battle ahead for Duo, so it'll be interesting to see where these fingerse of mine take us, ne?

Links Angel: Yeah! I'm agreeing with you, Links… though that wasn't always how I thought.

KawaiiKoorimeYokai: I'm glad you think even Heero playing guitar is fitting well, and that everything makes sense to you

Dying Redemption: There's quite a bit more, actually! And also, you have been added to my update list. Hopefully it'll go through. If not, please e-mail me at DragenEyez (at) hotmail .com

Duolover: I'm glad you enjoyed!


	14. Chapter 13: The Day Before the Other Pil...

Woo! I updated when I said I work for once! (**Special** thanks to **Nikkler** and **Zeilya**) Wow…anyway, I'll update again Friday…. And then I'll have to skip two weeks because I'll be out of town. I'll be in a car, that means no computer OR net access. Road trips are fun.

Dedication: **Nikkler** and **Zeilya** for reminding me to update like I asked, and doing so nicely.

DISCLAIMER: refer to another chappie..and any chappies I forgot to put a disclaimer for..refer to a chapter of this story with one…

* * *

Chapter 13: The Day Before the Other Pilots Arrive

:Entry # 926: I don't know why I agreed to do what Amary asked, but I always keep my promises. Today, I think he should take a forty-five minute long shower. I mean, he takes showers that are only 5 minutes long, how is that even possible? He's been doing whatever I tell him to do, but I've been forbidden to do this stuff when the others are here. Why me? He took out the bathroom scale the first night I was here, but that hasn't stopped me from punishing myself. They shouldn't pretend to care, especially him. I hate it. The others are coming tomorrow. I'm scared. Yup, the great Shinigami is scared. Stupid, stupid me… (End journal entry)

"No."

"Oh, come on! Amary said so!"

"No."

"Stop saying no and take your shower!"

"Forty-five minutes is too long. I can't watch you from the shower."

Duo stared, then a slight embarrassed blush swept across his pale, bony cheeks. "Fine. Lay down."

Heero did as he was told, secretly glad Amary had given his Duo the task of forcing him to relax—it seemed to give the American a promise to live up to, something only he could do. Heero sighed to himself; he had to stop thinking of Duo as "his".

Thin hands settled on Heero's shoulders. Once, they had held incredible strength, now Heero believed it was still there, but minds can play tricks. Heero tensed until Duo's oddly soft voice whispered, "relax". Heero felt painful waves slip across long-tensed muscles, but eventually, the pain ebbed and an overwhelming melting feeling stole across the Japanese. He moaned slightly; instantly, he reset his mask. Such actions were not allowable under any circumstance. A quick pause elicited a soft groan. Heero felt a coil of anger hurl itself at him; his control was slipping, and his control did not slip. Ever. Duo's hands immediately flew back to their attentive positions upon Heero's back. Eventually, Duo's administrations led Heero into a dreamy sleep.

* * *

Heero awoke the next morning, his arms wrapped around a warm body, his hands entangled in a braid. Heero sighed contently, allowing himself to lay curled against his love a few more beloved minutes. Duo, however, awoke as Heero's arms shifted. 

Heero groaned under his breath as he pulled himself off of the floor Duo had violently shoved him onto. Heero peered over the edge. Duo was breathing harshly, pressed up against the edge of the wall; eyes wide and scared. And then he broke. Tears began to slip down pale cheeks. Strong, hard Japanese arms fell around frail shoulders and pulled them close. The harsh sobs shook the American's body until he clung desperately to the strong, unmovable force before him. An hour had passed and the sobs quieted.

Heero gently picked him up and set him down at a kitchen table and made a calming tea. While the tea was brewing, Heero gently wiped away the tear streaks on Duo's face with a damp cloth, amazed his Shinigami was allowing him to do so.

Duo sat in his chair looking lost and endlessly sad, and terrified too, caught up in a confusing battle that had swept him far away to a place far within himself. But Heero was always there, persistent and pressing. Slowly he drew Duo back out and convinced the American to eat some breakfast.

Duo quickly pulled on the joker's mask and donned long sleeves—Heero never said anything about the long, still healing scars—and climbed into a rented SUV; Heero's custom was only built for two people.

"You should just give up and buy an SUV if you're going to need one so often." Duo informed Heero.

"Maybe." _Maybe if you get better… No, then you can have any car you want, Love…_ Heero thought to himself.

* * *

****

Replies to Reviews

ChibiNekoShinigami: There shall be more until I reach an ending…which may be quite some time from now lol. You'll find out all about Heero later. It gets rather…interesting

Shinigami Akumu: About that mask.. you're definitely on to something. Actually, you're on to something on several levels

Avel: you'll just have to wait and see how his weight progresses. It comes up again in a few chapters I think, but I only really say in certain parts of the story because Duo's weight isn't the important part here. As for Duo going to the shrink, well… the shrink doesn't notice, let's just put it that way. As for being in Duo's place… been there, done that.

Amy Hirosaki: apple pancake? Hmm..i need to try that one sometime…yum… my father likes to try everything..whether it'll be good or not too… shudder anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed!

Caley: and that is why there is much more to the story

Nikkler: what kind of car does Heero have? Uhm.. oh shit… I KNEW someone was going to ask me that… I'm uhm.. car challenged…do you know anything about cars? Do you want to help me! looks desperate the psychologist. The only downer is that she can't prescribe meds. Actually, I had to go change it to psychologist…cause I was being silly and forgot which was which, which is sad, because I'm studying to become a psychiatrist. Scary. And yay! I don't have to get out the stick of justice!

FireanIce: glad you're enjoying!

Princess2000204: Yeah…school and stress are bad… sigh

Dark Goddess Hekate: I think you've misunderstood my Quatre character a bit. When Duo writes in his journal, you see Duo's thoughts; however, Duo's thoughts are how he perceives things--whether that is how things actually are or not. Not that he's my favourite character either (Quatre, I mean) lol

SouriMaxwellYuy068: A sledge hammer, eh? Do you think that's hard enough? Lol Yeah, the pissed Heero part IS kind of scary, and cute nickname lol. I hope Duo realizes Heero's love too

Professor Potter-Malfoy: glad you're interested in seeing how the relationship is going to progress!

Dying Redemption: I'm glad to have added you AND put you up in the dedication! huggles back

KawaiiKoorimeYokai: I'm glad you enjoy Heero seeing a shrink. Some people want to whack me over the head for that, but I always thought Heero was still human--he just needs some serious help to see that. I'm also glad I've gotten my boys in character sniffles in happiness that's been one of the harder parts of this story

Zeilya: Hmm… you're the first person to pick up on what Heero's problem is…go you! I love having complete and total control of my chars! Thanks also for the graduation congrats!


	15. Chapter 14: On the Way to the Airport

So I'm being good and updating before I pack because I'm leaving on a LONG road trip. I won't be back until the 19th (yes, of June.) That day I will TRY to update, but no promises so I won't get beaten if I'm too tired to update.

Yes, I know this chapter is very short. Sometimes parts of life ARE short. That's what updates are for!

Disclaimer: In past chapters thanks…

Dedication: **Joy2** who writes the most amazing reviews and always makes me smile (even though she hasn't made it to this chapter yet, that's okay )

* * *

Chapter 14: On the Way to the Airport

:Entry #927: We're in a rented SUV on our way to the airport… I wish I was anywhere but here. I did the stupidest thing last night. I was massaging Heero's back. For his relaxation deal of the day, and he fell asleep after an hour or so… Then I got so sleepy… and I laid down, still sort of rubbing his back. Then I woke up…warm and safe, only I was in Heero's arms. I can't believe I did that! I'm so stupid! But, oh gad, it was nice. I just want to forget about it now though… it was too good to be true. He doesn't want me. He never will. I shoved him away, and he fell onto the floor. I think I started crying then, I mean, I hurt him and I'm so stupid… I should just leave. I don't know why he keeps trying to get me to eat and everything… He's so damned confusing… I wish he'd stop. I don't understand him anymore… he's not focused solely on the mission anymore….

Heero slid the SUV into a parking place Duo had once termed "rock star parking" just before the Eve Wars. Heero gently reminded Duo to pull down his sleeves as the walked into the airport waiting area. Heero watched sadly as Duo's jester mask came back in full force. Fifteen minutes after it was firmly in place, a disgruntled looking Wufei walked towards them, swiftly pulling his mussed hair back into its too-tight ponytail.

Heero almost raised an eyebrow at Wufei, but not quite. "Wufei."

"Heero." Wufei regarded each man solemnly. "Duo."

"Heya Wu-bear!" Duo exclaimed, his smile a mile wide.

Wufei uncertainly eyed Heero for a moment before rushing off to find his luggage as Trowa shifted pass the masses; he could be seen across the crowded room as he towered over everyone at 6'7 (AN: about 2m). Heero hated to stand up around him; he made Heero particularly conscious of being only 5'10 (AN: 1.78m). Trowa calmly stood and watched the baggage chug slowly along the scratched metal baggage claim. Trowa quickly found his and set it in front of Heero with a thump.

"Hey Trowa, old buddy, old pal!" Duo grinned. "Wanna help a buddy out and buy him the new comic he wants?"

Trowa eyed Duo. "…"

Duo blinked. "Hee-chan! What did he say!"

Heero glared briefly at Duo. "He said "I'll think about it, maybe later"."

Duo stared at Heero until he was the unwary victim of Quatre's chokehold of a hug. "H..hi.. Q..quatre… Can't..breath…man…"

Quatre quickly let go and blushed deeply. "Sorry Duo, I just couldn't help myself."

Heero found himself glaring at Quatre, though he wasn't sure why. Quatre quickly stepped behind Trowa and Heero's glare faded. Wufei was just walking back towards the group with his luggage once again his calm and poised self when another flash of blond joined the group. Pink shoes, pink purse, pink hat held in a pink gloved hand, pink feminine skirt, pink frilly blouse, short pink jacket, and pink ribbons adorned perfect blond hair.

The five men stared and said in perfect unison, "Relena!"

* * *

Special Thanks To…

FireanIce, Dying Redemption, KawaiiKoorimeYokai, Dark Goddess Hekate, Dragongirl85, foxy-comic-death, Tortured Artist, Sailor Sayuri

Shinigami Akumu: yeah… Duo with a sports car-- or a truck. A BIG four-wheel drive kind of truck. As for why Duo feels the need to punish himself and why he thinks no one cares…. Well… that's for future chappies.

ChibiNekoShinigami: Yeah… I'm too much of a realist to try to ever make a happily ever after. Actually, I don't think I -could- write an ending like that anymore.. sigh I'm such a depressing person… but maybe…hmm…. sooo many options!

Amy Hirosaki: I shall try apple pancakes once I come back from my trip! as for Heero being OOC… yeah…it's gonna happen more… because the characters are changing and getting older cause that's what people do lol

Nikkler: A 2005 Porsche 911 Turbo S Cabriolet? Dang…I'm going to have to look that one up…. It might not be quite THAT nice though.. just some sort of sweet little custom lol as his book becomes famous.

SouriMaxwellYuy068: It's Duo's thought process that makes him think no one cares. In the hard copy of this story, the journal entries are also in a script format rather than boring text to make it seem more personal. Cause it's just Duo's thoughts, not reality :S

Joy2 would have a long reply to her review for chapter 11 here, however, it is 2:30am, I still have to pack, and I have to LEAVE at 6am.. uhmm.. yeah… Please forgive me? Cause I loved your review hon


	16. Chapter 15: A few hours later

Well. I am back! My trip was a blast and I met my net buddy up in Canada and we had a blast. The only down side was my sister whined and complained the entire trip. Anyway… I got back yesterday, but it took me until an hour ago to finish just getting through all my e-mail… shudders that's the downside of going away for two and a half weeks.

STARES 18 reviews! I think that's a new record! jumps up n' down excitedly i love you guys!

oh yeah...don't forget 'bout the mailing list if you want on!

Disclaimer: points at previous chappies

Dedication: Zeilya--for making me laugh and asking 'bout my trip!

* * *

Chapter 15: A few hours later

:Entry #928: I am even more of an idiot than I thought. Which is kind of hard to believe considering I hold Relena as being smarter than me… I bet you're wondering why I'm saying this… Well, I have to share a bed with him. This is because he only has 2 bedrooms in his apartment. Which means Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei are sleeping in my room. So, we ran out of inflatable beds and he refuses to let me sleep on the floor, and I won't let him sleep on the floor—so we have to share a damned bed. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do. I mean, it's going to be pure torture…sleeping with the man I love. How ironic… I would have gotten my own room, but he and Wufei do not get along as roommates and Quatre and Trowa were adamant about rooming together because of the war days or some shit. Relena tried to claim his room, but he refused, and wouldn't let her touch my room, so she got the couch. She's currently trying to convince him to let her paint the walls pink. I don't know why she's here. I hate her. She took him away. Well, dinnertime… later.

Heero half-heartedly chewed on a piece of pepperoni and mushroom pizza as he watched Duo stuff himself on a large pepperoni pizza and half of another pizza. Heero kept up his perfect stoic façade around the other pilots while Duo played the jester; Heero could tell the other three were already falling back into the old feeling of security and their belief that Duo would never try to kill himself was already back in place. It was as if Duo had never rammed death's door with his blood.

Heero didn't stop Duo when he excused himself to take a shower.

"Well Duo seems fine now…" Quatre said tentatively, after the braided man had left the table.

"Hn."

Wufei finished his mushroom pizza and spoke for the first time during dinner. "Do you know why he…?"

Heero almost grimaced. None of them could say it. Heero found himself having to say the forbidden words, so he finished Wufei's sentence. "tried to kill himself? No, and even if I did, it is not my business to discuss."

Trowa caught Heero's gaze for a moment and raised an eyebrow slightly.

"Quatre? How was that business proposal you were so worried about go?" Relena interjected, her comment badly misplaced; however, Quatre eagerly answered her, obviously glad for the lighter discussion.

Eventually Duo rejoined the group, his braid damp from his shower. "Damn! Just because I left doesn't mean you guys have to become the living dead!"

Heero briefly lifted his gaze to Duo before letting it settle back on the table. Duo avoided meeting it, but nudged Trowa until the slender giant went to aid the tiny blonde against the attack from the pink horror. Duo grinned and carefully stole Wufei's katana. Heero almost groaned, realizing the chase that was about to begin.

"Hey Wui! Look what I found!" Duo waved around Wufei's Dao, dangerously close to many breakable things, but he never quite hit them.

Wufei hesitated for half a second before answering. "INJUSTICE! GIVE ME MY DAO BACK NOW!"

Duo immediately meeped and ran off with the dao. Wufei pulled out his spare dao and chased the braided pilot. Half an hour later, Duo dove behind Heero's chair and slid the dao in Wufei's direction. "Don't kill me!"

Wufei quickly responded as he usually did with, "You're SO dead, Maxwell!"

"Heero! Save me!" Duo clung to Heero's arm.

Heero looked at Duo before pulling his gun off and pointing it at Wufei. Wufei quickly disappeared into his temporary bedroom. Heero turned the gun to Duo, carefully playing along the same lines the dao chase always had. Duo meeped and ran into Heero's room. Moments later, the rest of the group headed off for bed, a slightly fuming pink blind spot trying to catch Quatre's attention.

Duo was curled in a tiny ball on the floor when Heero entered his room. Heero quickly closed the door firmly, sliding the bolt shut blindly and sat by Duo, delicately pulling the other man into his lap. Heero was silent as Duo slowly soaked Heero's shirt, though his hands rubbed the braided ex-pilot's back comfortingly. Heero held onto the American tightly, even after the smaller man's tears ebbed and disappeared, half believing if he let go Duo would disappear.

"Why?" Duo whispered, startling Heero.

"Huh?"

"Why am I such a fuck up?" Duo whispered.

"You're not." Heero told him firmly, frowning. He continued softly. "Not at all. Why…why do you think that?"

Duo stared at Heero like he was an idiot. "I can't do anything right. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Shinigami deserves to die, he caused too many deaths…"

Heero simply held the other pilot as he made a long list of the deaths and horrors he felt were on his shoulders to bear. That he believe he had caused. The destruction of the Maxwell church and the death of Solo fell to Duo's lips numerous times until he began crying again. As soon as Duo's tears ebbed a bit, Heero began into an even longer list of the good things Duo had done, going on until the small American fell asleep in his arms. But Heero could see in Duo's eyes that for every good thing Heero said, Duo eradicated in his mind by finding illusory faults, cracks, and chips in each one until there was nothing left of the good. Just a pile of ugly dust that was steadily blowing away into nothing.

Heero lifted Duo up onto the bed, thankful Duo had already changed into a pair of shorts to sleep in. Heero quickly changed and slipped into bed by Duo and wrapped his arms around the slumbering ex-pilot and whispered "I love _you_" in his ear before falling asleep.

* * *

Replies to Reviews

Special Thank To-- Taikai no za Kokoro, Amy Hirosaki, Sailor Sayuri, FireanIce, devotions, Zero Saotome, caley, Yaoi-gurls, alonelyshadow, Giara Gryffindor, foxy-comic-death

ChibiNekoShinigami-- Fei-bunny, Q, and Trowa know that Duo tried to kill himself, but that's all that they know. Relena is sometimes necessary. It'll be okay, I promise. And rock star parking is when you get the closest non-handicapped parking spot to the entrance. It's called that because it's supposed to be the kind of parking that only rock stars ever get, I think.

Elle-- (ch. 12 & 15) This will be far shorter than I want it to be, but I'm trying to get this chapter posted before I go make dinner for everyone Hmm… gives you strawberries yummm. I'm glad you think I'm keeping it pretty realistic. That's the hardest part of this story. That and trying not to glamorize depression, suidcide, EDs, cutting… I was worried that I was making things too simple, so it's good to hear that it works well. Your opinion of my work has always been important to me. I had him throw the mug away? Oh dear… I'll have to go fix that now, won't I… hmm.. yup. You're absolutely right. Chapter 3.

Princess2000204-- hmm.. I have an idea for the car. I'm going to leave it up to the reader's imagination. That way, Heero will end up with the most amazingly cool fantastic car no matter who reads it! evil

Avel-- For some reason, my writing style for this story is just…short :S it's a bit odd. You don't like Trowa in this? I'm sorry. I haven't done too much with his character in this story though so I guess that's understandable.

Nikkler-- you're… 6'1? Well… my mother works with a girl who is 6'2 and wears a size 5… stares at the tall ladies I'm 5'5. Relena is there because I uhh… put …her… there.. but I DO in fact have a reason for that! you'll see, eventually. tHen you'll glomp me with happiness!

SouriMaxwellYuy068-- well..actually..there is a third time Bubblegum Princess Puke will enter the story. But it'll be okay. I promise. You'll thank me in the end. I feel sorry for poor Duo… poor guy…. Ooo… plushies! yo quiero! (I want!)

Zeilya-- (ch. 14 & 15) Did you have fun with your boyfriend? I hope so! About the chapters.. for this story… it kind of wanted to be written short… sometimes I can't really control lengths… it's a bit odd. Administrations. Did I make a mistake somewhere? worries no! Don't kill Relena yet! I need her alive for now! Hmm… I think Duo would tease Heero (well, normal non-suicidal Duo), Trowa would just stare, Quatre would start apologizing, and Wufei would think less of him cuz he's Fei..i ..think… lol I did have a nice time on my road trip. Thanks!


	17. Chapter 16: A Couple Days Later

I -was- going to update last night, but as luck would have it, I ended up getting really sick. I suddenly got very, very dizzy and then I had to get off the computer because I couldn't see. Then I tried to take a shower and nearly threw up because I was so dizzy and every time my head moved, everything moved funny--it didn't spin… it was just…weird. Then I went to bed at 10:30….that's a record for me for the past like…3 years. Then I woke up at 5:30am..and couldn't sleep… I laid in bed with my cat for an hour… Then at 6:30 he got up and wanted breakfast so I got up and fed him and the other two cats. Then I fed me and started my day…. Oo

Hit Count: (because it wows me.)-- 143 (that's nearly TWICE as much for the previous chapter O) Now I just need more reviews to go with those hits…

Disclaimer: Go find it.

Dedication: **_SouriMaxwellYuy068_** one word: PLUSHIES!

* * *

Chapter 16: A Couple Days Later

:Entry #935: Quatre wants me to see a therapist. I laughed at him so I wouldn't cry. But I've been nothing but cheerful around them. But Him, He knows too much to let me keep my mask up. I hate Him. Damn, that little voice is back saying "No you don't." I hate that damned voice. He and Quatre are arguing… about me. He agrees with me about seeing a therapist, and it's making Quatre mad. But He promised me. He never breaks His promises. But what if Quatre makes me! I can't. Trowa and Wufei are staying out of it all—they either don't care or know I can't or something… probably just don't care. Relena wants to kick me out of the apartment. He threatened to kick her out. I was awed, and confused. I still am. Why is He always acting like He's on my side? I don't get it… He hates me, right? (end journal entry)

Heero turned the full force of his death glare onto Quatre. His words were harsh and halted. "Let. Duo. Decide. What. He. Wants. To. Do."

"Like try to _kill_ himself again!" Quatre shouted, before quickly covering his mouth with both hands, eyes wide with embarrassment and fright from saying something he wasn't supposed to; that quiet, unspoken law that had come between all of them.

Heero watched Duo stare at Quatre before answering. The chestnut-roped boy was shaking slightly, but only Heero noticed. "If Duo wants a therapist, Duo gets a therapist. If Duo doesn't want a therapist, no therapist. End of story."

Quatre's cheeks were slightly red when he replied again, vehemently. "He needs help, Heero. Pretending it all away won't make it go away!"

Duo stepped towards the two arguing men, grinning widely and waving his hands in easy dismissal. "Quatre, I really don't want to see a therapist. I'm doing just fine now!" Duo grinned lazily and hooked up his game cube. "Someone come play with me!"

Quatre guiltily fell back onto the couch by Trowa; Relena immediately settled herself by Quatre and began discussing politics with him. Trowa sighed a little and turned the volume of his ipod up. Since the end of the war, Trowa had become addicted to music; he always had headphones with him. Wufei was in Duo's room practicing martial arts; he rarely came out of the room save for meals. But before Quatre moved towards the American, or Heero, he had settled himself in front of the TV by Duo and had picked up an unworn, pristine controller.

Duo startled Heero with a slow, slightly surprised smile that blossomed into something tantalizing and awing. _A real smile._ Heero realized, smiling slightly in return, causing Duo's smile to become a grin. But Duo quickly turned his smile into his devil-may-care grin and started up a racing game.

Heero sat uncomfortably for a moment, his back rigid as always. Then he spoke up, so quiet the others had no chance of hearing. "How is this played?"

Duo laughed a little before explaining how to play. After the first round, Heero found himself losing horribly. Heero scowled at the screen before him as the second round started. This time, Heero won, but just barely. Heero snuck a glance at Duo and realized the braided American had let him win.

He stared at Duo for a long moment until his love waved a hand in front of his eyes. "Earth to Heero. Earth to Hee-chan!"

"Hn." Heero just barely managed to not blink a few times_. Shit. It's getting harder to not do something… Shit._ Heero tried to return his attention to the game as a small voice whispered. Like kiss him. It was strange. Everything seemed to be a disaster, but Duo was captivating him more and more, and Heero didn't know why. He didn't like not knowing. He didn't like thoughts he couldn't control. He didn't like the control he didn't have here.

Heero soon realized Duo was extremely good at the game, but was making sure to let him win every now and then. But nonetheless, Heero didn't mind playing against Duo. His arm just barely brushed against Duo's every so often, sending small thrills up and down his spine. He didn't notice the hours slip by as he basked in being by Duo and making Duo happy.

Relena, however, did notice the hours slipping by and grated out sharply. "Heero, it is 7:30. I, for one, am hungry. I'm sure that Quatre is as well."

Duo turned off the game with a quick flick of his hand and stood up. "Well I guess Heero needs to make us all some food, ain't that right, Hee-chan?"

Heero didn't bother to correct Duo on his nickname, but stood as well. "What does everyone want?"

Relena quickly informed Heero what she and Quatre would like. "A lovely French dinner."

Duo immediately burst out. "No way am I eating French food tonight. Ick. Last time I did, they gave me SNAILS!"

"Well, then what do you want, Duo?" Heero asked quietly.

"Well… you guys would probably kill me if we had pizza again… So, uh, Japanese!" Duo grinned. Heero didn't like cooking non-Japanese food a great deal, but shortly after he began therapy, Amara suggested he learn to cook. So he did, and he went at it like he did with everything else. He perfected everything because that's the way it had to be for him. Perfect.

Heero nodded slowly and headed to the kitchen, ignoring Relena's loud protestations, Trowa's quiet groan—he liked French, and Quatre dismayed face. Duo quietly entered the kitchen and set the table under Heero's instructions, including chopsticks and chopstick holders. Heero gave in to Duo's long stare and let the braided American have a quick taste of dinner—a bite of Tempura. Heero watched Duo sit on the counter as he slowly chewed on the bit. Duo gave Heero a thumbs up and informed the rest of the group that the Tempura was almost as good as pizza. Heero shook his head and called everyone to dinner and set the food onto the table.

Trowa quickly sat by Quatre, causing a fuming Relena to have to sit at the head of the table by Trowa and Wufei. Duo cheerfully sat at the end of the table with Heero to his right. Heero noted Duo didn't eat much, but he stayed around past dessert and even managed to swipe some of Heero's dessert without him noticing. Heero caught Duo the second time around, but since there was only a few bites left, he simply shoved it towards Duo who grinned and rambled on and on to the group about nothing.

Heero was just going to bed when Duo took a quick, short shower hours after dinner.

He sent a silent thank you to whatever god, goddess, or supernatural being that had granted him that brief night.

* * *

Replies for Reviews (I'm still not feeling entirely great…so…short is good)

Special Thanks to-- Taikai no za Kokoro, FireanIce, Princess2000204, Amy Hirosaki, I love sushi oO, Anonymous

ChibiNekoShinigami-- You get rockstar parking a lot! No fair! So does my mother. She has the most -unbelievable- luck with parking. Relena still annoys me lol. I was happy about Heero's confession too, but well.. you know how Heero is… He has some major issues sometimes…or always maybe.

Nikkler--Well, glomps to you too! Quatre is kind of….dense sometimes… especially when he's distracted. But no pink walls, so it's all okay

SouriMaxwellYuy068-- yeah…the stupid bubblegum pink princess always has to have her appearances… yes… there ARE more. don't kill me yet? One thing though…. Heero needs to keep being sane? I think he's still working on the becoming sane part lol. PLUSHIES! I love you forever!

GladAngel24-- Ya don't want Relena with Q-ball? …. -- I'm glad you like the nullifying part. I added that during editing! and thanks.

Celestial-Dragon-- Yeah… I tend to be a depressing writer…but someone has to do it! And since I can do it, I do it. Relena..is…Relena… sigh lost cause. Yeah. I love my Canadian gal.

El Terrible Fizzy-- Relena…fall of cliff… hmm…. ponders ya might be on to something. Maybe.


	18. Chapter 17: Several Days Later

I WAS going to update Sunday…. I had the file up and everything to edit. Then… then… I don't know what happened, but something happened, so I'm updating today. It was the FIRST thing I did after I rebooted my computer and cursed and yelled at it for doing stupid, bad things. Pray I get a job soon so that I can afford to buy a laptop, kay? Kay. Less computer problems means less worries means less time spent on computer problems and worrying means more writing time!

Disclaimer: back there somewhere

Dedication: I love sushi oO & Zero Saotome for worrying about me when I was sick (if I missed someone, I apologize!)

* * *

Chapter 17: Several Days Later

:Entry #956: Right now Relena and Quatre are out grocery shopping… Quatre suggested she come, he's a strange sort of guy though… Trowa was moody and he went somewhere, Wufei located a martial arts place and is practicing there. He decided that would be a good idea after He pointed a gun at him for breaking a picture of mine… I'm so unworthy of their friendship… even their pity is too much for them to give me. I deserve nothing, probably not even death because that would be what I want. I can't have what I want. My soul is too black to deserve anyone, anything. All of the death. It's my fault. Mine. I could have stopped it. I know I could have. Why won't they just leave me alone to rot? I should. I deserve it. (end entry)

Heero watched his cheap white coffee cup turn through the air quietly, sending streams of black coffee into the air. The whole mess seemed to hover in the air a moment before the mug finally fell and shattered; the coffee mixing with the white scatters of ceramic.

Heero said nothing and bent down to pick up the biggest pieces of the cup. He threw the pieces away and grabbed several paper towels and wiped up the rest of the mess, a quiet, almost amused smile hidden by his ducked head played his lips. Duo had knocked into the table after tripping on a bottle he had dropped earlier. As Heero tossed the last paper towel into the trash can, he heard a muffled sob.

Heero spun towards Duo instantly. Heero's shoulders lost some of their rigidness and took on a foreign look of worry. Tears slipped through the thin, long hands trying hard to cover a flushed face and violet eyes, as well as muffle sobs and wipe away tears.

"Duo. It's alright." Heero told the American matter-of-factly before wincing at his words

"It's my fault. I broke it. It's my fault… my fault…." Duo repeated softly to himself.

Uncertainly, Heero knelt down to Duo's level on the floor and carefully pulled Duo's hands away from his face. Duo tried to shove Heero away, but the thin American was weak from throwing up and falling into a pattern of inactivity, while Heero followed a strict, healthy diet and worked out every other day. Heero didn't budge the tiniest fraction of an inch. (AN: or centimeter for all you non-American type people.. actually…about 2.54 cm I believe… but anyways…) Heero pressed a few paper towels into Duo's palm. Quickly, tears disappeared, wiped away by harsh, painful movements.

"It's not your fault." Heero half-whispered. "Besides, I hated that mug anyway."

"But the mess… I broke it… I made the mess… It's my fault…" Duo trembled slightly, tears once again welling up.

"It's fine. How about this, you can get me a new mug like the one you got for Christmas a few years ago." Heero attempted. Truth be told, Heero had loved the mug Duo had given him.

Duo gave a half nod. "I need a computer to get it…"

Heero nodded. "You can use my laptop. Just tell me when."

Duo stared at Heero for a minute before nodding slightly. Heero was surprised by his statement as well; in all the time he had used his laptop, no one had so much as touched it, yet now he was offering to let Duo use it. _Maybe that shrink is right…_ Heero thought briefly as he started up his laptop at Duo's hesitant request.

Duo's fingers hit the keys almost unsurely with barely a quarter of the speed they had once possessed. Heero nearly winced at the lack of certainty Duo had with the laptop when he had once been able to hack into any computer in under half an hour. Heero made note to take Duo with him the next time he went to see Dr. Edron. He still couldn't quite call her by her nickname.

Twenty-seven minutes later, Duo slowly pushed the laptop away from him and announced he had finished ordering the custom mug. He slowly pushed himself away from the table and disappeared into his temporary bedroom and fell asleep on Heero's bed.

* * *

Reply to Reviews

Special Thanks To-- WeissAngel24, alonelyshadow, Amy Hirosaki

GladAngel24-- Relena and Quatre…. Well, you'll just have to wait and see, I suppose. Wufei does, however, play more parts later on. I actually love Fei-Fei.

Avel-- well, there's still a lot more of the story and some things I intentionally don't mention. A lot of things may not be known until pretty late in the story. As for your questions… just wait and see!

ChibiNekoShinigami-- Yup, Trowa go addicted to music. Pretty weird, huh? Heero IS good at cooking. He just started off not so good… so he had to perfect it. rolls her eyes at him silly boy. Secret: I'm a 1x2x1 fan lol

El Terrible Fizzy-- btw…I love you name. It makes me laugh n' stuff. I thought relena+cliffs WAS a bright note.. coughs anyway… poor Duo… sigh

Nikkler-- I do feel better today. And no one apart from Duo and Amary (aka the doctor) know that Heero sees a therapist. Scary, ne?

Cody-- Thank you very much! I appreciate you saying all that very much because well, it's what I try to do! hugz back

SouriMaxwellYuy068-- I actually don't care for sushi much. I'm more of a sweets person. And no, short showers mean no throwing up. Long showers do. Mental hospital….interesting hmmm… woo! More plushies! huggles them all eyes the gagged n' bound Heero and Duo aww…poor boys… at least bind them -together-!

I love sushi oO-- I feel much better now, thanks! I'm just glad you reviewed. It's always nice to know people really are reading this!

Foxy-comic-death-- I have -no- idea which racing game. I've never actually played a racing game O.o

Zero Saotome-- I love my boys! okay..onto the questions… 1) Relena is there..because… because… I was in a sick, twisted mood and wanted to potentially torture my readers? Or MAYBE…I have some slight and actual reason for that… hm.. considers that possibility ..probably the torture… 2) Relena is sick. In many ways. she believes everyone loves her, including Quatre, who is rich and blond like her. 3) I AM better now. Well, except our AC is broken so i'm suffering from the heat, but I'm all right over all. 4) uhmm…. blink blink that is a DAMNED good question. Huh… ponders it eventually?

Okay… I think I'm going to post this and go type up another chapter or two of this…. woo!


	19. Chapter 18: The Next Day

I updated during the weekend! I'm getting better at updating! Anyway, I don't really have too much to say for now, other than that I have done a little more work on future chapters.

Dedication: To all my faithful reviewers who bear with me again and again, and in turn bear me up and encourage me to continue writing this. You are some amazing people and I love getting to know you guys a little better through your reviews. Thank you.

Disclaimer: it's somewhere… trust me

Important notice: This author here needs some help. In a beta sort of way. Any willing **beta readers**? I'm pretty darn flexible! The more mark-ups the better!

: This author here needs some help. In a beta sort of way. Any willing ? I'm pretty darn flexible! The more mark-ups the better!

* * *

Chapter 18: The Next Day

:Entry #959: He let me use his computer yesterday to order him a new mug. Later that day, Wufei accidentally knocked into the laptop a little and He pointed a gun at his face. Why? Anyway, I can't do anything with a computer anymore… If I hadn't remembered what my account for that site was, it would have taken forever to get that mug because it was a custom design. But… did he really like that mug? That can't be it. He's probably punishing me for breaking his mug. I also found out buying the mug pretty much took the last of my savings. I had a job for awhile, but then I just sort of stopped coming, but I was able to hack myself some money so I was able to keep my apartment, but… I don't even know how to hack into a computer anymore… Gad, I'm such an idiot. He wants me to go with him again, to see her… He says it's time to go…

Heero turned away as he caught a glimpse of Duo hiding his precious journal underneath his bed and donned his jean jacket, although there was a small tear on the right arm and the edges were starting to fray a bit. Heero informed the others that he and Duo were going to the grocery store and not to expect them back until dinner and strode down to his tiny car to warm it up.

Heero waited for Duo while the heater slowly began to spurt out gusts of warm air. He was glad Duo agreed to come with him again to see Amary. He always felt a little more relaxed when the braided American was around. With Heero's thoughts of the shorter man came a vivid image from the day before. Heero had walked into his room to get a book and had seen Duo's gaunt form curled knees to chest on the bed against the wall. The Japanese man had wrapped the American in a blanket, remembering a younger Duo sleeping on a cot sprawled out haphazardly, bare-chested, lean-muscled, and strong. Heero warmed slightly at the image, enthralled with the beauty that had once embraced Duo; now however, Heero had to search for some of that beauty because it had been lost within the shadow of doubt and sorrow that enthralled Duo.

Heero jumped and stared at Duo in surprise as the other jarred him out of his thoughts by opening the car door. _I'm really starting to slip… I should begin training again…_ Heero thought as he quickly schooled his surprise and nodded at Duo stoic-faced.

They drove in silence under a dreary grey-skied day. Heero parked in front of the neat brick building and slid out of his car, waiting to lock it until Duo had clambered his way out of his own seat. Heero sighed in silent relief; while he was glad Duo had dropped his mask for him while they were in the car, he hated to feel the full brunt of Duo's pain. Now, each step Duo took towards the glass doors contained more and more bounce and a grinning mask quickly fell into place, and a cheerful whistling nearly made Heero cringe as he led Duo up to Amary's office with him.

"Hello, Heero." Amary nodded at the Japanese man quickly and then smiled at the American. "It's wonderful to see you again, Duo."

Heero saw a whisper of surprise flicker across Duo's grin at Amary's greeting, but Duo made his grin wider as he sprawled across the couch. "You too, doc!"

"So, Duo, were you able to get Heero to relax at all?"

"Yeeup. Well, sort of, maybe, a little bit." Duo half-laughed.

Amary's eyebrows shot up slightly. "I'm quite impressed, Duo. I've been trying to do just that for over a year and a half. You might just put me out of business."

Heero caught another surprised flicker in Duo's eyes before he answered. "A pretty lady like you? Nah."

Amary laughed, Heero never made anybody laugh. "Why thank you, Duo. Has Heero been that terrible for you?"

Duo grinned his lazy knavish grin and winked conspiratorially. "No worse than he usually is, I'd say."

Eventually, Amary brought the topic around to employment. "So, Heero, I believe you told me you had found some employment recently?"

Heero nodded once.

Amary rolled her eyes at Duo and pointed at Heero. "Is it just me, or does he always answer people with one-syllable answers or nods?"

"Well, every now and then if I bother him nonstop for hours I can get him to say an entire sentence, like 'leave me alone'." Duo answered.

Heero cast a weak glare at the other man. "I have begun programming various components for the database of the Preventers."

Amary nodded after giving Heero an odd look. "And then some, I'd bet. So just the computer programming?"

Heero nodded. He had never told anyone about writing.

"Amary, you are a GENIUS! You just made him say eleven words in under a minute!"

Amary laughed again. "So, Duo, what type of employment field are you in?"

Something flashed in Duo's eyes for a moment to brief for Amary to notice, but Heero winced slightly at it. "I'm not…"

"Oh, I'm sorry." Amary quickly apologized. "I remember when Heero was unemployed. He wasn't nearly as calm and relaxed as you are. Actually, he was rather obsessed with finding work. I hope you rub off on him a bit."

Heero glared at Amary, while Duo looking wonderingly at the carpet. She changed the subject and led the conversation for awhile longer.

"Anyway, it looks like our time is up, Heero. I see my next patient pacing out there."

Heero nodded and stood up. "Thank you, Dr. .Edron"

Duo jumped up and grinned at Amary. "Catch ya later, babe!"

Duo followed Heero out, whistling cheerfully as he went, his braid swinging in time to his footsteps. Once to the car, however, Duo slid wearily into the seat and stared bleakly out the side window frosted lightly by a faint snow. By the time Heero had the car started, the silence was oppressing.

"We'd better go to the grocery store so the they don't wonder what we were doing." Heero said quietly to break the silence.

Duo stared forlornly out the window. "I need a job."

Heero heard the hidden tears. "It's fine."

"No, it's not. I can't even hack a computer anymore!" Duo burst out, his voice trembling, and whispering to himself. "Damn… I'm such a failure…"

"Then learn again. And you're not a failure—I'm closer to that. I can't make people smile or laugh, yet you made Amary do both today and she says she never laughs and rarely smiles when she's at the office… you've made me smile and laugh too…" Heero added on quietly.

Heero felt Duo's gaze on him as he stared at the road before him. "Did…I really?"

Heero prayed it wasn't wishful thinking that he heard hope in Duo's voice, but if it was hope, he wanted more of it from Duo. "Yes. And if you want to relearn how to hack, you can use my laptop, I can't hack into it, and it's untraceable as well."

The ex-wing pilot could feel Duo's stare burning into him as he asked incredulously. "Are you serious? You won't kill me? No, I can't…"

"Yes, you can, and later, if you want, we can see about finding you some sort of job."

Duo nodded softly. "Could I maybe look today, a little?" Duo added on quickly. "I don't need anything fancy. Working at Starbucks even. Just… something."

Heero smiled a bit, glad he could grant Duo's request, and he had the perfect place in mind. "Of course. We'll go before we get the groceries."

Duo nodded. "Thank you."

* * *

Replies to Reviews

Special Thanks To-- FireanIce, Kanemoshi, Amy Hirosaki, foxy-comic-death,

GladAngel24-- Finding Heero's story? Oooo… I wonder what Heero would do…. eyes glint and as far as Trowa is concerned, I don't think he'll kill himself anytime soon.

ChibiNekoShinigami-- Duo gets love… he just is a bit…DENSE about it! lol. He already has Heero love even. Poor guy.

I love sushi oO-- I have good grammar! YES! (that IS, in fact, something I strive to have). There's a plushie of me:O glomps I feel so loved! (Yes, yes I am female. I got the anatomy AND the mind to prove it! woo!) beta… I should get me one of those sometime….

Alonelyshadow-- those are two good questions you had there. Duo is taking so long to get better because depression sucks… since I don't know anyone who was seriously depressed and suddenly got better, I'm taking a slow approach to it to attempt to make Duo's depression realistic. As for Heero, well, psychologically and physically change is extremely hard. That's why habits are so hard to break.

Princess2000204-- I don't really know anymore because I try to type up a few chapters every now and then.

SouriMaxwellYuy068-- GW boy chocolates… I'd sit there and stare at them and cry if I tried to eat one! Lol. Chocolate…….. yumm…. Poor tortured Duo n' Heero. You have my Fei-kun too! Poor thing! takes Fei-Fei's sword so he can't cause too much damage

Noroi-Inu-- swankified! What does Tsukikage mean? I'm glad you like this and yeah!

Nikkler-- or is it… Duo is avoiding them?

IchigoPocky-- You know, I realized that I have only received two truly negative reviews for this story. Out of 230 some reviews, I would say that is an excellent track record. The funny thing is, those two reviews were both from you. I believe you did lose track of yourself in your review. I am sorry I haven't lived up to your own hopes, but the chapter length isn't about to change. Sometimes, a story wants to be written a certain way. People certainly didn't complain about Ray Bradbury's _Dandelion Wine,_ when some of his chapters were less than a page long. I haven't done that one yet. I also realized you must not read the notes I put up at the top of chapters. They often contain useful information such as the fact that most of the story is prewritten. Frankly, I'm not going to rewrite a story for one person unless it is myself. I also checked your account and noticed you have not written anything there. Are you not a writer yourself? As it is, at least I run my chapters are edited. If you wish to continue this discussion, you may e-mail me, but as is, you won't be receiving one from me. You know, if you really don't like what I'm doing, no one is making you read it.


	20. Chapter 19: A Bit Later

You know what? I love flames. They're amusing even. In fact, I got one last chapter. In it, the girl even says she's going to be a bitch. Now, let me ask you this… How many of you are going to listen to a bitch? Not me. That just pisses me off. Nobody likes a bitch, so don't act like one.

I made a slight change in chapter 18 about the boys seeing Dr. Edron. Basically, the appointment was longer than the segment I wrote about.

Also, about the beta… I got a ton of offers, which I was just floored by, and I want to thank all of you very much for your offers. However, my new beta will be Elle, who is a wonderful friend of mine who has not only amazing grammar, but some incredible experience so she can tell me when I'm getting too out there.

Dedication: To Elle; dear friend, new beta, supporter, and amazing person

DISCLAIMER: It's back there somewhere

* * *

Chapter 19: A Bit Later

:Entry #960: Right now, He's getting a couple bottles of wine to go with dinner. I decided I'd wait here in the car. With the heater turned on full blast. He trusted me enough to leave me alone… I'm kind of glad… I mean… I could run off or try to kill myself or try to drive his precious car or something… once He's back… he said we could look for some job applications for me. I'm not sure I really want one, but I'd rather have something to do than… nothing… Then we're going to get groceries. He's coming back. Damn… gotta admit he's still gorgeous… bye (end journal entry)

Heero carefully set several bottles of wine in his trunk, making sure they wouldn't roll around or knock into something and break. Then he climbed back into his car, giving Duo time to stash the journal Heero knew he had been writing in. Heero quietly drove out of the liquor store parking lot and headed towards a small, old church and parked.

"What are we doing here?" Duo asked Heero suspiciously.

"You'll see." Heero led Duo into the church.

While old, it was clean and the furnishings were not too worn. As the two men walked in, they were washed in warmth and light. Immediately, a young woman appeared before them. "Can I help you, young sirs?"

Heero nodded. "You have an orphanage here?"

The young woman hesitated. "Yes…"

Heero felt Duo's stare. "I'm Heero Yuy, and this is my friend, Duo Maxwell. Are you hiring anyone to help here?"

The young woman's face burst into a smile. "Why yes, yes we are. I am Kim Anderson. I'm actually one of the managers here at the orphanage."

"I… I'd like to apply then…" Duo whispered quietly.

"Wonderful! If your application checks out, we will also have to observe you interacting with children." Kim smiled. "If you'll come with me, I'll get an application for you."

Duo gave Kim a small smile and followed her. Heero waited for him patiently, knowing Duo had liked the idea of the orphanage. Duo came back, a slight smile on his lips, a pale blue application in his hands. "So… where else are we gonna try?"

Heero thought for a moment, quickly making a list in his head. "Let's try Cherry Blossom Square."

Duo nodded as Heero made his way towards the popular square. Heero parked and led Duo into the first shop; a music shop containing every genre imaginable. Duo's eyes lit up as he looked over the CDs, picking up one or two CDs longingly. Heero noticed one Duo picked up again, staring at it a long time before setting it down. Duo walked over to the only employee in the store and picked up his application without any prodding from Heero.

Duo was sent into the backroom to see the manager. During this time, Heero bought the CD he had seen Duo staring at and stashed it inside his coat. Duo came back, fingering the orange application. "Where to next? And what should I do with this…?"

Heero took the application out of Duo's nervous hands. "There's a café up ahead a bit… and a few more stores around here I'd like to try."

"What café?"

"The Black Angel. It's a classic coffee shop with poetry readings and musicians, I believe." Heero informed Duo.

Half way to the café, Duo was shivering from the cold air—he hadn't brought his jacket. Heero sighed a little and carefully slipped the CD into a pocket of his loose jeans and slipped the jacket over Duo's shoulders. Duo stared at Heero in surprise before smiling a bit and thanking him as his shivering eased up.

Two hours later, Duo was carefully filling out his applications at the kitchen table. Heero had ordered Duo to use him as one of his non-job related references on every application. Heero cooked a few feet away from Duo, but he stopped for a moment and poured two glasses of wine. One he handed to Duo, the other he sipped at himself.

Duo grinned and took a tiny sip of the wine. "Good stuff."

Heero nodded his agreement when the phone rang; he picked the phone up. "Yuy residence."

Heero hung up the phone moments later. "Trowa and Quatre won't be joining us for dinner."

"Why not?" Duo whined.

Heero answered. "They have other plans."

Relena burst into the kitchen. "Quatre won't be here for dinner!"

Heero growled softly. "No. Get out of my kitchen."

Relena glared. "Fine! I'm leaving this horrible place!"

"We can only pray." Duo said solemnly.

Heero gave a short bark of laughter once Relena left the kitchen, causing Duo to stare at him in surprise. "Agreed."

Duo heard a car honk below and raced towards the window and looked at the pink limousine below. "She really is leaving!" Duo burst out excitedly.

Relena dashed out of Heero's apartment without so much as a thank you or good bye. Just like she'd arrived, which Heero still didn't quite fathom. Duo watched the pink limousine speed off before sitting down to finish his applications. Heero waited for Duo to finish before he finished dinner and called Wufei in. Together, the three ate companionably. Wufei occasionally yelling at Duo to stop his incessant chatter. _Just like old times._ Heero thought, watching them.

* * *

Replies to Reviews 

Special Thanks To-- I love sushi oO, Princess2000204, ChibiNekoShinigami, alonelyshadow, Taikai no za Kokoro, Nikkler, El Terrible Fizzy, Elliot's Girl, foxy-comic-death, Amy Hirosaki, FireanIce

Even Specialer Thanks to Beta offers: I love sushi oO, Princess2000204, Shinigami's Sister, Taikai no za Kokoro, El Terrible Fizzy,

Shinigami's Sister-- Duo? A job with kids? You might just be on to something…  
cranberries-- Hmm… I'll have to take a look at the prologue again sometime soon. I'm glad it's been getting better though.

GladAngel24-- I'm glad you like the journal entries. Sometimes I'm not as sure about those. Hmm… I actually never really thought about having him do the book store job… It would be interesting though.

SouriMaxwellYuy068-- Duo? See one of Heero's books? Now wouldn't that be interesting…. Puppy eyes are scary. I can't resist 'em.

Kanemoshi-- I actually just realized what I'd forgotten to put in about that appointment. That a lot more happened that wasn't actually mentioned in the story. I figured that writing down every tiny bit of the appointment would not only be long and boring, but unhelpful. Sorry about that. goes back to tweak it a bit

To Elle-- I just want to thank you again for that amazing review. I read Amaya's review and really wasn't sure what to think at first--was she right? Wrong? I didn't think she was right, but I've been known to be mistaken. Thank you so much for standing with me and setting her right even before I had seen it. You are truly an amazing friend, and I'm sooo glad to have you back as a beta again. I'll probably send you another e-mail after this, along with a couple of chapters. Thank you again for being such an amazing person.

--Onto the Flame aka Amaya--

First off, let me tell you something. If you're going to act like a bitch, no one is going to listen to you, give a damn what you say, or even want to hear what you say. You know another funny thing? I actually do know something about psychology. I too have received top marks in my various courses. I read a psychology textbook for fun. Oh, and as far as song fic's go, I have found at least five that are absolutely beautiful and amazing. I'm not going to waste as much breath on you as you did on me bitching me out because, frankly, you aren't worth it. I would however, like to draw your attention to the review from the review titled " rather stay anonymous here". She says many things I would like to say exactly how I would like to say them, and proves a few points I might not have.


	21. Chapter 20: A Week Later

Uhmm... I'm not actually dead... School happened, and all sorts of stuff happened. I plan on doing quite a bit of work on this story now. As for the issues about flames/not flames/what the hell ever... Here's my final thing on it. You can yell all you want, I'm still writin' the story how it feels right to me. Don't like that, don't read it. Whatever. Since it's been so long... I won't be replying to reviews this time, but thank you soooo much. Those of you who supported me (the vast majority), I thank you so, so much. It meant so much to me. Thank you.

* * *

Chapter 20: A Week Later

_:Entry #986: I'm starting my new job tomorrow at the orphanage. We're celebrating tonight, everyone except me is making two things for dinner that I like. He is making the pizza and the strawberry shortcake. My two favourites on the list. Trowa is making a spinach salad and homemade sourdough bread, and Quatre is making fruit Jell-O and mac n' cheese from the box. Wufei is making twice-baked potatoes and corn chowder. I can't believe they're doing this, but they're all in His tiny kitchen. Trowa keeps helping Quatre because Quatre can barely cook because his servants always cooked for him. They won't let me cook though, they say they want to spoil me tonight. It's strange. I almost believe them… but… (end journal entry)_

Heero walked outside carrying a bowl filled with pizza dough, a pizza pan and a large cutting board and set it down on the table in front of Duo. Quietly, Heero started kneading the pizza dough until he had a stretchy pale mass. Heero kneaded the dough a bit more and winked at Duo. Duo stared at Heero, but his jaw dropped slightly when Heero started tossing the pizza dough into a disk like he had seen chefs in pizzerias do.

"That's so cool!" Duo exclaimed, grinning. "I wish I could do that."

"Hn." Heero frowned for a moment. "It's not hard." Heero frowned again, thinking. "Stand up…"

Duo stood. "Uhm, why?"

"You're going to throw the pizza dough."

"I—what!" Duo stared at Heero.

"Just toss it up so it spins a bit and catch it." Heero informed Duo, kneading the dough again so Duo could try.

Duo gave Heero a small smile—a real smile—as Heero handed him a fat disk of dough. He spun it and caught it. Duo smiled more, and tried again. Slowly, Duo watched the disk form. "This is so cool!"

"Alright, that looks good. Just need to put it in the pan now." Heero nodded approvingly.

Duo's smile widened and he carefully set the dough in the pan; Heero made a few more changes to it once Duo was done. Duo pouted up at Heero. "Can I please help?"

Heero hesitated. "Why not… Let me get the rest of the stuff…"

Heero sprinted into the kitchen and returned moments later with tomato sauce, a block of mozzarella cheese and a cheese grater, an onion, pepperoni, mushrooms, peppers, and two knives. "Okay, let's start by chopping everything up."

"Can I do the cheese!" Duo picked up the cheese.

Heero nodded and began cutting the onion into long slivers as Duo made a formidable pile of shredded cheese on the cutting board. Once Duo was done, he hesitantly picked up one of the knives and began cutting the pepperoni into thin slices. Heero watched Duo carefully as he himself deftly cut up the mushrooms and started on the peppers. Heero smiled as Duo put the knife away; the American hadn't so much as nicked himself.

Next, Heero spread out a thin layer of tomato sauce over the dough. Immediately after Heero finished, Duo spread a very thick layer of cheese over the sauce and broke up the whiteness with slices of pepperoni he tossed onto the pizza at random. Soon, the pizza was a masterpiece waiting to be cooked; however, it would cook quickly so it wouldn't go into the oven for another hour.

"That looks really good." Duo eyed the pizza.

"Mmm." Heero murmured, staring at the creation for a long time before he began cleaning up the mess. "I still have to make the strawberry shortcake though."

"I'll clean it up. That way you can start on the strawberries." Duo told Heero thoughtfully, smacking away his hands.

Heero shook his head. "Don't worry about it." He had already begun cleaning the mess; finishing with wiping the area down. Then he brought out the ingredients for the strawberry shortcake. Quietly, the two created the strawberry shortcake and set the shortcake into the oven.

Once dinner began, Heero started a toast to Duo about his new job. Duo blushed, but everyone else smiled. Then the pizza was passed around—Heero had made it big enough that each of the boys were able to have three slices. Duo, however, made a klutz of himself and dropped two of his slices on the floor and declared them inedible. Heero sighed silently, but was glad that Duo wasn't stuffing himself until he was sick again. Heero also noticed that while Duo tried everything, he took extremely small portions, claiming he had stuffed himself with junk food before dinner.

"I hope you enjoy your new job, Duo." Quatre said, smiling. "I bet you'll be great at it. You've always been great with children."

Trowa nodded his agreement to Quatre's words, smiling slightly at the slight Arabian.

"Thanks! I'm just glad I'll be able to help those kids a bit!" Duo hadn't told anyone except Heero about the orphanage he had grown up in.

"Don't scare them too much." Wufei told Duo, his own way of wishing Duo luck.

"I'd only scare them if I brought you there." Duo yawned and dodged Wufei's sharp kick.

"Hey!" Quatre gasped in surprise when Wufei's foot met his shin.

"Blame it on the braided baka!" Wufei glared.

As Quatre, Wufei, and Trowa focused their playful glare on Duo, Duo ran and locked himself in Heero's room, claiming with a shout that "I'm not going to let them kill me!"

The three shook their heads and started to clean up the kitchen. Heero carefully hid Duo's food filled napkin amongst the other napkins and slipped the mass into the trash can. Once the kitchen was cleaned to Heero's spotless standards, the Japanese man knocked on his door.

"If it's Quatre, Wufei, or Trowa, go away. I don't wanna die!" Duo exclaimed warily.

"And if it's Heero?"

Heero heard faint movements in his room and then the lock turning. Heero opened the door to reveal a shirtless Duo. Heero forced his gaze away from the thin boy who nonetheless was beautiful. "So you still want to learn how to hack computers again?"

Duo nodded slightly and sat on the edge of Heero's bed. The other man quietly started up his laptop and brought it over to the bed and by Duo, cross-legged. Eventually, Duo remembered about the food in the napkin, but Heero's reassurance steadied him and they continued going over various steps and procedures dealing with hacking. Heero left for a shower once Duo, aided greatly by Heero, was able to put a few hundred dollars into his bank account.

Heero had said Duo could check his e-mail and what not while he was in the shower. Duo found a particularly funny e-mail he thought Heero might like, but he didn't know Heero's e-mail. Instead, he decided he'd set up a word document with message on it. However, once Duo started up the program, another document popped up. He was about to close out of it, not wanting to be invasive and pry into Heero's private things, but the title caught his attention_. The Forgotten_, by Dune Y. Macoy. Duo stared and started reading—he didn't know Macoy's new book was out or that any of the books were even available online.

By the time Heero had come back from his shower, Duo had closed out of the story and had fallen asleep, leaving the original message.


	22. Chapter 21: First Day at the

Woo! An update that's not...months and months after the previous one! Yay! I also have a much better schedule this semester that includes a 2 hour break three times a week, which means that I'll be able to dedicate at least an hour a week to writing this story (I DO have many things to do during those breaks though). That means...much more writing time though! Anyway, please R&R and enjoy.

Dedication: to my beloved readers

* * *

Chapter 21: First Day at the Orphanage

_:Entry #987: Well, today I start working at the orphanage, or at least, they're going to watch me work with the kids. Nobody except Him and I are awake yet. A package came, and He signed for it and brought it inside to the kitchen. I'm sitting on the counter watching. It's the mug. After washing it, he's actually using it… and he threw the white one in the trashcan. I can't believe it. He tried to make me eat earlier, but He gave up after fifteen minutes. I shouldn't eat. None of them could eat… I couldn't even eat… He says it's time to go. Since He's my roommate, more or less, they want to get to know him a bit too, so he has to come in for the day. He has his laptop… I wonder if I could use his laptop again to finish that story… It was just getting good when I had to get off… time to go. Bye._

Heero handed Duo his coat on the way out of the apartment, going as far as to hold the door open for the American. Neither spoke on the drive to the St. Elizabeth church. Duo sat tense with excitement and nervousness, but Heero didn't know how to help his friend; he was having trouble enough keeping his attention focused on the road before him.

Once at the orphanage, Heero was led to a room and interviewed along with Duo. After the 20-minute interview, Heero was led to a table where he could stay and be observed for the day. Heero didn't mind; it was for Duo, and the nuns had Okayed Heero's laptop. However, Heero found his eyes straying from his word-filled screen and his fingers slowing their rapid pace far too often.

Heero couldn't help but watch Duo as he performed simple tasks around the orphanage before the children awoke; help set the 4 long rows of tables, which could each seat 20 children; sweep the hardwood, though it was spotless; or even simply talk to the other employees, if only to ask a quick, hesitant question. Heero tried to glimpse every quick, nervous grin Duo flashed as he awaited 8 AM to arrive.

And finally it did. First, it was only the eldest children of 13 to 17 who drifted in, set in the patterns of the orphanage for as long as they could remember, but there was only a small handful of these. The next group of children to rise was slightly younger than the first group, but all of the children under the age of 7 slept on. The last group slumbered on until the eldest group rolled their eyes at each other and shared long sighs before retreating to the bedrooms to rouse them.

By the time the children were seated, Duo was patiently dishing out oatmeal to a table of children, playing the clown and making them forget that they had had porridge the day before. Duo was also kind enough to give Heero a bowl of the mushy, slightly lumpy oatmeal, which earned him a half-hearted glare under Duo's beaming grin. Duo did, however, wink at Heero and poured out a tiny vial of molasses onto the oatmeal.

"They're making us eat too." Duo nodded towards the oatmeal he was carrying. "So I'll sit with you for a few minutes until I finish."

Heero smiled a hint of a soft smile nobody could see. "Better eat up then."

Duo nodded and ate half of his oatmeal before he started picking at it and swirling the mass around. Heero hadn't eaten any breakfast himself, so he switched his empty bowl with Duo's and finished Duo's breakfast for him, earning him a quick relieved glance of thanks.

The nuns, rather than have Duo help wash the many dishes, sent him to entertain the youngest children. Duo happily and immediately complied by finding 2 or 3 children's books which he proceeded to act out for the children, who erupted into gales of laughter. The children also learned that Duo's braid was strictly off-limits. He never yelled, or said a harsh word to them, yet they never touched his sacred braid again. Heero shook his head and began typing once more, only to find, moments later, a 2-year-old tugging on his pants.

"Well now, what do you want?" Heero said in as soft and kind a voice he could muster.

"Up." The child demanded.

"Okay." Heero set the child on his lap. "Better?"

"Yes. Who you?"

"Heero, and who are you?" Heero fought back every reflex he had from his training as unwanted thoughts of how a child would be a distraction is something happened invaded his mind.

"Takeshi."

Heero smiled at the Japanese name and began typing again until a nun retrieved Takeshi and settled him amongst the children Duo was capturing the attention of. Heero forced his attention back to his laptop where he was able to firmly keep it until he found Duo staring down at him, hands on his hips. Heero almost cringed from Duo's scheming look. Then Heero was being pulled out of his seat and led in front of the children.

"We're going to act out The Three Little Pigs for them!" Duo informed Heero. "You're going to be the wolf and I'll act as the 3 pigs."

Heero groaned inwardly, yet played along as best he could for Duo. Heero even managed to not storm off when the children laughed at him because of his horrible acting. After the short skit, Duo thanked Heero a thousand times; however, a sad, darting, nervous look had appeared in his eyes.

"Remind me to never become an actor." Heero informed Duo dryly.

Duo nodded solemnly. "Never become an actor."

Heero managed to type until the children's lunch break during which Duo brought him more food. It was a simple, chicken noodle soup, but Duo still only ate half of his food and a piece of bread. Heero mentally sighed, but obligingly ate Duo's soup at the American's pleading look.

"If we keep this up, I'm going to get fat." Heero informed Duo, as close to a joke as Heero ever came.

Duo sighed loudly and left to watch the younger children for a few more hours before he ended for the day. Heero watched and noted how much the children adored the energetic man who had gone as far as to capture his own heart years before. _I wish I could make him smile. Sure, there has been the rare occasional smile, but I wish he would more. He's so beautiful when he smiles… _Heero sighed.

The rest of the afternoon passed by uneventfully except for a few tears from one of the younger children. This was quickly resolved by Duo playing mediator and retrieving the doll in question and giving it to its rightful owner. Heero had almost smiled and his fingers had ceased typing for a moment as he had watched Duo mediate the argument between the children.

Just before Duo's first day ended, a nun came up to Heero, smiling kindly. "Well, Mr. Yuy, it's not official yet, but I am almost completely sure that Duo has the job. I haven't seen a young man handle young children like this for years and years."

"Thank you. I'll be sure to tell him." Heero nodded.

"Well, I'd better begin dinner." The nun smiled again, and made her leave.

Minutes later, Duo bounded over to Heero. "Hi!"

"Ready to go?" Heero stood up.

"Yup!"

Heero nodded and picked up the briefcase holding his laptop. "Shall we, then?"

Once in the car, Duo's stomach rumbled loudly. Duo blushed scarlet. "Erg. I'm sorry…"

"Hn…" Heero cocked his head to one side thoughtfully before heading away from the orphanage and towards a small Italian café.

"Where are we going…?" Duo frowned.

"Out."

"Out where? Why?" Duo whirled towards Heero.

"To an Italian café near here, because the nuns want to hire you. They just have to have it Okayed with the higher ups." Heero informed Duo calmly.

"I am!" Duo grinned.


	23. Chapter 22: Hours Later

Meh.. put a disclaimer majigger here...

yeah, i'm still busy with school, and now a boyfriend O.o, and my best friend is in love with me, and his best friend is too, and i'm in a band now, and i'm helping my friend out with her upcoming wedding, and she's going to have a baby soon. oh dear gad, i'm going to have a heart attack from everything! eee!

okay, so i'm looking for a new beta...again... my beta disappeared; i'm worried about her, but if she doesn't answer my e-mails there's just not a lot i can do, ne? sigh so yeah, any volunteers?

dedication: Jennifer newest mailing list chica

* * *

Chapter 22: Hours Later

_:Entry #987: He said they're probably going to hire me. They must be desperate if they have to resort to hiring people like me. I like the kids; they don't judge you like everyone else does. I'm glad He came. I was amazed that he let that kid sit on his lap. I never would have thought… Now we're going to dinner, but I'm not hungry… Damn. All of them died because of me…. Sister Helen… Father Maxwell… All of the children… It was my fault… (end journal entry)_

Heero frowned as he heard Duo's quiet sobs. Heero drove a little faster until he reached the parking lot of the restaurant and parked. He turned to Duo and placed an unsure hand on the other's shoulder.

Somehow, Duo ended up half on Heero's lap, sobbing into his shoulder. But Heero's arms had encircled Duo's waist tightly. Heero wasn't letting go until Duo was good and done sobbing, no matter what the American tried. Which was nothing.

Duo's sobs only lasted a short twenty minutes, but Heero had begun stroking Duo's back lightly halfway through and didn't stop for another ten minutes. When at last Duo pulled back a bit, Heero gently let him go, blushing lightly.

Heero turned away. "Shall we go inside?"

Duo sniffled. "No."

Heero pulled a tissue from his glove compartment and handed it to Duo, who promptly blew his nose. Next, he wiped his eyes on his shirtsleeve. Heero watched, then asked again.

Duo sighed. "Only if they have tiramisu."

"They do."

Heero led Duo into the dimly lit café and led the American to a far booth. Soon, a waitress hurried over and asked them if they'd like something to drink. Heero ordered a simple water with a slice of lemon. Duo, on the other hand, ordered a Dr Pepper. When Duo got his drink, he took one tiny sip of it and was done.

Eventually, Heero made Duo eat a dinner salad, of which he ate two or three bites. He didn't touch the tiramisu. Heero brought the extra food home with them. Heero did the same with his own food, making up an excuse about an emergency coming up to appease the glaring waitress. Heero and Duo once again sat parked in the parking lot.

"So, what's going on?"

Duo shrugged. "Nothing."

"Then why won't you eat, and why were you crying earlier?" Heero sighed mentally, having a horrible feeling of helplessness.

"Just… nothing. Leave me alone!" Duo half shouted before moodily staring out the window.

The car ride home was silent; as soon as the two returned, Duo ran into his temporary bedroom and slammed the door. Heero sighed and sat down at the empty kitchen table; Wufei was reading on the couch and Trowa and Quatre were out again. Heero quickly ate the rest of his dinner and put the rest away before sitting by Wufei with a book.

"You have a signed copy of every Dune Y. Macoy book. How?" Wufei demanded, looking up from Macoy's second book.

Heero shrugged. "Author signing."

Wufei eyed Heero for a moment. "I'll assume you have reasons for not telling me."

"Hn."

Duo slipped out of Heero's room moments later. "Heero? Old buddy, old pal? Can I borrow your laptop to check my mail?"

The Japanese man shrugged. "Sure…"

Duo ran back into Heero's room to check his mail and investigate a bit more of the story he had found on Heero's computer. He felt sick at not telling Heero, but he had a feeling Heero wouldn't let him near the laptop again.

Having got along for an hour with Wufei, Heero got up and wandered into the room he was sharing with Duo to find the braided man sprawled across his bed, staring at the ceiling forlornly. Heero wished he could make Duo laugh or talk or smile, even just a tiny bit; but Duo didn't do any of that. He just let out a long, soft, sorrow-filled sigh.

Wufei yelled that he was going to go find some decent food, meaning Chinese. Heero didn't quite have the right things to make a proper Chinese meal; Japanese was a different matter entirely. Heero rolled his eyes and began reading again, keeping a watch on Duo, who had fallen asleep.

The, Duo sat up screaming. The ex-wing pilot dropped his book and leapt over to Duo who shoved Heero away and curled up in a tiny ball in the corner of the bed. Duo shivered in his corner for fifteen minutes, his eyes blood shot and red.

"Why don't you try going back to sleep?" Heero asked gently.

"Can't."

"Why not?" Heero sat next to Duo.

"Nightmares."

"How about I help you get to sleep?" Heero mentally frowned at himself, wondering why he was trying so hard to be gentle.

"How?"

"You're talking more than I am." Heero had no idea.

"So? And you have no idea, do you?" Duo looked up at Heero a bit.

"Hn."

"I hate when you do that."

"Hn."

"…." Duo glared at Heero, but said nothing.

"I think I might have an idea…"

* * *

loves, and thanks for reading (and reviewing? please?) 


	24. Chapter 23: Moments Have Barely Passed

Woo! I'm on-time! Almost early! I may have to consider trying 2-4 weeks. I must attempt this very much so... I shall try... School's still evil. Actually, more evil than ever. But I'm getting through it. I might get this nifty scholarship that would pay for all but two-three of my credit hours, so I'm really excited. As always, thanks for the reviews! You're amazing people, y'know that? Anyway, please R&R.

Still marketing for a beta for the story. I am picky; I love grammar... scary.

Dedication: Noroi-Inu... tiramisu! hehehehe

* * *

Chapter 23: Moments Have Barely Passed

_:Entry #987: I don't know what He is doing. He kicked me out of his room for the moment; He said he had to do something for his little surprise. It's making me nervous. Maybe I should just run for it. No one else is around… well, Wufei is on the couch but he's asleep and he hates me anyway so he wouldn't care if I let, right? He told me to wait in the kitchen. Why the kitchen? But, here I am in the kitchen, letting him rule me. It's his place, his right. I'm nothing. Well, at least I should be nothing, but instead, I'm the one Death watches jealously. If I love another, Death immediately takes that love from me and dashes it… like I tired to dash my life. But I was thwarted, of course. Death couldn't have me dead._

Heero walked quietly towards the kitchen where Duo sat, head on his folded arms on the table. Heero touched his shoulder lightly, and Duo shot up and stared at wide eyes, obviously not having heard Heero's feathery tread. Silently, Heero gestured for Duo to follow him back to his room. Duo followed with a sigh; he knew that whatever Heero was going to do wouldn't make any difference on whether or not he slept that night.

Heero motioned Duo over to his bed and pulled the covers aside so Duo could slip in. Then Heero carefully tucked Duo in with glares and complaints from the American. Heero ignored the complaints for the moment; he was actually enjoying himself. He watched Duo until the other found a comfortable position and stopped fidgeting in his spot against the wall.

Then Heero knelt by his desk in a dark corner and picked up a guitar and stood. "I was tuning it."

Duo just stared at Heero, amazed at what was about to happen. Heero sat on the edge of the bed and shifted the guitar into a more comfortable position and let his fingers slide with practiced ease across the strings to press down on the strings just before he began playing. A quiet strum which shifted immediately into a soft melody; however, it was unaccompanied by the voice Duo had heard at Quatre's mansion.

Duo sighed as he listened, causing Heero to stop playing abruptly. "You don't like it, do you."

"No, no! It's great… it's just that… well, you're not singing…" Duo told Heero hesitantly.

"You want me to sing." Heero stared at Duo.

"Yes…" Duo blushed.

Heero looked like he was about to say something, but instead, he began playing again, this time a different melody and sang in a quiet tenor in Japanese. Duo grinned at the sound; both soothing and amazing. Duo decided it wouldn't be so bad to be awake all night after all.

Then Duo awoke next to Heero, who, for once, was still asleep. Duo sighed sadly; realizing Heero playing the guitar for him was a dream. Heero groaned as he woke up. Duo stared at him; Heero opened his eyes and stared back.

"Morning."

"Morning…" Duo said with a sorrowful air.

"I told you I could get you to fall asleep."

Duo stared at Heero in shock. "And I thought it was a dream…"

"No."

"That's uhm, good."

"Hn."

"I still don't know what that means." Duo eyed Heero.

"Hn."

"Okay…" Duo turned to face the wall and stopped talking.

"Want breakfast?" Heero asked, wincing as Duo turned away.

"No."

"But Duo…"

"I said no."

Heero sighed, but got up to take his shower only to find out Wufei was in it. Grumpily, Heero went to the kitchen instead and made the one thing that got him through the mornings: coffee. Then Duo was in the shower before Heero could even stand up from the kitchen table. Heero poured himself another cup of coffee and stared into its depths with a dark scowl.

When Duo came out of the shower, he wore his button up shirt down to his wrists and he looked slightly pale. Heero eyed him warily for a moment. "Are you okay?"

Stiffly, Duo nodded. "Fine."

"Hungry?"

"I already said no…"

Heero said nothing, but made both of them eggs and toast. Duo just stared at the food while Heero slowly ate his own. "Duo, please eat something."

"I'm not hungry. Leave me alone!" With that, Duo ran into Heero's room and locked the door.

_What's wrong with him?_ Heero wondered sadly. _Just the night before, when I was playing the guitar, he seemed happy…_

* * *

R&R appreciated; it provides both encouragement and helpful critique stuff.


	25. Chapter 24: About Three Hours Later

So, gasp Iupdated really quickly for me! I kind of like this feeling of two week updatingness. I'm sure you guys do too. You awesome, awesome people you.

dedication: SouriMaxwellYuy068 just for being awesome.

please R it's much appreciated.

* * *

Chapter 24: About Three Hours Later

_:Entry #990: He knows something is up. I could almost hate him for that, but it's me I should hate for that. Me because I can't hide it well enough. All I bring is sadness when people even pretend to care. Those who don't just get angry when I try to cry out. But at least He doesn't know where I got It. I found It by accident really, but I still have It. It helps me take away the pain because that pain drives it all away. Then it feels good, like a cigarette after you haven't smoked for four days. He said He was going to quit, but His car and His clothes still smell stale and foul with smoke. It's on His breath too, even after He brushes His teeth. I don't really care though; I just smoke out on the balcony. Maybe I'll get lucky and get lung cancer. Then I'd really be in agony until I died. That would be perfect… Anyway, I got to go, He's unlocking the door. And to think it was me that taught Him that… (end entry)_

Heero pushed the door open carefully, thankful to Duo for having taught him a better alternative to unlocking doors than explosives. While he liked creating fires and such, he really didn't want one in his apartment. Heero found Duo curled up in a corner crying softly, as Heero had expected he would be. So Heero sat down next to his friend, his love, and waited for him to stop.

Before that moment came, however, Heero noticed how Duo's black silk shirt clung to his forearms oddly, as if they were wet. Roughly, Heero grabbed Duo's wrist and unbuttoned the fabric and pulled it back to his elbow to reveal a long series of jagged, swollen lines smeared together with thick veins of blood. Heero just stared, gripping Duo's hand tightly in his own. Finally, Duo tried to tug his hand out of Heero's, bringing the ex-wing pilot out of his stupor; however, the Japanese man did not let go of the American's hand.

"Why?" Heero breathed, so quietly he could barely hear himself.

"Why not?" Duo shrugged, or seem to, carelessly.

Heero didn't speak again, just stared at the long red lines struggling not to cry. Five minutes later, he stood up, pulling Duo with him. Heero made Duo sit on the bathroom counter while Heero washed Duo's forearms before pouring blistering disinfectant thoroughly across the cuts. The only sound Duo made was a sharp his of pain now and then during the administration of the disinfectant and when Heero tightly bound his arms.

"I have to go to my appointment with Dr. Edron—Amary now, but Wufei is going to be here…" Heero didn't want to go at all, but he knew he had to.

"Wufei hates me." Duo muttered.

"No he doesn't."

"Don't fuck with my mind." Duo half-snarled.

Heero came up to Duo fast, his face only inches from Duo. "I would never fuck with your mind. Stop saying shit like that. Gad Duo… I…" Heero broke off and turned away roughly.

"I'm not staying here alone with him." Duo growled.

"Then you're coming with me." Heero was somewhat grateful that Duo preferred his company to Wufei's.

"Fine." Duo snapped sullenly.

* * *

However, by the time Duo and Heero were in Dr. Edron's office, Duo had once again put up his best defenses and his near perfect joker mask. His shirtsleeves were also firmly pulled down. Heero was his normal stoic self, sitting on the edge of his seat, his spine rigid.

"I tried sitting like that once, but then my back hurt, so I stopped and played some video games." Duo commented, staring at Heero's perfect posture.

"I still can't believe Heero knows someone so carefree and outgoing as you, Duo. I bet you're just about the best therapy we can give this guy." Amary winked at Duo.

"Yup, but I bet he'll get pissed at us if we keep talking about him like he's not here." Duo winked conspiratorially.

"That might be interesting. So anyway, has he been making any progress?" Dr. Edron asked seriously.

"Well, he almost yelled at Wufei a couple of days ago. Wufei tried to touch his laptop. Now, this is actually an improvement… But I won't go into that right now. And I think I caught him hiding a really small, tiny smile a couple days ago. I nearly fell out of my chair." Duo grinned at Amary.

"So how are you doing living with Heero? From the sounds of it, he's pretty harsh." Amary asked carefully.

"Well, once I learned not to leave my tooth brush on the counter, not to put my laundry on the floor, and to clean up after myself we got along pretty well. Sometimes he even ignores a few of my messes for awhile." Duo laughed with Amary, both knew about Heero's borderline obsessive compulsive disorder.

* * *

Ah, I love being the authoress and foreshadowing and purposefully misleading and explaining and not explaining all sorts of things . Now i'm sure you're wondering what i'm talking about. not tellin'...yet. 


	26. Chapter 25: Fifty Minutes Later

So another "quick" update. Two weeks! Hopefully I can keep up with this trend and do some more writing. I can't guarantee it though, finals are coming up pretty quickly; I'm also about to get a new job. Ugh. I also am now addicted to creating CG art. Check out my deviant art site! Unfortunately, no GW there; I only do originals so far… But I –might- try some stuff by request . Erm, yeah, please read and review, and enjoy.

Dedication: Bunch-o-nuts. For she (hmm.. I guess that's an assumption...? I'ma feel soooo stupid and bad if I'm wrong, but this IS mainly girl readers sooo) is an awesome person. Welcome aboard, my friend.

I'm on a C2 list! It's to pretty! I'm so happy! My only C2! lol

* * *

Chapter 25: Fifty Minutes Later

_:Entry #990: I couldn't find a pen to write in here with once we got to the car. For some reason I started crying. It was so stupid and embarrassing. He held me and said everything would be okay. Finally he let go—thank goodness. But He took me into a drugstore and led me back to the area with all the pens. Me being stupid me, immediately started playing with these cute little furry pens that had little soft plush kitties on top. They have arms and legs like a rag doll. He bought me two of them. That's what I'm writing with now. When He did, I started blushing like a maniac. Gad, I'm so stupid. But then a weird thing happened in the car when I was twirling one of my pens around to watch the cat's rag doll arms and legs fly around—He smiled. Then I realized I was smiling a little. Of course I immediately stopped—Shinigami doesn't deserve to smile—and started writing. (end journal entry)_

Heero's smile lingered on his lips and an idea formed in his mind as he eyed the little plush cat on top of Duo's pen. "Hey Duo… How about we go down to the animal shelter?"

Duo's head shot up, confusion shining in his eyes. "Huh? What?"

Heero thanked his mind for being quick enough to make up an excuse for going. "I was thinking about getting a guard dog."

Duo's head went back down. "Oh, okay."

Heero had noted Duo had picked out the two cat pens; not touching the dog-topped ones at all. Heero didn't say a word as he continued driving. Then they pulled into the shelter's parking lot and walked into the odd-smelling building. Duo stopped to stare into the window just inside the entrance that showed the kittens.

Heero shook his head and signed both of them into the required guest book. "Duo, want to go take a look at the kittens for fun?"

For a second Duo stared at Heero with an incredulous look. Heero almost winced. _Yeah, since when has Heero Yuy said something like "kittens" and "fun" in the same sentence? Never._ But Duo recovered and closed his gaping mouth. "No… that's okay…" Duo began sullenly, only to find himself being tugged into the kitten room by Heero.

Duo sat down on the middle on the floor. There were eight kittens in the room, all were running around in an odd form of cat-tag. But Duo started playing with a black kitten; Heero watched, sitting on the room's bench. Then, slowly the kittens started angling their way over to Duo's lap. Five curled on top of his lap while a sixth was cuddled in Duo's arms. Duo was smiling, a sight rare enough that while Heero wanted to keep watching, the Japanese man knew what he had to do and silently left the room to talk to the woman in charge of adoptions.

"I think I'd like to adopt one of those kittens." Heero was intent on being polite for Duo's sake.

"Oh, I'm sorry, sir. Those kittens have already been adopted. Their new owners are coming to get them tomorrow." An old plump woman informed the Prussian blue eyed man.

"What do you mean they're all adopted?" Heero began to focus a death glare on the woman.

"I'm very sorry, sir." The woman looked afraid and stuttered a bit. "But they're adopted. I can't do anything about it!"

Heero glared again, but slipped back into the kitten room; Heero really did enjoy watching his love happily covered with kittens. Duo looked up when Heero came in and started shooing the sleeping kittens off of his lap before standing up.

"Sorry… I didn't mean to make you wait…" Duo squeaked out.

"Shh.. Duo, it's fine." Heero frowned slightly, upset he hadn't been able to get one of the kittens for Duo. "Ready to go?"

Duo nodded and walked out after Heero, giving the kittens one last longing glance before he walked out and fell into Heero who stopped mid-step, eyeing one of the shelter workers, listening to what she said.

"We're probably going to have to put this one down—it's been brought back three times now. " A petite blonde sighed.

"But she's still a kitten." The brunette worker frowned.

"She's been abused…" The blonde sighed again.

"Oh… poor thing. Any chance at all for it?"

"I don't think so… We can barely handle her. Jason nicknamed her 'devil-cat'."

Just then, a tiny Siamese ran hell-bent out of the back room. The blonde screamed and jumped out of the kitten's way. Duo didn't. The ball of fur ran into Duo's foot before trying again and climbing up his leg. Duo winced, but calmly pulled the "devil-cat" off of his leg and set her on the floor. Duo sat down and let the kitten sniff his hand. Heero watched wide-eyed as the kitten slowly stopped hissing and let Duo pat it. Then, when the beast was a melting ball of purrs, Duo slowly picked the kitten up, only it refused to sit still in his arms; she crawled onto Duo's shoulder, half-hidden by Duo's chestnut braid.

"How much for the Siamese kitten?" Heero asked somewhat warily.

"I'm sorry, sir." The petite eyed Duo with a gaping mouth. "She's not for sale. We have to put her down…"

"Why?" Heero glared.

The blonde cowered and shuddered. "Be..because she's an abused, ill-mannered beast…"

"It's purring on my friend's shoulder. How much?"

Heero let an awed Duo hold the kitten in his lap the trip home. Heero wondered if the abused stray didn't have a few things in common with Duo, but the kitten had also let Heero touch her before he paid—the blonde wouldn't let him buy the kitten until he proved it wouldn't attack him as she had done to everyone besides Duo.

"I'm going to call her Shinigami!" Duo earned a fit of purring from her. "She likes it!"

Heero glanced at the kitten. "Sounds about right."

Half an hour later found Duo dragging a string around the living room with a kitten chasing it as if it was the most important thing in the world. Wufei had quickly learned to keep out of the tiny kitten's way when it was playing; kitten claws were sharp on bare feet. Heero watched from the kitchen as his fingers flew across his laptop as Wufei stormed back into Duo's room. Quatre and Trowa had moved out of the apartment and were sharing one nearby; however, Heero wasn't sure whether he was glad that Wufei hadn't left yet or not. Heero rather liked sleeping next to Duo.

Another fifteen minutes and Shinigami collapsed on the floor panting before crawling to Duo and passing out on his lap. Duo picked her up and laid across the couch, petting her as he flipped through the TV channels. Heero walked in with a DVD and held it up for Duo to look at. It was The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring. Duo started to reach for the DVD, but remembered Shinigami.

"I can't get up because of Shini…"

"I'll put it in." Heero murmured as he crouched in front of his DVD player and started it up. Wufei took the other chair just before Heero could claim it as his; that left Heero with the chair with the bad view of the TV, a hard wood chair from the kitchen, or the end of the couch with Duo's feet. Duo moved his feet as Heero sat down. Shinigami didn't budge from her spot on Duo's stomach.

I like that cat. I really, really like that cat. Especially when… Not telling! R&R please


	27. Chapter 26: A Week Later

Weeee…. Yay for updates and stuff… Uhmm.. Yeah. I'm tired and don't have too much to say. I got a college scholarship that will pay for 15 credit hours. I am overjoyed. Now I need a job thing.

Dedication: to the 100 people who have me on their favourites list! WOW! Such a HUGE number amazed

* * *

Chapter 26: A Week Later

_:Entry #990: Well, I did something really stupid today. I don't deserve anything from Him, but I keep asking him for things, and make him do all this stuff. Damn it. Why? But, I bet you want to know what I did, right? See, the orphanage is having a little picnic at the park--it's finally starting to warm up. The thing is, there's only so many adults and a lot of kids. I asked him to help. Does he even like kids? I doubt it. I doubt it a lot. But right now He is sitting on the couch dressed in old, torn jeans and an old ripped T-shirt. I didn't even know He owned anything old like that. Usually He's dressed in designer jeans and shirts or a tank… Or, when He goes to work, a designer suit. He must get paid a lot… Always looks a little odd that he wears that old ratty jacket I gave Him… I don't get it. He needs a different jacket… Well, it's time to go see the kids… I'm trying really hard to not do something stupid--like cry in front of the kids today. I haven't done that yet… thank gad… bye for now. (end journal entry)_

Heero stood up and glanced at Duo as the other stashed his black journal in a deep pocket of his faded black baggy jeans. "Ready to go?"

Duo nodded and pasted on his grin as Wufei walked out of his room. "Yup! And I'm going to teach you all of the games you missed out on as a kid! Like tag and hide and seek!"

Heero frowned a bit, but grabbed his jacket—the old jean one, he had no idea where his leather jacket disappeared to—and tossed Duo's jacket to the slender boy. Heero picked up his keys and headed out the door, a chattering Duo followed him to the car. However, as soon as Duo closed the car door, he sat silently and stared at the window without a hint of a smile until the two neared the orphanage. It was only a few minutes from the orphanage that Duo slowly donned his mask, making sure each part of it was perfectly secured.

Heero had barely parked his SUV before Duo bounced out of it and hopped from foot to foot, waiting for Heero impatiently. Heero had a feeling that a part of Duo was truly looking forward to spending time with the children at the park, and that not all of Duo's emotions would stay behind his mask.

Once inside, Heero was immediately asked if he would take a few of the children in his SUV since the bus and van didn't quite hold all of the children. While Heero was nervous, he readily accepted, receiving a smile from Duo and a promise that the American would help make sure the kids behaved.

Then Duo and Heero were pulled aside by Mrs. Anderson while a nun went to find a few of the children to ride with the two ex-pilots. "I asked Sister Marie if she would ask Damon to accompany the two of you. You see, Damon doesn't get along with the other children well."

"Damon?" Duo frowned. "I thought I'd met all the kids…"

Mrs. Anderson sighed. "He's one of the older orphans—he's 15 and spends most of his time inside his room."

Duo nodded slowly. "Yeah, I guess I work more with the little kids. Of course we'll take him. Er, don't think me rude, but wouldn't it be better for one of the sisters to take him? I mean, I haven't even met him."

Mrs. Anderson sighed. "He doesn't like the sisters—usually anything they try to get him to do ends up in a fight. We were hoping he might get on better with you, Duo, since you're much closer to his age, and you're absolutely wonderful with the children."

"I'll try my best!" Duo saluted.

"Thank you." Mrs. Anderson turned as Sister Marie approached her.

"Mrs. Anderson, I have brought Damon along with Takeshi and Alya." The nun smiled at the 2-year-old and the 5-year-old.

Heero eyes the children; Damon was about 5'2 and skinny with longish dirty-blond hair and uninterested hazel eyes. The boy was dressed in baggy black clothing and he stood apart from the group while Takeshi grinned up at Heero with classic Japanese features. Alya, on the other hand, sported a white-blonde braid and green eyes; Heero wondered if it was Duo-inspired when the little girl was promptly scooped up into Duo's arms.

"Heya Alya! How'd I know you'd be coming with me?" Duo grinned at the girl before turning his attention to Damon. "Hi Damon. I'm Duo."

Damon didn't even take his gaze off of the ground.

Duo's grin didn't falter. "The silent Japanese guy other there is Heero. He's really quiet. Like a tomb."

"Well, shall we go then?" Mrs. Anderson asked quickly. "We'll see you there, Duo, Heero."

"Okay guys, into Heero's SUV! Oh yeah, don't make a mess or anything—Heero is very protective of his car." Duo glanced at Heero. "He's not as scary as he looks—I promise." Duo eyed the black car for a moment. "So, Damon, you wanna sit up front with Heero?"

Damon shrugged.

Duo settled Alya into a seat before he slid into the middle seat. "Hey, Heero? Could you give me Takeshi so I can get him buckled up?"

Heero nodded and scooped the giggling little boy up and handed him off to Duo.

"I think this little guy likes you Heero!" Duo grinned broadly.

Damon slid into the front seat silently before gazing out of the window much like Duo often did. With a "hn" from Heero, the Japanese man started up the car and followed the bus to the park. Once the group arrived, Heero quickly opened the side door and unbuckled Takeshi.

Immediately, the 2-year-old grinned up at Heero. "Up!"

Heero complied, albeit a bit uneasily. However, Takeshi grinned and giggled. Duo slid out of his seat, Alya following behind him, begging the braided man to play tag with her. Damon quietly exited the vehicle and found a tree and sat underneath it.

Soon, Duo, two nuns, and about 20 of the younger children were involved in a game of tag. Heero kept an eye on the children, looking for any straying away from the group. Heero also watched Duo, grinning and laughing as a pile of children clambered over him after he had been caught, yet again. Heero smiled just a bit, realizing just how much Duo enjoyed all the children. Then Heero came across Damon; the only orphan who was alone. The boy was simply playing Aces Up, an old form of solitaire.

"Damon."

Damon looked up briefly.

Heero sat down. "You're not with the others."

Damon gave Heero another brief look that clearly said "no shit."

"Why?"

"Why should I tell you?"

Heero shrugged.

"I hate it here."

"Why's that?"

Damon gazed at the rest of the orphans for a long moment. "None of them understand."

"Understand what?"

"You wouldn't understand either."

"I doubt it."

"That's what they all say." Damon eyed the dirt disdainfully. "But they never do. Besides, I'm getting better."

"You're sick?"

Damon gave Heero an odd look. "I guess you could say that. I never really thought about it that way…" Then Damon pulled his shirt up above his elbow. "So, this means I'm sick?"

Heero eyed the scars sadly. "Well, obviously it has been awhile since you did that, so I would say you're getting better. When you're sick, you feel horrible for awhile, but then you start getting better."

"I don't think I can ever get better." Damon seemed to be talking to himself. "There's always something that hurts too much."

"I don't think that's true."

"How would you know?" Damon glared at Heero.

"I don't." Heero shrugged. "I know someone who almost died from what you did. He hasn't been able to cut since then because his blades are gone. He barely eats, and when he does, he usually makes himself sick afterwards."

"You want him to get better."

"Yeah."

"Why does he…" Damon was curious

"Do that? He has had a terrible life up until now. He even fought in the war and lived on the streets. Now, he blames himself for a lot of the bad things that have happened in his life."

"You're only telling me the tip of the iceberg, aren't you?"

"Yeah. What about you?"

"Sometimes, I don't know anymore. I guess part of it was because I thought it was my fault my parents fought and drank when I was a kid. The bastard that was my father shot my father and then himself. I was hiding under the sink." Damon shivered.

"It wasn't your fault."

"My mind knows that, but my heart isn't so sure." Damon paused. "I haven't talked about any of this for a long time."

"Talking usually is a good thing."

"Yeah, it feels pretty good." Damon shrugged. "Kind of like medicine. Maybe you're right and it's like being sick and it gets better. I'm not sure how, but maybe…"

Heero nodded.

"You're not used to talking this much are you." When Heero shook his head, Damon continued. "Me either. I'm glad you did. Thanks."

Heero shrugged. "Sure."

Damon looked toward a group of the older children for awhile. "They don't like me."

"You're probably wrong."

"Nah."

"They don't know you. Say hi or ask them if they want to play poker or something." Heero shrugged.

"Maybe…" Damon swallowed, and stood up.

Minutes after Damon hesitantly walked towards the group of teenagers, the boy had a pretty girl sitting across from him shuffling the cards. Heero suddenly doubted that Damon would be riding with them on the trip back to the orphanage. Heero sighed, and suddenly felt a great deal more hopeful about Duo. _He has to get better…._

Suddenly, Heero found Takeshi in front of him. "Duo-san told me to come and make you play with us! Sister Liz'beth got tired."

Heero silently stood up and followed the small Japanese child, though soon he regretted his decision. Heero was immediately swarmed by a number of the children and was doing his best to stay standing up with children hanging off of his arms and on his legs. The ex-pilot had no idea what to do; he cast Duo a questioning glance.

Duo, however, was too busy laughing for the moment to help him.

Finally, Heero fell over and the children began tickling him. Heero blinked several times before he began laughing. He hadn't even known he was ticklish, hadn't thought he was even. Then, after what seemed like a millennia to Heero, the children moved away and Duo's face peered down at Heero.

Suddenly, Heero knew it was Duo's fault the children had tickled him. So he did the most natural unnatural thing he could do.

Heero reached up and grabbed Duo, flipped the braided baka so he lay on his back on the ground and tickled him mercilessly. Quickly, the Japanese was aided by the other children until Duo was squirming and laughing so hard he cried.

Heero relented and ordered the kids off of Heero.

"That was mean!" Duo stared in shock at Heero.

Then, Heero did something more unnatural. He laughed.


	28. Chapter 27: That Night

I am so exhausted you guys wouldn't even believe it. let's just say 3am, 3am, 4am. That's how my bed times have been looking. up at 8, or earlier. I'm so continually exhausted now that I can't do 4-7am anymore lol. Oh well. It's almost over. This weekend, I can FINALLY sleep. Then study my arse off for my finals; all of which I must ace. Who had the stupid idea of making me a doctor? Oh, right. me. Stupid, stupid me.

Dedication: To my baby nephew! He's so adorable! Cutest baby there is. (he's only a couple days old )

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: For the 500th reviewer, I will write a one-shot of his/her choosing. Number 500 will have 1 week to reply to the e-mail I send; after that, it goes on to reviewer 501, 502, etc.

Disclaimer: ya know it. Mailing list: just let me know; you'll be added

* * *

Chapter 27: That Night

_:Entry #991: It's all my fault. Wufei wants to kill me now. I should have let him, but instead I ran. I'm such an idiot. Maybe I didn't want him to feel guilty… It's still all my fault. I bet you're wondering how I fucked up this time, eh? Well, Shinigami got locked in Wufei's room all day--she must have slipped in before Wufei left for work. We didn't know she was in there until Heero and I got home around seven. That's when Wufei got home as well. I should have looked for Shini harder before we left for the park. It's all my fault… She turned Wufei's clean clothes into a litter box--as well as his dirty laundry. She also threw up on his bed. As soon as he opened his door, she was clawing all over his bare feet. I don't think I've ever seen him so angry. Now I'm locked in this stupid bathroom--have been for an hour or so. I should have checked for her before we left… I just thought she was sleeping under the bed or something… Every now and then she scratches at the door, but I can't open it because one of them will try to come in here… I guess I should also mention that He laughed today. It was at me, but I have never really heard him laugh before--even when the kids tickled him, that was only really a shake of his shoulders. He didn't try to kill them. Of course, he was laughing at me… Damnit all, He's picking the lock… Damnit. (end journal entry)_

Shinigami slipped into Duo's sanctuary just before Heero stepped into the room, quickly shutting the door behind him. He locked it methodically—both bolts, before sliding down against the door. Heero eyed the floor for a few moments as Shinigami crawled into Duo's lap, mewling up at Duo sadly until his hand fell down to scratch under her chin and pet her to no end. Once Heero heard the beast dissolve into a bundle of purrs, Heero raised his eyes.

"It's not your fault."

"Yes it is! I should've checked for her before we left! It's all my fault." Duo whispered fiercely, half to himself.

"No, it isn't. Wufei had no right to be angry at you." Heero tried to meet Duo's evasive violet eyes.

Duo looked anywhere but at Heero. "Yes he does. It's my fault Shini made a mess in his room and clawed his feet. If I hadn't been a selfish bastard and begged you to let me get her, then she would never have been in Wufei's room and would have never made a mess…"

"You saved that kitten's life." Heero murmured.

"But it's still my fault that I didn't check for Shini…" Duo glared at the floor tiles.

"Isn't Wufei responsible for his own room? He didn't check it—does Wufei make sure you clean your room?"

"Well, no. But you do."

"That's because it's my room too. Besides, the point is, Wufei doesn't check—so why should you have to make sure Wufei checks his room for Shinigami before he leaves? Isn't that his responsibility?" Heero eyed the floor as well, scowling. He knew he was doing a terrible job playing counselor.

"But Shinigami is my responsibility…" Duo drifted off sadly, still stroking the tiny kitten.

"Duo, it was an accident. Accidents happen. Even to people with others looking after their pets—take Relena for example. She bought a toy poodle puppy and even with five other people watching the beast, it still had accidents all over her house." Heero frowned, he hated using Relena as an example. The ex-Wing pilot thought so little of her that the example seemed ridiculous to him.

"But Relena is a good person. Lots of people love her, like you…" Duo sighed.

"I don't know about everyone else, but I don't love her." Heero half-snapped, half-growled. Then he continued softly. "I had someone much more valuable to love even when I lived with her."

"Oh…"

Heero sighed. "The Duo I used to know would practically be tackling me now to find out who that person was…"

"The Heero I used to know hardly said more than 'hn' and 'baka'," Duo retorted edgily.

"Then I guess I'll just have to give in a tell you…" Heero hesitated a long time, until Duo finally looked up. "You."

Duo frowned. "What…? That doesn't make any sense."

"Yes, it does. You were the one who told me to leave, so I did exactly what you said." Heero mentally sighed, wondering if he was doing the right thing.

"But, how? Why?" Duo frowned, leaning over Shini to cover his face.

Heero tipped his head back to stare at the ceiling. This was harder than he thought. "I'm not sure. You were the first person to ever make me feel anything since the little girl died." The last part ended in a whisper so faint Duo had to lean forward to catch it all.

"But… you hated me."

"No, I didn't."

"Doesn't matter anyway." Duo cuddled Shinigami, who simply curled up closer to him.

"Yes, it does."

"No, it doesn't. End of story. No one can care about me." Then, Shini mewled up at Duo to remind him of her existence. "Except for Shini…" Duo pursed his lips for a moment before continuing. "Thank you for coming today…"

Heero nodded. "It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I don't like being tickled though." Heero made a face that Duo couldn't see. "I also learned some interesting things about that boy—Damon."

"He left on the bus." Duo murmured, slightly curious.

"Yeah, I guess he really was getting better."

"Huh?"

_Good_, Heero thought, _he's still talking_. "He was…sick for awhile. Really sick."

"He was? With what?" Duo asked, not quite paying attention.

"He felt bad all the time; he wanted to die. He thought everyone hated him." Heero paused. "He also cut himself; he has a lot of scars."

"L…like me…" Duo muttered softly to himself. "Only I'm just fucked up."

"What if it's really like being sick? And you can get better?" Heero's stare bored into Duo.

"I won't. I can't. I'm not sick." But Duo's words sounded more and more doubtful. "I'm…not."

"You can get better." Heero tried. _Gad, I wish I could see the old Duo who smiled and cracked jokes all the time again…_

"No I can't. I don't want to get better. I just want to die." Duo's eyes widened as he realized what he'd just said.

Heero fought off the tears that started to well up in his eyes. "So did Damon."

"But he's only 15…" Duo argued weakly.

"You've seen worse things than he has. Lived through worse things." Heero tried.

"Oh gad, I really am sick… aren't I?" Duo looked up at Heero with scared eyes.

Heero followed his emotions and wrapped his arms around the braided man, the kitten still curled on Duo's lap. Heero knew Wufei would apologize to the man in his arms later, and try much harder to be kinder to Duo. Wufei hadn't realized how bad Duo really was—Wufei had believed in the jester's mask Duo so firmly put up.

* * *

So Damon has some more influence, huh? Yet another plot turn. Go figure. 


	29. Chapter 28: The Next Morning

Okay, so… I'm late… By a day! Not TOO bad. Anyway, I blame it on finals and my grandparents coming in town, and my cat dying (He WILL have a special appearance later on as memorial), my father's job (he makes me so angry that…urgh), and life… whoa… Anyway, here it is.

Dedication: To Sammy; may he happily haunt my home. (Yes, he is haunting us, and he was my beloved kitty. I love it)

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: For the 500th reviewer, I will write a one-shot of his/her choosing. Number 500 will have 1 week to reply to the e-mail I send; after that, it goes on to reviewer 501, 502, etc.

Disclaimer: ya know it.  
Mailing list: just let me know; you'll be added

* * *

Chapter 28: The Next Morning

_:Entry #996: You know something? Life is extremely fucked up. First, I find out I'm sick. I'm not sure if thinking I'm incurable because I can't help being how I am, or thinking I'm sick is better. Second, Wufei is being nice to me. He has never been nice to me as long as I have known him. If I didn't know better, I'd think that He had a gun pointed at him constantly. But then again, why would He do that? Hell, why did he screw me up more by His fucked up idea of me being sick? I'm not sick, I am sick… All I need is one of those fucking daisies—I could pull the petals off like all the idiots do when they're in love. Well, that's just great. I called myself an idiot. That's a real fucking improvement in my situation, isn't it? So, who did I do the fucking petal thing for? Him, of course. It's always fucking Him. Of course, I know he doesn't. Which is yet another reason I should just go and jump off a cliff or something. Maybe next time I'll make a list of all the reasons of why I should die…. (end journal entry)_

Heero watched as Wufei waved good-bye to Duo after checking his room for a certain kitten. The Chinese man had already gone as far as to apologize to the braided boy, unfortunately, before the American had received his daily cup of coffee—the one thing he could be counted on to consume. Heero was pretty sure Duo was still confused as to what Wufei had been doing during his apology.

Once the door clicked shut behind Wufei, Heero stood up from the kitchen table, saving his work on _The Forgotten_. "Duo, what do you want for breakfast?"

"Not hungry." Duo mumbled.

"Oh well, you get to eat breakfast anyway." Heero eyed Duo. "If you don't pick something, then I'll have to pick for you."

"Fine. Plain, non-fat, sugar-free yogurt." Duo knew as well as Heero did that they didn't have that.

"Well, I guess I'll just have to find you something else to eat, now won't I?" Heero growled softly, before adding on somewhat lightly, "You can check your e-mail if you want."

Duo nodded and moved to the laptop and quickly opened up his e-mail account; as well as _The Forgotten_ and scrolled down to page 63, where he had left off. Alternating going through each e-mail and reading the story, Duo made sure he took his time with every e-mail so he would have more time to read the story. Then Duo realized something a bit odd. Duo was sure that last time he had read the story there was a total of 214 pages. Now, the number in the bottom of the Word Document showed the story as having 276. Duo shook his head, it was probably just his imagination.

Heero was oblivious to what Duo was doing as he carefully prepared mushroom and fat-free cheese egg-white omelets along with bran muffins. Heero didn't expect Duo to take even the smallest bite of the muffin, but he liked them and they were healthy and saved well. Heero quietly made up two plates of food as Duo alternated slowly typing with reading e-mails. On Duo's plate, a small portion of egg omelet, a bran muffin, and a small container of fat-free strawberry yogurt were arranged on the plate, the Shinigami mug full of fresh black coffee in the middle of the plate. Heero's plate was the same, only in place of the Shinigami mug, there was a new Wing cup, which he had every intention of showing off to Duo that day.

Showing two sets of silverware wrapped in napkins in his back pocket, Heero balanced the two plates and set them on the coffee table. "Duo, breakfast is done."

"Ok…" Duo half-sighed as he quickly closed out of _The Forgotten_—it had just gotten to a good part. Duo had long since finished his e-mails.

"You coming?"

"Yeah…" Duo sat down in front of the coffee table and stared at his plate. "I'm not eating all this."

"Eat half of it?" Heero tried.

"…"

Heero sighed, but changed topics. "My mug came today."

"Ok."

"You once told me you hated that word."

"You…actually remember that?" Duo looked up; he still hadn't taken a single bite of food.

Heero nodded, and murmured softly, almost seemingly to himself. "I'm glad I have this mug again…"

Duo simply shoved the food around on his plate; Heero sighed and quickly ate his food. Then, nibbling a buttered muffin, Heero shoved his plate away. The Japanese man shoved his chair closer to Duo's.

"Duo, you will eat." Heero growled softly. "Even if I have to feed you myself."

"But I'm not hungry."

"You've never 'hungry'." Heero snapped. "You've lost more weight, haven't you?"

Duo shrugged. "Yeah, so what?"

How can you get better if you starve yourself?" Heero asked dully.

A small tear ran down Duo's cheek, but he only dropped his fork. Heero caught it before it could reach the table and speared a piece of egg and held it out to Duo. Wordlessly, the American opened his mouth, realizing it was useless to argue. Five bites later, Duo took the fork from Heero and ate a few bites before switching to the yogurt.

A third of the way through the food, Duo shoved his plate away in disgust. Heero shoved the plate back.

"No." The braided man shook his head vehemently.

"Five more bites, Duo." Heero looked at Duo with sad eyes. "please, just five more."

"What do I get if I do?" Duo countered.

"Hn." Heero thought for a moment. "Gain… five pounds (2.3 kg) and I'll get you any CD you want."

"F…five?" Duo stared at Heero in horror.

"Four (1.8 kg), then."

Duo continued to stare. "Guess I don't need a new CD…"

"And if you lose so much as half a pound (.25 kg), CDs will be taken away. Five pounds (2.3 kg) lost and I will have to do something much, much more drastic. I don't want to do that, Duo." Heero sighed. "However, I will do whatever it takes to make you better."

Duo ran into the room he had slept in since the other ex-pilots had visited; Heero's room. The door locked, but Heero leaned against it and listened to the heavy sobs from the American. Only the wooden door separated him. Heero gently touched the wood lightly where he knew Duo's back leaned against the door. A tear wound its way down the former Perfect Soldier's cheek, across his lips, and off his chin.

Then, Heero was laying on his back; Duo was on his hands and knees, staring down at him.

Both men blinked several times, but then the American spoke. "Are you okay…?"

"Hn."

"I'll take that as a yes…"

Heero watched the boy's lips move, mesmerized by them. He knew Duo was still talking, but he had no idea what the boy was saying. Duo's lips were too thin, yes, but they still held the hint of beauty Heero had come to associate with a healthy Duo.

"Heero, are you even listening to me?" Duo frowned.

"Huh?" Heero blushed lightly; one word came to mind for his predicament: damn.

"You never listen to me. Nobody does…" Duo sighed, but he remained looking down at Heero, only a foot away.

Again, those lips entranced Heero. Only this time, Heero didn't have the power to resist the accidental seduction so close. Heero found himself slowly rising up.

* * *

-cackles- 


	30. Chapter 29: Time Stood Still

Y'know what? I hate job-hunting. It's torturous. Every place wants something different. I had to dress up -just- in case I met a manager (2 out of 3 restaurants, I didn't. go figure) Still searching. Money is good--then I can get a new computer. This one is carefully biting the dust. It's being attacked by porn. WHY! I don't look at it. EW. Oh, and Chicago is amazing.

Disclaimer: you know it.  
SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: For the 500th reviewer, I will write a one-shot of his/her choosing. Number 500 will have 1 week to reply to the e-mail I send; after that, it goes on to reviewer 501, 502, etc.

Dedication: Nobodynow. Who knows.  
Mailing List: It's there for the taking. Yadda, yadda.

* * *

Chapter 29: Time Stood Still

Duo's mouth stopped moving as Heero slowly rose. The American simply stared as the distance between his mouth and Heero's steadily decreased. Heero could see the emotions swirling through Duo's eyes, but even the fear, confusion, and even the hint of anger didn't make Heero pause for even a moment.

Then lips met in a strange, upside down kiss. Heero's sudden passion bursting forth as his lips pressed hard against the other. Then Heero's pink tongue darted forward and lightly licked Duo's lips. But then Heero realized just how still the other man was.

Heero began to let himself drop; faster than he had risen, much faster. Heero wanted to drop forever, but too many things were in his way for that. The ground, for one.

He heard a whispered "why?"

"Because every time you're near, everyone else disappears." Heero whispered faintly.

"I'm that annoying, huh?" Duo gave a wry half-smile.

"I only wish." Heero breathed. "Anything else would be easier."

Duo frowned. "What… do you mean?"

"That I want you to get better more than anybody else. That I want you to smile real smiles, and insist on dessert—just like you used to. That I want you here…" Heero breathed.

And then thin lips pressed softly against small Japanese lips with a needy hunger, begging entrance, granted readily by the taller man. Then it was returned to the American. A hot battle of passion, which Heero let Duo win. The touch so forbidden Heero let himself have Duo have complete control, praying it would never end.

But like all things, this too ended.

With a thud.

Both ex-pilots stared at each other in shock at the abrupt ending to their not quite chaste kiss. Then Heero winced. He had forgotten about the floor, and he had been in a free fall from his kiss. Slowly, Heero pulled himself up, ignoring the throbbing on the back of his head.

"Uhm…"

"Yeah…" Heero agreed; both men speechless for the moment.

Duo's eyes flashed. "Why'd you say all that stuff?"

"I've told you why twice."

"You never have!" Duo scowled.

"'Third time's the charm'…" Heero murmured thoughtfully. "I love you, Duo Maxwell."

"That's not funny."

"Am I laughing?"

"You're acting weird." Duo laughed nervously. "I mean, you're quoting things, trying to make jokes, and talking a lot, well, for you at least. You're probably lying, right? No one likes me, so no one can love me, right? Damnit, Heero! Why did you kiss me? Isn't enough you're driving me crazy?"

Heero had closed his eyes once Duo laughed. He was glad. "I don't lie."

With that, Duo gave a quiet sob. "You bastard… I can't even run away and hide now…"

"Good." Heero's voice almost broke, but he continued. "Because I want you right here."

"What if I don't want to be right here?" Another tear fell.

Heero shuddered and moved aside. "Then I'll miss you. But I can't keep you here if you don't want to be here anymore. If you want to leave, though, until you're better you'll have to stay with Quatre and Trowa, or in a MI."

"Do you really… lo… like me like that?" Duo whispered.

"No." Duo looked like he was about to cry in earnest. "I love you."

"But you don't even like me…"

"You're my best friend. I thought you were supposed to like them." Heero muttered, then added almost silently, "and don't say I don't want you around either. Because I need you."

"Uhm… okay… uhm…" Duo played with his braid nervously and muttered to himself. "I need to think…"

Heero stood up and strode past the American on the floor and sat on his bed. "I'm going to take a nap for a few hours."

Duo nodded and practically ran out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

_:Entry #997: He just said He loves me. He said it twice. I'm so confused. I used to think I loved Him, but that was before he ruined my life. Or maybe, extended it is a better way to put it… But still…. He's always there… I haven't been able to get rid of all of that extra food. It sits inside me like a rock. A horrible, painful rock. He makes me eat too. He force fed me today. If he loves me, why is he doing this? So I'm sick. So what? Maybe I don't want to be better. Fuck. There's this little voice in my head now—maybe it's you, the silent listener I've had all this time. Well, isn't that just fucking great. I have a voice in my head—so I'm now crazy too… So, you ask if Heero were sick, would I want him better? Well, yeah, of course. But he's the perfect soldier. He doesn't get sick. Do I really want to be better? That's why I cut, isn't it? So it would always hurt, and it would never heal…. Damnit. I'm so confused. I'm going to do some thinking… Bye… (end journal entry)_

Duo sighed as he slid the leather bound journal back into its hiding place. He didn't want to watch TV, but he needed something to do. Something to keep him sane. So he walked over to the bookshelf. The top shelf was dedicated to Dune Y. Macoy. Duo frowned; Heero had every single book, but it looked like none of them had ever been read. Duo picked one up at random—Macoy only had five books written as of yet, but that was pretty good considering his first book came out three years prior.

The book was signed.

Duo's eyes widened, he knew no one had ever seen Macoy, nor had the mysterious author ever had a signing. Heero must have known the author. Duo looked to the next Macoy book; it was signed too. They were all signed.

But if Heero had known the author, wouldn't he have read the book to make sure he could answer any questions Macoy might have asked him about the books?

Duo half ran to Heero's laptop—he hadn't bothered to shut it down earlier. Duo opened up _The Forgotten_ and started searching its history. The American came to two conclusions; either Heero edited Macoy's books, or Heero was the author.

Duo doubted the first conclusion.

Duo sat on the floor with a loud thump. Today was hell. Shinigami crawled into his lap and purred comfortingly as Duo wondered what else would happen that day. The way everything was going, the next thing to happen would be Wufei coming back early with a pizza and wanting to play video games with Duo. He flopped onto his back and groaned. Today sucked.

So, of course, the door opened. And with it, the scent of pizza.


	31. Chapter 30: Later that Day

Woo for being on time. Geez. 30 chapters. That's a lot of chapters. And 453 reviews. I can't help but wonder who will get the one-shot lol.

_Mailing List_: Is there, ask.  
_Dedication_: To Nikkler, cause you're cool :p  
_Contest Stuff_: 500th reviewer gets –woo- a one-shot from me of her (or his) choice. If the 500th doesn't leave me a way to contact her/him, or doesn't reply to my initial mail in a week, on to the next person. (501)

* * *

Chapter 30: Later that Day

_:Entry #999: My life is hell. My life is hell. My life is hell. My life is hell. My life is hell. My life is…. He kissed me. Wufei also gave me pizza and played video games with me. But at least I found out that He talked with him, which kind of explains why that guy is acting so weird. Seriously, that guy needs to get laid. I wonder who… Of course, it's not like I know very many people, but anything would be better than him being sickeningly nice to me because of a threat from Him. Yes, I am very confused. Especially about Him kissing me. And no, He is not Wufei. I know I used to say I loved Him, but that was before… This is now. I'm so fucking confused. Did I already say that? If not, it's the other mantra that my mind is repeating. And hey, look, next entry is 1000… 1000 entries of me being fucked up. Isn't that great? Well, no, not really, but we can pretend or some shit. For now, I have to find out if my crazy idea is right. He might just be Dune Y. Macoy._

Heero had slept for an hour or two, catching up on some much needed sleep he had been missing from long nights. After he woke up, he simply laid on his bed and tried to relax as thoughts of what Duo could say to him once he "woke up" and walked out of the room. For once, Heero Yuy was afraid. When he walked out of his room, he saw a half empty pizza box and frowned.

"Wufei brought it. He left about half an hour ago. He said to tell you he wouldn't be back until late." Duo snickered, but Heero could tell the act was still forced. "I think it has something to do with a date."

"Hn." Heero made his way into the kitchen.

"Do you know who it is?" Duo followed persistently.

Heero opened the fridge, eyeing the contents sullenly; he hadn't eaten since breakfast, which had been hours ago. "Iie."

"Do you have any suspicions? Any ideas at all?" Duo chirped.

Heero hated this. He hated it when Duo put up his mask to him, and since it was up now, it could only mean one thing: Duo didn't love Heero. The thought struck him hard, but he merely pulled out a few things from the fridge and closed it.

Silently, Heero began chopping up pieces of cabbage, carrot, and pork on a cutting board. Heero threw the contents on the board into a frying pan to sauté while he began steaming two different kinds of rice, before he cut a daikon radish and a cucumber into thin slices.

"What are you making?" Duo eyed the ingredients warily.

"Dinner."

"What is it?" Duo eyed the stuff some more.

"Japanese."

"Japanese what? These one word answers aren't the greatest you know." Duo leaned back with a practiced grin against a counter. "I mean, I figured it was dinner since it's 5:30, and I was pretty sure you were making Japanese food since there's a lot of rice, and you just don't seem the type to trade Japanese food for Chinese. I'm not that stupid."

"No, you're not stupid at all." Heero murmured softly as he ground black sesame seeds into a fine powder as azuki beans simmered in another pot.

"So, what is it then?"

"Yakisoba, Kyori-no-sumono, and Ohagi." Heero never took his eyes off the food preparation as he threw Yakisoba noodles into the frying pan. He added some water to the mixture and covered it.

"Yeah, I don't exactly speak Japanese."

"Fried noodles, cucumber salad, and sweet rice balls." Heero continued cooking.

"That's a lot of stuff…" Duo eyed the array of ingredients spread across the counter, even as Heero began cleaning up his mess. "How'd you learn how to cook all of this stuff? It's not like anything we had in the war and you seem to make just about everything—pancakes, pizza, Japanese food…"

"Hn." Heero didn't even bother with a real answer.

Duo sat on the counter and tapped his foot against the cabinets rhythmically. "I, uhm, found a really good story awhile ago…"

Heero just mashed the rice before making a number of balls out of them.

"_The Forgotten_."

The rice ball in Heero's adroit hands became a victim of Heero's suddenly clenched fist.

"You're Dune Y. Macoy, aren't you?" Duo asked quietly, finally dropping his mask.

"Hai."

Duo stared at Heero, but Heero's face was a stoic mask. "Come on, you knew someone would find out someday!"

"Hn." Heero alternately rolled the rice balls in bean paste or sesame powder and carefully displayed them on a plate.

"What you said wasn't true, was it… I mean, you're back to being your usual stoic self. I guess I should have known it wouldn't last. Nothing does. I bet you're even back to completely ignoring what I say. That's okay, I'm used to it. Maybe if I just keep talking and talking you'll get annoyed and shoot me or something. You finally answer me with real sentences most of the time, but now it's back to being the Perfect fucking Soldier. What's a guy li—"

"Mask for mask, Duo. You put yours back up first." Heero glanced at Duo before he finished the cucumber salad and set it in a small serving bowl.

This time, Duo didn't answer. Heero glanced up again; the braided American was eyeing the floor moodily.

"The floor didn't do anything to you." Heero set the noodles in a large bowl and garnished it.

"What's the weird stuff on top?" Duo asked quietly.

"Ao-nori and beni-shoga—green seaweed and red ginger." Heero began to bring the food to the table. Duo jumped off the counter and grabbed a couple of plates and began setting the table. Heero set the ohagi off to the side and helped Duo finish setting the table, ending by placing two pairs of chopstick holders on two tiny, black dragon chopstick holders.

"So, no rice balls?"

"Dessert."

"Oh."

"I'm not sure if you'll like this or not. You don't have to eat it." Heero said softly, sadly.

Duo looked up, startled by Heero's voice. His stomach clenched into a knot at the sad expression the other boy had as Heero eyed his empty plate, not realizing the other man could see it. Duo served himself some of the noodles and a bit of the salad, bent on liking the dish so Heero wouldn't look quite so sad.

Duo took a bite. "Hey, it's not that bad. It's not quite pizza, and it looks really weird, but it's actually pretty good."

Heero served himself and tasted the noodles. "I always liked Japanese food better."

"Yeah, well, you're Japanese." Duo paused. "I can't believe that you're one of my favourite authors! I have all of your books."

"I know." Heero focused on his food, suddenly shy and embarrassed about his writing.

"Will you sign them sometime?" Duo asked hesitantly.

Heero shrugged and blushed lightly. Duo noticed and wisely didn't comment. Duo left some of the food on his plate, but when Heero set the rice balls onto the table, the American managed to down two of them, while Heero ate three. The rest of the food was quickly wrapped up and set in the fridge to be eaten as leftovers.

Duo sat on the counter again. "You know how you said you'd get me a CD if I gained four pounds? (1.8 kg)"

Heero nodded.

"You're gonna have to weigh me." Duo whispered softly.

Silently, Heero wrapped his arms around Duo, for once, the other was taller because of his position on the counter. Slowly, Duo's arms slipped up around Heero's waist.

Then Heero quietly led Duo to the bathroom and made up stand on it backwards, so he couldn't see the numbers that soon appeared on the scale. 93 (42.3 kg). (Heero felt the bile rise in his throat. He swallowed thickly a few times before he ran to the toilet. By the time Heero rinsed his mouth out and brushed his teeth, Duo was huddled in the corner shuddering.

Duo had lost 50 (22.7 kg) pounds since the Eve War. Heero had known the other had lost a significant amount of weight, but he had no idea just how much. The Japanese man slowly washed his face and closed his eyes for a long moment, leaning against the sink.

* * *

Sooo… uhm… I have a feeling this was unexpected. 


	32. Chapter 31: An Hour Later

We-ell… here we are again, another update. I'm really tired, and I can't seem to find a job anywhere. It's kind of depressing. Anyway, read, enjoy, and please review! And Wo-ow… only 25 more reviews til 500. I'm in a bit of shock. You guys are just amazing. I actually already have some vague plans for a new GW story after this. Could be interesting.

Dedication: SouriMaxwellYuy068 (It's all about the socks!)

Mailing List: Is there. Disclaimer: said it before somewhere

Contest Stuff: 500th reviewer gets –woo- a one-shot from me of her (or his) choice. If the 500th doesn't leave me a way to contact her/him, or doesn't reply to my initial mail in a week, on to the next person. (being 501) In addition, the winning review must be from the most recent chapter and also say more than "update soon" or some such.

* * *

Chapter 31: An Hour Later

_:Entry #1000: He saw how much I weighed. It made Him sick. I saw how much it was. It's still there; burning behind my eyelids. 93 (42.3 kg) pounds. Two more pounds than this morning. TWO! He tried to apologize. For being disgusted, I suppose. I know I am. But eventually, He left. Immediately, I locked the door and got rid of dinner. Of course, then I weighed myself again. 92 pounds (41.8 kg). Better, but not good enough. Not nearly good enough. Curled against the wall, I eyed the floor. Just under the edge of the trashcan, something glinted. I crawled over. Then I moved the trashcan; the glint moved with it. I turned the empty can over. There were two razors. I would have never found them if one hadn't come loose. He really is quite ingenious... Those first few cuts... felt so good; kind of like falling in love—all of those knee-quivering moments with a warm feeling deep inside. Anyway, I stopped to write this, but now I've written this. I wonder if I should be saying good bye..._

Heero sat, slumped at the kitchen table, staring at the phone before him. He just couldn't do this alone anymore; the begging and pleading just to get Duo to eat a few bites; trying to keep Duo from throwing up even the tiniest bites of food; finding ways to hide or lock away knives, scissors, needles, tool, and a million guns and war memorabilia. Not to mention the pottery that had been stowed away in storage after the incident with Duo and the pottery shard. They had been using plastic plates, plastic utensils, plastic cups for some time now and Heero still worried. Heero loved Duo; he was the only person Heero had even felt anything close to love for, but for Duo, it ran deep in his veins.

But Heero didn't know how much more he could take. He didn't believe his old motto of "Life is cheap" any longer—especially concerning Duo. Cut it seemed that no matter how hard he tried, it didn't matter, that nothing changed. Slowly, as if in a trance, Heero picked up the phone. It took him 6 tries before his shaking hands were able to dial the number he had so long ago put to memory. He felt he was betraying Duo; betraying his trust—what little Duo had given him, betraying Duo's wishes—wrong as they were, betraying his friendship—as broken as it was.

Heero almost slammed the portable vid-phone down after, on the third ring, a face popped into view. Blue eyes flashed with worry, panic seeping his voice as he gazed into Heero's white face. "Heero? What's wrong!"

The faint scent of blood wafted to Heero. His nostrils flared slightly; his face became ghost-like. "Gods…" The phone fell to the floor, leaving Quatre staring at a screen of static.

Heero tried to unlock the door, but Duo had jimmied it shut; Heero couldn't even pry the hinges off. "Duo!"

No answer.

Heero thought desperately of a way to get in—supposed Duo was against the door and Heero tried to kick it in. So Heero crawled into a cobweb infested vent, leaving its screen broken and crumpled on the couch pushed up against the wall. Heero glimpsed blood through the vent over the bathroom as he gazed down. A swift bunch, leaving bloodied knuckles in its wake, sent the vent cover onto the bathroom floor. He slid through the opening, feet first.

Red flooded Heero's mind; the stench brought him to his knees.

Too much.

Far too much.

Duo was sprawled across the floor, he only seemed to be sleeping. He looked perfectly serene except he was too pale.

Heero unlocked the door and dialed the three infamous numbers—911—and managed to gasp out the necessary information for the ambulance. As soon as he hung up, Heero raced back to Duo, trying futilely to staunch the blood pooling around Duo's thin frame.

Five minutes can seem like forever.

Once white gauze soon began to ooze red from Duo's wrist; a stained towel pressed to Duo's chest. The Japanese man pressed down on the worst cuts, praying to gods he didn't believe in.

A door opened, followed be a set of footsteps beating hard against the hardwood floors. Soundlessly, Wufei sank down by Heero, pressing down against Duo's wrist; his abdomen. Red soon stained both men's arms. Seconds passed; the American's breath became shallower.

Heero's eyes blankly noted Duo's face took an ashen tone; his fingers felt skin turn colder. The blood wouldn't stop. _I should have never left him,_ Heero thought frantically. _This is my fault. I left him alone when he needed me. My fault…._

Paramedics raced in; doors thrown open were always a bad sign. Immediately, the two men were brought to the living room while the paramedics slid Duo onto a stretcher. Someone pulled Heero into the ambulance; another person asked Heero about Duo's blood type—a blood transfusion was needed, medical conditions—they could impair Duo's chance of surviving, allergies—those could make things difficult. Heero answered numbly.

A blanket was dropped across Heero's shoulders.

The scene before Heero's eyes became a blur. He was helpless to make it clear. He began shaking; no one noticed; they were too busy trying to create tourniquets to stop the blood and set Duo up for the blood transfusion being prepared at the hospital. Heero barely knew what was going on anymore.

Eventually, a hush settled as they drove; the only sound was the erratic beeping telling them that Duo was still alive. A nurse was pumping the oxygen mask over Duo's gray face.

Heero could see nothing; just black, but red slowly dripped and ran and oozed across the black. Purple eyes over a smiling face filled with tears. It was black again. The Japanese man couldn't hear anything, and he was cold; so cold.

The beeping slowed and jumped erratically a few times.

A single, high-pitched note filled the air.

* * *

Uhm… I get to keep my socks, right? Maybe not… unless I'm hung by them or something… 


	33. Chapter 32: A Few Minutes Before

Got so caught up in things that I almost forgot to upload this chapter... I'm sure that would have gone over just well with all of you... Lol

Contest: Currently, Ryuske. I sent an e-mail. If she doesn't reply in a week it's up for grabs again!  
Dedication: My amazing reviewers. Over 500 reviews; it seems absolutely surreal. Roses, cookies, GW memorabilia to all of you!  
Disclaimer: Don't own, yadda yadda.

* * *

Chapter 32: A few Minutes Before

Wufei snatched up Heero's keys from the key rack and flew to Heero's custom. It was fast, and ambulances were crazy. On his cell, he called Quatre and Trowa, saying only a hospital name before he hung up. He didn't understand.

What sort of sick accident happened? Why was Duo covered in blood? What happened?

Wufei swerved traffic and was sparse on the brakes. Still, it was hard to keep behind the ambulance. It was careening across roads, even going into oncoming traffic when regular traffic was too heavy once or twice. Wailing sirens permeated Wufei's ears, making him deaf to everything else. He knew it was bad.

Barely managing to not hit two cars, Wufei slammed the car into a parking slot messily before running straight for the ambulance—only to see two stretchers slip into the ER, surrounded by assistants. There shouldn't be two. Wufei knew that was the same ambulance. His footsteps skidded and he brought his shoulders back and walked quickly into the ER. He needed to keep calm so he could interrogate the nurses.

"Where's the braided man?"

The nurse Wufei questioned didn't glance at him; instead, she called for a doctor on the intercom, her voice snapping a bit. Seconds later, a blue-smocked doctor strode in. The nurse pulled him aside and spoke in hushed tones for a fast moment. The doctor flew.

Wufei stalked up to the nurse, demanding. "What is going on?"

The nurse looked him up and down quizzically, noting his Asian features. "Are you family?"

"Close enough." Wufei snapped.

"Only family can sign off for anyone else to have knowledge of what is going on." The nurse stared down through her glasses at Wufei. She was taller than he was, and heavy set.

Wufei bristled. "The American is an orphan. He has no family. The Japanese man who rode in with him, myself, and two others are as close to family as he will ever get."

The nurse was quiet, lips pursed. Her demeanor screamed annoyance. Finally, she told Wufei. "You'll have to wait for the doctor. I don't really know what is going on, but Doctor Lawrence is a specialist from the cardiology department. When one of the doctors comes out, he'll ask for family of the patients, then you may ask him."

Wufei frowned. "Patients?"

The nurse nodded. "Apparently, the other man had trouble in the ambulance. Currently, he is sedated and being watched over. At this time, there are no visitors. Now please, be seated and wait."

Wufei sat, bringing a hand to his forehead, rubbing it gently in vexation. Heero was sedated? For a moment, he was almost amused, wondering how high of a dosage that took, but then his mind reversed, clamping onto the fact that Heero had needed to be sedated in the first place. He only knew that something had gone desperately wrong.

Ooooooooooo

The Asian had patience that could last forever during meditation and training; however, in most cases impatience ruled Wufei's character. Currently, Wufei was fighting a battle he had long since lost to fidgeting. This battle was not aided by the large cup of coffee he had drunk too fast when it was still steaming.

For now, Wufei was tugging at strands from his ponytail. Every now and then, his ponytail would get messy from the torture, then Wufei would have to pull his ponytail down and pull it back again. And this was only to see a doctor. Then again, he'd sat in the waiting room for three hours now.

A doctor strode out. "Can I see the family of Gabriel and Michael Mitsukai?"

It took Wufei a moment to remember the favourite old codename Heero and Duo had used when they were partners. He hid his sprint in quick steps. "Yes?"

"I'm Dr. Carson." He paused, waiting for Wufei to introduce himself.

"Fei Mitsukai. The Mitsukais are my cousins. What's going on?"

"Let's continue this in my office." Dr. Carson led Wufei to a medium-sized, neat office. "I'm afraid we have a lot of bad news. Which patient would you rather hear about first?" The doctor asked; he was a quiet, soft-spoken man with a soothing voice. Perfect for calming anyone.

"Michael." Wufei wasn't quite sure which name went with which man, but he had a vague idea it might be Heero.

"Michael has apparently suffered a break down. During the drive here, he apparently blacked out. Since then, he has needed sedatives to prevent him from hyperventilating. In a few hours, he should awake naturally. Upon that time, we shall see how he does. Until that time, Michael shall be kept in observation, and he is currently being moved to a different area of the hospital." Dr. Carson intoned softly.

"And Gabriel?"

"Well, you see, Gabriel has had a number of problems, resulting from a series of deep cuts across his arms, thighs, and chest. We were able to give him a blood transfusion in time; however, due to the blood loss, his heart stopped beating. We have been able to resuscitate him; however, his heart is quite weak and has stopped beating on two other occasions today. Due to these complications, he has slipped into a coma." Dr. Carson gave Wufei a moment for that information to sink in.

Wufei stared for a long moment. "He's in a coma?"

Dr. Carson sighed. "I hate to have to do this now, but this was clearly a suicide attempt. On our records, it has been shown that this is the second attempt. It also appears that Gabriel suffers from another disease; anorexia. Are you aware of this?"

Wufei sat on the nearest chair. He knew Duo was thin, but anorexia? The American loved to eat. He'd eaten pizza with him just a few days ago. "He can't be! Only a few days ago we ate a pizza together."

"I believe I would also be accurate to say that Gabriel is also bulimic. These two diseases often go hand in hand; however, they can be extremely lethal." Dr. Carson sat across from Wufei. "Do you know anything about these diseases?"

"They're eating disorders that are psychological in origin…" Wufei murmured. The news had shocked him into a calm stupor.

"Bulimia often takes the form of over-indulging—or the belief one has over-indulged. This belief leads to a number of outlets designed by the sufferer to reduce calories and the foot taken in. This can be done through over-exercising, purging, and any number of things including laxatives." The doctor paused again, looking Wufei in the eye. "Paired with the number of scars and suicide attempts, Gabriel is obviously suffering from depression. Depression has both biological and psychological origins. If your cousin makes it through the night—"

"What do you mean, make it through the night!" Wufei snapped, eyes flaring.

"Gabriel is very sick. If his heart makes it through the night, he has a good chance of recovering and awakening from his coma." Dr. Carson stared at Wufei. "However, it is imperative that Gabriel receive professional medical help. His records say he was attending a psychologist, but asides from a note in the records, there is no evidence to support that claim. I am extremely worried about the mental welfare of Gabriel."

Wufei sat quietly. He couldn't even begin to form words. Was it his fault? He had always been hard on the American, but he had thought Duo had known he never had any true insult or malice towards him, even after his dao had been stolen.

"I'll give you some time to mull over all of this. I know it's hard, so please take your time. We'll talk again when Michael wakes up, all right?" Dr. Carson rose, and led a stunned Wufei back to the waiting room.

All the Asian could do was fall into a chair and sit, pale-faced. His frantic fidgeting had ceased as he stared at nothing. Moments later, a nurse dropped a blanket over his shoulders.

"Dr. Carson sent me over here. You've gone into shock, so I need to get you talking to help make sure you're all right, okay?" Slowly, the feminine voice pierced through the haze surrounding Wufei. "How about we start with your name?"

"Chang Wufei." He mumbled.

"A Gundam pilot." The voice breathed.

"Fei Mitsukai." Wufei quickly corrected, instincts beginning to kick in once more.

"I recognize you now, I can see why you used a different name. I won't tell anyone, except perhaps Dr. Carson, who you are, all right? Anyway, I'm Wen Sparrow. My mother was Chinese, but my father was from America."

Wufei glanced up at the woman to realize she was perhaps a year younger than he was. Thick black hair was pulled back into a ponytail while black-brown eyes watched him behind glasses. "A refined, cultured bird, I see." Wufei commented. He could allow a Chinese girl to talk to him like this.

"So you know Chinese?" Wen asked eagerly. "My mother began teaching me, but she passed away during the war. That's where I first got my medical training—as a battlefield nurse."

oooooooooooooooooooooo

After Wen spent two hours fussing over Wufei, making sure he was all right, she had learned several phrases in Mandarin, which she managed to say without the local accent, instead her tongue rolled around the sounds the same way her mother's and Wufei's did.

Wufei, however, was still mostly lost to a world of his own. Wen had touched it for a bit, but two Gundam pilots were currently in a hospital, one doped up, the other in a coma. So far, Dr. Carson hadn't come back.

"Wufei!" A voice half-wailed. "What's going on!"

Wufei waved towards the plastics chairs in a silent command for them to sit. Trowa pulled Quatre down by him, his fingers intertwined with Quatre's. "Duo… he… tried to kill himself…"

Quatre paled. "What? But… how? He's always so happy…"

Wufei looked down. "That's what I though too…"

"Where's Heero?" Trowa questioned. "Is he with Duo?"

Wufei's hands clenched into fists. His voice a mere whisper. "No."

"Wufei, what happened?" Trowa's voice murmured dully. Quatre whimpered, and Trowa pulled him a bit closer.

"Heero… he's sedated. He… I don't know what happened. He passed out and had a panic attack I think…" Wufei rubbed his temples. How could something happen to Heero? He was infallible. He'd survived two wars that should have killed him, been tortured, trained past any limit, and stood strong. What happened?

Trowa found a bit of reason. "How could a suicide attempt lead to a coma? Did he try to drown himself?"

Wufei's mouth went even drier. "He… cut himself. He lost too much blood, and his heart stopped beating. He's… he has an eating disorder…"

Understanding slowly drew across Trowa's face. He knew a bit about those from the circus. Some of the dancers were bulimic, trying desperately to be perfect silhouettes for their routines. He'd also seen one dancer die, murdering her heart slowly through meals she felt had been too much, until one day she collapsed during practice—and didn't get back up ever again. He nodded quietly in acknowledgement.

Finally, Quatre murmured a single phrase that seemed to highlight how desperate the situation was. "Oh…Allah…"

Tears began to flow from the pale blue eyes as the blond ducked his head to sob into his hands. Wufei knew exactly what was stampeding through his mind. Questions. Why hadn't he seen? Why hadn't Duo come to him for help? Why was Heero sedated? Why had Duo tried to kill himself? Why, why, why… Wufei knew Quatre was thinking these questions, just as he knew Trowa was wondering the same things. He knew because they were the same questions falling through his own mind.

Trowa pulled the blond close; Wufei suddenly realized they weren't just roommates, but Trowa didn't look down at Quatre; his eyes were riveted on Wufei. "You were staying with them."

_So how come I didn't know anything until now?_ Wufei knew that was Trowa's unvoiced question. He shared it, and he was impossibly angry with himself because of it. "I came home and found Heero with… Duo…." Wufei's voice cracked. He cleared his throat and continued in a monotone. "I… followed the ambulance here in Heero's car. Heero went with… Duo.

"He… just a few days ago, we ate a pizza together…" Wufei's voice was just a whisper. "He acted just like he…" But he trailed off.

And suddenly, they all knew it. It was so clearly an act for nearly three years. A gradual act where they had assumed the rare off-comment or belated smile simply meant Duo hadn't been paying attention or had an off day. Then rare became occasional. Then occasional became sometimes. Then sometimes became usually. Then usually became life.

Just like the pounds they didn't notice. And the war scars that weren't from the war. And the pacing from Duo's room late at night when he should have been sleeping. And how he picked at his food instead of wolfing it down. And how Duo's jokes were always forced and directed blame at himself. It was gradual. So gradual, they never noticed the horrible, scarred, twisted mask Duo had thrust up to hide behind. The never noticed that the man who would run and hide but never tell a lie was, in fact, living a lie and running and hiding from something. They never noticed because they didn't want to see, in part. Their idea of the cheerful comedian was strong enough to cover the holes and scratches Duo's mask couldn't quite stretch to cover.

But they still didn't know why.

And now, the only thing they could do was wait.

There were no answers to any of their questions.

Just waiting.

* * *

I guess this may not be exactly the follow-up chapter you were expecting... Please don't hurt me 


	34. Chapter 33: Four Hours of Waiting Pass

Okay, so today is my last day of summer classes! I discovered I was on the president's honor roll last fall, the dean's honor roll last spring, and I'm getting A's in both of my summer courses (unless I somehow flunk my final essay in Western Civilization, but I got a 97 last time, so I feel good there.) My friend from Canada is flying down soon to see me, a guy likes me, and I'm just in a good mood. A good mood despite wearing hose and a skirt to go job hunting in.

In celebration of my general joy, for this chapter, there's **another** **contest**! It will confuse me less too. In short, if you want me to write you a one shot, when you review (or e-mail, but I personally think the review is easier, plus, I love reviews ), include your story idea. The person whose idea I like the most I will write the one-shot for. Have fun!

Dedication: everyone  
Disclaimer: Must we go through this again?

* * *

Chapter 33: Four Hours of Waiting Pass

Dr. Carson strode across the waiting room. Wufei was up like a shot, jogging over to the doctor. "Any news?"

Dr. Carson nodded, but his face was grim. "Gabriel is still all right. In an hour or two, it should be all right for you three to visit him one at a time for fifteen minutes or so. Michael also woke up." But Wufei heard the silent but, so he waited silently for the doctor to continue. "However, I'm afraid he is not doing very well. I'm also having trouble with his records. We can't seem to find any records for your cousin. Do you have any idea where they might be? It's extremely important we have them right now."

Wufei hesitated. "Give me a minute to talk to the others."

The doctor nodded and Wufei returned to Quatre and Trowa. "We're going to have to tell the doctor who Heero is… medical records…"

Quatre nodded immediately, but Trowa was slower about his agreement. "If he—or anyone else—here harbors hate for us… then we could have a situation on our hands… Be careful."

Wufei snapped. "I know that. Of course I'll be careful!" He hissed, brows furrowed. He returned to Dr. Carson. "His records are under Heero Yuy. …Gabriel's records in full are under the name Duo Maxwell. You'll have to ask the Preventers for them. The password is 'meteor'."

The doctor's brows flew together in a dark line, his voice was dark and angry. "And you don't tell me this until now! The Gundam pilots were specially trained… what if one of them has an unusual reaction?"

"We don't, except for having less reaction to some things…" Wufei murmured.

Dr. Carson just glared at Wufei before running off to see about the records.

"Wait! What about Heero?" Wufei demanded, but the doctor was already gone. "Damnit!" Wufei muttered as he returned to the others. "For some reason Heero isn't doing well. The doctor left before I could find out why…"

Quatre closed his eyes tightly, but a few tears still slipped through. His voice was shaky for his next few words. "What… what about Duo?"

"If he makes it for the next twenty hours he should be all right… The doctor says we can each have about fifteen minutes with him in a couple hours." Wufei's voice was soft.

The blond nodded. "They have to be all right…"

Trowa just pulled Quatre closer. "Do they have any coffee around here?"

Wufei leapt up. "Yeah. I'll go get some…" He hurried off. He couldn't stand sitting still right now. All he had done was wait, and he was still waiting. During the war, Wufei had had to wait plenty. He was used to waiting hours to memorize shift changes and wait for signals. But then, he at least understood what was going on. Wufei wished he could practice his martial arts or simply something to release some of the burning tension coursing through him. Right now, he didn't even feel like himself. It was like a stranger had taken over his emotions.

He walked straight into a nurse.

"Hey… you're still not paying any attention are you?" A Chinese girl muttered. "I bet you're going after coffee. Did your friends finally show up? Do they need coffee too?"

Wufei stared at her for a full minute. "Stop with all the questions, onna!"

Wen's eyes narrowed. "My name is Wen. Don't make me remind you again."

"Whatever, onna."

She kicked him, hard. "Stupid man…"

Wufei glared, refusing to rub his aching leg. "Go get me three large coffees."

"No. You can get them yourself!" Wen huffed.

Instead of arguing, Wufei grabbed Wen's wrist and dragged her along with him, ignoring her complaints. Once in the cafeteria, Wufei handed Wen two of the coffee cups. She took them, but gave Wufei so dark a look he nearly took a step back. She walked back with him in smoldering silence until they reached Trowa and Quatre. Wen handed them their cups with a smile as they said their thank yous. Then Wen turned to Wufei and kicked him again, causing him to spill his burning hot cup of coffee down his shirt. Smirking, Wen left.

"ONNA!" Wufei yelled after her.

A nurse came by and handed Wufei a towel.

Trowa and Quatre shared a chuckle and a secret smile before they remembered why they were in the hospital. Then both of them lost any hint of cheer.

Because they had to wait, and they knew that no matter what the news was, it wasn't going to be good.

A nurse came out of the door the pilots hadn't been allowed to even go near. She came towards them. "Dr. Carson says that the first visitor should come with me to see Gabriel."

Quatre shot up, teary-eyed once more. "Let me go first!" He begged the others, who merely nodded stonily.

Wufei had already decided he would be last. He was numb while he waited. He didn't heed Quatre coming back or Trowa leaving. What could you say to an ex-comrade in a coma with a heart that didn't want to keep beating?

Wufei had seen Duo as annoying, but also as the one to bring joy and laughter to the group. Even Wufei had to smirk when Duo started his antics and burst into gut-wrenching laughter. How could such a happy person be so unhappy? He tried to kill himself. Duo. The one who was happy-go-lucky. How horrible was the world if such a person became that desperately unhappy as to destroy himself?

Trowa's voice broke through enough to get Wufei to stand and follow the nurse down the sterilized white halls even though Duo liked black, not white. She ushered him in and shut the door. Duo was in a room by himself.

Wufei got his first look at the real Duo. The Duo who was supposed to have full cheeks and a grin with big violet eyes. He was supposed to bounce and pull pranks and laugh and smile and eat anything that was food. He was the life of the party.

Life. Wufei stared. That was a funny way of putting it. Wufei saw what he had refused to see all this time. He saw the real Duo. This Duo had bruises around his eyes and hollows that were dark and too deep under his cheeks—they looked like the cheeks supermodels can only get with heavy make-up, only Duo's skin was yellow-tinged white-gray wax. Wax that stretched across a tiny nose and showed every thin little vein on Duo's neck, which was smaller around than a child's.

It was the arms that made Wufei gag and choke bile down. There were the sliced clavicles, and the shoulder joints that loomed over the line of bone that was just covered with skin and nothing else. Elbows jarred out at bizarre angles, looming like the shoulder joints over arms like what was supposed to be biceps, but hadn't been for a long time. Skeleton hands. Skin looped up and down over every bone, accentuating it into sharp relief. But it wasn't relief. It was terror.

And he had to see that chest because of all the machines. That bloated belly that protruded like the starving African tribes who cried because there was nothing to eat. Wufei counted ribs. Each one was accounted for visibly. Wufei could count three of his own ribs. There wasn't a hollow beneath Wufei's ribs right before the mounding belly full of nothing. But there was under Duo's ribs. It was a pit.

Wufei fell into the plastic chair and wept.

* * *

Dr. Carson approached Wufei, speaking quietly. "I'm afraid that Mr. Yuy isn't doing well. It appears it may be best that he is hospitalized."

Wufei blinked. "But he is hospitalized."

Dr. Carson cleared his throat. "Excuse me, I meant hospitalized in a mental institution for the time being. However, the decision is still yours as the declared family. I need you to sign for us to move him there."

"Why does he need to go there?" Trowa asked, standing next to Wufei. The Chinese man took a step away. He didn't like people standing too close to him, or making him look shorter than he already was.

"Are you aware that Mr. Yuy has been seeing a psychologist since the end of the Eve Wars?" Dr. Carson asked seriously.

The three ex-pilots stared at one another blankly, shock clearly registered on Quatre's face, incredulity on Wufei's, blankness on Trowa's. "No."

The doctor gave a little sigh. "Mr. Yuy has a disorder known as obsessive compulsive disorder. During his treatment, his disorder became quite manageable; however, it seems that under his current stress, the disorder is much worse than it was even when he first began treatment." The doctor looked down. "Along with the OCD, there are strong signs and inclinations to suggest a severe anxiety disorder and depression."

"Oh, Allah." Quatre sank to the floor and began quiet tears.

"Will it help him?" Trowa asked, trying to grasp onto some bit of hope.

Meeting each pilot's eyes with his own sad ones, he replied. "I don't know. Right now, it doesn't appear that he can function in normal society, or even under special care outside of an institution."

Wufei glanced at the others. He nodded after they did. "Where do we sign?"

Then it was done. Wufei felt like something had been ripped from inside of him. But he still had to ask. There hadn't been anymore news, but the waiting period was nearly over; that horrible, spiteful twenty-four hours of sickening, agonizing waiting pain. "Duo?"

"He's still fighting." Dr. Carson sighed. "We believe he'll make the twenty-four hours now; however, we're still uncertain regarding his coma. We just don't know. Tomorrow, we hope we can move him out of the ICU to a different unit."

Wufei nodded. The happy one wasn't happy. He wasn't sleeping in late. His bone and skin routine of starving and purging had left them with a shadow in a coma. The strongest one wasn't strong. He wasn't going on a mission. His obsessions and compulsions had left him without control in a mental institution.

He knew the others would agree with him.

If… when… Duo woke up, he was going into rehab. He was going there full time, for as long as it took. Wufei wouldn't let Duo die without a fight, and Wufei was stubborn. He would not lose.

* * *

(coughs) I have this bad feeling all my socks are going to be shredded… 


	35. Chapter 34: 13 Days Later

So, I am in a really good mood. I spent the day with one of my best friends whom I admire more than almost anybody else. She's amazing. Anyway, I was really sad; no one actually gave me an idea about a story, though several people -thought- about it. The 500th reviewer contest story is well underway though, and going smoothly. My friend from Canada visited this past week; went well. Anyway, on with the show.

Dedication: Miss Macabre, who is incredibly awesome as well as talented. She gave me my very first fan-art! I love her! anyway, here's a link to the art Miss Macabre sent to me! A link will be on my profile page as well.

img63.imageshack.us/img63/9809/macabretj8.jpg (just add the http bit in front of it)

Disclaimer: Duh.

* * *

Chapter 34: 13 Days Later

Wufei was standing near Duo. He had been elected as spokesperson when Quatre burst into tears just at the thought of telling him. Duo had woken up a week earlier, but today was the day they were telling him. He was no longer left on some other plane from medications and shadows of his coma. He also knew something was up, but Wufei had the idea that it was Heero on Duo's mind, not him.

"Duo." Wufei noted his voice sounded harsh and loud, though he was trying to be quiet and soothing. He had never been good at offering comfort. That was always Quatre's job. But Quatre was in the single chair in the room sniffling.

Duo looked up at Wufei, but his eyes rose no higher than Wufei's chest. His eyes were dull, yet they seemed to burn; so like the wasted gaze of deathbeds trashed inside out by cancer.

Wufei was blunt; he didn't know how to soften words like Quatre did. He glanced at the blond again. He had to do this though. "You're extremely sick, Duo."

Duo attempted a grin, but it fell short. His gaze fell down to his arms. "Better now, right, Wufei? That's what hospitals are for."

"Not this hospital." And Wufei's voice was a whisper.

No colour flooded from the American's face, but there was no colour to let fade. His eyes widened, taking on a panicked, manic look. "I want to go home. Where's Heero? He said I didn't have to go. He said I didn't have to…" He ended in a whisper.

Wufei crouched down by the bed. They were even now. "Heero got sick too. He had to go with some other doctors. He had a disorder--"

"OCD." Duo answered. "Amary said he was getting better. He's better. He said I didn't have to go…" The American's voice was beginning to rise, and he was sitting straight up.

Wufei almost wished he had taken Dr. Carson's offer of telling Duo, but that would have been dishonourable. "He had a panic attack and he got worse, Duo. He got a lot worse. You didn't get any better either, Duo. We can't help you anymore."

"I don't need help! Where's Heero! I'm not going! I won't!" Duo was screaming now. Quatre was sobbing. "I'm not! I'm not! I'm not!"

Wufei sat on Duo's bed. He had been expecting tears, anger, but not the wild chaos surrounding Duo now. Wufei hated being unsure, but Quatre was still sobbing, clinging to Trowa as a lifeline, who in turn was silent. Wufei grabbed Duo's shoulders and felt unrelieved bone and thinned skin. He tried to catch Duo's wild eyes, when he finally did, he held them. "Duo. Calm down. You're going to go. I know it doesn't seem like a good idea to you now, but we're doing this so that…" Wufei struggled for a word for a moment. "all the… pain will go away. We want you to get better."

"Where's Heero?" He asked. "Heero won't let them put me there…" Duo mumbled to himself. "They only put crazy people in mental hospitals. I'm not crazy. I'm not sick. They can't make me go. They can't…"

"Duo." Wufei said. "Heero got sick too. He had to go away."

And somewhere it made sense to Duo. "He left me."

"No, Duo. He didn't want to, but he was so sick that he had to." Wufei wondered if this was how a parent felt explaining bad things to a child. "He didn't want to leave you, Duo."

"What's wrong with him?" Duo spoke in a quiet voice.

And Wufei realized he'd already told Duo that Heero was gone. It sent a chill through him and he wasn't sure if Duo would get better or not. "Duo, Heero is having a lot of trouble with his disorder. He needs more doctors to help him right now."

Duo just began crying silently. Crystals sliding down wax cheeks. It didn't make sense because the crystals fell from violet pools. They should have been violet. But nothing made sense anymore.

"I'm sorry, Duo."

"No you're not! Don't lie! You're smiling! You're happy that I'm going. Happy!" The tears never stopped, but the screaming did.

"Duo…" Wufei said one last time before standing up. He felt exhausted and something else. He was doing the right thing, yet it felt so wrong.

Duo wouldn't look at him. "I hate you…"

"Dr. Carson is going to take you to the new hospital tomorrow." Wufei was facing the door.

There was silence and Quatre's crying. Wufei had to leave, and so he did, he didn't care if it was stupid or not. He couldn't stand Duo's tears. The other two pilots followed him.

Wufei turned around and glanced at them. "I'm going to continue staying in…" Was it still Heero's apartment? He didn't know anymore. "Heero's apartment." Heero would have a place to return to, because the Wing pilot never failed. He would return. Just like Duo would come back, and he would smile again, because he was supposed to smile.

Trowa spoke from his long held silence. "Quatre and I have to return to the colonies because of business, but we have every intention of finding a residence here within the next few weeks."

Wufei nodded. He hadn't realized how dedicated the two were to each other. It was a small spark of happiness in the gloom. "Have a safe flight."

The funny thing was, Wufei still had to go home. He still had to get in a car and drive. So that's what he did. Then he had to lock up the car, walk up to Heero's apartment and unlock the door. Go inside, lock the door. And he still had to eat. He made himself a sandwich, which he ate half of.

Wufei tried to meditate, but it was quiet. Silent. He went into Duo's room and pulled out a CD. He put it in the living room entertainment centre and blasted electric guitar and drums and some man's voice that wasn't quite singing.

Then the living room was too empty. Wufei did something he would never have thought about before. He opened up Heero's computer and set it on the coffee table. The quiet glow quickly made Wufei feel out of sorts. Heero never just left his laptop open. He was always working on it. Wufei left it open anyway.

And the plants. Wufei had to water them. He leapt up and filled the watering can Heero kept by the plants. It had been awhile since they'd been watered. Heero kept them by the sunny window; they were all herbs in a neat box with each plant labelled in Heero's precise way. Only now did Wufei realise how precise; that it wasn't from the onslaught of his training.

The world had fallen on Wufei, and instead of collapsing under it, he had to cook, water the plants, and take out the garbage. And that cat. The devil-cat still had to be fed and watered, and cleaned up after.

* * *

Oddly, the last part of this chapter is one of my favourite parts in the entire work thus far. Tell me what you guys thing, ne? I hope you enjoyed. 


	36. Chapter 35: Two Weeks Later

Okay, so it SEEMS like it's a day late, but it isn't. Thanks to my new school schedule, I'll have to start updating up Thursdays instead of Wednesdays. Sorry about any inconveniences and what not. Anyway, enjoy.

Note: The **500th Reviewer story** is now up! Read, enjoy, etc.

Disclaimer: If I owned anything like Duo or Heero or GW, I'd be able to afford a new computer, wouldn't I? Obviously, it's not mine.

Dedication: Miss Macabre (again :S) She won a contest!

Chapter 35: Two Weeks Later

Wufei ran a hand through his hair. He was letting it dry before he pulled it back again. Wufei had returned to the job he'd found some time before. He couldn't make himself call it anything other than that, but the ones to whom it mattered knew what he meant.

Wufei went down his self-made list of chores, which had grown from merely making his bed and meditating to include watering Heero's herbs and taking care of the beast. Wufei pulled on a pair of dark jeans and a white T-shirt. Then the chores began. Contrary to what most people believed, Wufei simply pulled up the sheets and the comforter, tossing the pillows on top of it all. There were a few wrinkles, and it wasn't even on one side, but Wufei didn't waste his time on them.

Then Wufei planted himself in the kitchen. After a bit of quick research on plants, Wufei had a feeling he would be able to keep the herbs alive. He sprinkled the water with a bit of plant food, which he had moved to sit by the watering can, which Wufei now kept under the sink, though it hovered a bit precariously over a number of cleaning agents that Wufei never used. Then he set the can in the sink and let cold water run into it while he retrieved fresh dishes from the dishwasher for the cat.

"Demon!" Wufei ordered the beast. And she came, hopping up onto a tiny counter. Wufei scooped some soft food from a can and mashed it in the dish, shoving it in front of the cat. The rest of the food he put in the fridge with a lid. It had taken Shinigami three days from Wufei's last trip from the hospital before she decided to sleep on his bed and another two days before Wufei stopped kicking her off. Now at night, he slept on his side and the cat he called "Demon" curled up against his stomach.

Wufei watered the plants mechanically before putting the empty can under the sink and sat down with a cup of tea and a bowl of leftover fried rice. However, he only drank the tea. The rice went into the trash. At some point, Heero had installed a trash compactor, which had made Wufei uneasy when he realized Heero double-lined the compactor.

Wufei put the dishes away, listening to the clunk of plastic. Only now did he see the significance of that. He'd merely assumed for so long that Duo was merely clumsy, which was true enough. It had seemed odd that Heero kept the cutlery locked up as well. He knew hiding the razors was because that was what Duo had used the first time, but in a way he'd never really believed it had happened.

Wufei wiped down Demon's corner; she was the messiest eater Wufei had ever come across. She always had dry food out of her dish, and she shoved a bit of soft food out of her bowl. The Chinese man had no idea how she managed it, but he scolded her just the same before spraying down the tough spots. He'd picked up a bottle of all-purpose spray and a general hard floor cleaner after he realized Heero had a different cleaner for nearly everything. Now that he was truly living in the house instead of just sleeping there or sitting in the living room, he was beginning to see things how they really were.

He pulled his hair back with a groan and straightened everything up again, though he kept a neat house just from his habits of putting things away when he was done. He was just wasting time today. He eyed the package on the coffee table, and the bag on the floor by it. He couldn't wait any longer.

"Demon." He called, and the cat, who was still a kitten, came. Wufei scooped her up and put her in the bag and picked it up. She peered out, meowing loudly. Duo's pet bag—he hadn't liked carriers.

"We're going to go see Duo today, Demon. Behave." Wufei set the bag down in the kitchen, pulled his khaki jacket off the back of a chair, and put it on. He tucked the package from the coffee table into a pocket inside his jacket, tucked a wallet into his back pocket, and grabbed the keys to his red pick-up truck. It was a veritable monster—every bit a guy's truck.

Wufei took off, Demon mewling on the seat next to him Wufei initially tried scolding the cat, but when she only cried louder, he gave up, though he wouldn't quite lower himself enough to comfort a mere cat. A female cat at that.

The Chinese man parked and swung out of the cab before retrieving the little Siamese kitten. He marched up to the building, and through glass doors to a lobby. At the reception desk, he signed in.

"Ah. You're early. A nurse will come to get you in a few minutes. Also, please sign a form for the items you have brought. From our records, the cat has already been cleared, correct?" A blonde asked him quickly. She was in her thirties; neat and efficient.

Wufei nodded and signed before taking a seat in one of the ten or so plush chairs near the receptionist. Quatre, being the generous soul that he was had taken on full responsibility for paying the numerous medical bills Heero and Duo now created, so it was nothing but the best for both of them. This meant that Duo was twenty minutes away from Wufei while Heero was a couple of hours away.

As the Chinese man and the Siamese kitten waited, both grew quiet. A slight woman approached Wufei; she wasn't old, but her eyes were. "Wufei Chang?"

Wufei nodded.

"I'm Marianne Oakland, one of the nurses here. Mr. Chang, if you'll come with me, I'll take you to the family therapy session. It should last an hour. After that, you are allowed half an hour visiting Duo." She smiled and waited for Wufei to get up and follow her.

Wufei forced himself not to drag his pace as he followed Ms. Oakland. She opened a door with a keycard, holding it open for the Chinese man. She offered him a brief explanation. "I know it seems strange to have the patients locked in; however, some patients occasionally try to leave, presenting a potential danger not only to themselves, but others as well."

Ms. Oakland stopped at a receptionist and turned in her first keycard. "We have to sign in here, Mr. Chang. This lets the facility know exactly where everyone is." She quickly signed, adding date and time to her entry. Wufei followed suit, and the receptionist passed a second keycard to Ms. Oakland. "After this door, we'll be heading towards the therapy room."

Wufei glanced through the doors they passed if they were open; in one, he saw a group of patients in what looked like a commons area. This facility specialised in eating disorders. Seeing patients with gaunt faces that showed off bones and dark hollows like Duo's did; seeing those gazes that saw something that Wufei couldn't see; it made Wufei feel sick. It was even more painfully true now, and he was simply glancing through a passageway bordering their world. He only knew that Duo was one of them, but he didn't know what they were.

Ms. Oakland stopped before a last door. "Mr. Chang, Duo and Dr. Fitzgerald are right through this door."

Wufei's throat went dry and something twisted inside him. He couldn't move. He was terrified of what lay beyond that closed door. He breathing quickened slightly.

"Mr. Chang. I know it's hard, but it's even harder for Duo. Please don't disappoint him. He's still Duo. His illness hasn't transformed him into a monster." The last part, Ms. Oakland snapped.

"I… don't think he's a monster." Wufei started. "I just… I lived with him…before…"

Something flashed across the nurse's face briefly. "I understand… It's all right, and it's not your fault. Duo will be glad you came, and I believe seeing his kitten will get his spirits up. It's amazing what a furry animal does. I'm glad Dr. Fitzgerald approved it. I'll watch the kitten back here during your session and bring it to the room when you and Duo visit."

Wufei nodded and Ms. Oakland opened the door for Wufei. He thanked her with a nod; he still tended to think he was superior to women, but he had learned to respect them much more on the past few years. His time with the Preventers had heavily influenced him, primarily in the form of his now ex-partner Sally Po. She had left the force a few months before he had once she had learned of a pregnancy only four months after her marriage to a co-worker. Wufei glanced around the room and swallowed heavily. Two girls had IVs dripping into their wrists, and every other chair held someone with an eating disorder, obvious by thinness. It shocked him at how drastic the change was between the people who, like him, had come on visitation and the frail, sickly figures on each side.

A steel-haired man at the head of the table sporting a stiff moustache met Wufei with surprisingly warm blue eyes. "Wufei Chang?"

Wufei bit back a retort about the proper order of his name; he was getting used to the general way the world looked at his name. "Yes." He nodded as he spoke.

"Excellent. Only one more person to show up and we can begin. Please sit on the right side of Duo, Mr. Chang." The doctor smiled warmly.

Wufei frowned deeply at the last three words; he wasn't sure if that meant Duo was being treated as a friend, or if he was being treated as a mere child. It was then that Wufei spotted Duo; he swallowed hard on bile threatening to rise from his throat. How had he been so blind that entire time? He had lived with that idiot for months and he was an ex-soldier. A pilot who had to be incredibly accurate and notice every single little detail, yet he had missed everything. Hollow cheeks that only the most emaciated models sported and skin tight around hard angles of bone made the American's head seem huge and bulbous atop a little doll frame. Muscles had once rippled across his chest and once, though Wufei would never admit this even under oath, Duo had bested him in an arm wrestling match. Sure, Duo had accumulated a slight amount of pudge after the war, but Wufei felt that Duo would break in a slight breeze. _No, _Wufei realized suddenly. Duo was already broken.

In a daze, Wufei sat beside his friend and comrade with a slight scowl; he usual expression. Soon, a plump woman ran in three minutes after the session was supposed to start and breathlessly took a seat next to a waxy-looking blond with thin hair. The session began immediately; those within the centre were asked to introduce themselves and tell the group whether or not they had an eating disorder, but less than half of the group admitted to that, and Duo was adamant that nothing was wrong with him. Wufei had to watch as Duo's face flushed and his hoarse voice angrily demanded the doctor let him go home and that Wufei should go to hell for ever putting him in here. Wufei just sat there. What was he supposed to do? He was beginning to realise that not only would Duo need therapy, but he might just need it and he had to learn how to deal with Duo as he was now. Then he introduced himself and his relation—close friend—to the group.

To Wufei, the session had been a joke; the patients talked about their week, or were asked to. Some patients refused to speak at all. The visitors could comment and ask non-invasive questions if they wished. How the hell would that help anybody was Wufei's question. But it eventually ended and Ms. Oakland bustled into the room. "Duo, Mr. Chang, please come with me." She took Duo's hand and led him towards the door as he followed mutely.

She led them to a small bedroom with two beds on either side of the room. Wufei assumed it was Duo's room. "I'll be back in a moment to check on the two of you, but I trust you enough, Duo, to leave you alone in your room, all right?" Whenever Ms. Oakland spoke to Duo, her voice was a bit softer, with an inviting edge hinting a truly caring about her patient.

Duo nodded and slowly sunk down to sit on the edge of his bed. He was staring at the floor the entire time. Wufei sat on the opposite bed. "This is the first time they said I could visit…"

Wufei was met by nothing. "Duo… I-I'm sorry…" What the hell was he supposed to say? He attempted a few more comments, but they were met mostly with silence, once he earned a soft grunt. Then he remembered the package he'd tucked into his jacket; it was wrapped with several layers of white tissue paper and a stick-on bow. "I have something for you." He drew it out and walked over to Duo and placed the package into his hands.

Slowly, so slowly, Duo began to wrap it and Wufei almost wondered if he was only unwrapping it because it was in his hands. Duo finally withdrew his journal and uttered a breathless "thank you". He already sounded exhausted.

Longer silence ensued until Ms. Oakland knocked and brought Wufei's bag into the room. "Mr. Chang brought you another present, Duo, but she can only stay for a little while. Maybe if you ask Dr. Fitzgerald nicely, he'll let Mr. Chang bring her back again, hmm?"

Duo looked up, and Wufei pulled a rather irritated and loudly meowing kitten out of the bag. "Demon isn't happy with me for putting her in that bag…" She wriggled free of Wufei's hands and stared up at Duo. She scolded Duo thoroughly for leaving her before pressing her head against his legs, marking him as hers all over again. A ghost of a smile lit Duo's face as she crawled onto his lap and began purring as loud as her tiny body would allow. Wufei watched from the opposite bed for the rest of the visit in silence. He was completely amazed at the sudden change in Duo brought on by the cat. Now he was quietly murmuring to the kitten and petting her. He definitely was happier with Demon than he was with Wufei and the entire staff at the centre.


	37. Chapter 36: Five Months Later

Hmm… So I'm thinking I should just try to keep a Wednesday update. We'll see how it goes, ne? So a lot of time goes past, eh? We'll see how you guys take this chapter… No hurting please? Next update, with any luck, I should have a piece of artwork done for the story that I, uh, drew… hmm….

Dedication: Chibi Neko Shinigami

Mailing List: It's there; ask to join.

Disclaimer: Don't own; never will; am still poor.

Chapter 36: Five Months Later

_:Entry 1201: It's been awhile, huh? I've been in this damn institution forever now… For awhile, _they _even hooked me up to an IV. Well, it wasn't for a little while, it was weeks. It was horrible and there was nothing I could do about it. I actually gained weight because of that stupid drip! But… without it I would have died. That would've been kind of nice, but… I don't know… Wufei visits me a lot, and he tells me all about Quatre and Trowa, and his job. He even went out on a few dates with some nurse a few times. Wufei never talks about Him though. I'm to afraid to ask about him. Do you have any idea how much he must hate me after everything? I mean, he hasn't visited even once and Trowa and Quatre visit me at least once a month… Why won't Wufei say anything? Damnit. This place is like a war zone. It's even worse than my war days in a lot of ways. I mean, seriously, they watch me eat and take me to the bathroom… It's a good thing I've been through not only one war, but two wars. I know how to trick everybody most of the time… I'll be okay, just as long as they don't catch on… I just _have _to lose the weight they made me gain. Ten horrible, sickening, terrible, disgusting, fat, obese pounds…_ (end entry)

All in all, Wufei was rather pleased with Duo's progress. Most of the time, Duo rarely fought the staff and did as he was told. Dr. Fitzgerald had even told Wufei that they had succeeded in making Duo gain ten pounds, and had hopes of causing Duo to gain another ten in the next few months. However, Duo still refused to admit he had a problem. Wufei remembered visits where Duo was too weak to get out of his bed and he wore restraints to keep him from tearing out the IV drip. Those days reminded Wufei of wax and bones, and no one had been sure if Duo would make it, but Wufei knew he would. He had to.

Wufei had realized two things some time ago: Duo did not remember being told that Heero was in a mental institution receiving care for his obsessions and compulsions and that Duo would never ask about Heero, even if he asked about everything else. Eventually, Duo had begun to forgive Wufei enough to talk to him; Wufei came twice a week and was generally Duo's only real, physical tie to the outside world.

The Chinese had begun to change parts of the apartment around to his own tastes little by little since he was the only one living there; he only used one trash bag and the refrigerator was completely unorganised. However, after yesterday, Wufei realized that much bigger changes would be necessary. He was going to leave Heero's and Duo's room untouched, but his room and the rest of the apartment was getting a makeover. Wufei wasn't concerned with the furniture or the colour of the walls, but eliminating the constricting terror of the apartment. The first thing he had done was buy thick garbage sacks, but not the brand Heero preferred. He had started with the kitchen, under the sink specifically. Wufei counted each cleaner as he threw them away; twenty different cleaners, and they were alphabetised and organised by what they cleaned and by the type of container the cleaner was in. Next to go were endless supplies of scrubbing pads and sponges and rags and paper towels. All of this he replaced with a bottle of generic kitchen cleaner that worked on all surfaces except wood; a canister of spray to dust wood with; and a pump of green dish soap, which he assumed would work on floors and dishes alike. There was also a sponge and a roll of paper towels.

Creating a comfortable sense of chaos in the cupboards and pantry took quite some time, but it instilled a sense of relief in Wufei. Generally, he was thought of as the pristine one of the group of ex-pilots; that is, until they realized Heero was sick. The Chinese dismissed the thought and worked on removing the locks on drawers with sharp objects and restoring the kitchen knives to a knife block and tossing out the plastic utensils and plastic dishes. There was just something about a ceramic bowl or plate and a pair of good chopsticks that was endlessly appealing to Wufei. After the Chinese replaced the dishes, he made the discovery that he was hungry, so he searched the refrigerator for leftover rice and odds and ends; fried rice was good stuff, but Heero had always had that habit of never saving food.

Wufei was mindless of the groceries he had gotten early that morning and had yet to put away. Food was more important, and the groceries would not burst into flames or rot or, well, anything really, if he did not put them away; he had been smart enough to put the chocolate ice cream away though. Oddly enough, Wufei loved chocolate, but everyone had always thought it was Duo. Rice fried along with vegetables and a bit of chicken while jasmine tea brewed; Demon sat up on the counter near Wufei and meowed at him. Lately, she had taken to following him everywhere and he had realized she was lonely; he worked five days a week, but even he felt lonely once he came back to the nearly empty apartment. The Chinese sighed and got a bag of treats out for the Siamese. She followed his hand movements as if they were sacred rituals and sat, then begged, then stood on her hind legs, laid down, shook with both paws, and gave Wufei a kiss. After each display, she received a treat; a daily ritual, yet she was still a svelte little kitten. Wufei did not acknowledge his relationship with Demon.

After lunch, Wufei rearranged the furniture and messed up the bathroom cabinet a bit. Just for the heck of it, he even nudged a picture frame so it hung slightly askew. Demon climbed up on a table and managed to knock the coasters on the floor. Wufei shrugged and left them there for the time being. "You like it like this too, eh?"

Demon purred; that terrible pristine edge was gone and the apartment felt like an apartment; a home. Some place he could come home to and relax in without constantly worrying about every little small detail. Though, there was a chance he should pay more attention to the jasmine vine by the window; it was beginning to cling to the small table beside it. It could wait though; he was supposed to visit Duo again. He really had waited too long to tell Duo about Heero, but yesterday had decided him…

_It was a five hour drive, so Wufei had put it off as long as possible; unlike Quatre and Trowa, he did not have private planes and helicopters at his disposal. But after an endless tirade from Quatre about how he should visit Heero, he finally went. He left at four-thirty in the morning because visiting hours were only from ten until eleven in the morning. At least with Duo, he could visit him anytime from eight am until eight pm, except for times Duo was in therapy sessions or during meal times._

_Quatre had said little about the place, but had little to say once Wufei finally agreed to see Heero; however, later Trowa called the Chinese and warned him that it was unlike the ward Duo was at; the people were different; Heero was different. Unfortunately, Wufei had shrugged the warning off and gone without much trepidation. He was more or less used to the eating disorder clinic, after all._

_However, the mentally ill were far different from those plagued with an eating disorder. Howling and rocking ensued from various places and he was put directly amongst patients considered "safe". Heero was one of these today; he had been good for a few days. In fact, the doctor had noted that Heero was always "good", so long as he had his own room and could keep his surroundings clean and was left alone. Needless to say, therapy tended to be quite a chore; the doctor, Dr. Monterey, had to come into Heero's room and sit on a black stool that Heero washed before and after the session since he had access to soap and water._

_A nurse had ushered Wufei to Heero's room and knocked on the open door lightly. "Heero, Mr. Chang is here to see you."_

_Heero rocked back and forth lightly; he was busily wiping a spoon with a clean cloth. The nurse sighed, "he doesn't respond most of the time… I'm sorry…"_

_Wufei realized then that the nurse and Dr. Monterey considered Heero to be one of the lost cases; that they thought he would never get better. Suddenly, he felt pale and sickly; Heero was the strong one that everyone could depend on to pull through on any mission; he was the perfect soldier. Perfect soldiers do not get placed into mental institutions for breakdowns and obsessive compulsive disorders. Heero could do the impossible, so why was he here? Then Wufei realized this was the impossible; Heero could fail. He could and he did, and no one though he could overcome that._

_Wufei sat down across Heero and spoke quietly. "Hey… how're you doing?"_

_Heero rocked back and forth, his lips moving silently, talking to himself as he polished, polished that damn spoon. Wufei leaned forward so that his elbows were on his knees and frowned. He could read lips, and what he saw was not something he liked. "…1497…1498…1499… 1500…" The counting was in perfect time to each swipe across the spoon. Wufei simply and sat there, mesmerized by the counting lips, unable to move or even attempt to stop him._

_Abruptly, Heero stood up; he had reached three thousand. The spoon went in the middle of a drawer that Wufei could not see into; however, he could note that Heero took a full five minutes to put the spoon away. The drawer was shut, and Heero left the room, ignoring—or oblivious—to Wufei's presence. Curious and sickened, Wufei followed. Soft counting again as Heero paced up and down the hall._

_"Heero?" Wufei paused, but Heero did not. "Stop! I'm trying to talk to you!" Wufei realized he would never be a patient person, nor a particularly understanding one, especially with Duo already draining him. Duo… maybe a mention of that name would do something. Wufei ran to catch up to Heero's pacing and then walked alongside him. "Duo… he's doing a little better. He gained ten pounds."_

_Heero, however, had no answer for Wufei. He never missed a beat in his counting._

Wufei sighed; after he had visited Heero, he had gone home and stayed in bed the rest of the day, hence his extremely early start to his day. Technology had led to twenty-four hour grocery stores and super stores, which had virtually everything he could ever need. Demon meowed loudly at Wufei and he glanced at the clock; lunchtime. He shook his head and pulled out a can of cat food; it was the expensive kind, which was the only brand he could convince the devil of a cat to eat. She preferred fresh meat, which a special affinity towards seafood, lightly sautéed in cream. Wufei wondered if she liked the seafood just so she could breathe on him with her foul fish breath. He sighed and emptied a third of a can into her dish and heated it in the microwave. Even before he had set the steaming mass on her counter, she met him with her face shoved in her food. In that regard, she reminded Wufei a great deal of days when Duo could easily eat three cheeseburgers and a plate full of fries all topped off with a large coke and a banana split.

Only after Demon had been fed did Wufei get to eat; however, after his last thought, he just could not summon up his appetite. Instead, he choked down a granola bar and a cup of tea. Afterwards, Wufei opened up the cat carrier; the familiar zipping sounds resulted in a series of blurred flying leaps so fast that Wufei was not entirely sure that Demon was jumping at all; maybe she could fly. He shrugged at his own idiocy and zipped up the bag after donning his leather jacket. The weather was warmer now, but he still needed a light jacket. It had not taken Demon long to realize that the cat carrier meant seeing Duo; however, she had a sixth sense that let her know when Wufei was trying to take her to the vet instead and those days she refused to go near the carrier even for treats.

Once Duo was curled up in the corner of his bed with Demon, he relaxed enough to ask Wufei about the soccer game two nights ago. It had taken time, but Wufei had eventually learned that Duo loved the game, so he had taken to watching games and following Duo's favourite team, the L2 Cougars. The team was not especially good, but Duo was from there and he had actually grinned when they won a game against the L3 Rabbits, who had beat the Cougars every game in the past seven years. Wufei would rather have discussed sports as related to martial arts and swords, but it was hard enough to find anything Duo would talk about. The two talked about the strategies the other team had employed two nights before and the Cougar's offense and defense; how horrible the coach was; and the best players.

Then finally came the time Wufei had dreaded the most. "Duo… You know how Heero hasn't come to visit you at all?" Duo suddenly lost any hint of a smile and seemed to curl up more; hand still in the middle of patting Demon. Wufei continued softly, though bluntly; he did not know any other way to tell Duo. "With everything that happened just before you came here, you don't remember what happened to Heero. He… got sick too; he had a nervous breakdown and his OCD suddenly got out of control. The doctors had to put him in an institution." Wufei sat silently, letting Duo absorb it all.

"But he can't be in there… Heero's the perfect soldier. He can't be sick…" Duo's voice held the note of complete disbelief. "He does the impossible, not get thrown in some insane asylum like me…"

"You're not insane, thus you're not in an asylum; you just…" Wufei sighed and broke off that thought. He needed to explain about Heero before arguing with Duo about his health habits. "He did do the impossible; he got sick in such a way that he needs help from a lot of doctors. I visited him, and he isn't doing real well… Otherwise, he would have visited—more than I do."

"No he wouldn't. Why do you visit? You don't even like soccer. Why are you doing this!" Duo's voice steadily rose; he was upset and confused. Mixed in with his low self-esteem it had proved to be a nearly deadly combination.

"I do it because I want you to be better and to be out of this damned place. I want you to be able to watch your own soccer games and see your demonic cat anytime you bloody feel like it. I want you to go visit Heero and do whatever it is that made him act more human than I ever thought he would be. During the first war, he was just a machine, but you always managed to change that. Only you. You did the fucking impossible." Wufei had stood up in the middle of his tirade, his voice louder than he had meant it to be. Abruptly, he sat down, staring at the floor. He felt Duo's eyes staring. Those eyes stared at Wufei incredulously and silently until Wufei left with Demon. Neither of them made any good-byes; it was silent and Wufei knew he should not have done that. In fact, he should have cleared everything with Dr. Fitzgerald and have the doctor tell him about Heero. It was too late now, and Wufei hoped he had not done more harm than good, but at least now Duo knew that Heero could not see him. Wufei still wondered about the price. He did not know if there would be anymore talk about soccer games. He glanced over his shoulder briefly as he walked out; Duo was rocking back and forth in his little corner.

Ooooooooooooo

So… whatcha think? I think some pretty heady stuff went on this time around, ne?


	38. Chapter 37: Two Weeks Later

About twelve hours late, but I managed to leave the flash drive at home on my coffee table. So I sighed and did some homework instead. Go figure. Hugely busy week; three tests (A's on both physics and chemistry, second high score in World Cultures with an 86. Sad.) I celebrated my friend's birthday with her yesterday I made her a brownie cake. Much fun with twenty candles. She blew them out on her first try! Anyway, enjoy and what not.

Dedication: RavenShay Yay addictions

Mailing list: It's there, ask to be put on if you want.  
Disclaimer: By chapter 37 I'd think it'd be obvious that these guys aren't mine, y'know? That's a lotta disclaimers. They're STILL not mine, I still can't afford a new computer (Though, my dentistry bills could pay for one… I have teeth from hell. My dental hygienist says: "You take AMAZING care of your teeth." Then she has the doctor come in and I find out I get another cap.. greeeeeeeeat) Long disclaimer. Yeah.

Chapter 37: Two Weeks Later

_:Entry 1261: These past couple of weeks have really not been fun. Wufei came four times since he told me about Him. I wouldn't talk to him once, but he kept coming and talking. The L2 Cougars finally won a game, but I wouldn't even smile, because Wufei had to be lying about Him. But I figured something out; Wufei wasn't lying about Him. I still remember talking to Amary and how He reacted when he saw my place; how much bleach he went through at his apartment. I guess I really fucked up. Wufei told me He probably would like to see me. Why would He want to see me if He won't even talk to Wufei, Trowa, or even Quatre? But what if, just maybe, I could help Him? He tried really hard to help me, but I ended up messing him up instead. Maybe he was right; maybe... Ugh. (end entry)_

Wufei just before sighed he walked into the room he always met Duo in. He was not much of a conversationalist, yet he had talked near constantly for an hour during each of the four visits Duo had ignored him during; the therapy Duo did not acknowledge he had attended. Yet he had to keep trying. He refused to give up and believe it was the end for the perfect soldier and Shinigami. Wufei closed the white door with the window that never gave Duo privacy and set Demon on the floor. He sat on the edge of the opposite edge, giving himself a moment before he began the arduous task of talking.

Instead, bright violet eyes, shining with unshed tears, met Wufei's cool black eyes. "If I eat like they want me to… will they let me leave? Can you swear on your ancestors and integrity and honour that I can leave then?" Duo was visibly shaking across the room from his own words. Food was his obsession and his fear.

"You'll have to eat normally, Duo…" Wufei was hesitant to promise; eating just to get out of the hospital and returning to his old habits would be dangerous.

"I know!" Duo snapped nastily, but he repeated himself more quietly. "I know… But I can't visit him…unless I get out, can I?"

"You want to help Heero?" Wufei questioned, a small feeling of hope beginning to grow; dangerous hope that scared Wufei, but he could not help but cling to it as if it was a lifeline keeping him from drowning.

Duo nodded quickly. "I'll… I'll do whatever they say…"

Wufei nodded. "If you do what you promise, well, I can't promise all those things, because I'm not the doctor, but to the best of my knowledge, you will get out then. I believe you can get out of here, Duo." He refrained from mentioning or alluding to Duo's eating disorder at the same time. Right now, he did not want Duo to change his mind suddenly when told he had a problem, as he had in the past.

Wufei knew Duo was beginning his journey back for all the wrong reasons, but he could not help but be thankful that something was causing him to even consider eating somewhat willingly. But in the back of his mind, Wufei also realized something darker; if Duo depended on Heero as his medium to begin to get past the eating disorder, Heero's state could drastically affect Duo. There was a chance that Duo would end up far worse than he was now, and Wufei knew that would mean death. Already that began to haunt the dark-haired man, but he said nothing. He wanted Duo to eat more pizza than he did so badly sometimes that it hurt, and right now it hurt him deeply.

Duo nodded, suddenly quiet, staring down at his slippered feet. "Be nice not to have to wear these grey sweats and pink slippers…" He murmured. That outfit was the standard uniform of the institution for men and women, though Duo was in the minority as a man.

"You could wear black again then, and get everyone wet with cannon balls during the summer. You always managed to get any girls sun tanning with their hair done and make-up perfected soaked." Wufei reminisced, ignoring the times he had been doused liberally with water when he had no intention of swimming. Or perhaps now he was fond of those same memories.

Duo curled up in the corner of his bed, a small frown creasing his skeletal brow. Demon came up to Duo, nuzzling his hand until the American finally consented and began petting the soft fur. Quickly, the kitten that was quickly becoming an adult coerced the ex-Death Scythe pilot into playing with her. Duo's hand wiggled under the protection of a folded blanket, and Demon pounced and growled at the wiggling blanket with kitten ferocity.

Wufei gave a half smile and leaned against the wall from his spot on the vacant bed. As horrible as it was, he was almost used to seeing Duo's too thin form in grey sweats and pink slippers; that thinned braid. Near the end, it was almost ridiculously thing and straggly. But Duo was still there. "So are you really trying to get out of here to help Heero, or is it because you know that the L2 Cougars are coming to earth, in a city only about an hour here to play the American Tigers?"

Duo looked up, eyes widening. "You never said they were coming here!"

"In two months. The place I work at is offering me a couple of free tickets." Wufei was excited; Duo was rarely this enthusiastic about anything. "This means I'll have an extra ticket just laying around for a Cougars fan."

The American grinned; a shadow of his old grin. He wanted to sit on the Cougar's side. "Could I get an autograph…?" But the hesitancy was still there, and Wufei wondered if it always would be.

"I bet you could get a bunch of autographs." Wufei would have to go get tickets. His office was offering them, but he wanted good seats so Duo could be close to the field; the players.

A bit later, the nurse came to remind the two they had a private family session with Dr. Fitzgerald. Obediently, they left the room and down the familiar white-wash hall to the doctor's office.

Ooooooo

"I see." Dr. Fitzgerald murmured thoughtfully after listening to Duo's announcement. "It'll be hard work, Duo, but I believe you can do it."

Duo fidgeted in his chair, poking at the leather seat. He had never gotten comfortable with Dr. Fitzgerald; he was always the guy who was against him in his mind.

"If you work with us, and try hard enough, I'm sure we could let you go back to living in your apartment with daily sessions up here a couple of weeks before that soccer game you mentioned." Dr. Fitzgerald gave Duo a fatherly smile.

Eventually, the doctor dismissed Duo, who hurried off to spend a few more scant moments in the company of demon while Wufei stayed to talk with the doctor. "You and I both know that getting better for someone else is not what we're aiming for."

Wufei nodded, encouraging the doctor to continue. "However, it is very encouraging to see Duo motivated about something, and especially exciting to see him excited about the soccer game. I am glad you mentioned that, Mr. Chang." The difference in how the doctor addressed Wufei and Duo still bothered the dark-haired man; he had never decided whether or not the doctor meant to use Duo's first name with familiarity or as a child.

Wufei shrugged. "It's his favourite team." Then he met Dr. Fitzgerald's eyes and asked another question. "So you really think Duo will be able to go? Even though he wants to get out of here to help someone else?"

The doctor nodded. "He'll still have daily treatment, so he should be all right, especially since you've been receiving additional training along with your therapy sessions." Wufei masked a grimace with a cough. He hated that he also had private therapy sessions. It made him feel weak, but he still went because it might help Duo. "I feel that if he does, and he most likely will, have a rebound, you will be able to give him a great deal of support; hopefully enough so that we don't have to bring him back here."

Wufei nodded and stood up; he still had to get Demon and head back home. "It'll be good to see Duo out of the pink slippers."

Dr. Fitzgerald chuckled. "Indeed. I want to thank you for the support you've shown Duo even though he isn't truly family. You've been one of the most supportive 'family' members we have, and I know Duo has benefited from that a great deal."

Wufei was surprised to learn that; if anything, he would have thought he was mediocre. He may come regularly and go to all the therapy sessions the doctors requested him to, but that did not mean he looked forward to even visiting Duo. At times, he could hardly stand it and a sort of self-loathing would creep across his mind as he sat across from an emaciated, thin man who hated himself. It was more taxing mentally than the wars had been, and they had left deep scars within Wufei. He supposed the therapy he received on account of Duo also helped put him more at ease with himself than simply understanding some of what Duo was going through and why.

Wufei gave the doctor a vague wave over his shoulder as he left the office and travelled down the corridor once more. He knocked on Duo's door, more out of politeness than anything, before he entered. "Well, it's time for me to get going."

Duo nodded and picked Demon up and set her in her carrying case. She was well-used to the contraption now and rarely fought it. The association with Duo had long since caused her initial crying to cease. Although she lived with Wufei, she was still very much Duo's cat. Sometimes, although Wufei refused to admit it, he was jealous of Duo. He had reached a middle ground with Demon and had since become quite fond of the beast. "Thanks."

"Eh?" Wufei blinked as he picked up the cat carrier.

"For telling me about… Heero…" Duo's voice faded rapidly as he spoke.

"Yeah." Wufei shrugged. "I'll be back about the same time next week, and for the sessions and what not." He always made it a point to tell Duo he would be back, rather than assume the routine was enough to tell Duo that the Chinese man would come out to the institution to see the American. These days, Duo needed a lot of reassurance and support.

Wufei waved and left for the apartment. Once home, he let Demon roam and watered the plants and passed a mirror. He glanced at it briefly. Some days, he woke up and wondered when he would see a white hair. Suddenly, Wufei leaned forward, inches away from the mirror, staring. He fingered a strand of hair, examining it critically. He turned away from the sleek surface abruptly. It had been nothing more than a reflection. That time.

Wufei arched his back and stretched his arms above his head and yawned. He was happy today, and hopeful. It had taken Wufei a long time to realise just how powerful hope was, and to realise it was one of the things that Duo had lost during his battle with depression and eating disorders. He knew that Duo had found a bit during his ruminations about Heero.

Wufei chuckled suddenly as his thoughts turned inwards. Hope. That was about all he was clinging to as far as dating was concerned. During the years following the war and working with Sally Po, he had come to realise women were not always weak, and that they could be quite interesting. However, his office had a policy against dating co-workers, he scowled a lot, and rarely went out. Wufei glanced at the time. It was early afternoon on a Saturday.

He grabbed his keys and left with a "see you later" to Demon. He went to a nearby botanical garden that had a well known Zen garden within its gates. He knew most guys went for bars and friends to find girls, but he disliked the bar atmosphere and was too independent to ask his friends. He also loved the atmosphere of Zen gardens. He doubted he would meet anyone, but he also knew he would enjoy himself and feel calm and relaxed when he returned home. He would bring Demon back some catnip to appease her since he left her suddenly. She had quite an attitude and had no qualms about demonstrating her opinion of anything.

* * *

Wee, the line is working again! for the longest time, it refused to... Anyway, how'd you guys like that? 


	39. Chapter 38: Two Months Later

Tiny bit late, but guess what? It's my birthday now! Happy birthday to me, so I updated on my birthday. A present to all of you

Disclaimer: Not getting money, etc.

Dedication: Auranne--welcome aboard!

Mailing list: it's there. Ask to be put on.

Chapter 38: Two Months Later

_:Entry 1266: I've skipped writing in here a lot of the time lately. I've been so busy, and I don't even know with what. I guess it's just been really writing in here lately. I used to write in here several times a day, but… I've been to so much therapy now that I could choke. I guess I didn't really want to talk about it all. Still don't so we'll just say it happened, yada yada. But I'm "home", or at least I'm at His apartment, even though He isn't here. It's just Wufei. He's taking me the soccer game tomorrow. I'm so excited I can't hardly stand it! Wufei won't tell me where the seats are… Is he mad at me? Probably. It's so hard to eat the nasty food he makes me eat. Wufei makes all of my meals, not once, not thrice, but five times a day. I get much smaller portions than what Wufei eats, but he only eats three times a day. I probably get more food. I'm getting so fat… But if I don't eat or throw-up anything… Then Wufei and the doctor say I'll have to go back to that place… I guess for now I have to… (end entry)_

Wufei had a meal plan created by a nutritionist at the institution Duo had been at to follow. It involved five small meals a day that Duo's shrunken stomach would be able to digest easily. The meals were so balanced that they tended to make Wufei feel unhealthy, but he made them regardless. Then he sat with Duo and watched every bite the American took. He watched out for spilt food and napkin tricks. For at least two of the meals, he waited until Duo finished every bite, on the other meals, he allowed Duo to have a bite or two leftover, but no more.

Then he had to sit with Duo on the couch and distract him with the television and video games; sometimes he took Duo outside on a walk. Days were long, and Wufei had opted to accept money from Quatre so that he could quit his job to help Duo until such a time that he felt Duo would be okay being left with a nurse while Wufei worked.

Wufei held back a little sigh and brought over a plate of fried rice to the kitchen table before bringing Duo's lunch there as well. Once he had situated everything to his liking, he called Duo. Though they ate lunch together, Wufei always kept an eye on Duo; he had seen Duo watching him too closely with a napkin too handy so many times that he knew it was necessary. As much as he hated it, he could not trust Duo to eat.

"I don't like strawberries." Duo had a serving of strawberries with his meal, and now he was shoving them around on his plate with a disgusted expression.

"Yes, you do." Wufei remembered a time or two when Duo had eaten strawberries—the young man adored them. "Besides, we've had this discussion before. Whether or not you like what is on your plate, you will eat it."

Duo sighed and began the long task of picking at his food, playing with each bit before he ate it. Usually, Duo's small meals took close to an hour to eat, during which he stalled, talking about nothing and endlessly playing with his food. He knew it was pointless to attempt to make Wufei leave; once an impatient man, the Chinese had learned how to be patient when need be. Wufei hated waiting so long; watching the food, but he knew it was necessary.

"Tomorrow, we'll leave for the game at four. We'll arrive about forty-five minutes early. I'm going to bring your dinner and a snack with us." Wufei watched Duo as he spoke.

Duo grimaced at the mention of dinner and shoved a strawberry around on his plate before answering. "Blue and black. Those're the team colours."

Wufei merely nodded. Afterwards, they were quiet, and tense. Most of the time the pair spent together was that way; Wufei had hard knots in his shoulders that led him to attempt to rub them out every night before he slept and take longer, steaming hot showers. They fought a great deal over food; attended therapy sessions which Duo only partially believed, and Wufei was both enemy and friend, putting the Chinese into a difficult position.

On top of that, even though Duo was adhering to his health guidelines well, he was not gaining weight fast enough, worrying both Wufei and Duo's doctors. Each wondered if Duo had found some way to purge or exercise excessively, despite the keen eye the Chinese kept on Duo near constantly.

Wufei gave a silent sigh. He was tired, and his eyes burned from lack of sleep. He simply worried too often about his friend, and any stray noise awoke the light sleeper instantly, and he would lie awake, listening to the dark, trying to discern whether it was Duo or not. Yet any time he crept on feet still stealthy from war and martial arts training, Duo would be in bed asleep. Demon migrated between the two beds periodically, but she tended to trail after Duo in his waking hours.

Wufei gave another little sigh. Meal times were times when Wufei did too much thinking in too short a time. But now Duo was finishing up his last strawberry. At least now they would get to do something. "Do you wanna take a walk, or watch television?"

The question was open for discussion, but if Wufei gave the American no options, or too many choices, he would shy away from everything. "It kinda looks nice out." Duo murmured.

Wufei nodded. He liked it when Duo answered like that. Like it was not hell to get up and walk out that door, to hold the food in and force himself to be distracted. Frankly, the Chinese was surprised Duo did not suggest walking more often, as it burned more calories, something Duo would not be over for a long time. "All right. It is pretty cool for the summer. It's only eighty-five (twenty-nine C) out."

Slowly, Duo climbed to his feet. Despite his progress, he was still weak. It scared Wufei as he himself sprung lithely to his feet from the chair in a single graceful movement. "So, right or left today?"

Duo always picked the route, though he rarely looked around. He had caught sight of a fudge shop once and had been transfixed by the sight. It sickened him, and before he knew it, he had thrown up into a nearby trash can, crying and sobbing. It was the only time Wufei had ever held a crying man, much less out on a street corner.

After that, Duo stared down at the cement. He had liked the embarrassing situation about as much as Wufei had, but while Wufei had talked it over with the doctor, Duo stayed in Heero's apartment. He was, over all, doing well.

"Left."

"Are you gonna try to get us lost again?" Wufei smiled wryly. The Chinese was not entirely familiar with the city he lived in, and with Duo's haphazard directions one day, he had become turned around helplessly. After that, it became something of a game, which Wufei tolerated because it was Duo.

"Yup." Duo gave one of his fake little grins, but Wufei swore he could see a shadow of a real smile beneath it, if only just.

The pair walked a long while, past tall buildings made of concrete made to look like old-fashioned stone and brick, but chips in the veneer showed the true colours beneath, and sidewalks still hid beneath litter and old, blackened gum, no matter how often cleaners came through.

As they walked, Wufei tried to memorize street names, but more often than not, now that he was not a should he tried to look at life like an average person would. This meant slowing down and looking in the shops of windows and tiny front yards of homes or plants hanging from balconies. It fascinated Wufei as he drifted along, occasionally murmuring something to Duo.

Today, Duo was taking them down a row of shops Wufei had not seen before. The Chinese decided he rather liked the area; the buildings were lower, generally only two or three stories high, and most of them had a quaint old-world feel with hand-painted windows and signs. Although it was a psychological effect of Wufei liking the place, it seemed to have less gum embedded in the sidewalk, maybe fewer soda bottles and old newspaper scurrying across the street in breezes.

Wufei did have to stop at one shop; something he and Duo did not generally do. Usually if they found a shop of interest, it was something to come back to later, if at all. Wufei bent and did something he had not done for years; he smelled the scent of tiny, beautiful, blooming flowers. They made a small, wistful smile drift to his lips for the brazen wife he had lost.

The Chinese examined the plant; it was healthy and well-cared for in a six-inch ceramic pot. It had no price. Then a young woman came out of the store, short hair pulled back in a thick ponytail. "Sir, are you interested in the flowers?" She smiled sweetly with a sparkle in her green eyes.

Wufei was silent for a moment. Then he nodded. "Yes, yes I think so."

"Five credits, and I'll throw in the pot for free." She was still watching him with that same smile.

Wufei nodded. "All right then." He let the sales clerk take the pot from him and followed her inside. He felt more than saw Duo trail after him soundlessly. Quickly, the young woman rang up the sale and deftly set the plant within a sized paper bag with handles she had probably added herself as a courtesy to her customers.

He passed over the five credits, and she smiled again as she passed him the plant. "Please, do come again."

A short time after their exit from the store, as Wufei began to puzzle his way back to Heero's apartment, Duo looked at Wufei. "That girl liked you."

"What?"

Duo sighed and Wufei realized he was rolling his eyes in an exaggerated showing of Wufei's hopelessness. "She thought you were good-looking."

"Ah," was Wufei's noncommittal grunt.

"Don't you ever notice people? You get those looks from girls all the time, but it's like you're oblivious to them or something. Do you ever go out on dates? With girls OR guys?" Duo asked.

Wufei was surprised by Duo's chatter, and by the light tone Duo was taking. He had not heard it in several years. He hated talking about relationships and similar things, but for Duo he supposed he would have to live through it. Wufei avoided rolling his eyes. "I do date sometimes, with women."

Duo decided there was a slight stress on the last word. "Oooo, Wufei is naughty! You should go back to see that girl sometime! She was pretty cute." Duo nudged Wufei with his elbow.

Wufei grunted. "You're not taking us back there just because you can." He quickly led the pair back to the apartment; he had managed to make the right turns, though he had a vague idea that Duo had a keen sense of direction; they rarely took the same path, and they never seemed to repeat places one of them did not care for, unless it was on the way back while Wufei led.

But Duo was not done with his new idea. "I just turn at random! If we end up there again sometime soon, it's not my fault. Fate will have led us!" He had a silly grin plastered on his face. Wufei knew in his heart it was at least partly an act, but at least Duo was willing to make the attempt earnestly, because the pair had long ago crossed the line where Duo maintained his front before Wufei. The Chinese was the one who saw the real deal; he had seen everything ever since Heero had collapsed.

Something niggled at the back of Wufei's mind, but he glared at Duo instead. Then he realized something else.

Duo did too. "Aw, you're still blushing! You've been blushing ever since you paid for those flowers! You so totally like her!"

Ooooooooooooooooooooooo

What'd you guys think? Too much? Too little? I'd love to know, so please review.


	40. Chapter 39: The Next Day

So, I go to upload the new chapter and I go, "It's chapter 39!?" I check, again. "Wow, it IS chapter 39. When did THAT happen?" Because 39 is _almost_ 40. Which is a lot. You guys are absolutely amazing. Which leads me to some bad news… I may soon have to start cutting back to an update only every, say, three weeks, instead of two. I know you guys think these are pretty short, should be faster, etc, etc, but I have extremely demanding coursework. It takes so much out of me that most of the time I'm just exhausted. Unfortunately. However, the show will go on, no matter what.

Dedication: Everyone. Love you guys!

Mailing List: There to join, just ask. Disclaimer: By this time you've gotta know it

Question Type Things:

Heero, where are you?: He's a few hours away from Duo and Wufei.

Duo, no sympathy for you!: Duo can't necessarily control what's going on. I personally find EDs to be a very scary disorder. When you're caught, it's like you're trapped in a whirlwind of obsession, and trying to get out just makes everything come and smack you in the face.

* * *

Chapter 39: The Next Day

_:Entry 1267: You know, I used to write in this thing several times a day, now I sometimes forget to write in a day. If I look back over the dates, it makes me feel like I lost a day when I forget. Of course, it's not like I have a lot to talk about though. It's the same old stuff. Wufei acts all nice all the time. I teased him yesterday. I have no idea why. He turned red, but I kept going. I bet he's really mad at me. He probably won't take me to the game anymore. I bet the whole thing was a big joke. After all, Wufei never liked me. I swear one day that he'll hold that sword of his to my throat and whoosh. Maybe that'd be nice, but I don't want Wufei in jail. I think Wufei likes Demon, I mean Shinigami. That's what he calls her, and he lets her sleep on his bed. It kind of makes me sad, even though she spends most of her time with me. Maybe I should get Wufei his own cat. Shinigami is almost a cat now instead of a kitten. He'd need a kitten that was really dignified, I bet. Anyway, Wufei says it's time to go to the kitchen. I hate the kitchen. (end entry)_

Wufei regarded Duo silently as he entered the kitchen. The American moved slowly, and once he was in the kitchen, his movements were always jerky at first. Wufei knew neither one wanted to be there, but instead of complaining as he once would have, he set out lunch. Today, it involved grilled cheese and tomato soup with apple slices.

Regretfully, Wufei remembered a time when he had made a similar lunch minus the apple slices during one of Quatre's reunions two years before Heero had come with Relena for the group. He had made eight sandwiches, assuming a bowl of soup and two sandwiches would be enough for the group. Duo had stolen one of Wufei's sandwiches as his third, spreading the top with raspberry jam, something Wufei thought was disgusting, but Duo had adored. The Chinese remembered how angry he had been over something so trivial. Back then, the ex-pilot had still had a great deal of anger and uncertainty in his heart; however, time had helped Wufei to be more at peace with the world and be more patient, as Buddhism had always taught him.

On a whim, Wufei got out some raspberry jam before Duo sat down. He had never actually tried the combination. After they had both sad down, Wufei slowly spread a thin layer over a triangle of his grilled cheese sandwich; he always cut them diagonally. He took a hesitant bite. "You know, you once tried to get me to try grilled cheese with raspberry jam, and I always refused. It's not too bad."

From Wufei, that was more or less an apology for yelling at Duo over the subject; he had come a long way, but the Chinese still was not good with apologizing. Duo glanced at him. "I don't like it anymore."

"You used to love it. Maybe some time you should try a bite with jam on it." Wufei suggested. A bite was not all that bad, Duo might just try something that small. "We have sugarless jam, too."

Duo stirred his soup around slowly, staring at the red mass. "Sometimes, I don't know why I ever liked food, or the taste of it. Why do so many people love it? It's just fuel, and it created an obesity epidemic, and it can hurt us. Why can't we just take a pill and get all the energy we need from that and be done with it? It's so pointless."

Wufei was careful with his answer, thinking back to something Quatre had once said. It was times like this that he wished Quatre was closer; the small blond was excellent with this sort of thing. Wufei swore the seemingly innocent pilot was anything but; Quatre could rationalize nearly anything if he wanted. One such time had led to Wufei getting extremely drunk, and Wufei rarely drank anything. "Well, food is more than fuel. It can bring people together and give people an excuse to get together. It's a basic necessity, so it's something that everyone can unite over. Then you have people who make food, and use food as a way to display love for others by taking time and care to prepare a meal for someone. Sure eating too much of it can lead to problems, but too much of anything—or even too little of something—can lead to just as many problems. Plus, food tastes good; it can be a pleasure to the senses. But, Duo, more people come together over food than anything else; it helps bring joy to many people just for that."

Duo snorted then and poked at his food; he was quiet for the rest of the meal. Immediately afterwards, I cleaned up. I was losing a bit of my edge though; there was a bit of clutter here and there, even if it was neat clutter. Next, I picked up a bag I had put in a rather empty kitchen cabinet. I set it on the table. "This is for you."

I leaned against the counter as Duo out-right stared at the package; it was a blue bag with black and blue tissue paper shooting up from it. It was nothing particularly fancy, but Wufei had picked up on how to stuff a bag with tissue paper from Quatre. Duo stared at the Chinese. "What is this?"

"It's a bag." Wufei muttered dryly.

"I mean… Why did you give it to me?" Duo asked softly.

"It's a gift. You open it." The same dry tone.

"…Oh." But Duo began pulling the tissue paper out, gaining momentum as he worked. No matter what the occasion was, any time Duo had a gift in front of him, he could not help but rip it open. Here, he was hesitant about doing so, but Wufei had put in just enough tissue paper to frustrate the growing excitement Duo felt. Soon, sheets of tissue paper got ripped as they were pulled out instead of neatly and carefully extracted. A look of awe danced across Duo's face when he finally pulled something out of the bag, which had a few rips at the top, that was not tissue paper. "It's… it's…" Duo gasped out, staring at the object. "A signed jersey! Number 53, Martin!"

Even though Duo began crying then, Wufei knew he had been right about Duo's favourite player. It had cost him several hundred dollars, but he was using an expense account provided by Quatre; he had so much left over every month that he felt almost like a scrooge. Wufei was also rather glad to be able to buy things from the internet; otherwise he had no idea when he would have found the time to buy the memorabilia. "I didn't think you had any jerseys." Wufei shrugged.

"I don't!" Duo stared at Wufei with luminous violet eyes, too big in his thin frame. His voice dropped to a whisper, "T-Thank you."

Wufei's reply was gruff. "You're welcome."

"Let's go for a walk!" Duo told Wufei, slipping the jersey over the black long-sleeved shirt he had on.

Wufei glanced sharply at Duo, but the American merely followed the Chinese outside, eventually taking lead to attempt to confuse the other man. Then Duo stopped by a shop. "Can I look in this shop? I mean, I know you don't like this stuff, but there's that flower shop right next to this. There's just music in here. I promise I won't take anymore than fifteen minutes!"

The shop Duo pointed out was one Wufei had seen before. Suddenly, Wufei had a feeling that Duo had not chosen their path at random. Wufei glanced at the shop; it held new and old discs of heavy metal musicians. The flower shop had soothing music; today it had an eastern origin. "I suppose so. I will come get you then."

Duo grinned and darted into the shop. Wufei began a slow approach to the door of the shop, beginning with the plants arranged outside the shop. These were the plants that needed the most sun. The door jingled softly when Wufei finally tugged it open. He hesitantly made his way towards a section of plants beneath a bright light that, he assumed, was meant to imitate natural light.

"Can I help you, sir?" A voice called from nearby.

Wufei looked up; the girl had short strawberry-blonde hair, but today it was loose, and her eyes were blue. "Uhm, yeah, I guess I'm looking for a flowering plant…"

"I think I know something you might like." She smiled and led Wufei towards a corner of the shop. "Orchids. I'm Lara, by the way."

"Wufei." Wufei looked at the strange flowering emerging from stalks, and the overly thick green leaves the plant sported. They were clearly exotic. He gave a noncommittal grunt.

"These blooms will last up to two months, unlike most flowers which finish bloom within a week. My favourite variety is this star-shape here…" Then she blushed. "But I can't seem to remember the correct term for it, I'm so sorry!"

Wufei found himself smiling just a bit. "That's all right. Telling me this was an orchid was news to me."

She smiled too then. "I think the yellow one with the red speckling suits you. I just brought it up from the greenhouse this morning; the first two blooms just began opening up yesterday."

Wufei shrugged and nodded, even after glancing at the price. Orchids were not cheap; it ran around forty-five credits. "I guess I'll take it then." After all, he really did enjoy flowers, and if he got eight weeks of flowers from it, it would translate to roughly five or six credits a week.

As the girl carried the plant over and began ringing up the sale, she paused and her blue eyes looked up at Wufei, a faint blush covering her cheeks. "I'll give you a ten-credit discount if you take me out to dinner."

Suddenly, Duo's words from before flooded his mind. Women found him attractive? Well, it was true he had not been out on a date for awhile, though he was not entirely sure when he would be able to get away from his duties with Duo. He would have to talk with Quatre, and he would be forced to ask many questions he did not really want Quatre asking him. "I guess it's a date then."

A smile bloomed and her blush deepened. "Well, 35 credits then." She wrote her number on a Popsicle stick she usually used to identify plants and stuck it in the pot. "Just give me a call sometime—soon, hopefully."

Wufei nodded slowly, and then smiled. "Yeah, I'll do that." He picked up his bag, still smiling, and left, the door jingling cheerfully as he did so. He only had to open the door to the shop to get Duo to glance up and hurry out of the store; it was playing something that grated on the Chinese man's nerves.

Duo grinned. "You're smiling and you bought another flower!"

"You came this way on purpose."

But the American was staring at Wufei's smile. "Still smiling."

"I'm going to go to dinner with the girl at the flower shop."

"What's her name?" Duo tried.

"Lara." Apparently, Duo enjoyed playing matchmaker a great deal. Wufei was not entirely sure what he thought about that, but supposed he had to tolerate it. Besides, the more Duo smiled real smiles and did not put on acts through a mask, the better. These moments never lasted, but Wufei wondered if it would last for all of the day since they still had the game to go to. It was these moments Wufei relished telling the doctor about; the improvements that seemed to be showing up more and more often.

When the pair got home, Duo napped in his room while Wufei set the orchard out on table near the window in the den. He took the Popsicle stick out and stared at it. He left it beside the plant after reading the small booklet Lara had slipped into his bag about caring for orchids. It needed a light watering daily. He knew he would see the Popsicle stick whenever he watered the plant, so he would not forget about calling.

However, before he called her, he would have to call Quatre. The Chinese was almost relieved when Quatre's voicemail picked up instead. At the same time, he hoped that Quatre would call back fairly soon. He liked to be prompt about responding to invitations and the like. He knew the ball was in his court right now, and he figured he should make use of that. Duo had been right; the girl was attractive, and she had a lovely, open smile.

* * *

So, the next chapter is very highly anticipated. Yup, that's right. Hello, stranger. Long time, no see. 


	41. Chapter 40: Two Weeks Later

And now, for the most highly anticipated chapter in a long, long time. Yup. Heero. In other, less exciting news, I got a job. I'm going to continue with the two week updates. Someone should e-mail me around Dec. 15 and say "WRITE, WRITE, WRITE" because I'll be on break then. From school, not my job. lol

Disclaimer: Don't own, so don't sue! I'm not making money off of this! Or else I'd have a new computer already!

Dedication: SouriMaxwellYuy068 -wrapped up in a scarf- warmmm…..

Mailing List: It's there, ask to join.

* * *

Chapter 40: Two Weeks Later

_:Entry 1271:I'm really getting bad about writing in here… I used to write all the time; sometimes I'd have five entries in one day. I wonder what I used to say in all of them. I told the shrink about my journal. He said it might be a good idea to read some of the entries to see what I was thinking in the past. I'm sort of scared to, you know? I mean, I'm pretty frank here, and I got locked up in a mental institution for ages for telling everyone less. But anyway, I guess I'm avoiding what's really going on, huh? Well, the truth is, today is THE day. I'm going to see Him. He's sort of far away, but Wufei is going to drive me there and back anyway all in one day. I'm not really sure what to think… I'm nervous. Wufei keeps telling me not to get my hopes up because He isn't doing very well. How can He not being doing well? (end entry)._

Wufei called Duo into the kitchen once he heard Duo's journal snap shut. He tried not to rush the American when he was writing in his worn black journal. Once the Chinese had asked him how many entries he had; at that time, it had been around twelve hundred. Wufei had been startled; he had not expected the American to be so prolific. Duo also had four journals filled by his entries. It had begun loosely, just after Heero left to work for Relena. The American wrote infrequently then, to vent his frustrations, but it quickly whirl winded into many entries. Wufei wondered if the fewer entries as of late was a sign of improvement in some way.

"Duo, I'm not sure what we'll be able to get for lunch today, so you have to eat all of your breakfast." Wufei sat down at the birch table as Duo sat.

"But I'm not hungry." Duo was jiggling his knee and drumming his fingers on his thigh. He had been twitchy and prone to being startled for the past few days.

"I know you're nervous about seeing Heero, Duo, but you're going to have to eat breakfast anyway." Wufei told him patiently; he had been more patient than usual the past week. "I know granola isn't your favourite thing in the world, but there are strawberries in it."

Duo chewed on his lip and stared at the measured out bowl of granola with bright red shining through. He shifted his gaze to the 2 milk he would be expected to douse the granola with, leaving only a small puddle for Shinigami to lap up. He had a piece of toast with sugar-free strawberry jam, but no butter, and a small glass of vegetable juice. Nothing looked good; in fact, it was repulsive. Food was not pretty to Duo; it was ugly and sat in him like a lump. The only thing he did not really mind were the vitamins that he had to take everyday. Nutrition without calories.

"There's more than usual." Duo frowned. He was not going to eat more than he was usually forced to. "And the milk isn't skim!"

"Your nutritionist asked me to add the toast in, and start switching over to 2; it's better for you." Wufei also greatly preferred the taste of the 2; he swore the fat-free milk tasted more like flour, water, and a tablespoon of powdered milk. "Take your vitamins."

Duo pushed them around for a moment; he had to swig them down one at a time, and it usually made him drink almost all of the juice. He always had trouble swallowing pills, and he used to ask for water every time he saw the pills, but Wufei never relented. Breakfast had vegetable juice, which Wufei drank as well.

The American finally began swallowing them as Wufei liberally buttered a piece of toast, following it with peanut butter. It was the healthiest piece of toast, but Duo tended to feel a bit better if Wufei ate worse things than Duo, plus the toast tasted extremely good that way. When one of the clear capsules was swallowed, Wufei always felt a bit relieved; even with the nutritionist's help, Duo still needed the extra nutrients the pills provided. He also took a caloric capsule, which he thought was just another vitamin. The nutritionist had added it some time ago to help Duo gain back some of his weight instead of just stabilizing him.

Wufei started on his bowl of frosted flakes; his bowl containing twice the half-serving Duo received. He did not like granola or vegetable juice; he drank tea. "Wufei, how come I have to drink nasty juice but you don't?"

Wufei scowled. "Because I'm having extra frosted flakes, and I ate twice as many vegetables as you did last night."

Duo stared at his bowl before sloshing some milk in. Wufei glanced at Duo. "More."

Eventually, Duo ate through his breakfast, prodded frequently by the Chinese, who wanted to begin the long drive to the institution. He hoped to arrive by one, but he found it hard to get Duo going. Eventually, the pair was finally buckled in and began the drive, Duo chewing on his lip and staring out the window.

Wufei could see Duo tense up when he drove up to the clinic; the American did not loosen his shoulders as Wufei walked him to the entrance either. Wufei held back a sigh; his shoulders were slightly tensed as well. Visiting Heero was a trial, and adding Duo into the equation, the Chinese could not help but worry more.

They passed through a metal detector and had to take out the contents of their pockets. Wufei was glad he had taken the Swiss army knife off of his keychain. Soon, Wufei had them signed in and a nurse escorted them to a room; Heero's room. A nurse brought in two folded chairs for the visitors. The door clicked after her, though she stayed nearby, along with another nurse, connected to the security centre via radio.

Duo simply stared at Heero for a long time. Unlike some of the patients, Heero was clean, but there was a harsh pink cast to his skin and his hands were dry and cracking. Now, the Japanese man was reduced to a mumbling huddle in the corner of his bed, rocking back and forth, rubbing a spoon with a cloth over and over again.

Duo's eyes were too wide, but Wufei knew Heero's head was not going to snap up and start talking. At best, he might stop rocking. "Hey Heero. They finally let me bring Duo here. You should take a look at him; he's doing pretty good now. He looks good too, you know."

Eventually, Wufei quietly urged the American to talk as well; however, Heero only continued to rub the spoon. Wufei sighed as Duo fell woefully silent. Sometimes he almost wished Duo still put up his jester's mask with him. It was up to the quiet, sometimes soft-spoken Chinese to come up with a one-sided dialogue with occasional "yes" and "no" answers from Duo. He was glad he had had practice with Duo while the American had been receiving treatment, though Duo had at least acknowledged him and answered him somewhat.

Abruptly, Heero put the spoon down on a cloth and picked up another one. However, in reaching for the second spoon, Heero's foot shifted and nudged the first spoon. It clattered to the ground. Heero stared at the spot the spoon had just occupied. He was completely still, eyes wide with horror.

Wufei had reminded Duo about Heero's disorder during the drive; he had told Duo how Heero feared so many things; obsessed about all of those things, and compulsively did sometimes ridiculous things to keep the things he feared at bay. One of those things was dirtiness. Heero had always hated floors; they were dirty to him, no matter how many times they had been scrubbed.

Duo swallowed and stood up. He walked over to the spoon and knelt down next to it. He picked it up and began to offer it up to Heero; however the Japanese pulled back from the shining metal. At first, Wufei thought Duo was going to cry; however, the American forced a fake smile. "Don't go for the five-second rule, huh? Well, I guess it was more like fifteen seconds anyway."

The American looked around the room before spotting a white sink that he would venture to say was scrubbed by Heero excessively. As Wufei watched him, he realized the American had paid a great deal of attention to what he had said in the car. He directed his talk at the Japanese, though Duo was talking more to himself. "So I bet if I touched the sink, I'd make it dirty…"

He surveyed the small area; paper towel was hanging down from a holder. He carefully tore it away and felt eyes on him; Prussian blue eyes. He shivered and glanced at Heero, but the Japanese man was more interested in what Duo was doing to his sink. Duo carefully turned the water on after pulling down another paper towel using the paper towel and lathered up his hands up to his elbows. "So is once enough? How many times do I need to wash my hands and wash the spoon to give it back?"

Both Wufei and Duo jumped when Heero answered. "Three and three." His voice was hoarse and cracked, but Wufei knew he talked but rarely.

Shakily, Duo nodded and began scrubbing his arms again. He was very thorough, and he quickly made a show of his thoroughness. Wufei realized the jester mask was up, but perhaps right now it was for the best. After ten minutes, much soap and paper towels later, Duo finally held out the spoon to Heero, stretching his arm out towards the hollow-eyed man.

Slowly, Heero raised somewhat limp, thin arms towards the spoon. He glanced at Duo and murmured, "thanks."

Immediately, Heero's head dropped and he began rubbing the spoon Duo had given him with a cloth vigorously. Duo's smile faltered a bit, but he merely sat back down. He was back to being quiet. Wufei, meanwhile, scoured his mind for more meaningless, pointless small talk. He rambled slowly, pausing for responses and questions that never came, but they took up time anyway. Sitting there was mostly disturbing for Wufei, and he knew it disturbed Duo too, but it was also overwhelmingly boring small-talking to himself.

Eventually, Wufei led Duo out after saying good-bye to Heero and promising that they would come back fairly soon. By the time they reached Wufei's car, Duo was shaking. Both men simply climbed into the car and buckled their seatbelts. Duo did everything at a floating snail's pace, Wufei fast and efficient. Tomorrow, Duo had an extra appointment with his psychiatrist to talk about today's visit, but the Chinese could not help but worry about his friend. He had been doing so well, and now his violet eyes looked huge and childlike, staring at nothing.

"You know that it's not your fault, right?" Wufei asked quietly.

Duo didn't answer, so Wufei simply drove them home. He already knew that lunch was going to be impossible, perhaps for both of them. After a few minutes of driving, Wufei shut off the stereo; it had been playing soothing Chinese rhythms, but somehow he could not stomach them at the moment.

That night, dinner was a dull affair. Duo did not argue with his friend about what he ate; he simply shoved bites of chicken soup and salad into his mouth and swallowing. He finished up with applesauce and a glass of milk. Wufei was surprised though, Duo finished before him. However, minutes later, the American was gone.

The Chinese heard the violent retching and shoved his plate back. Instead, he got a glass of water. He knocked on the bathroom door. "Duo?"

"Go away." Was the mumbled, hoarse reply after a minute or so.

The slightly taller man picked the bathroom lock and came in anyway shortly after he heard the toilet flush. He swallowed heavily. As an ex-gundam pilot, he had seen many horrific things; however, the sight and smell of vomit still made him squeamish. Wufei sat down near the tiny, huddled figure by the toilet and handed him a class of water. "Do you want some mouthwash or something?"

Duo nodded vaguely, and Wufei poured some into a small glass. Soon, the other man was rinsing his mouth out with painfully minty liquid. He sniffled a bit after he spit it out.

"You know, it seems to me like it'd be a lot more pleasant to keep all that stuff down." Wufei commented. He did not like being sick at all, and he considered the worst thing he had endured had been a nasty case of food poisoning that had left him retching for the better part of three days.

"Sometimes, I think you're right." Duo's voice cracked. He was starting to cry, and Wufei felt more awkward than before. He had no idea what to do when a girl cried, much less a man. So he sat there on the bathroom floor by the braided man silently. After awhile, he found a box of tissues and put it in front of Duo. The American used up a number of tissues, harshly wiping away tears so his face was red, and blowing his dripping nose. During the worst bit, the American even had to wipe the dribble running down his chin, mixing with snot. It was a helpless picture, but all Wufei could do was sit and wait. He wasn't sure what else he could do.

Eventually, Duo stopped crying and fell asleep, head on his raised knees. Wufei sighed and dampened a hand towel with steaming water. Carefully, he wiped Duo's face clean of the mess still left after the fierce wipes of the tissues. After he was decently clean, Wufei lifted him and put him to bed. The Chinese himself slept on the couch after several hours of bad late night television as he tried to ignore the stress and worry that kept creeping around him like dark animals waiting for the right moment to attack.

* * *

Don't hurt me? -hides in a closet in a closet behind a dusty chair- 


	42. Chapter 41: One Month Later

A touch late, but I've been a busy girl today. First, I went shopping. All day. I skipped classes. I call it a mental health day. They are excellent things. No new shoes though, and I need new shoes! (It seems impossible with 50 pairs already, but it's true! Work and heels don't mix!) And it's almost Thanksgiving break! I can't wait! Sleep! No school! Homework, well, yes, of course. --'

Dedication: Robin Maxwell. Welcome back!  
Disclaimer: Ya know it.  
Mailing list: Ask to join

Chapter 41: One Month Later

_:Entry 1299: They keep telling me I can't see Him again. It's… I don't know. It makes me frustrated, but I guess I must have been such a pain to take, and it was really out of the way. I wonder why they even took me in the first place if He doesn't want to see anyone. It's not like they did it for my benefit. Wufei and the doc keep saying that's not true. They keep saying I'm important and all of these other things. I don't know why Wufei hasn't slit my throat or something yet. Maybe it's because of his honour or something. I don't know. Everyone is really tense again. I guess they're worried since I managed to get rid of some of my pudge. But why would they be worried? (end entry)_

Wufei sighed as he watered the plants. He had set up a small stand in front of a second window which now had three flowering plants on it. The Chinese kept the herb garden in excellent care; he was not giving up on his comrade. When the Japanese returned, he would have a beautiful apartment to come back to, and the herbs he so tediously took care of and used in his cooking would be there.

As much as he hated to admit it, Heero had shown more of a reaction to Duo than he had to Wufei during any of the times the Chinese had visited Heero. He knew about the Japanese's feelings for the braided ex-pilot, and he realized he was a believer in love as well. It was one of many things he would refuse to admit. Letting people see him wearing his reading glasses, cook, and clean was about as far as he would push it.

After he finished watering, Wufei turned to face Duo. He was going to make a suggestion to the American that would not go over well, no matter how he phrased it. He didn't know the story behind it, but he knew that Duo's braid was very important to him. Duo's braid was also brittle and had lost not only its glowing sheen, but a foot of its length. Duo's illness had not only severely altered his weight, but ravaged his hair. He had course, brittle hairs on his arms now and a mane of hair that had dwindled down pathetically. It fell out in clumps, decorating his pillow.

For quite some time, Duo had been doing better, and his increase in weight and health had mostly halted the hair loss, and had given Duo somewhat more energy. Most of the American's energy, however, was diverted in an attempt by his body to heal itself. Since they had visited Heero, Duo had been doing badly. He had even had to stay several days in the facility again, spending a great deal of time with Dr. Fitzgerald and specially trained nurses.

Both Wufei and Dr. Fitzgerald had been hopeful concerning the outcome of the visit, since it was one of the rare things Duo expressed a true wish to do. Up until that point, they had been hopeful, but now Wufei was faced with a constant struggle with Duo. He had nightmares some nights in which he saw a gaunt Duo shoving away mountains of food, all the while shrinking until he disappeared. He saw dreams of seeing the American purge his meals again and again until he was too exhausted to lift himself to reach the rim of the toilet. He would awake, horrified, and then realize how true they were. Then he became terrified.

Wufei sat down across from where Duo was laying on the couch. The American had lost five pounds in the past month, which showed on his body more than Wufei wanted to admit. He sighed. "Duo, I need to talk to you about something."

Big, luminous eyes stared up at him like violet jewels, enormous and oversized in that stretched face. "Yeah?"

These days, the American sounded soft and parched. The richness was gone. Wufei winced. He had talked to Quatre about this; he had made notes about what to say, all embellished by the sensitive man. They seemed so useless now. They just didn't work for him. "I think… I think we may need to cut your hair shorter…"

"Like a trim?" There was a slight quiver. Wufei couldn't believe how much a month had changed Duo. It was as if he was back at the facility, only then at his worst, he had weighed so much less. Looking at the bones protruding from Duo's body, it seemed impossible to imagine he could weight less than eighty-nine pounds (40.37 kg), but he had. There had been a point in which the American had dropped down to sixty-four pounds (29.03 kg), and it had nearly killed him.

During that time, someone had always been with him and an IV was his constant companion, forcing some bit of health into him. It had taken a great deal of time and work to raise Duo's weight thirty pounds, but he needed to gain at least thirty more. Losing any bit was dangerous.

Wufei looked at the ground. "No, not like a trim… A lot of it needs to be cut off. Because you have been so sick, your hair got damaged badly."

"I don't want to…" Was Duo's whispered reply.

Wufei wanted to sigh, he truly did, but as he usually did, he withheld it. Generally, Wufei believed that sighing was too womanly for him to do; however, he also realized that in another five years, he would probably sigh as freely as anyone. Just not yet. "I know your hair is very important to you, but it will grow back."

Duo shook his head. "No."

"Why not?"

The American looked away. He was quiet for a long time before he began, fast and halting. "When I was a kid, I lived at a church orphanage. I had long hair and wouldn't cut it so Sister Helen put it in a braid so that Father Maxwell would let me stay. Then…" here, he became quiet for some time. "…the Maxwell church was destroyed, almost everyone there along with it."

A memento. Wufei understood that, but one could not hold on forever. It was a hard lesson he had learned. After the first war, Wufei had not sent his Gundam along with the other pilots towards the sun because he refused to let go of Nataku; however, Meilan would always be in his heart. "Instead, then what about a long trim? To even your hair up, more or less. It'll still be long enough for your braid."

Duo sighed tiredly. "I guess the right answer is 'okay,' but I think my hair is fine."

It still amazed Wufei at the image Duo saw when he looked into a mirror. He simply couldn't fathom how the emaciated American could stare at his haggard frame, with deep circles under his eyes once more, jutting bones, and hollowed cheeks and see fat crawling and slithering across his body. He was blind to see the person before him; he saw himself as he was before the illness with an additional fifty pounds.

"We might as well get it over with now. I can do it." That was much easier than attempting to rouse Duo enough to get dressed and go to a salon. The Chinese also knew that the American trusted him more than any hair stylist.

Wufei led Duo to a chair and wrapped a towel around his shoulders. The black-haired man had to force himself not to physically cringe at feeling deep ridges and tight skin. It was more than unnatural, and he hated it.

Since agreeing, Duo said nothing, he simply stared blankly ahead. Wufei retrieved a pair of shears he used on his hair; the rare times he attempted to have someone do it for him, the stylists tried to drastically shorten his hair. This had given him enough practice to give nearly anyone a decent trim.

Carefully, Wufei undid the braid Duo had slept in for several days. Even more gently, he combed Duo's hair, trying to pull and tug as little as possible of the fragile stuff. Too much hair came out, but it was not as much as sometimes came out. Once again, Wufei braided the other's hair loosely, treating it like an ancient porcelain doll. After tying the length off, Wufei tied off the hair just below where he wanted to cut. This way, Duo could at least keep his tail as a reminder, pitiful and sparse as it was.

Then, Wufei hacked off the tail to Duo's shoulder blades. Duo's shoulders tensed as Wufei brushed the hair out gently with his fingertips. Now, he cut only the most necessary bits to create an even line. It didn't take him long, but he could tell Duo was jumpy and nervous. At last, Wufei braided Duo's hair once more; the end of the tail barely came to his shoulder blades, but a braid it was.

At the end of it all, Wufei led Duo to his bed, where the other man promptly fell asleep. Somewhat drained, the Chinese went to his room and stared at the ceiling. His door was open, as always, so he could keep an eye on Duo's comings and goings since the American had to go past his room no matter what in order to do so much as take two steps out of his room. After a few minutes, Wufei picked up the black, cordless phone he kept on the table beside his bed and called Lara. She didn't know much about Duo apart from that he was sick, but she was quiet enough to listen and had a soothing voice that reminded Wufei of lilacs.

A little over a week later during breakfast, Duo looked up at Wufei. "I want to go see him again."

Wufei knew which him Duo meant, but he wasn't sure what to tell him, so he settled on the safety net. "We'll have to talk to Dr. Fitzgerald about it."

"He'll say no…"

The Chinese knew the American was right; after all, the one visit Duo had gone on had triggered another relapse. In all truth, Duo could not afford another relapse. As it was, there was most likely permanent damage done to Duo's heart, and it was doubtful he would ever fully recover. Another relapse could have even more serious effects. "We have to get you better first, I think…"

Duo looked down at his plate. Today, he had already eaten nearly half his meal, something unusual for him, especially since his visit to see Heero. His voice when he finally replied was soft and quiet. "I know…" He let out a long, slow sigh. "I think I'll do better if I get to see him again. I mean, better with him. I just… I know you told me how bad he was doing, but I didn't really understand…"

Wufei nodded. "It is very hard to even imagine him like that, let alone see it."

"Yeah…"

For a long time, the pair sat at the table, Wufei slowly sipping at some jasmine tea as Duo slowly shoved food around on his plate before taking a bite or two.

"It's just… so impossible." The American murmured.

"Just take it one day at a time. Otherwise, you'll get bogged down by everything else." Wufei didn't want to think about the everything else that would bog Duo down.

"It's so hard…" Duo whispered, staring at the food before him.

Wufei looked at Duo, who slowly raised his head when he felt Wufei's eyes on him. The Chinese's voice was quiet as well. "I know."


	43. Chapter 42: Two and a Half Weeks Later

Okay, so it's been a really long while. I'm so sorry! See end of chapter for why. Anyway, I should be updating every two weeks from here on out on _Tuesdays_. I have about seven more chapters to write before this story is finished (but there's some prewritten chapters waiting to go too). Wow, we're starting to wrap it up. I've missed you guys! Oh, and I almost posted the wrong chapter O.o

Dedication: to all of you patient people who are fed up with waiting  
Disclaimer: You've gotta know it's there by now. I'm poor; I bought a laptop to do schoolwork on. Don't take it! I'll cry.

Also, since I took so long getting this up, here's a present:  
**Weight tally: Duo's up to 90.75 lbs/41.16 kg **(we're actually saying "yay" about that)  
**Duo's Low: 64 lbs/29.03 kg**  
**Time: Since Duo's second suicide attempt/Time without Heero: 10 and a half months.  
Time: Story began 3 years post Eve wars; 4 months later Duo's second suicide attempt.  
Total Time: 1 year, 2 months.**

Chapter 42: Two and a Half Weeks Later

_:Entry 1304: I have to try harder. I guess, I mean in the other way now though. It's so screwed up… But I told Wufei that I'd try what he said. I mean, he wanted me to. He might get angry if I didn't. So, now it's one day at a time. So, today is today, and there isn't any yesterday or tomorrow to think about it. I'm supposed to take one more bite than usual. One. People always say one is tiny, but I think it's huge. I don't want to take one more bite, but… I guess there's always some future. The funny thing is, I feel just a tiny bit better this week. I mean, compared to, say, last week. Not a lot, but a little. Maybe Wufei actually was giving me advice that is supposed to help... (end entry)_

Wufei was happy, almost ecstatic really. He also had to hide the almost giddy feeling he felt, because what triggered that emotion in Wufei would trigger the exact opposite in Duo. Every week, Duo was weighed. It was an awkward process, and Duo always squirmed and tried to find ways out of it. It was by far his least favourite activity. He knew that a smile meant he had _gained_ weight, and a frown meant he had lost weight. There were too many smiles. Wufei knew this, so he stayed as stoic as possible as Duo untied his shoes and set them under his chair before slowly clambering onto the scale. Worry and fear would be etched across his face as the nurse got him situated, back to the numbers.

Wufei watched Duo from his perch on a chair, remaining as expressionless as he could. After so many rounds of this, he knew what worked best with Duo, as did the nurses. Then, the nurse would shove some things around while trying to get the American to stand still. Finally, she'd reset the scale and write something down, out of Duo's view. She would send Duo back to his chair to put his shoes back on. Then someone would take Duo to a therapy session with Dr. Fitzgerald, and Wufei would be left with the nurse.

This time, they had seen a weight gain. "And not just a weight gain! A significant one, especially considering the past six weeks, when he was steadily losing weight." The nurse beamed. By turning the small achievements into joyous occasions, it was easier to maintain the positive attitude she needed to portray to her patients.

"One pound (.5 kg) in a week…" Wufei stared at the paper. Duo had never gained more than half a pound in a week. Both he and the nurse were trying to hold back grins, but since it was only the two of them, Wufei gave in and stunned the nurse, because he had a beautiful smile.

She couldn't help but return it. "I know! That's such a positive result."

However, neither of them would even begin to suggest that this pattern would occur. But then the next week Duo had gained three-quarters of a pound (.34 kg.) While it wasn't as much as the increase before, it was a steady improvement. Duo had gained 1.75 pounds (.79 kg) in two weeks. Wufei couldn't help but be hopeful. He figured at some point the hope would end up being the real thing. It had to.

Reading one of Dune Y. Macoy's books he had pulled out of Heero's bookshelf, that Chinese waited. The book was the latest Macoy had written, _The Forgotten_. A war veteran told the story of what he had done in the war, who he had saved, who he had loved, and the underlying tragedy of it all. The veteran had been forgotten, by his superiors, comrades, and friends. It reminded Wufei of too many soldiers he had seen already, but he did not put the book down. It told the truth, and one was readily addicted to the truth.

Eventually, around chapter five, Wufei slipped a metal book mark between the pages and flipped to the first few pages of the book to stare at the map. Then he saw Macoy's signature. He had seen it before, but it peaked his curiosity suddenly. The signature was neat and quick, but something made Wufei frown.

Breaking codes had been something Wufei had to know how to do in the war. In fact, he knew all of the ex-Gundam pilots were exceptional with code-breaking, among other things. Part of the reason they had all been chosen as pilots was that they were highly intelligent, among other things, and now Wufei found himself wondering at the code behind the pen name. Obviously a war veteran himself, the writer would not be likely to use a name without any meaning.

Dune Y. Macoy. Wufei smiled. It made perfect sense Heero owned signed copies. The letters shifted in his mind. Duo. Two Y's for Yuy. Maxwell. By taking out five letters and adding two, the Wing Zero pilot had created an alias that meant something to him. Or rather someone; this discovery of Wufei's proved to him without a shadow of a doubt of the Japanese's feelings. However, he would not tell Duo. Instead, he began the book again, thinking about the ex-soldier as he had been.

"You're reading Macoy's new book?" Duo asked, standing beside a nurse who had walked him out, chatting amiably with him.

Wufei nodded, and he saw the American's small, knowing smile. So he knew Heero was an author too. But did he know why Heero had chosen his pen name? He slid the bookmark in place and snapped the book shut. "Let's go."

Duo turned and waved at the nurse as she left. "Bye!"

Wufei knew he was not putting that extra bit of effervescence in Duo's voice. The bounce, though it was barely there, in Duo's step really was there as well. However, after so long of this; after fighting for Duo for so long, he could not let himself stay hopeful for long. It just hurt too much. It had been a long, long time since Heero had left. In less than two months, it would be a year since the Japanese had collapsed.

It had begun a bit longer than a year ago, and no one had known anything was wrong. Duo was good at hiding things and running away so he would not have to tell the truth. In a way, Wufei supposed, Heero had triggered Duo's illness, but more so in that he had revealed it. Then it was a fast spiral downward, falling so fast it felt like they—all of them—were climbing up, getting just a little bit better. The fact was, the longer you fall, the longer gravity can pull. Simple physics. Velocity increases the longer one falls because the acceleration of gravity makes the one who is falling fall faster every second. So, the longer the fall, the worse it is; especially when you jump into the deepest part of the Grand Canyon.

Later, shortly before Quatre was coming by to stay with Duo for a few hours while Wufei went out with Lara, Duo asked, "So when do I get to meet her? I mean, you've been seeing her for just over two months now." He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

Wufei looked at Duo; it was one of his classic looks studded with supercilious humour. "Maybe when cows fly."

"I thought it was when pigs fly." Was the American's pondering reply.

The Chinese's eyes narrowed briefly. "I'm not sure. It's an old phrase though, pre-colony."

"I bet I'm right."

A wager? Wufei supposed he was game. "What're you going to give me when I win?"

"I think you should let me meet Lara when I win!" Duo grinned. "After all, pigs are smarter than cows, so they're more likely to fly."

"I win, and you have to clean the kitchen for a week." Wufei knew Duo hated cleaning kitchens; he had to wash dishes and put things away. Hardly the sort of thing the American would ever find entertaining in the slightest degree.

Wufei sat before his computer and typed in two search directives: "when pigs fly," and "when cows fly." Duo stood just behind the black-haired man, invading his space as they both stared at the results. "Well, cows fly, apparently."

"So do pigs!" Duo reminded Wufei; the search results had revealed one conclusion: they were both right.

"By the way, Duo. Birds fly, they are incredibly stupid creatures."

Duo just stuck his tongue out at his friend. "You should know. You have your head up in the clouds enough."

Wufei narrowed his eyes at the American briefly. "Say that again and I'll show you the clouds all right."

But the smaller man merely laughed and walked out of Wufei's bedroom to let him get ready for his date. This meant a quick shower and a shave, a touch of aftershave, combing his damp hair, getting dressed, and finally a hint of cologne. He had decided he'd wear his hair down tonight; after all, Lara had been wondering what it looked like down. After unexpectedly discovering he was a bit of a tease, he had refused to take his hair down, coming up with reason after reason to drive her mad. And he did; right into a fit of giggles.

The American answered Quatre's distinct knock; it was somehow unassuming, but articulate and mannerly. Wufei came out moments later, secretly wondering how much longer it was going to take for his hair to finish drying. He raised his eyebrow when he saw that Quatre was staring at both him and Duo.

"I've never seen you with your hair down." Quatre wondered aloud. He may have been shocked by Duo's short hair, but he had known it was going to happen, and knew it was best to say nothing about the frazzled length.

Shrugging, he replied. "It happens once in awhile." A very rare while, but he didn't add that. Generally, though he liked his hair long, he wanted it out of his face. Otherwise, it tended to be a nuisance that drove him mad.

"I think your girlfriend will like it." Duo grinned. "Well, unless her hair is shorter than yours. Girls always seem to hate having shorter hair than the guys they're dating."

"Her hair is several inches longer than mine. I think I'll survive." He glared at Duo. "No making Quatre play zombie games. That's just mean. I'll make you eat some sashimi if you do."

Duo made a gagging motion. "That's the single most disgusting thing on the face of the earth. It's _slimy_ and _slithery_ and _gooey._"

Wufei had no idea where gooey came from, but he simply shrugged. "So no zombie games then." He realized the teasing about a food item probably startled Quatre, but Wufei only did so regarding sashimi because he had known for a long time how much the American loathed the stuff. Seeing the American turn green while watching Heero eat some had been a good indication.

Duo sighed. "Fine." He dragged out the long vowel like a small, grudging child. "No zombie games."

"Or vampire games."

"'Kay."

"Or RPGs."

"'Kay."

"Or any games that involve stealing cars or racing cars."

"'Kay."

Wufei frowned. He was missing something. Duo was giving in way too easily for this, given his attitude only moments before. That and the small twinkle half-hidden in Duo's still luminous, haunting eyes gave the American way. "Oh, and no first-person shooters."

"But that leaves me with only a couple boring Sim games!" Duo protested. "I can't just sit here and play Sims all night. I'll go crazy with boredom, and the zombies are so cool!"

The Arabian smiled at Wufei, out of Duo's view. In all honesty, Wufei had no idea how Quatre and Trowa were able to cope with visiting Heero so often. His case was static, and he was nearly completely unresponsive. The improvements Duo had made; how much he had overcome; there was so much more hope. Right then, Wufei knew for at least a little bit, they had most of the old Duo back. He was still bruised and battered and trying to heal, but some of that had turned to scars. Some were deep scars that would never fade, but like the war veteran he was, he was learning how to cope and coming back to them. The Chinese smiled, startling Duo. "Play the fish Sim game on the computer."

"Oh, I love the fish Sim!" Quatre grinned. Wufei really did hope Quatre said that to antagonize Duo a bit, but he wasn't sure. The Arabian tended to be so completely genuine at times, and he had truly grown into his soft heart in the years since the war.

Duo grimaced and groaned. "Fei-fei… you'd better have one hell of a time for making me play the _fish Sim_." He emphasized the last bit as if it was somehow related to sashimi. The Chinese still wondered about gooey; it seemed the American's mind worked in strange ways.

"If it's good enough, I might just have to stay out all night." Wufei raised his eyebrows, baiting Duo.

"No! You can't leave me with simulated fish all night! I'll go crazy, crazy I tell you!"

"Oh, but we still haven't figured out what the final magical fish is!" Quatre reminded his friend, smiling. "I'm sure it will be the most beautiful fish of all."

Duo and Wufei exchanged glances. The Chinese resisted rolling his eyes. "I'll come back around midnight."

"You so owe me some zombie action."

Wufei snorted and waved, heading for the door. He was barely on the borderline of on-time now thanks to Duo. Once, he would have minded, but these days he was so glad for moments like this that even if he was a bit late, he was happy.

Oooooo

First, there were finals, then there was working, and then Christmas and working at the same time (which was so exhausting I fell asleep on a plane for the first time in my life—which includes at least 30 airplanes). The day after the day after Christmas I hopped on a plane to New York (and received my amazing, beautiful laptop, which types so much better than the big clunky school keyboard I'm on now.) I saw Beauty and the Beast on Broadway, I cried three times during the show because I love Beauty and the Beast and it was just that good. Then I came home, slept a lot, got really stressed about school starting and transferring schools in the fall (applications and scholarships), and then school started….so, uhm, here I am?


	44. Chapter 43: One Month Later

I realized today I was a week late. Somehow, between having a terrible cold for weeks, and recovering for it, time really did a number on me. But I'm better now, thank goodness. When I'm sick I float, so I don't function at all, hehe. Anyway, Enjoy the chapter. I kind of like this chapter. You guys will too, I'm sure, just because of the cast. Tee hee.

Disclaimer: You know it.  
Dedication: Noroi-Inu Welcome back

Here's the tally. I just find it helpful  
Time: Since Duo's second suicide attempt/Time without Heero: 11 and a half months.  
Total Time of story: 1 year, 3 months.

Chapter 43: One Month Later

_:Entry 1314: It's getting easier. Well, not the knowing that I have a problem, but dealing with it. I guess in the end, it really did help that I acknowledged it. It's just… it's hard. So very, very hard. Everyone tries to help all the time, and they always say "I know." The thing is, they don't know. No one knows what it's like for me except people like me, and even then, I'm the only me. No matter what has gone on, and what has happened, only I know what it's really like for me. And that's hard. I recoil every time I see, touch, smell, taste, think about, or even see the word food. A life-giving substance I wish I could do away with forever and never have to look back. Instead, what do I have to do? I have to eat. And once that's done, I have to eat again a few hours later. It's torture. Why the hell am I doing this? Wasn't it easier before? Before what? (end entry)_

After talking a long time with Dr. Fitzgerald in the past few weeks, and watching Duo's positive progress, Wufei had brought up Duo's insistence on visiting Heero again with his doctor. A week after that, it was decided to let Duo try again. This time, they hoped, he would not be so aversely affected by Heero's current state.

Wufei glanced over at Duo as he drove occasionally, trying to see what everyone saw when they looked at his friend and charge. He did this every now and again because sometimes it was hard to see what was happening to Duo; he was just too used to it all. The objective stance that he would love to take was often times hard to come by. The sickness spread across Duo was hard to find in Wufei's eyes, yet the Chinese saw the pain reflected in Quatre's eyes when the blond visited.

But when Wufei got right down to it, Duo looked like a cancer patient. The kind of patient that was sick and hollow and wasted. That's how Duo was. His skin was yellow in that bright, whitish sense with a waxy sheen. His cheeks looked like he suck them in to imitate models who tended to be sick like him, and his eyes were always popped ever so slightly, like a bug's eyes. Thin, scraggly hair converged into a ratty braid with frazzled ends, and it seemed like Duo's ears had grown to twice their size. If Duo were a cartoon character, he would be comical, but he was not. He was a person, and he had ravaged his body past emaciation more than once. Some days Wufei wondered if he could forgive himself. Some days, he wondered if Duo would forgive him.

"We're almost there." Wufei told his friend, because it was more than a war bond that held them together now. There was so much more to it than that.

"I know." Duo murmured. "We get off in three exits, then we take a left at the second street, a right immediately after that, and cruise on into the parking lot."

Wufei glanced at Duo again. Quiet and nervous was how he'd describe the American. He was still, however, amazed at Duo's sense of direction. No matter where they were, it seemed like he still knew where "here" was and how it related to "there." Wufei was not always so lucky. He did, however, know who great literary figures were from the years before the colonies. It was astounding to him how the thoughts of some of these people affected society even now. "I thought it was two exits."

Duo eyed Wufei warily. "I hope you're kidding. You're driving! I don't want to have to tell you how to get there from the middle of wherever! You're so…" He groaned.

"Stupid?" Wufei raised an eyebrow.

"Uhm, directionally challenged?" Duo said helpfully.

"I should make you walk."

They both knew that was not going to happen. Duo especially knew this. In fact, he knew that Wufei was in a good mood, and had been for quite some time. Wufei was getting on quite well with Lara. "But then you'd get lost and stay lost forever!"

Wufei whacked Duo's arm; however, he controlled just how much force he exerted with care. While the American was acting more and more like his old self, he was fragile and Wufei had to be gentle with him. It was true emotionally too; some days Duo just could not handle any teasing, and he could barely cope moment to moment. Other times, he was the one teasing. Today, the teasing may have been part of a desperate attempt to ward off the gnawing nerves Wufei was sure were antagonizing Duo.

When the pair waited in a lobby for an assistant to take them to Heero's tiny room, Duo could not stand still; he was fidgeting and hopping from one foot to the other and reaching behind his back to twirl the phantom braid. Then, his hand would shoot back, as if he'd touched something hot. Although it had been nearly six weeks since the braid had been cut, Duo found it impossible to become used to it. So instead, he flipped through magazines haphazardly and twiddled his thumbs. Wufei sat in a chair, idly flipping through _Newsweek_; he loved hearing about new things; despite everything, he was still every bit a scholar at heart. For a long time, he had not thought so; he had thought that Meilan's death had ended that for him, yet the draw of the scholarly arts pushed at him as of late. He wanted to attend a university and do something. He just was not sure of what, exactly. What could a philosophical scholar do?

Then they were called back, and Duo nearly tripped over himself as he started towards the assistant, going down that sterile hall with speckled, yellowed tile and white walls. Wufei trailed them, but he watched Duo carefully as they entered the room. At one point, he had considered himself closer to Heero, and did not care much for the American, but so much had changed since then.

Duo's bounce was gone, and he was quiet as he sat in one of the chairs in the tiny room. Heero was in the corner of his bed, in the same place he had been before, quite possibly in the same position. It made Wufei cringe internally. Static. He could not comprehend how, between Trowa and Quatre, they visited him nearly every day. He did not know how they dealt with such apathy and changelessness.

For awhile, Wufei chatted in a monologue about insignificant nothings that no one, including himself really cared about. He mentioned his orchard had lost its last bloom, how Quatre hated zombie games, how he had just cleaned out the refrigerator… So much pointless stuff as Duo and Heero sat silently, neither seemingly willing to say a word. Wufei stopped, and took a sip from a water bottle he had asked the assistant if he could bring in. He took his time, and tried to be slow about it, trying to force Duo to say something.

He did. "Hey old buddy." The American was too quiet, but Wufei was just glad he had said something. "Sorry it took me so long to visit you the first time, and the second… I guess I've been pretty sick. The crazy docs said that I had to get a lot better before I could come here. It only took months and months, guess I really botched that huh?

"So let's see what stories I can tell you…." He reached behind him and tried to tug on his braid; his hand jerked back; the sharp, harsh movement causing Heero to look up. "I keep forgetting that my braid is gone… Getting so sick really did a number on my hair." He sighed.

But now Heero was staring, but he could not see behind Duo. "You want to see that ragged mess? Well, it's not pretty, but okay…" Nervously, slowly, Duo pulled the short tail around to show Heero. "Like I said…"

Heero frowned and grunted. Then he looked startled; so did Duo and Wufei. It was rare that Heero make any noise at all apart from the near silent counting he was obsessed with. Wufei made node to give Quatre a ring to discuss Heero that evening while Duo showered. He was guaranteed a good half hour during that time; Duo had developed an affinity to showers once the war stopped dictating five minute jaunts under tepid, at best, water.

During all of the therapy Wufei had been witness to, he had gradually realized that things like half hour showers were not just a quirk or a guilty pleasure; they were also a sign of adjustment. Accepting a different world than the pilots had grown up in meant acting in far different ways than they had before. Now, the only weapon Wufei carried with him was his set of keys with an ultra-bright light which he tended to use to unlock doors at night with. He also had to admit he kept in shape with martial arts; all of his blades were hidden away—with good reason, but even before he moved into Heero's apartment, he had been gradually down-sizing.

Wufei resumed watching Duo and Heero. "Man, you've gotta talk sometime, buddy. I mean, I know you don't say a whole heck of a lot, and I'm the one that talks enough for both—heck, three or four of us, probably… The occasional yes or no, or something goes a long way, y'know?"

The Chinese recognised the words tumbling out of Duo's mouth. They were things he had used on Heero before all of this, when the Japanese had been in one of his quiet moods in which only a vague grunt would signify any answer.

It was strange to Wufei that he found himself now to be the most well-adjusted of the pilots. In many ways, the war had spun his mind in and out of so many twisted, dark knots that he had considered killing himself at the Eve War's end kamikaze style. But he had not, and Sally Po had looked into his eyes and forced him to talk to someone. He was not normal though. None of them ever would be, but he had always thought Duo had it all together, and Heero was always the one he had almost revered of the pilots. Yet they ended up the worst off.

Even Quatre and Trowa had their shortcomings. Trowa was silent and rarely spoke to anyone he did not know well, and it seemed he did not get to know people well anymore. So he spoke to the pilots and Catherine. Quatre had mentioned Trowa was doing better. He did things like order his own meals at restaurants and managed cursory greetings at grocery stores. Step-by-step. In all frankness, Quatre was the strangest to Wufei. The blond was so carefully kind and polite to extremes, and completely mild-mannered. Part of it, the Chinese was sure, was due to the Arabian's personality, but the rest he blamed on the war. It was just too much.

As for himself, he knew whether or not he could take on any given person in a room. It was just comforting to know that if, for whatever reason, someone came at him, he knew. Small things made him not normal, but small things also meant he was adjusted. He liked the thought; he liked walking down a street holding Lara's hand and looking at her and laughing with her. So what if he knew the guy that was just turning the corner was about twice his weight and probably had a knife or two stashed some place. He figured he knew it, so at least he could do something if anything happened. These days, that was usually good enough.

Duo was still rambling about the same sorts of things he used to when Heero was quiet. Whether just to fill up the silence or to pester Heero, Wufei was not sure even Duo knew.

That night, while a shower so hot that steam seeped through the top of the door pounded down on Duo, Wufei gave Quatre a ring. The blond picked up his personal line after only three rings, which meant he was not particularly busy, he hoped. The blonde's face flashed up on the screen, looking calm, but cheerful. "Good evening, Wufei."

Wufei thought those pleasantries were generally a waste of time. "Heero grunted at Duo and frowned."

"Yes, I was actually going to call you a bit later this evening to discuss Heero with you. I have been talking with his doctors, and it seems that there has been at least marginal improvement!" Already, the Arabian was getting excited. Wufei would swear that everything that could even vaguely be considered good made Quatre happy.

"Well, I'm hoping for more than marginal." Wufei muttered, perhaps a touch darkly.

"Yes, I know. We all are." Quatre paused and looked away from the screen briefly. Wufei realized Trowa had entered. He was the only person Quatre would even briefly turn away from a video screen without apology for first. After a nod, Quatre was back. "Sorry. I'm sure you would like the latest details of the case, and to know what improvements and statics there are. I'll e-mail you the file of what the doctors allowed me to have. However, dinner—a bit late, but I was late at the office today," Quatre sighed. "was just announced, so I'm afraid I have to cut this short. I am sorry. Please give me a ring for anything."

"All right. Enjoy dinner." Wufei hung up. He'd read the e-mail later. Sometimes marginal improvement was just that. Other times, like with Duo, marginal was the first step of continual, which lead to a great deal of improvement. They all wanted that.

* * *

Well, a little Heero, a little Quatre even. Please R&R!


	45. Chapter 44: Three Days Later

Well, wow. I just looked at my review count today in the first time in a long time, apparently. I have over 700 reviews and I was just stunned. I never expected this story to take off like it did. I don't think I'll quite manage to break 1000 reviews, unfortunately, because I can tell you almost exactly how many more chapters there are now, and I doubt there will be more than 52 chapters all in all. But wow you guys. Thank you so much!

Mailing List: It's there, ask about it.  
Dedication: All of you wonderful people.  
Disclaimer: Please tell me this isn't still necessary…

Chapter 44: Three Days Later

_:Entry 1316: Time to go see the ol' doc. I've gotta say… he's not so bad for a doctor. I mean, he's always real patient and stuff even when I try to piss him off on purpose. I'll sit there and think of every single thing I could possibly do to make him not care and to just flip out. And believe me, I'm really good at that. Wufei has reminded me of that more than once. Wufei is just weird though. Why the hell is he doing all this stuff for me? It's not like he has to. It's not like Quatre couldn't just hire some person to make sure I don't try to kill myself…yet again. Speaking of which, I feel so bold today, and like being upfront about everything. I get like that once in awhile, you know? So, why do I want to die so much? Sometimes, I'm not really sure, like right now. It's just this feeling and it just won't go away. It's like a freckle. It's just there, and there's nothing you can do about it except cover it up with make-up. I guess maybe the meds help. Except sometimes I don't really feel all that lucid. Like a little crazy. My doctor says part of all of this is because for some reason something called "serotonin" and something I can't pronounce, let alone spell, were imbalanced. So basically, I want to kill myself because of what? Some neurotransmitters. I don't even know what those are. In a way, that makes me even angrier at myself, more… destructive, in a way. Damnit. (end entry)_

All in all, Wufei was amazed at how stable Duo had been acting in regard to seeing Heero again, taking more medications than ever, and gaining weight. The distaste was still there though, and it was something Wufei was not sure he would ever understand. He saw a bowl of steaming rice and felt hungry, felt a bit comforted, felt old memories. It was pleasant. Eating the rice continued with that pleasantness. Special treats, though, like strawberry shortcake, which he wholly blamed Lara for, brought about desire, happiness, and perhaps a bit of contentment. At least when Lara made the shortcake. He was not entirely fond of Western foods, but he was learning to like some of them, just as Lara was beginning to like traditional Chinese foods.

When Wufei had brought back some of that mouth-watering, buttery, flaky shortcake and topped it with sweetened strawberries so deep a red they were almost beyond "red" with heavy cream poured over it, Duo had stared. He watched the American; watched everything that flickered across his face; the story his eyes told. It almost made him feel repulsed by what had before seemed to be a glorious affair. Disgust, horror, hatred… those were the primary feelings Duo seemed to aim at that simple food. That was for something with strawberries, the food the American seemed to treasure above all others. Then Wufei also saw other emotions that seemed at war with each other. Desire and mouth-watering visions paired with fear, terror even.

The last emotion became extremely pronounced when Wufei offered Duo a small bite. That small bite was rejected with the same emphasis that might be given to an offer of a Jehovah's witness in your very own home. The Chinese was appalled that such an abominable association had lasted so long. One of their slogans now was "knocking on doors since before AC." What kind of group was proud of that? Frankly, Wufei was a bit horrified at their actions. The time a group of three of them had realized that he was a Buddhist had been comical to the point of pain. He had been, unfortunately, in a grocery store and very much out of food. They had stalked him. The store manager was one of them. He never went to that grocer again.

Yet, in the end, Wufei had cajoled Duo into taking that bite. The American had closed his eyes, savouring the taste for a long moment. He was enjoying the treat that he had gone so much farther than banning. Then, he opened his eyes, and the violet orbs shone with pain and regret.

Wufei slipped just a bit, snapped just a bit. He tried so hard not to sometimes that he wondered if that was part of why he did. "I've eaten three-fourths of this already. I ate this for dinner yesterday. Lara did too. We're not ripping our seams yet." Indeed, Wufei seemed to have lost a bit of weight, forcing him to hitch his belt one more hole tighter. "One little bite will not do anything to you!"

That had been yesterday night, and since then, they had not spoken a word, really. Wufei called Duo to breakfast, but it was only cursory, forced talk. He felt terrible and withered inside, and he knew the American was hurt, embarrassed, and ashamed. Yet he was still amazed at all the progress that he had seen recently. It made him wonder if just maybe it was real this time. This thought he immediately crushed because he always thought that and it was never the truth.

After breakfast, just before Wufei gathered up the dishes, he looked at Duo and told him something that he often forgot about, and never felt entirely comfortable saying. "About last night… I'm sorry."

Duo nodded and sat in the living room. After awhile, when he heard the dishwasher flip on, he finally said something. "So are we gonna go on our usual walk today?"

"Yes. You should probably take a jacket; it's starting to get cold again." Wufei watched the news whenever he could manage to steal the television away from Duo. The news, at least, was not completely mind-numbing.

"'Kay." He got up and got the coat.

Wufei knew he saw the world differently now, but even something like putting on a jacket in cold weather meant something now. He knew it was over thinking the situation, but shivering used up more calories than being warm in a coat. Duo was already slipping on a black leather jacket that was too big—Heero's—Wufei realized, and waiting for the Chinese. Presently, he slipped a jean jacket on and followed Duo out, locking the door behind them. They truly had settled into a familiar routine without realizing anything had happened.

Wufei was not prepared, however, to be lost that day. The streets were oddly named, and there were no hints on the street corner they were at. They were across from a courtyard filled with children. Duo had stopped and was staring at the small children looked over by nuns with luminous violet eyes. Sad or tear-filled, the Chinese wasn't sure. He glanced to the right and saw a title: Hillcrest Orphanage.

"I worked there for awhile… They were nice." Duo sighed and turned. "Let's go home.

Wufei chewed on his lip, thinking. "Seems like a nice place." He stalled.

"Yeah… I wouldn't mind going back…" It was a mild, unassuming way of saying what Duo wanted in the now.

"We'll take it one step at a time, okay? That might not be too far off in the future though." Wufei was casual, but he suddenly wanted it to happen for Duo. He wanted Duo to be able to go work someplace crawling with energetic children, just as energetic as they were.

"Yeah…" Duo stared up at Wufei; they were a few inches apart in height. "You're lost."

"No… we take a…right…" Wufei attempted.

"If we turn around first, we do. Otherwise, we go left." Duo grinned. "Honestly, Fei, it's not _that_ hard to keep track of where you are, more or less."

Wufei chose not to say anything, but turned left. Two streets later, he knew where they were again and managed to get home, although he was preoccupied with Duo and the orphanage.

Oooooooo

The next afternoon, Wufei and Duo headed to an appointment with Dr. Fitzgerald. Really, that meant Duo went into a session one-on-one with the good doctor while Wufei either waited for him, or as in today, went into a session with one of the counsellors who regularly assisted caregivers and relatives of patients. Wufei made sure to never miss one of his visits, let alone Duo's. He did not know what went on during Duo's sessions, and he likely never did, but he knew that for all his work with Duo, Dr. Fitzgerald's aid may have been even more influential.

He talked about that with the counsellor he regularly saw; an older woman he knew as Allison, rather a bit more than plump, but she was serious and seemed brutally honest more often than not. One day, Wufei had been talking about the knives and cutting, and beginning to trust Duo again. He thought maybe it was time to trust Duo enough to leave, for instance, his razor in the medicine cabinet.

During that particular time, the American had been regularly fighting Wufei over food, often resorting to bitter, sarcastic retorts that were none too kind. He also tried to vomit fairly often—a largely unsuccessful undertaking by then. Allison had told him, "You are a moron. Any person with half a brain would have used some small, tiny portion of that brain to realize Duo is not stable. Stability is key. You know this."

He knew Allison was not nearly so abrasive with most of the people she saw, but that was what he needed. No one could walk over Allison, and she was smart and quick. He would not have trusted her with his life's story, but there were few people he would. Instead, he trusted her with his life now and Duo. The day to day things that had slowly driven him crazy she knew, and at one point ordered him to buy a punching bag. In her opinion, meditation did "shit" for that much pent-up frustration.

Wufei did not agree, but he did buy the bag. It was in his closet, and it came out to play on occasion. He got angry and frustrated and sometimes he wanted to scream. But he could not give in to those urges; they ended up pent-up deep inside until he had to release them in a way his meditation was sometimes too slow to relieve.

So today, they passed their time talking about Duo's improvements, and new annoyances Wufei had recently discovered. Like Duo's habit of forgetting to put the cap on the toothpaste.

Allison seemed pleased by those types of annoyances; something that irritated Wufei further. "Wufei, think, for pete's sake. Three months ago, you were frustrated because every bite of food was a battle. You did not even have time to realize Duo did things like leave the cap off the toothpaste."

The Chinese derived much of his wisdom from Allison. She was not someone he'd send cards to during holidays, or go to lunch with, or do much more than nod at if he saw her in a grocery store. Yet, she helped a great deal, and put up with a great deal. He would have to thank her sometime. A flower would be nice too. He would ask Lara about that.

Waiting in the lobby with Duo was Dr. Fitzgerald himself. Usually, the doctor waited in his office after he sent Duo out to fetch Wufei. Wufei also was done first because Duo's appointments were for an hour and a half. Wufei would wait half an hour if he had an appointment, ninety minutes otherwise, which he spent reading. Then the pair talked for a few moments before the Chinese and the American left.

The doctor spoke first. "I have something I would like to discuss with both of you."

At first, Wufei wondered what the bad news was this time, but then he caught the slight crinkle around Dr. Fitzgerald's eyes. His eyes were smiling. His mouth was neutral, but the Chinese knew he was pleased about something. "All right."

They followed the doctor in and took their seats. Duo fidgeted. He was nervous and was not used to having Wufei be in this room with him. It was a haven of sorts, made awkward by the Chinese's presence. Dr. Fitzgerald folded his hands on his desk. "For quite some time now, we have been exceptionally pleased with Duo's progress. It has a been a long, hard road, but I think it is time for a change. Duo, you and I discussed this a number of times recently." Here, he looked at Duo directly for a long moment, waiting for Duo to nod and be a bit more at ease. Now Wufei was on the outside again for a moment.

"I think it is time that you, Duo, begin less intensive therapy. We're currently meeting two times a week for ninety minutes, but I believe at this point, it may be more beneficial to cut those visits back to once a week for sixty minutes." He waited before continuing. That was good news indeed. Wufei could not help but smile a bit. "In addition, Duo, I would like you to start seeing a nutritionist with Wufei. Up until now, we believed it was best that Wufei be solely in charge of the foods, but now… Duo, we're trusting you."

The doctor smiled, Wufei was smiling, and even Duo was smiling a tiny bit. It was tangible now; it was real. Duo was getting better. It was a long way off, but it was something real now. He wondered if it was like the half-way point in a race; only it was probably closer to the one-third marker. Of course, Duo's smile had faltered at the mention of a nutritionist. Wufei knew it was not going to be easy or quick. None of it had, and it was not about to start getting easier.

And yet, he could not stop smiling.

* * *

Sooooooooooo whatcha think? Please review! 


	46. Chapter 45: Two Weeks Later

I can't believe Heero has been gone so long. It's absolutely amazing to me. Sorry this is a week late; I was out of town all last week. I got to visit my nephew, he's ten months old now, and soon I'll have a little niece too. That makes me sound so old! D You know, originally my plan was to end at 50 chapters. Now I'm looking at more like a prologue, 53 chapters, and an epilogue. So much for my planning. I know! It's getting very close to being over. I have very mixed feelings about that. Oh! I'll host a contest.

CONTEST: Whoever has the posted reviews for AOYL by the end of this story will receive a one-shot of their choosing, so long as it's GW and not too gory, male preg…. Note, that means is several people reviewed every chapter, there would be more than one winner.

Dedication(s): **myfailsafe** good luck with writing! **ChibiNekoShinigami** I'd forgotten about the Jehovah's witnesses… I went and reread that part and cracked up too. I was funny! Yay!  
Disclaimer: I really hope we know GW isn't mine by now.

NOTE: 1 YEAR MARKER SINCE COLLAPSE

Chapter 45: Two Weeks Later

_:Entry 1321: I've beeen doing some research lately. I know Wufei probably knows what I'm up to. I guess that's okay. Not really, but I can't do much about it. He has to make sure I'm not looking at some of the "bad" websites I used to visit a lot. I guess they are pretty bad though. I mean, people _die _from listening to the stuff on those places. I almost died. It's a bit ironic, isn't it? It kind of freaks me out that I almost killed myself unintentionally. And believe me, it only took months and months before I would believe anyone that I almost had because of whatever it is that's eating me up inside. I know it's really weird, but that made me angry too. I don't want to kill myself unintentionally. I want to choose. I should ask Wufei about that sometime. Dr. Fitzgerald says I should, but I think it'd freak Wufei out. He's always been so reserved. I think his birthday is coming up soon, like in two days. Quatre already offered to take me shopping that morning, and I know exactly what I'm going to get him. I doubt he'll like it though. I mean, it's something I thought up. (end entry)_

Wufei sighed. Duo had just asked him a question that disturbed him just a bit. "How do I want to...die?"

"Y-yeah..." Duo looked away. "You know, do you want to go out in a wave of honour in battle, or what?"

Wufei ran a hand through his hair. Ever since his date with Lara he had begun wearing it down more often. For whatever reason she had adored it down and he had blushed just enough that he would never admit to it afterwards. How _did_ he want to die? "I suppose I want to die... respected and honoured... and loved... and old..." The last two on his list were new. There had been a time he had not even truly believed in love. Now, he had begun to wonder things like what kind of father he would be; what kind of husband he might become. He still pondered how honourable and respectable his life would be but there was more to it than that now.

"Old and wrinkled with white hair and a pouchy stomach?" Duo stared.

"Probably not with the pouchy stomach." Wufei muttered. _He_ would not be pouchy-stomached.

"What if you get lazy or get arthritis and can't do all that martial arts stuff anymore?" Duo insisted.

"I'll take medicine for the arthritis and practice yoga more to increase joint suppleness." Wufei shrugged.

"But old is so..."

"A lot of good things can come along the path to getting old." Wufei smiled.

"How long have you been seeing Lara?" Duo continued.

"What is this, twenty questions?" Wufei complained, but he answered nonetheless. "Three or four months, I suppose."

"It's too early to propose to her."

Wufei stared. He simply stared at Duo for a good while before he burst into a long, hearty laugh. Duo looked completely serious, with a small, contemplative frown and his mouth thrust up just a touch. "Indeed."

Duo's eyes widened. "You haven't even thought about that!"

"Well, no I haven't." Wufei crossed his arms. "I still don't know her very well."

"So then if it's not love making you all...whatever, what is it?"

"It's something I picked up in therapy, I guess."

"They never covered this in _my_ therapy!" Duo made a face.

"That's..." Wufei broke off weakly; he had never really mentioned his own stint with therapy. He had been in therapy since the end of the war, and had continued with his therapy until he had begun to care for Duo. He realized that was a poor move on his part, but somehow he simply could not just tell everyone that he had been through intensive treatment therapy, had suffered PTS, and had continued seeing his therapist afterwards. It had felt so weak. Yet now he wondered if it was really all that weak. He began again, more strongly. "That's because I was in therapy for a long time. Just for me."

Duo snorted. "Yeah, right. You, therapy. You're probably the most normal one of us anymore..."

Wufei heard the bitterness and regret, the pain and sorrow. He did not like it at all. "Post-therapy."

"But I was fine after the war. Now look at me! I'm a fucked up mess. I have scars up and down my arms and one my stomach and legs... All of my hair is falling out! I'm ugly and look like I'm dead and rotting." Duo started crying; hot angry tears. "I just want to be dead! Then I wouldn't have to care about all of this shit. I wouldn't have to eat food all the time, and I wouldn't have to swallow nasty pills, and talk about all of my stupid 'problems'!"

"Duo--"

"You shut up! You're perfect! You have a cute girlfriend and you look good, you're healthy and happy and everyone likes you. You don't have to take nasty pills and you can eat whatever you want or not at all. You have a life. I hate you!" The last was screamed so loudly Wufei's ears rung. He stared at Duo, and Duo stared at him.

The ragged brunette ran from the room and Wufei slumped at the table. Wufei had been expecting that eventually, but it was still hard to hear. He had always put it out of mind; after all, just because he had been angry did not have to mean that Duo would be. Except that Duo was angry; it was natural to be angry. He had been angry at himself, and took it out on other people, but just because he knew Duo was angry at himself did not make it easier to hear those harsh words.

Wufei sat on the couch silently. After half an hour, he braced himself and got up. He made some fat-free hot chocolate with skim milk and put mini marshmallows on a the saucer the cup sat on. The pills sat on another small plate with low-fat chocolate chip cookies, celery sticks, and carrot sticks on it. He managed to balance all that and knock on Duo's door.

After a moment, the door clicked open, but already, Duo was back on his bed, feet dangling, slumped and staring at the ground.

"C'mon, gotta take food with your pills." He said it matter-of-factly. It made it easier for both of them. When Wufei simply ordered Duo to do something, sometimes it was easier for Duo. He could not say "no" then.

"I was mean."

"Yes."

"I'm sorry," the small American whispered softly.

"I never said sorry when I yelled at people." Wufei sat down. "Guess you do better on that stuff than me."

"You yelled like that?"

Wufe had to stare. "You really are oblivious sometimes. Drink your cocoa."

"It has chocolate in it."

"Not all chocolate is fattening and full of endless calories. We've been over this a million times." Wufei sighed. Next, it would be the cookies. Might as well do that one before Duo could open his mouth again. "The same goes for the cookies. They're low-fat."

"But not low-calorie."

Wufei looked at Duo. "Just drink your cocoa. Maybe have a bite of cookie. One bite isn't that bad. They're not too bad."

A long sigh, followed by another long sigh issued from Duo before he took the cocoa and dutifully swallowed his pills: two vitamins of some sort. Wufei broke them down to take with each meal; a big mound of things frightened Duo. The Chinese ate a cookie in three bites, then another one. A third he nibbled on while Duo took his mandatory one bite and then at a stick of celery. Somewhere along the line he had come to believe eating celery might just make him burn more calories than he took in eating the stuff. It was food at any rate. Somewhere along the line, the rest of the cookie was eaten by Duo. He began to reach out for a second cookie, but stopped.

"You liked them?"

"But..."

"That's why moderation exists."

"I'm tired." Duo murmured. He sometimes got frustrated about that.

"Everyone is tired after they've been through everything you have. It takes time to build strength back up." Wufei put his hand on Duo's shoulder. He had never been a touchy-feely sort of guy, and he never would be, but he knew enough t

o know that sometimes it was a good idea.

"I'm never going to be able to look at a cookie or a donut or anything and think anything besides 'How many calories?' am I?" Duo crumbled down a bit, staring at his cocoa.

"I don't know. I'm not much of an expert on this stuff." Although Wufei had spent many hours researching eating disorders, he still trusted Dr. Fitzgerald's opinion far more than his own. He hoped that Duo did too even if he had seen Wufei researching. "Probably not though. It'll get easier..."

"I don't want to think like that." Duo's voice cracked. Then he was crying and he threw himself at Wufei's shoulder. The taller man sat stiffly, silently. He went through his mind for references of what he should be doing. He thought of Lara and a movie she had coerced him into seeing. He figured it ought to work, if he did what that guy had done in moderation. He patted Duo's back and told him "I know... I know."

* * *

How was it? How about that contest, anyone interested? Please R&R! 


	47. Chapter 46: Half a Week Later

I hate to say it, but we're down to the last stretch of this story and, unfortunately, quite possibly the last long piece of fan fiction in my writing career. Yup, that's right, apart from a few short fics, I'm retiring. As a pre-med college student, time is becoming very limited, and I would like to be able to continue writing fiction, so I have to give up writing fan fiction.

Dedication: Avel and star

Edit: So sorry about all the trouble with this chapter! I took it down, but thanks to someone's comment, I realized I seriously needed to change a few things. Like Wufei's POV in the first couple of paragraphs. Ugh. Thank you anon! You were right, this chapter needed a bit of help. I hope that made it a bit better. I know some of you have already read this, so I'll include a short recap that includes the major changes at the bottom of the chapter.

Edit 2: Contest: current one: removed. New TBA next chapter.

Chapter 46: Half a Week Later

_:Entry 1323: I've blown up at Wufei about four times now. I never realized before just how much he's changed since the war. His temper used to get set off by everything, and his sense of honour and justice was a little bit out there. As in way out. As in trillions and trillions of miles of unexplored space. Which I personally think is a lot. Sure he gets mad and stuff, but it's nothing like before. I really meant it when I told Fei he's the most normal one of us. He said it's because of therapy. Fei went to therapy. I think once upon a time, I would've laughed at that. A lot, and made fun of him too. Now... Well, Dr. Fitz says I'll probably be seeing head doctors for a bazillion years. Okay, not exactly his words. I guess I'm more upbeat today. I have more energy than usual. I'm seeing Him tomorrow. That always makes me feel a little sick. It's still my fault He's there. No matter what Fei or the doc says, He didn't flip out until right then. The worst part? A lot of days I wish I'd died that day. A lot of days I still think "I want to die. I want to kill myself; end my life." Just not today. It's a relief not to feel like that once in awhile, you know? I guess I should probably tell Fei or something. He and Dr. Fitz always want to know everything. I'm still getting used to it. Wouldn't have thought it before, but I'm a pretty private sort of guy, or at least I was._

He told Wufei, and from his lips it sounded like a sin; as if he had done some terrible, horrible thing. Yet Wufei could tell he was relieved too. "I don't want to die today." He told his friend; cobalt eyes were relieved and confused. The Chinese called Dr. Fitzgerald afterwards; it was the sort of thing he liked to be updated on. Wufei got the answering machine instead, but he left the doctor a message. But his instincts niggled at his insides. Over the years, Wufei had learned he should not ignore them.

A few hours later, the phone rang; it was Dr. Fitzgerald. The Chinese meandered through the usual pleasantries with the older man. Once, Wufei had thought they were pointless, but now he tended to think otherwise. They were automatic and almost thoughtless, but it showed that someone noticed someone else. A smile, thank you, you're welcome, please, I'm sorry. Words do funny things to people.

"Well, Mr. Chang, you mentioned that you wanted to discuss something with me? I know you like to get to the point quickly." The doctor asked him.

_I've been around the institution a lot more than I thought. The doctor not only knows the patient, but the caregiver. _"Yes, two changes in Duo's behaviour. First, he's gotten suddenly and irrationally angry with me about four times in the past three or four days. In addition, today he told me that he didn't want to die today." Wufei tapped his finger against the kitchen table. It was the one place Duo never entered willingly, so it made an ideal place for Wufei to think and talk with others.

"I see." Dr. Fitzgerald said after a moment. "Now, while that is a wonderful improvement, it can also mean some instability."

"Every coin has two sides, eh?" Wufei sighed; it was just as he had thought. Duo had not been an easy patient yet, so that was unlikely to change. Yet sometimes, Wufei did get tired and he wanted to stop having to look at the bad; stop analyzing every little thing.

"Yes, Mr. Chang. Exactly like that." Dr. Fitzgerald hesitated before continuing. "You sound tired, Wufei."

It was Wufei's turn to hesitate and shy away from answering. He almost began to deny it; to make himself out to be immaculately strong. But he was not, as much as he hated to admit it. So instead, he forced himself to say, "Yes, yes I am. It's been a long time."

"I know you've been meeting with Allison. When is your next appointment with her?"

"The next time I bring Duo in." Wufei congratulated himself on being open with the other doctor. While it was hard for him to be honest about things he had once seen as weak, it was a relief to admit those same things. It had also done wonders for the constant knots in his back he had lived with throughout the war.

"I think that is a good idea. You've taken on quite a lot, Mr. Chang." Dr. Fitzgerald told him. "Your dedication is admirable."

"Thank you, but I just do what I have to do. After all, Duo is family." Wufei smiled though, in spite of himself. It always helped to know that someone thought he was doing at least a fairly good job with Duo; after all, it was almost all he did. It also helped to call Duo "family," the four pilots were really all he had left in that area.

The next day, Wufei offered to let Duo visit Heero alone as he parked in the small visitors lot; however, Duo's eyes went wide and he stumbled over his words trying to find an excuse to let Wufei come along. Wufei could see it as clearly as Duo felt it; the American was afraid to be alone with Heero. In a way, he could not blame him either, especially since he knew Duo still at least partially blamed himself for Heero's breakdown. Wufei knew that all Heero had needed was a trigger. It just happened that Duo was a trigger; however, losing a spoon or forgetting to line the trash can could just as easily have been that trigger.

They went up together, Duo close to Wufei's side. The Chinese looked down at Duo as they walked down the hall towards Heero, and he was glad he was not a tall man. He could not see how very thin Duo's hair looked on top from his extensive illness. Sometimes, Wufei still had to wonder, despite everything, if there was something he could have done to save that precious braid. He was not completely immune to the significance Duo had placed on his braid.

Then they were there, standing at the doorway. At another time, Wufei might have commented on how comical Duo seemed with his long, loud gulp, but this was now. And the present was a delicate thing. "Come on, Duo. Let's go inside."

The nurse ushered them in and gestured towards two chairs. Wufei immediately sat down once he was inside. Formalities like greeting one another, and waiting to be invited to sit were pointless most of the time. Duo, however, merely stood, leaning against a wall close to the door. Wufei looked across the room. Heero was sitting on a third chair.

"Hello, Heero." Wufei said, more out of habit than anything. "How are you?"

Heero merely nodded at Wufei, but the Chinese was stunned regardless. Heero had always been a quiet man, and had often greeted Wufei with a nod before. In fact, Wufei gave Heero a long look over, the Japanese looked cleaner and though he was in sweats, there was a tidiness about him. There was a taken care of feel that had been missing for quite some time. He was wearing shoes and sitting up in his chair. There was no spoon, no counting, no manic gleam in his eye.

Duo stood apart, staring at the ground. Probably feeling guilt ridden, Wufei surmised. But when he heard a soft, quiet voice, "Duo?" the American looked up and stared, wide-eyed. "Hi," he whispered hoarsely. "How're you doing?"

Heero shrugged slightly. Wufei could see little telltale signs of strain if he looked closely enough at Heero. Which meant, as the nurse had quietly reminded him, he should keep the visit short, and also that the man sitting in front of him was making an effort. That effort was what Wufei waited for; what he reminded himself of when everything seemed like a chore.

Miracles were what Wufei had fought for. Miracles were not what Wufei expected. He knew better than that; he knew about disappointment and loss. Still, he fought, along with Quatre and Trowa, because they knew about hope, and none of them could give up. Yet now the Chinese could count miracles. Two of the most important ones being Duo had a nutritionist, and Heero had spoken. The two small things represented so many things for Wufei. He told Duo to tell Heero about his week, and closed his eyes with a faint smile as he listened to Duo nervously prattle on about the week, and then absolutely nothing. He wanted to fill the silence Wufei was not helping with. The Chinese snuck a peak at Heero; the Japanese was listening as well.

"Hello, Quatre, how are you doing?" Wufei asked his friend pleasantly. How many times had he said that? How many more times would he continue saying that? But it was one of those pointless things. As long as he could keep saying that to his friend, well it meant something to him now.

"I'm doing well, Wufei. And how are you faring?" Slight variations, but the same voice, the same face, the same caring blue eyes.

"Well, and in good spirits. How is Trowa?"

"He's been quiet, but then again, he usually is. He says I talk enough for the both of us." Quatre smiled tenderly. He was a fool in love if the Chinese had ever seen one. "But he's doing well. Cathy is in town, so he's been at the circus almost daily. Not to be rude concerning Cathy's cooking, but I know Trowa must care a lot about her to stay for lunch everyday."

"Cathy is Trowa's adopted sister, more or less?" Wufei murmured. He still had trouble with names, especially women's names. It was not that he did not want to remember, but that he had been in the habit of forgetting them for so long. He smiled softly; he had never forgotten Lara's name.

"Yes, that's right." Quatre smiled suddenly. "It's nice, isn't it?"

"Never thought I'd be agreeing with you about something like this, Quatre." Wufei chuckled; he knew exactly what Quatre meant. It was nice to act like everything was normal once in awhile; that Wufei had not pulled a silvery hair out of his midnight locks. But then he sighed. "Yet we always still have to talk about the other stuff."

Quatre's smile dipped down. "Well, at least it's there."

"Indeed…" Wufei cocked his head a little bit, looking at his friend and comrade. Quatre seemed calmer lately; it suited him. "We visited Heero yesterday. I honestly did not expect to see improvements like this."

"Neither did I, but the doctors did say that he would probably either never get better, or make a swift recovery to an extent. I suppose it just took quite awhile to get to the recovery point."

"He's still working on it." Wufei yawned, startling himself. "But he's trying now. I could see that when I watched him yesterday."

"I saw that too. I nearly started crying right there in the room. I don't know how I managed to hold it all in until Trowa and I got back to the car." Wufei had to chuckle at Quatre. It was very clear to him who wore the skirt in Quatre's relationship.

"Speaking of Trowa, how's that going?" Wufei looked straight at Quatre.

The Arabian blushed as if his most revealing secret had just been told to the world. He stuttered and stammered shortly afterwards. "Well, um, y-you see…" Quatre sighed, annoyed with himself that he could not the words out. "We, at least I, would like to have a union."

Wufei smiled, then nodded and thought for a moment. "How about a few months after Heero is back home. Then all of us will be there."

The Arabian nodded solemnly. "I… I like that. I can see that too." A smile bloomed on his face.

"Quatre… you seem, I don't know, happier? Calmer? I've just been noticing that lately…"

"I think… I am. I've been seeing a therapist that one of Heero's doctors recommended for me. It's helped quite a bit. I've even convinced Trowa to go a bit. Everything with Duo and Heero… Sometimes I just need to get everything unjumbled." Quatre told him hesitantly.

"It helps." Wufei nodded, if a bit knowingly, and Quatre looked at his friend with different eyes.

"How is Duo doing?"

"I think he's doing pretty well. He was talking incessantly at Heero yesterday. I never thought I'd miss that. Duo's come so far, it just amazes me sometimes. I told you he started with a nutritionist, right?" At Quatre's nod, Wufei continued. "Well, this week we're going to start preparing meals together. Mostly, I'll just be making sure Duo doesn't scrimp on anything."

"Oh Wufei, that's wonderful!" Quatre beamed like a mother hen.

"I thought so too…" He smiled. "Hey, want me to put Duo on?"

"That would be lovely, Wufei."

"All right, I'll go get him. I'll talk to you later then." Wufei turned to find Duo at Quatre called a good-bye. His life was far different from what he had thought it would be, but he found he was glad it was different.

* * *

Recap: Duo decides he doesn't want to die today, and Wufei discusses that with Dr. Fitzgerald. Then Fei and Duo visit Heero and Heero says Duo's name, causing Duo to talk... forever. Wufei gives Quatre a call, and the two discuss their lives. Quatre admits he would like to have a union (rather than marriage) with Trowa; Wufei says they should a few months after Heero's out and about. 


	48. Chapter 47: Half a Week Later

I have a new favourite music artist now. Josh Groban! And he's cute to boot. Ah, too bad he doesn't like around here; he's just the right age for me . Sadly, I have my eye on an older guy… Sad because he's too much older. But he's 6'2 and funny. blah. Anyway, Sorry about all the fuss with the last chapter! That certainly was annoying, ne? Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter.

Dedication: Shevaleon for love of Duo's hair

Disclaimer: See some early chapter.

Chapter 47: Half a Week Later

_:Entry 1323: I did it. For the first time in a long time, I was in charge of following my meal plan. I wanted to cry because Wufei was right there to make sure I didn't leave out the beans. Or the yogurt. Or, well, anything. I would have left out all sorts of things too if he hadn't been there. I think I'm glad he was there. I like talking to the nutritionist. She makes a lot of sense and explains everything to me, instead of just giving a sheet of paper to Wufei to follow. She let me take notes, so I know all the vitamins that are in the food. I like vitamins. I know I need those, and it's healthier to get them from foods. I made a special non-fat blueberry pancake, and I actually got excited. Blueberries are amazing, and I remember good things about pancakes. But it was just so dull and lifeless. I wonder if I'll ever taste a real pancake again. That kind of depresses me. Right now, I guess I just want the energy to do stuff again. I go on walks with Wufei, but I almost always have to sleep afterwards. It makes me feel so weak. Wufei is really strong. I saw him pick Lara up with one arm. Then he held her tight with both, twirled her and kissed her. It made me so happy, and yet so sad. (End entry.)_

"Okay, Duo, so what's on the menu for this morning?" Wufei asked Duo as he obediently came into the kitchen, list in hand.

"Egg white omelette with spinach, mushrooms, and non-fat white cheese." The American read off. "A glass of low-fat vegetable fruit juice, vitamins, and a piece of toast with something on it."

Wufei ate a lot of things he did not like these days for Duo. But he had to draw the line at egg white omelettes, even if Duo was cooking them. "I'm going to have to pass on the egg white omelette. I'll make my own. There's something kind of creepy about egg whites."

"Yeah… there is…" Duo said softly. "Maybe it'd be… Maybe it'd be okay if I used one egg yolk…"

Wufei refrained from making a fuss, but he wanted to grin. "Yeah, I think so. It's a two egg omelette, and one egg yolk ought to give it a nicer colour."

Duo sort of nodded and started cooking alongside Wufei as the Chinese made his two-egg omelette. They sat down together at a table Wufei had set earlier in the morning with food before them. The American stared at his plate, then at Wufei's plate. "How come you always eat rice?"

"I grew up eating Chinese food. In my culture, rice is a staple dish. I like a lot of food, but I still prefer Chinese cooking—without the American twist." Wufei told him, rice bowl beside his plate, instead of toast.

"I can't believe you eat rice for breakfast."

"And lunch and dinner, more often than not." Wufei told him. "I like it."

"But it's for dinner!"

"To Americans. To me, a breakfast might be a bowl of rice, leftover green bean stir-fry, and whatever else is leftover." Wufei briefly considered such a meal. "You should see a traditional Japanese spread. There's all sorts of things, yet it's all incredibly healthy. And fishy."

"I'm not sure about fish."

"Neither am I. It's sort of…fishy." Wufei and Duo laughed.

"You don't eat a lot of junk, do you?"

"Not really." Wufei knew what Duo meant by now. "I grew up with meals prepared at home, rather than restaurants and take-out and what not. Traditional Asian cuisine in general tends to be healthier than other cuisines."

"I'm glad I put an egg yolk in there." Duo stared at the omelette.

"Yeah?"

"It's not… quite as healthy as just egg white, but if I make just a little allowance… it tastes better. That's not bad, right?" Duo looked at Wufei pleadingly.

"It's just fine. You don't have to be ultra-healthy to be healthy. There's a balance to everything." Wufei paused for a moment. "Have you ever seen French people eat? They eat some of the richest foods in the world, followed by all sorts of wines. They also tend to be thinner than most countries. They do a few things; they walk everywhere, and they only eat a little bit of the rich food. For instance, if a French woman was eating chocolate cake, she'd have a tiny slice instead of the huge American slices."

Duo ate his omelette slowly, digesting what Wufei said, making notes to himself. All of this he would ask the nutritionist about. The Chinese knew this, but he was glad of it. There had been a time when he could not even mention food to Duo. Now, the other man was bringing it up. Not only was Duo talking about food, but he was thinking about it logically. There was more to it than empty calories and fat.

"I'm American." Duo told Wufei suddenly, beseechingly.

"That doesn't mean you have to eat like one." Wufei pointed out, taking another bite of rice.

"You're Chinese and eat like one."

"Sort of. My grandfather would have sooner died than eat a slice of pizza, I'm sure." The Chinese had to shake his head. "You're like a little kid. Twenty questions, only without the questions."

"I never understood that game."

"You ask questions until you figure out what a person is thinking about."

"When I was a kid, I just asked Sister Helen questions. Once, she told me I asked her forty-six consecutive questions. I think she used "consecutive" to shut me up. Instead—"

"you asked her 'what's consecutive?'" Wufei laughed. He could see Duo doing that perfectly. He was glad too; the American almost never spoke of Sister Helen and Father Maxwell, even though they were the closest thing he had had to a family growing up. No, they were his family, and he had cared for them, but he still wanted to carry the guilt of their death.

Oooooooooo

Later in the day, Wufei dropped his friend off with Dr. Fitzgerald, a man whom he trusted with Duo, even if he did not always entirely care for the doctor himself. It was thanks to Dr. Fitzgerald that Duo had begun to talk as much as he had recently; the doctor encouraged him to talk to Wufei and tell him anything he felt like telling him.

Occasionally, that had interesting consequences for Wufei, as he told Allison, "Just out of the blue, he said, 'Puffs are better than Kleenex.' I just sat there and stared at him for awhile. He used to think up things like that to say to me just so I'd sit there flummoxed without the slightest idea of how to respond. We even have Puffs tissue in the bathroom."

"Communicating nothing is the first step of communication." Allison grinned. "From the sounds of it, in the past, your friend was excellent at that first step. In fact, it sounds like he wouldn't stop talking once he got started."

"The oddest part is that sometimes he does that now when he's nervous, instead of just because."

"He may have been a tiny bit nervous all along. Remember, he's been sick for a long time, and unlike you, he didn't seek help right away. Lord knows how you managed to get that part right." Allison shook her head. "You go from being an uptight asshole who thinks he's holier-than-thou, to going to therapy, to being a decent sort of guy."

"In a lot of ways, I'm not sure how I ended up here either. I started in the Preventers with Sally Po, and ended up on the wrong side in a war with more than my fair share of crazy." He slowly rolled his neck, feeling some of the tension there drain away. "I'm still not normal."

"Honey, no one is normal. Deal with it." Allison told it to him straight.

"Most people don't analyze everyone on the street to see if they're armed or not; if they're a fighter or not…"

"There's a lot of people that do. A lot of people just go haywire and attack people too. And a lot of people do weird things you wouldn't do." Allison shrugged. "There are a lot of guys who size each other up all the time. You just do it a bit differently."

"You're being nice today."

"You look tired." Allison told him. "It's not fun to be mean if you'll just sit there and completely take it."

"And you're a counsellor…" Wufei shook his head.

Allison laughed, a smirk playing across her lips. "That's right. I get paid to tell you when you're being a moron. That's my kind of life. But you do look tired. You're not sleeping enough. How often are you using that punching bag?"

"I use it more often than I used to. I guess I'm more comfortable with it." He looked upwards at the office building ceiling; strangely patterned big tiles he did not know the materials of, thinking. "I don't sleep well. There's a lot to think about."

"Worrying everything over to pieces won't do you a damn bit of good. Sleep, despite what you may think, helps a whole lot of things." Allison made sure to catch his eye whenever she spoke, to make him listen, even if he did not want to. "You are taking some time off for yourself, right? I know you have a girlfriend, but do you go out with her enough?"

"She has no complaints. A friend, Quatre, usually spends an evening with Duo about every other week while I go out somewhere with her." That was the average, at least. Wufei had recently began seeing Lara more often; nearly once a week.

"Speaking of Quatre, how are you doing with regard to Heero?"

"It's hard. A lot like dealing with Duo at first, only from a distance. Heero was always the strongest, most reliable one of us. Seeing him this weak, this fragile, is hard. If that were to happen to me, I can't even imagine what kind of place I would be in." He was looking down, and he knew it was to avoid meeting Allison's piercing gaze.

"I can't say one-hundred percent, but unless something goes very much awry, you won't. From what I've gathered and seen, you are very well adjusted, given your background, and the care you have given Duo has been excellent. You are a very strong young man; many people would not be able to provide that sort of care to someone else for so long."

"You're really being nice today." Wufei grumbled, somewhat embarrassed.

"Hey, I get to be nice once in awhile. Don't complain about it or I'll stop. Besides, I'm only telling you the truth. Just because you're too thick-headed to see it most of the time doesn't mean it's not there." The counsellor crossed her arms. "Anyway, let's bring this back to Duo. That's the reason we're both here, after all. I was talking about Duo and nervousness before you went off on a tangent."

"You went along with it." She gave him a look that made him wonder if she had any children, and if so, if they followed her rules very well. "I guess. I don't know. He was always the kind of childish, happy-go-lucky one. He was always cheerful. Even when he got mad there was something cheerful about him, and he laughed all the time."

"I don't know about you, but when I get mad, I'm mad. I'm not cheerful. However, I'm betting Duo was nervous then too. Talking a lot, that's something fairly common that people might do when they're nervous. From the sounds of it, I'm betting he talks a lot anyway. Don't worry too much about it. You're too young to have a head full of grays."

Wufei eyed Allison's hair critically.

She caught his gaze. "Those are not from you. Those are from my children, and people who need some worrying. You mostly just need to be told when you're being stupid. Don't worry, once you get in well with that girl of yours, she'll do that for you too, no matter how nice she is, and you'd better appreciate it."

"Suddenly, I feel very sorry for your husband. Incredibly sorry for him." Wufei told her, straight-faced.

Allison looked at him a moment before letting out a snort of laughter, followed by a good laugh.


	49. Chapter 48: Four months later

I've rewritten a lot of this chapter. I'm still not sure I'm happy with it, but it is what it is. Honestly, this has been one of the absolute hardest chapters for me to write. I'm really not all that sure what you guys will think of it. Please let me know!

Disclaimer: 48 chapters and I'm still writing it… Don't own Gundam Wing. I am poor, don't sue.  
Dedication: Nikkler You are tall, and awesome.

Chapter 48: Four months later

_:Entry 1401 : To be honest, I had no idea that I would end up where I am now. I mean that in every way and every time in my life. I never knew that it would be this hard, or this easy. Heck, I never even realized life was such a contradiction. But I'm a really lucky guy too, you know? I figured out awhile ago, ages really, even if I refused to admit it, that Wufei is an amazing guy. He really turned his life upside down for me just so that I could maybe come out of this sort of okay I asked him about it once, and he told me straight up I was family. That really shocked me. He's still quiet, and sometimes it's hard to get things out of him, but he knows when he needs to say something. He stopped seeing the counsellor at the clinic because she really only deals with people associated with the clinic, but he told me she's sending him off to talk to some other lady. He smirked when he said that, and mumbled something about "one that'd call him an idiot." He's a weird one sometimes. Okay, so let's talk about something else. It's on my mind all the time, I just try to ignore it. Food. I doubt it'll ever go away. Dr. Fitz says it probably won't too. He said it's like how an alcoholic always has some trouble. So I guess I really got myself into a mess. So I still need to know every calorie. I still need to know how bad it all is. But I know what is enough, and what is not enough now. Once in awhile, I even do something a little bad. I usually feel guilty afterwards, but I know why now, so usually I just go play a video game or something instead and ignore it. For awhile, I tried thinking it out and all that stuff to make it not feel guilty, but even Dr.Fitz doesn't know how much that'll help me. He's okay with what I'm doing. He knows I'm trying, and that I am doing some stuff anyway because I know it's okay. It's hard, and I still have a lot of trouble, but I think I've just about made it. (end entry)_

Wufei felt like a father leaving his child at school for the very first day of kindergarten, only he was the one who was going somewhere. He was going to the first day of his graduate degree. He was turning twenty-one in three weeks, and had managed to test out of all of his undergraduate work in under a month. He had studied all of his life before the war, and kept up with it after the war when he watched over Duo. Wufei was finally being allowed to be what he was, a philosopher.

He turned and saw Duo watching him, sitting backwards on a kitchen chair. They had finished lunch not long ago. "So, I'll be back for a late dinner."

Duo nodded silently.

"Duo—"

The American cut him off. "Yeah, yeah, I know. No putting up an obstacle course for you to get through, or making mischief, or any of the other things I'm not allowed to do around Q-ball. But I get _bored_. I am _bored_."

"So read a book, or play a video game, or, I don't know, clean." Wufei tried.

Duo made a face. "Just because you have a heap of books lying around doesn't mean I'd read a one of them. They look like they should be dusty. Like the last row of books in an old bookstore, the ones that smell really funny and always have dust clinging to them because no one in their right minds would read them."

"I think that way about Nietzsche sometimes." Wufei smiled.

"I still can't believe you're nerdy enough to skip undergraduate school." Duo grimaced. "That's just creepy."

"I grew up reading these works. When I was younger, I hated fighting, and avoided my martial arts practices as much as possible. We learned science from piloting…" Wufei shrugged. "But it does make me feel old. We've been through a lot."

"So you're gonna study, and go off and be a professor?"

"Of philosophy."

"Poor Lara." Duo murmured woefully. Both of them had been surprised that Wufei was still seeing the girl, and that things were continuing to go well for them.

"My cell phone is on vibrate." Wufei met Duo's eye. Neither of them would say anything about the most important issue. This would be Duo's first time to be truly alone in a long, long time. He had needed that companionship and someone to be there for so long that Wufei was worried, and he was glad that he only had one class today. Wufei turned and waved before heading out.

"Don't get lost!" Duo chortled, and Wufei rolled his eyes.

It had been a little over a month ago that the Chinese had found out he could attend a university. He had planned on going a full year ago, and he had even been accepted, but life did not go according to his plans. However, the school listened to him when he came back a month ago and allowed him to register for classes. It was time for him now, as his new therapist, Keiko, had told him. She was unlike Allison in many ways; she was younger, but her black hair was still shot through with gray and white. Keiko had two young sons, and she was a quiet woman by nature. However, she also told it to him straight, and told him when he was being stupid. He was glad Allison had recommended him to her.

_But it was the news the he heard before he signed up for classes that had made him tear up. That was the day Dr. Fitzgerald had called him into his office immediately following one of Duo's weekly visits, which had been cut short by about fifteen minutes. _

_Duo's leg jiggled nervously as Wufei walked in and took a seat. After waiting for both of them to get comfortable, he began speaking. "Wufei, Duo asked that you be able to hear this too; I'm mostly here to help him along." Then he turned to the American. "Duo, I believe you know how much you weigh now?"_

"_Yeah…" Duo was quiet, ashamed._

"_Would you tell us what it is, please?" Dr. Fitzgerald asked him. Not long after Duo began preparing his meals, his weight had been something shared between himself, the good doctor, and the nutritionist. Wufei was curious, despite seeing the changes because he watched for them._

"_112 pounds. (50.8 kg)" Duo looked down and sighed._

"_How does that make you feel?" Dr. Fitzgerald asked; it was obviously a conversation they had had before, but Wufei was a new member to the audience._

_Duo darted a glance at Wufei, who smiled as reassuringly as he could. "Scared. Fat. I know it's still below a healthy weight for a guy like me, but still, I feel kind of fat. It's not like before though…" The last part was the barest whisper._

"_Do you want to continue towards a healthy weight, even if it means gaining a few more pounds? What do you think of this new life style?" Dr. Fitzgerald again._

"_Yeah. I guess 125 (56.7 kg) it is. The life style, I generally like. It makes sense, and it's not so crazy. I argue with myself about it a lot, but I follow it pretty closely. I have to, y'know?"_

_Wufei could not say a thing, but the funny little smile that kept bursting forth would not go away, because he was trying not create some ridiculous outburst by telling Duo how proud he was of the American. Then Dr. Fitzgerald smiled a slow, blooming smile that Duo had never really noticed, and that Wufei had seen only on a rare occasion or two. It meant change; good change. "Well, Wufei, Duo and I think it's about time you went out and—"_

"_got a life. Get your head out of those books! Get a job, go play golf or something." Duo interrupted. Nervously, he glanced at the doctor. "I'll finish up. I mean, you keep telling me to talk more and be more open and discuss stuff with everyone on earth. But I still don't think some guy on the corner is gonna care, and I'd be kinda weirded out if he did. I mean, he's the guy on the corner."_

"_Duo—" Dr. Fitzgerald began._

"_Oh… yeah, right." The American sighed. "All right then. So yeah, I'm only gonna be seeing Dr. Fitz here every other week for like, half an hour. And I and some of my good ol' "recovering" buddies from group therapy are gonna try our hand with the other group that doesn't meet here. The "recovered-with-issues" group."_

_Wufei had smiled. "Well, it's about time." But that did nothing to express everything he felt._

Wufei smiled the same, almost sad smile again. But still, he was going to graduate school, and after everything that had happened, he was still giddy and excited. He had even e-mailed his professors to see which books he should bring to the first day of class, as sporadic as his schedule was. Today, he would be beginning two courses; Metaphysics and The Study of Confucius. The latter he did not really need, but he wanted to learn more about the philosophy of his people, and he had a feeling he would seek a doctorate in Asian philosophy.

After Metaphysics ended around two in the afternoon, Wufei stopped by the cafeteria and ate a somewhat wilted looking salad after being more disgusted by the state of everything else. From that point forward, he knew he would be bringing his own lunch. Everything just looked greasy and old. During the beginning of his course on Confucius and his philosophy, Wufei befriended the professor with their mutual appreciation of Asian philosophy, and then it was all over and he was driving home, and worrying because Duo needed to make himself lunch, and begin dinner. He worried lunch had not been eaten, or had been rid of, and he was simply worried about his friend.

But when he unlocked the door, the waft of dinner flew over him. "That smells good."

Duo poked his head out of the kitchen. "You're back! I was so bored I mopped the floors and cleaned the bathroom."

"You mean you didn't take anything apart or make a mess?" Wufei asked warily.

"Just the vacuum; I never knew they had so many parts to take apart. But I put it back together and replaced the filter." Duo grinned. "So you're now officially a philosophy geek! Now all you need is a pair of glasses to read those thick, boring books of yours. Then I can call you four eyes, and hide your glasses when I want to play a game!"

"You mean these?" Wufei pulled a pair of reading glasses out of his bag, smirking.

"Sweet." Duo swiped them and perched the glasses on the edge of his nose and ruffled through Wufei's bag until he found something thick and heavy and cracked it open. He read perhaps two words and yawned. "You get to be the philosopher again." He handed the book to Wufei, along with the glasses. "I'll be the cook."

Then Duo looked mischievous and put his hands on his hips like he had seen mothers on television do, and mimicked them. "So how was your first day of class, sonny boy?"

"It was nice, _Mother_." Wufei rolled his eyes. "And how was yours?"

Duo busied himself with stirring something that looked like it was a soup, probably filled with vegetables, and then began making sandwiches. "Well, it was… weird." Then the American looked up at Wufei, oddly serious. "I got through lunch all right, so you can stop worrying about that." The Chinese felt something ease in his shoulders, but his friend remained preoccupied with the sandwiches. "I got lonely, and bored. But it was nice too. I never thought I'd say that. It was nice being alone for awhile. Not that I don't like you or nothing."

"Anything."

"Whatever."

"So apart from being bored, and lonely, you enjoyed yourself, huh?" Wufei lifted a corner of his mouth in a smile.

"Yeah… I mean, when else can I run around with underwear on my head?"

Wufei stared, he was silent a long time. "You ran around with… underwear… on your head?"

"Well, no. But some guy on TV did." Duo told Wufei nonchalantly as he brought the soup and sandwiches to the table, which he had set earlier; Wufei was already seated having settled into his chair during his chat with Duo. "So now you get to try my very first attempt at spinach lentil soup and mayonnaise-less chicken salad sandwiches on toasted whole wheat."

"I think I liked the chicken and vegetable soup better." Wufei eyed the lentil soup.

"That's just because you could put rice in it. You get to try it if I have to eat my sandwich." Duo ordered.

Wufei watched Duo as he obediently ate his soup, which really was not bad at all. The American looked tired. It had been a harder day than he had let on, but the Chinese also knew that he had told the truth earlier. He just hoped that trend continued because it had been a long fight for Duo to get where he was. He did not want him to have to start over, or have to take too many steps back.

"Sooooo," Duo drew the word out slowly, filling in some of the quiet that had settled comfortably on the pair where often Wufei had had to fill it in, and demand Duo to eat another bite. Now Duo ate slowly, sometimes staring at his food, but then he would continue eating his meal on his own. Wufei had a feeling a lot of reasoning and stubbornness went on in Duo's head when he stared at his food, telling himself it was okay, forcing himself to eat it anyway. "Your birthday is in three weeks, isn't it? Can I have Lara's number? Please?"

"Yes… and why?"

"You need a birthday party!" Duo told him cheerfully. "You're turning twenty-one and I need to invite people for you because you'd never do something like plan a birthday party for yourself."

Something occurred to Wufei then, he frowned. "I shouldn't have thrown you a party when you were officially released, so to speak, should I?"

"Nah. I'm kinda glad it was quiet." Duo murmured, looking down, then he looked up. "So I gotta call Lara, and tell her all about you turning twenty-one!" He chortled. "And then, in four months and twenty-three days, you can throw ME a twenty-first birthday party!"

Wufei groaned, playing the part of a tired, somewhat annoyed friend overly used to the American's antics. But secretly, he smiled. After all, he was nearly twenty-one, and now he would get to celebrate, and he also knew Duo would have a twenty-first birthday party as well.

Shortly after dinner, Quatre called Wufei. The Chinese had to chuckle at his friend when he saw his face on the vid-cam, who was rosy cheeked and bouncy with excitement, eyes bright. "What? Did you go and get hitched or something?"

At that, Quatre coloured a remarkable red, but he smiled just the same. "Well, no… But I think this is pretty exciting too. Heero may be released in about a month. Of course, there's still so much that will be done, so he'll need to stay here and recuperate slowly—"

"What?" Duo's voice interrupted. He had been washing the dishes. "He's being released?"

There was something shaky and pale about Duo; Wufei watched him carefully, but waited for the blond to continue. "Yes, I called at the first mention, but he's really doing very well. I, and he, well, we all would like it if you would come to visit him, and us, frequently."

Duo sat down slowly, immersed in thought. Wufei gave Quatre a small, sad smile and they only chatted a few more moments before Wufei finished the dishes, giving Duo a bit of time to wash his face and calm and stray tears that threatened to fall. After that, Wufei informed Duo altogether too casually that during the last racing game the American had played that he drove like an old lady. Immediately, Duo issued a racing contest that lasted until Wufei had to pull out his glasses and begin reading his homework, just when the game happened to be a tie. The Chinese wondered if the American was not careful to make sure that Wufei never lost by too much.

* * *

Uhm, so yeah, important stuff happened. 


	50. Chapter 49: Three Weeks Later

Okay, so I have a present for you guys. One that I've been working on and off again for the past year or so. Then it took me a month to upload. But, well, I have a Duo and Heero piece of art that goes along with this story. Le gasp. Anyway, it's at ( www. deviantart. com/deviation /55938545/ ) I'll also put a link to the picture on the main page, anyway, I hope you enjoy that!

Disclaimer: Alas, I do not own Gundam Wing, and alas, I am still dirt broke.

Dedication: DeathlySilence-lauren (Now, I am hugely intrigued by strufoli and am trying to track a recipe for it down!)

Chapter 49: Three Weeks Later

_:Entry 1408 : Even though I am so totally excited about everything else, the very first thing on my mind is always Him lately. In less than a week, he's gonna be at Q's. I dunno what to think about that. It's just… It makes me feel, I dunno, something. It's really hard, and everyone is being too nice to me because they're all worried. I guess I'm worried too. What if I make him lose it again? But, yeah… onto other news._

_I found Wufei the perfect present. I can't wait to give it to him. By the way,I really, really like Lara. Quatre was gonna take me shopping, but a big meeting came up so he couldn't. Then Lara called me up about getting Fei a present and she squirreled it out of me that I hadn't been able to get Wufei anything yet. I guess I sounded pretty morose so she begged me to come along with her to find something for him. Then we found her gift in under twenty minutes and she was so sweet over the next three hours it took for my gift. I really hop he likes it. Side note, I'm back to a normal schedule for these things. One a day. I like that. I never really liked routines before, but they help me stay focused in a way, I guess. But isn't that part of what got Heero into so much trouble? I'll have to ask someone about that… Still, today's the big day, Fei's out, and Lara's skipping out on work to—(end entry)_

Wufei arrived at his apartment twenty minutes later than usual, his earlier worries about Duo and Heero's upcoming move put aside; tonight was his party and Duo's only request had been to pick up the cake. Duo had planned everything, right down to the creation of the cake so he had no idea what to expect. He hoped it would not be one of those soy cakes or what not. The ultra-healthy cakes that tasted more or less like the way mouldy bread smelled. However, when he walked into the cake shop, his fears were erased; the shop was full of decadent cakes covered in ornate scribbles of sweet icing.

"Be very careful with that box, young man." An older woman, who obviously liked her cake, if her plump form and cake plate by the register were any indication, told him. "Drive slowly! And do NOT peek inside that box. That's a request from the man who requested the order. A very fine young man, that one, he'd make an excellent cake decorator… Oops! Anyway, enjoy your birthday party, m'dear." She chatted amiably as they completed the transaction for the cake.

"I'm going to be very tempted now, ma'am." Wufei smiled. He was excited about his birthday; for once it was not just another day. Thanks to Duo.

When Wufei arrived at the apartment complex, he saw Trowa exit one of Quatre's chauffeured cars with a package. He knew that Quatre had come along earlier, but he idled by the side of the complex until the tall man was long past gone, giving them a chance to set up whatever it was that Duo had requested them to come early for. He knew it was not a surprise party; Duo was not particularly good at keeping secrets like that, nor was Wufei very receptive to the idea. He slid into his parking spot and very carefully picked up the three stacked boxes tied, Wufei noticed, very much like a gift with pale blue with paler blue circles on the boxes and icy ribbon shot through with deep blue, shining faintly. Wufei loved the colour blue.

By the time the Chinese made it past the elevator, Duo was holding the door open for him to bring the cake in, grinning like a fool. "Did you have any trouble with it?"

"Just with the peeking part." He looked at his friend pointedly.

More grins, and Duo directed Wufei where to put the boxes in the kitchen. As soon as the American saw that the boxes were safely put down on the counter, Duo grabbed Wufei's hand and pulled him to the living room. He had not seen the American this excited since they had celebrated Duo's birthday when he was seventeen and Quatre had given in and bought him a giant chocolate cake which all of Quatre's staff had a part of, on Duo's insistence, along with the rest of them. Heero had not come, and even then it had brought Duo down a bit, but none of them had really expected him either.

Duo's best and most dear friend had never celebrated Duo's birthday, Wufei realized quietly, but there was a chance he would be there for Duo's twenty-first birthday. Or at least he hoped so; despite all of Heero's recent progress, it was still very possible for the Japanese to slip back into the ways that had sent him to an institution in the first place. Wufei almost sighed before he reached the living room, but then all negative thoughts floated away as he was finally able to look around.

Balloon chandeliers hung from the ceiling in varying shades of blue and yellow, complimented by elaborate twists and falls of streamers in the same tones. Decadent streamer-bows hung on several vases packed with yellow flowers of a million varieties. Each arrangement matched itself in colour perfectly. They were in a row on the short table he usually tossed his keys onto; palest champagne, glimmering gold, and rich amber. The glass top of the coffee table had even been turned into an art piece with carefully crafted abstract designs in window paint. He had no idea any of them were artistic, but he wondered if it was Duo after the cake-maker's comment. Or perhaps Quatre; he always seemed to be fairly creative.

"Wow." Was all he could utter when Duo released him. He looked around, amazed. "It… wow. It looks amazing." No one had done something like this for him before.

The American glowed, and Lara beamed. So it was mostly their handiwork after all. "We bought too many streamers." Lara giggled like a young girl, pleased.

"And then Quatre just about turned blue blowing up balloons!" Duo added.

Trowa looked at his lover with a quirked brow, his lover blushed prettily. "Balloons are hard to blow up!" But it was all said in fun, smiles abound.

"So, I even made food for all of us." Duo gestured towards the kitchen table. "Mostly just a lot of finger food, but I tried making some Thai chicken wraps too."

There was also a bowl of white rice, and one of fried rice full of vegetables. Wufei tried to think of something smart to say, but he was just happy. "Well, it's a good thing I'm hungry." He finally said and grabbed a plate. There were chips and dips and candy on the table as well as a vegetable and fruit platter. His friend had really gone all out. For now, he made himself an appetizer of fruits and skittles with a few stray cucumbers.

When he brought his plate back, Lara gave him a strange look, then she smiled and shook her head. "Your skittles turned your cucumbers funny colours."

"Figures." He took a seat and waited while everyone else refilled cups and filled plates. Lara brought him a cup of tea, which he had forgotten. He swore he heard her mutter something about him on the road to becoming an absent-minded professor, but he was not entirely sure if it was his imagination or not.

"How are classes going, Wufei?" Quatre asked politely. The blond had never attended college, and never would. After the war, he had taken over his family business, as he had been trained to do since he was a child, and he was quickly proving to be more effective than many more formally educated people. That thought never quite sat well with Wufei because Quatre knew a great deal about business and strategy, and he was smarter than Duo, Trowa, himself, and possibly the old Heero. He would not place any bets on that one.

"They're going very well, except that my teacher on feminism studies dislikes me very much." He grimaced. The three ex-pilots gave him a sharp look remembering his days of prejudice against women, so he continued quickly. "I started my graduate classes a year younger than she was when she began hers and then she lectured me for correcting her on a quote from our text."

Duo snorted, then he burst out laughing. "You're going to be one of those nightmare students that make your teachers spin in circles by being smarter than them!"

Wufei grunted at Duo; the American was acting up. The act was most likely carefully constructed, but with good intentions. "How is everything going at your end, Quatre?"

"Oh, well, business as usual." Though Quatre said that innocently enough and to most it would have meant nothing new and generally the same sort of happenings at the company, it meant something different when he said it. It probably meant the blond had landed another multi-million dollar deal, made a new advance, and gave his employees a raise. Quite well was not used often, and usually involved billion-dollar deals. Modest though he was, Quatre expected nothing less than the absolute best. "Thanks to Trowa being familiar with at least one Mayan dialect, our last deal went over nicely."

The tall man smiled gently, seated beside his small lover. "He still spoke excellent English."

"He was absolutely pleased to be greeted in his native language. He spoke with you for quite some time in that dialect." Quatre said firmly. At times, it was impossible to argue with him. He was the most gentle of them all, but the most stubborn as well. It also seemed that Trowa working for Quatre was going well, which Wufei was almost surprised by since they were intimate. Trowa acted as an interpreter for the company, and was present often due to his mastery of a large number of languages.

Quatre soon drew Lara into the conversation with talk about the beautiful flowers that decorated the room with even more care than the balloons and streamers, to which she readily responded. Wufei was glad. He knew that it could have been awkward, especially because all of them, except Lara, had served in the war, and all of them were scarred; Quatre was too gentle and sweet, Trowa was too quiet, Duo too thin and almost overly cheerful. And he was too used to it all, sometimes. However, he soon forgot his misgivings and joined into the chatter and even spouted something overly philosophical and technical, to Duo's delighted teasing.

Eventually, the Thai chicken wraps were brought out, along with rice. Wufei watched Duo carefully select his own wrap, scoop out a small mound healthy fried rice with a measured eye, add pieces of fruit to his plate. It was a tenuous counting game, but Duo was the one in control still. The American hurried them through the meal, becoming ever more excited and jittery. He glanced at Lara often, and once or twice she smiled at him reassuringly.

Finally, Lara spoke for Duo, "Since we've eaten, why don't we make Wufei open his presents before Duo serves the cake?"

"Mine's last!" Duo told Wufei, and the forced cheerfulness barely covered the nervousness. Once in the living room, the Chinese was ushered onto a chair, with Lara close by, Quatre and Trowa once again side-by-side on the couch. Duo bounced around the presents. "Who wants to go first?"

"I will." Lara said boldly, and Quatre looked a bit relieved. He was always nervous as to how his gifts would be received. Duo nodded and picked up a pale yellow bag with darker yellow stripes and a large deep yellow flower in place of a bow with a field of pale blue tissue paper behind it.

Duo plopped it in Wufei's lap. The Chinese grunted, hit by the weight. Then he began opening the bag; there were three books in the bag. They were all philosophical in nature, and they all emphasized Lara's view of existence which Wufei had disagreed on. He smiled broadly and laughed. "Still think I'm wrong, huh?"

"Always!" Lara smiled. Wufei resisted the urge to ruffle her hair as Duo trotted over with a camera, sending brilliant flashes in his direction. Lara rolled her eyes at Duo. "And we just got over the flashing just before Wufei got here!"

"Dare I ask?"

"Just because I'm a little bit camera happy doesn't mean you can be mean." Duo put his hands on his hips and mock-glared at the other three who had helped decorate as they each began teasing him lightly. Then he accidentally took a picture of himself and blinked, owl-eyed. "Okay, maybe it's a little bit bright."

They laughed, and after a moment, Duo picked up a professionally wrapped gift done up in a simple, but elegant pattern in deep blue with an expansive gold bow, and handed it over to his friend. Wufei soon uncovered a three-disc collection of music from a Chinese-Japanese pianist he had become very fond of, as well as a boxed trilogy Quatre had recommended to him once that he had never gotten around to reading. "You always know just what to get, Quatre." The blond beamed; he always did the gift-buying and despite always finding something a person would like, he was always terribly nervous about how they would be received.

The flashing was not as frequent this time around, though when Quatre tugged the camera away from Duo, the Arabian managed to be every bit as camera happy as his friend. Lara shooed a suddenly hesitant Duo off to get his gift from Wufei's room. Then the American returned after a few long moments with a large box he carried very delicately. After setting it down delicately, Duo backed away quickly to watch.

Wufei heard something and glanced at Duo, but pulled the lid, which had an enormous bow in various blues attached to it, off the box. Immediately, something very small and fluffy jumped out at Wufei. A very small kitten landed with evident surprise on Wufei's lap and looked quite sheepish about it. Cautiously, she sniffed Wufei's outstretched hand, then saw everyone else and wedged herself between Wufei and the chair. The Chinese watched her in mild amusement, softly smiling down at the silvery tabby with perfectly white paws, a white tummy with silver polka dots, and a white chin.

"I figured, y'know, that you needed a cat too, and Demon needed a buddy n' all…. Oh! Don't worry about Demon, she's locked up in my room. This little one is a little girl, and she's had all of her shots and what not. I've been calling her Angel, but that's just because… you can call her anything--" Duo started talking, looking intent on continuing to talk for a good long while.

"Angel and Demon, huh?" Wufei shook his head. Though Duo's kitten had once been named Shinigami, it had changed to Demon after his insistence on the calling the black kitten that. "I guess so." He said absently as he convinced the tiny kitten to curl up on his lap instead. She promptly fell asleep, warm and happy, in a kittenish heap. "Duo, she's very…" He paused, thinking. "Thank you."

Duo grinned and ran off to play with the cake. Lara smiled as well. "I _told_ him you'd like her. He found her and got so excited until he started worrying that you wouldn't."

"So I like cats." Wufei shrugged. Until he had finally gotten to meet Demon, he had not thought he liked them. In fact, he thought he had loathed them.

However, he was immediately diverted when the lights shut off and candle glow filled the air. A small, three-tiered cake sat on a platter that Duo held. It was yellow and blue with artistic, silvery, curling pieces sprung out of it, reminding the Chinese of spring. The room erupted in a chorus of happy birthday. He had not known Quatre was tone deaf, but the American was perfectly on key. Then Wufei blew the candles out. All twenty-one of them.

"What'dya wish for?" Duo asked, knowing he would not be told.

"For a good birthday. I got my wish early." Wufei told the American.

Cake was served out; it was spice cake with a sour cream icing. Wufei enjoyed it very much, then discovered that Angel liked the icing and let her lick up the remains as daintily as a lady after he finished. The Chinese was extremely surprised to see even Duo have a piece of cake. It was a tiny sliver, but he finished it, even if he looked a bit guilty, and made Wufei drink two shots. Wufei refused to take a third though, no matter how hard his friends urged him to. He knew something they did not. He had a low alcohol tolerance; any sort of alcoholic beverage put him right to sleep. But from Lara's sudden, quirky smile, he realized someone had him figured out.

A bit under a week later, Quatre called. It was late in the evening and the blond looked very tired in Wufei's eyes. "Well, he's here."

"Sounds like you've had a very long day." Wufei commented; Quatre had even neglected the usual courteous bits of chatter he always began a conversation with.

"It has been… Three panic attacks, and a lot of staring. It's unnerving. If it's like this everyday…" Quatre looked dismal and sounded defeated.

Wufei realized exactly why Quatre had called him, rather than talk to Trowa or his therapist. "The first couple of days are always the worst. He got used to one place, now he has to get used to an entirely different place and a different way of life. It gets easier." Reassurance first, questions later. Quatre was just too tired, and the Chinese knew he was receiving the brunt of the pain. "Try getting a punching bag."

"I… what?" The look on Quatre's face was so startled and baffled that Wufei had to laugh.

"A punching bag. Then, when you feel defeated, frustrated, upset, angry, snappish, or what not, go and hit it." Wufei glared at Quatre who was shaking his head already. "Do it. It helps more than meditation sometimes and it'll loosen up some of your muscles so you don't get as tense."

Quatre sighed, and Wufei knew tomorrow a punching bag would be bought. "But honestly, a panic attack about two red lights, followed by a green, followed by a red, then two greens?"

"Duo tried to throw up the first night he was back. Old habits feel safest, y'know?"

"You're right. You always seem to make the most sense of anybody these days." Quatre shook his head.

"Experience and an ever-expanding collection of philosophy literature." Wufei smiled. "So he's there, in one piece, more or less?"

"He refused to eat dinner, but fell asleep right away." Quatre looked down. "Here I am fussing and it was probably far harder on Heero than it was for me…"

Wufei glared at his friend and got a much desired effect. He had never lost the edge to his glare, and used it as needed. "Beating yourself up about a little rant won't do anybody good. You're doing the best you can, right?"

"Of course!"

Wufei almost chuckled at the Arabian's indignant reply. "Exactly. That's all any of us can do."

"Will you visit in a week or so?"

"Yeah, that sounds good. That'll give Heero a bit of time to adjust. And Duo too." Wufei sighed.

"I feel old."

"I have almost a year on you, kid."

"I guess those grey hairs make sense then." Quatre winked. The Chinese had to laugh if only because his friend had made a true attempt at a joke, and had teased Wufei in a way that the blond would once have been too fearful of making lest he upset the dark-haired man. "I really do hate to end this so soon, but I am absolutely exhausted. Please do give my and Trowa's regards to Duo, and Heero's as well."

"Of course." Wufei nodded and hung up.

* * *

So, what'd you think? Enjoy the chapter? Enjoy the drawing? (See top of page for link.) 


	51. Chapter 50: A Week Later

Hello everyone, sorry about the late chapter. It was only going to be a week late, but Tuesday the psychologist I intern for had a pretty heady talk with me. It turns out I'm not quite as over my own eating disorder as I had come to believe I was. The shock of that really hit me hard for a few days; however, like Duo, I'm hard at work on getting completely better. Unfortunately, this may impact further updates on the story for a time. I hope it won't, but I may need to switch to updating every three weeks or even only once a month for a time; that is, until I can get my own personal problems better taken care of. I'm sorry for any trouble this may cause, and for making you wait, but I also hope that all of you understand that I need to be able to take care of myself before I can dedicate a lot of time writing further chapters for this story.

Dedication: To y'all that liked Angel  
Disclaimer: Really now… Don't own.

Chapter 50: A Week Later (about 4 months til' Duo's b-day)

_:Entry 1507 : I haven't been doing too lately. It's gotten really hard all of a sudden. I hate it! I've thrown up three times in under a week, and before that, it had been months. Wufei says it's okay. Dr. Fitzgerald says it's okay. My group says it's okay. It doesn't feel okay. All of them know about it. My innermost feelings are known by 11 people. It hurts. I'm not sure what does, but it does. They're even switching all my pills again, but I guess they're having trouble. I just wanna cry. I hate that though. It's so stupid. I had to ask Wufei to have Quatre come by and keep me company, and I think he'd already called Quatre about coming. I know I'm supposed to be okay alone now, but it's been pretty rough lately. Dr. Fitz says it'll get easier once we get my medication worked out again. But tonight, I have to be good and not worry Wufei, because it's his one year anniversary with Lara. I can't believe it's been so long…_

_So, I guess it's part two of today's entry. I could number it, but I dunno, it's still today, y'know? Anyway, Quatre is spending the night because we wanted to let Wufei stay out as late as he wanted to. I woke up at four am, kind of hungry, so I wandered towards the living room. I saw Quatre sprawled on the couch so daintily, and Wufei's door was open; his room was empty I snuck back into my room before I woke Quatre up; he's a really light sleeper. Wufei ought to be in a really good mood now. I guess I do know why it's so hard now. Tomorrow, I'm going to see Him at Quatre's. I guess that's also why I can hardly sleep. I just hate it._

Wufei had taken Lara to an Italian restaurant she loved that had more candlelight than electric lighting; they shared a rich dessert of tiramisu before walking to the flower shop. There, he had given her a glittering necklace set in platinum. She had given him another orchid and an old jián, a straight, double-edged Chinese sword used by a general many years before the colonies were first established. Both of them were delighted, and Wufei knew he was going to ask her to marry him eventually. That time would probably be much closer to their second anniversary, but somehow, he knew that second anniversary would happen too.

He told her that he loved her, and she told him that she loved him. They wandered up to her apartment above the shop and Lara made tea for them. As they sat on the couch, watching late night television, drinking their tea, they talked. And then they kissed. Wufei was suddenly very glad Quatre had offered to stay over so that Wufei would not feel obligated to have a curfew of any sorts. The next morning, he made Lara a traditional Chinese breakfast by request, chatting about nothing with her sitting at the counter in a long T-shirt drinking green tea, he was very glad indeed.

As soon as he had walked in the door, Duo stared at him and grinned. "You so did it."

"Uh huh." Wufei replied before sliding into a chair in the living room with one of his thick books and put his glasses on. That meant he was not going to tell Duo anything. Wufei smiled behind his book. Angel made a long, trilling noise somewhere between a chirp and a meow as she jumped onto his lap, a tiny little bundle of silvery fur that purred enough for four cats twice her size.

An hour or two later, Wufei collected Duo, which was a process in itself. First, Duo's shoes were missing, then it was his favourite sock that he had to have, and a jacket that had meandered into the bookcase. The Chinese was rather relieved when he started the ignition. "If you've forgotten anything else, too bad"

Duo coloured and looked down. It was a fairly long drive, and very quiet. Wufei yawned twice before he told Duo to take over the radio and ended up listening to something he thought was atrocious, but it was impossible to sleep to. When Wufei pulled through the gate and up to the door, an attendant took Wufei's car off somewhere. The Chinese wondered if Quatre could drive absently as he followed another attendant into the expansive mansion to the sitting room where the blond was waiting for them with Trowa. Greetings were passed around as were hugs on Quatre's part before the blond told them it was best if only one or two of them visited with Heero at a time. More people present than that and the Japanese tended to get overly nervous and anxious. Wufei went up with Duo; however, he wondered that once Duo assuaged his nervousness and fear somewhat if he would not leave the pair alone for a good while.

Compared to most of the rooms in Quatre's home, Heero's quarters were fairly sparse and too ordered for Wufei's tastes. However, Wufei saw it grated on Duo's nerves even more. Almost immediately, he had to touch something on the table so that it was not perfectly balanced. Then he flopped on the couch, knocking several cushions askew and crumpling the corner of a throw. The act visibly relaxed him, and the familiar actions relaxed not only Wufei, but Heero as well, which somewhat surprised Wufei.

"Hello, Heero. How're you doing?" Though he was used to starting these conversations, he had never learned to enjoy it.

"…I'm doing all right." Heero was quiet for a moment. "And yourself?"

Wufei closed his eyes for a moment. Words. More words than he had heard in a long time. From Heero's tired appearance, it did not seem like it, but he had a feeling that the change was agreeing with him. "I'm doing well, thank you."

Heero glanced at Duo and asked quietly. "And you?"

Duo opened his mouth to say something then closed it once and opened it again. "I am hungry, but, uh, good I guess."

Heero frowned, at a loss, but Wufei was not. "I believe Quatre is sending sandwiches up as we speak. In fact, I believe I hear someone at the door now." Wufei had been right; he retrieved a tray from one of Quatre's men and set food around the small table. It was informal; Wufei was sure Quatre had argued with himself a good deal about that.

"Hey, strawberries!" While Wufei knew Duo would be acting especially cheerful and adjusted on the food front, he also knew that exclamation had been genuine.

"Your favourite." Heero said suddenly, tentatively.

"Oh yeah." Duo grinned and forked a slice in his mouth. Wufei picked up a plate and examined it. Three sandwich halves; egg salad, chicken salad, and tuna salad. There was a small salad on one side, and a small bowl of sweet strawberries for each of them. Heero looked rather uncomfortable at the thought of eating like this, but Wufei had a feeling he would be all right once he actually began eating. "Hey, wow, this is my egg salad, isn't it?" Duo said from around a mouthful.

"I have a feeling these are all recipes of yours." Wufei said somewhat dryly. However, he found he did not mind. Once Duo had put his mind to it, the American had become an adept cook.

"Ha, you're right." Duo grinned as if he was chef of the world, but also with relief. Now he knew exactly what was in everything. He knew how much he could eat and how much he should eat. "'Ro, try the egg salad first. It's my favourite."

So Heero did, picking it up carefully with two hands, lest a drop of the filling fall. Gently, he took a bite, and nodded. "It's not bad."

Between his nervousness, and Heero's replies, Duo became even more talkative during lunch, but still managing to eat a good portion of his food. But near the end of their late lunch, part of Heero's egg salad sandwich fell apart, and egg salad dropped onto his knee. He froze and his eyes widened.

Wufei opened his mouth to say something, but Duo beat him to it and looked right at Heero, forcing him to meet his own cobalt orbs. It was something Wufei had had Allison and Keiko use on him; Duo had probably had his fair share of that look too. That look paired with a particularly tone forced the listener to really listen and think. "Heero. It's just a little spill. It's okay." He grabbed a slice of strawberry with his fork. "It's like this strawberry. It's just a strawberry. It's okay to have things spill, it's okay to eat the strawberry." But then the American wiped the egg salad away with a napkin. "All gone. No, don't stare at that spot. Finish your sandwich."

By the end, Wufei nearly chuckled. Duo had mother henned Heero, and it had worked well enough that by the end, Heero was eating his egg salad sandwich obediently, despite it having causing the spill. Once lunch was over, Wufei left the room with the dishes quietly. He felt the pair could use some time to themselves. Despite everything, it seemed they still did well together, even if they did not realize it themselves.

After some servant pried the dishes away from Wufei before he got down the hall from Heero's room, Wufei went to Quatre's office rather than the sitting room. "So, I think Duo averted a major disaster." Quatre looked up questioningly, and Wufei told him about the egg salad.

"I was actually sort of hoping something like that would happen." Quatre blushed. "Just to, you know, prove life goes on despite a bit of mess."

"Well, it worked, at any rate." They continued chatting for a bit before each settled to their own devices; Quatre tapped away at a computer, and Wufei flipped pages of a book on business philosophy he found on Quatre's bookshelf, which was a bit technical on the business end of things for Wufei but rather interesting just the same.

Later that night, once Wufei and Duo had returned to their apartment, Duo sighed. "He's still not Heero…"

Wufei sat down and gestured to his friend to sit too. He had been expecting this for awhile now. "Duo, remember when you first came back here?"

"Well, yeah but…"

Wufei did not let him finish. "You weren't really yourself either, were you? There was still a lot of work you had to do, right?"

For a moment, Duo's face cleared, but then it clouded over. "Am I really myself now either? Without medication, I'm a frickin' looney bin! I have to argue with myself that eating breakfast really is okay!"

The bitterness was thick and rough in the American's voice and Wufei touched Duo's arm lightly. "Yeah, you're you. Taking medication is okay. Think of it like taking your vitamins. You take those everyday, and they make you feel better physically by helping to take care of your body and keep everything working better than it could on its own. I take vitamins too, so do Quatre and Trowa."

That calmed Duo more. He seemed as if he wanted to argue; to be angry, but really all he wanted was to be reassured that it was all right. "I still have to argue about breakfast…"

Wufei had had this one beat into him by therapists; had discussed it with Quatre. "All of us have our demons. None of us are perfect, and the demons are not fun. But we keep fighting them, and they get weaker and life can make it all worthwhile."

"Still… what if my new medication stops working again? I have to depend on _drugs_ to be normal?" Duo frowned.

Wufei knew it seemed like an awkward time for Duo to get upset, but he knew how scared Duo was, how scared Heero's recovery made him. "Then we try something else. What you're on now is working, and it's working really well, isn't it? You even stole my girlfriend and went to the movies with her."

"I guess that was pretty normal, wasn't it? 'Cause I mean, she and I are friends n' stuff…" Duo murmured.

"Normal isn't so bad. Having friends, having fun, it's not so bad." Wufei chuckled when Duo mentioned Lara. "If it means I don't have to see a chick flick…"

"They're good! Oi, macho-man." Duo rolled his eyes.

"Romantic. Hopeless romantic."

Duo snorted. "You're probably right. I mean, it takes one to know one, right?"

"…"

Duo's laughter filled the air and Wufei glared at him. Even if it was at least partially true.

* * *

So…. I'm nervous about this one. I mean, Heero is –really- back in this one, isn't he? That's a really big new thing. How'd I do with it? 


	52. Chapter 51: Three Months Later

Oi, sorry about the long absence. I've finally gotten some things written out, and we'll see how everything goes. Thankfully, summer is nearly over, so I'll be able to write more and feel better as well. I hope you guys enjoy this.

Chapter 51: Three Months Later

_:Entry 1586 : Oi, I haven't thrown up in over three months. I was sick a really long time, so I did really bad things to my body that I'm still paying for. It turns out though, that all of that played real havoc on my teeth. I… Well, the long and short of it is I just need to put this down. I never admitted this for so long, but up until I was 18, I did the bare minimum—brushed twice a day with a cheap tooth brush. Sometimes I couldn't—like if I got captured or something. Anyway, I never once had a cavity. Let's go over my dental work, less than three years later, shall we? I have a fake right bicuspid. I have crowns on two upper left molasr, an upper right molar, and a bottom right molar. I have caps on my upper central and lateral incisors, and my bottom left central incisor and left lateral incisor. Oh, and let's not forget the fillings on the rest of my teeth. But Quatre is now sending me back for even more dental work. This is after I think even he was amazed at how expensive my final dental bill was. That guy treats bills like a candy bar though… Anyway, like I was saying, Quatre trusts this new technology he's been researching for awhile. Actually, I think that means he put a small team in charge of researching it for a couple years. So it's off to the dentist again to start treatment to basically re-grow my teeth. Which is good, I think. My bottom right molar's been killing me; it needs a root canal. But Quatre said no to that because he was almost done researching the new procedure. So they're gonna try to reverse my tooth decay. No more wiggly teeth or crowns or caps, or having to worry about getting new ones..._

"Fei!" The name was drawn out slowly. "Is it supposed to hurt this much? Why can't I have some stronger pain killer?"

"You can't have stronger painkiller because of your meds. Your sensitive toothpaste is probably taking the brunt of it. Try brushing with that again." Wufei said, rubbing his temples. It had been a long day and a half since Duo had gone in for his first dental treatment.

"But it hurts to brush! It hurts to move! It hurts to talk!" Came the whining reply.

"Then don't move or talk."

For all of two seconds Duo was silent and motionless. Then he burst out, "that hurts too!"

"You're like a little kid, you know." Wufei muttered. "Everything seems to hurt so much more to kids."

"So? It hurts! I'm bored! I have to drink lukewarm broth for another day and a half. I can't chew or anything."

An hour later, Wufei was delighted when Quatre called. They exchanged a few short pleasantries, which included a pained expression from Wufei. "He's a nightmare when he wants to be. I forgot he could get like this."

"What do you mean?" Quatre frowned. "What's wrong?"

"His teeth hurt, so he's degenerated into a whiny child complaining for hours on end."

"Oh dear, I'm so sorry… Perhaps I should have done more research on painkillers for such a case…" Quatre's frown was worried and Wufei could already see the blond turning the blame towards himself.

"I doubt you could have done more, Quatre. Remember why he's doing this? To avoid a lot of problems later on? His worst teeth were done; it'll be downhill after this." Wufei reminded his friend. "In a good way, for once."

"Yet uphill is always a bad thing." Quatre puzzled.

"Go figure."

"Will the pair of you still be able to come on Saturday?" Quatre asked. Wufei and Duo usually trekked out to Quatre's home every other Saturday in order to visit Heero. However, Wufei ended up spending most of his time there with Quatre and Trowa. It seemed that despite everything, they were best friends, as Wufei had thought during the last war. Duo and Heero had simply never realized it.

"Yeah. But I need to go distract Duo before he gets too many ideas." So they said their good-byes and Wufei wondered exactly what ideas he meant in reference to Duo. Some worried him more than others—the old habits especially. But Duo was virtually to the goal weight set by his nutritionist, so his body was no longer fighting him. This paired with a healthy diet had restored his energy, and Duo was a high energy person.

As had become custom two months ago, all five of them ate lunch in one of the sitting rooms. It was informal and a bit hazardous as far as balancing plates went, but after Duo's teasing and gentle cajoling in the month before, Heero dealt with it all, if precariously. So did Duo; he knew it was hard, and baby steps were still steps. It was strange for Wufei to watch Duo be careful around anything other than food, but he knew he was following Duo's example as well.

Quatre changed the conversation after a salad had been brought out and finished, and just after a plate of sandwiches had been brought in. "Heero, Trowa, and I have been discussing a particular matter for a number of weeks that we would like your opinion on." Respectfully, he turned to Heero and waited patiently. Wufei frowned faintly, wondering.

After a moment, Heero spoke, gruffly, "My… doctor," he had trouble saying therapist or shrink still, but they all knew what the Japanese was truly referring to, "thinks it's time I ended my association at the hospital." It made Wufei a little sad that despite everyone knowing about Heero's time at the facility and that he saw a therapist that the Japanese still could not say the words. The speech also sounded like something Quatre had prepared for his friend, which was likely the case. "Quatre did some research and found a new doctor in the city you live in." Quickly, Heero met Wufei's and Duo's eyes. "That is, I would like to move down to the city again, with you."

The Chinese glanced at Quatre; the Arabian was frowning very faintly. Like Wufei had thought, parts of the speech Quatre had prepared had been left out, and perhaps even out of order. Still, Wufei could piece it together well enough.

But Duo beat him to it, nodding. "All right. Yeah, we could do that, right Wufei?"

"Mmm," Wufei thought quickly, then agreed. "Indeed."

"I was hoping the pair of you would say that." Quatre smiled. "I hope this is not out line, but in hopes the pair of you were thinking along the same lines as I was, I went ahead and began preparing a list of potential apartments near where you live now." The look Quatre cast Wufei told him, would not be far from Lara's apartment. "That is, I thought a bit more room with three of you would be nice." That said, he went to the door and asked a servant to bring him the file.

It was not until later that night Wufei began to look through the files with Duo hovering at his shoulder. "So what do you think about all of this?"

Duo shrugged. "Sick?"

Wufei waved Duo into a chair. "So, scared and nervous. Sit! If you hover over my shoulder for one more second…"

Duo sat with a flounce. "Yeah…"

"You realized Heero would have had to bring that up with Quatre, and not the other way around, don't you?" Wufei asked, making Duo think a good deal.

"So I guess he really wants to come back here, and move in with us?" Duo mumbled, still unbelieving.

"Duo, you're his best friend." Sometimes, Wufei had no idea how Duo managed to be as bright as he was while being so incredibly dense.

"Wow…" Duo was silent a long time as Wufei flipped through the seven apartments Quatre had assembled in the file. None of them included prices, but the most posh apartment had seemed to be on top; Quatre's favourite. That omission meant that Quatre fully intended to foot the bill for a good while more. Wufei could accept that; he was going to school full time, and he knew he would have no time to work.

Wufei decided to break Duo out of his thoughts fifteen minutes later. "So, we're down to six apartments. I tossed out the Quatre's favourite."

"Good." Duo chuckled. "Did it have a suit of armour anywhere?"

"Yes…" They both hung their heads. Quatre seemed to be fascinated by the stuff and had several suits of armour in various locations through out his mansion.

"I'll bet this one was Quatre's second favourite. It says something about valet parking." Duo grimaced. "I dunno how he does it. It'd be like being watched all the time."

"I think he's so used to it he doesn't realize it anymore." Wufei told him. "Let's see if we can get this list down to three. Then we'll only have to do three tours." He disliked realtors.

"That'll be harder than it looks…" Duo muttered. "You know how Quatre is…"

"They're all three bedrooms, three baths, with kitchen, balcony, living room, and two have small studies. Four have pools and exercise rooms…" Wufei murmured.

"Out with the one without a pool!" Duo told him. "I've, uh, kind of wanted to try swimming again."

"Four down." Wufei said with a smile for more than one reason. Then Wufei pointed at a piece of paper. "I like this one best, so far as paper goes."

Duo went over it, murmuring bits as they attracted his attention. "Pool, exercise, roomy, lots of light it looks like, a balcony, a study—you want more books!" Duo groaned before continuing. "Three bedroom, three bath of course, a Viking stove—those are bloody cool. This place sounds cool."

"I hate to think what the asking price is…" Wufei shook his head. "But I've seen the apartment complex. It's nice, but it's not a posh place, thank goodness. The previous owners must have really added to the place."

"This seems really surreal, doesn't it?" Duo asked ponderously. "I mean, five years ago all of this would have seemed preposterous. A year ago, it would have seemed impossible…"

"Life does seem to have some strange twists and turns, doesn't it?" Wufei shook his head, and opened his mouth.

"Don't!" Duo burst out. "No philosophy lecture, I beg of you, future professor! I'm not a student!"

"I wasn't going to lecture." Wufei told him firmly. "I was just going to… enlighten you."

Duo snorted and bemoaned his fate living with Wufei. "I'm surprised you don't make Lara fall asleep!"

"We certainly have no trouble sleeping." Wufei murmured smugly. Lately, it seemed every few days either Lara had breakfast at Wufei's, or Wufei had breakfast at Lara's.

"I'm rolling my eyes at you." Duo told Wufei before elaborately demonstrating.

Several mornings later, Wufei and Duo went on their tour. They already knew that Quatre had surveyed each apartment already, or sent someone he highly trusted to do so for him as was probably the case, so they did not feel the need to look elsewhere. They did, however, feel a bit guilty because Quatre had done all the work.

They were sold on the second apartment they walked into; it had been their favourite on paper as well. Duo blocked the doorway to the study. "Wufei. Remember, it's just a study."

Wufei moved Duo and slipped into the study. Instead of grinning like Duo expected him to, he smiled wistfully, remembering an older time, before the wars. "Those shelves need to be filled with books."

Duo gave Wufei a curious glance, but did not ask about that smile. "…All of them? Why can't there be some books and some art or something?" Duo hid a grin.

"Because _book_ shelves and _book_cases are for _books_. Lots of books." Wufei told Duo flatly, but his eyes twinkled, and not just because of a solid wall of floor to ceiling bookcases.

Duo fell in love with the stove, much to Wufei's surprise. The American had become an entirely different person in some respects. The Chinese knew that Duo's cooking ability was newfound, and the American had once lived off of fast food and junk food. But more than that, Duo's reversal in his food attitude startled Wufei, in a good way. Now, his chestnut-haired friend loved to cook; the struggle was in eating the food, but the American came up with healthy solutions for that too. Duo, Wufei realized, also had a good deal of ingenuity to make absolutely healthy, bare bones food appetizing, and as he grew healthier and his cooking better, he dabbled into moderation more and more.

Wufei smiled. It would probably be hard when Heero came, but he thought it would be worth it in the end. Duo had a certain effect on people, which had been dampened by his long battle, but now that he was at his goal weight and healthy once more in body and usually in mind, that effect had come back once more.

* * *

So whatcha think? 


	53. Chapter 52: Two Weeks Later

Oh my…. It's been a very long time since I've updated this… Thankfully, not quite a year yet.  The story has been finished now.  There may or may not be an epilogue after the last chapter (Chapter 53).  What do you all think?  I'll be posting the next and final chapter (except for perhaps an epilogue) in about two weeks.  Hopefully my writing style hasn't changed too much from when I first began.  Please let me know what you think, and enjoy. 

Chapter 52: Two Weeks Later

_:Entry 1586 :  I never knew how much better a Viking stove is compared to a normal stove.  Let alone how much better a gas flame top is than an electric one.  I know everyone is into electric stuff these days because it's easier and easy to clean up, but I can do so much more with this new stove top.  I also decided that I want to start taking classes at the local community college soon.  I guess Wufei sort of inspired me.  Well, anyway, it turns out that this college has a great culinary arts program.  I know it's really strange, but I've been doing a ton of thinking, and I really enjoy cooking.  I figure once I'm a learned chef I can try to get myself going with cooking healthy food.  Maybe write a cookbook—a good one.  I've flipped through so many books and I just never like anything in there.  I mean, I know ultra-healthy stuff can taste great—I do it all the time, but so many people have cardboard-tasting things.  I really can't think of a stranger thing for someone with an eating disorder to want to do.  I'll have to ask Wufei about that one. I haven't told him about this new idea of mine either, it seems pretty crazy.  It also keeps my mind off of the big event less than a week from now.  Heero will be moving in.  We've been doing so much to get ready that we're all tired.  By we, I mean Wufei, Lara, and I.  Trowa and Quatre dropped by once or twice to help, but they're both really busy with Heero and Q's company.  So Q offered to have painters come, cleaners come…  But we turned that down; I guess we're just kinda used to doing it ourselves now._

Wufei had never expected Duo to go back to college, much less want to.  He had thought, if anything, that Duo would go back to work for the orphanage.  Duo seemed to have other ideas, ideas that Wufei would have never fathomed in his wildest dreams.  "You want to be a… chef?"

Duo grinned before frowning.  "You look like a really confused professor with the glasses, Fei.  It makes me feel like a dumb student!"  He mock-glared at his friend until Wufei took them off and closed his book after carefully marking the spot.  "Yes, I want to be a chef.  This is when you tell me whether or not you really do like my cooking!"

"Your cooking is good.  Quatre even used a recipe during a business dinner, and you know Quatre."  Wufei replied, trying to think very quickly.  "I just never expected, that, well, with the way things are…"

"It's all your fault, you know."  Duo said, and Wufei was surprised at how calm and open he was after that.  It was very rare that Duo talked about his illness.  "You know when you were talking about food bringing people together and stuff?  Well, that got me thinking.  And I just like to cook for people, and I like to make healthy things.  I know it's really weird, 'cause I can barely look at a piece of chocolate cake, and I still have relapses, but making the cake is a lot of fun.  People enjoy it.  I enjoy that.  Plus, once in awhile I can have a little cake too.  I mean, if you think about it, it almost makes sense that I want to cook and make food my profession.  After all, it has been the biggest part of my life for years, and that's something that a lot of chefs say, and—"

"You're talking too much."  Wufei murmured.  "It's all right, you don't have to explain yourself to me.  Be nervous when you're supposed to be nervous—like if you have to go on national television."

The American tugged on the end of his short braid and laughed a bit manically.  "Y-yeah, I guess you're right."

After a long look at his friend, Wufei ran a hand through his hair, thinking rapidly.  Apprehension was written across Duo's face, and the Chinese knew exactly what was wrong.  "All right, the community college by us has a good culinary institution built into it.  Why don't you start taking some classes up there?  If you sign up now, you can start after the winter break."

Duo nodded haltingly, chewing on his lip.  "Less than a week…"

"I guess we'd better finish painting this place, huh?  Or rather, why don't I put the second coat of paint in Heero's room and why don't you start putting the blinds and curtains up in the living room."  They were close to being done; Wufei's room, Duo's room, and the study were painted with furniture arranged and knickknacks in place.  Heero's room needed a second coat of paint, furniture to be arranged, and curtains.  The living room had yet to be done, and the kitchen still needed to be cleaned and unpacked.  However, Duo had cleaned the refrigerator and stove, and had brought enough food to last them for the moment.  He was more focused on getting everything else done first because it would take him a long time to get everything in his kitchen just so, for he was rather particular about how his kitchen operated.

The week passed quickly until the day before Quatre and Trowa were going to bring Heero to the new apartment and have a small house-warming party.  The American had tried three different cupboards and shelves for pots and pans, rearranged the china five times, and couldn't settle on where he wanted to put his potholders.  He kept getting up to change something until Wufei finally sat Duo down and handed him a game controller.  "Play.  You are not allowed in the kitchen again until supper time."

Duo had fidgeted the rest of the night, while Wufei mostly stared at his book, eyes not focusing on words, mind not understanding their meanings.  Wufei had a nasty suspicion that as his nerves were grated and stretched, Duo became increasingly nervous, causing Wufei's nerves to wear down even more.  It was a cycle he did not like, but found that nothing helped, including being in separate rooms.  At midnight, they both went to bed to await the morning by staring at the ceiling.  Wufei wasn't surprised to note that there were no cracks in the ceiling.  He remembered the room he had slept in as a child; there had been cracks and he had always been fanciful.  He saw pictures in this erratic cracks, and with those pictures he saw stories.

Naturally, the day sped up after Wufei crawled out of bed, red-eyed and exhausted.  Duo panicked throughout the day and looked like he'd eaten bad eggs, and with Duo feeling so frantic, Wufei found that he was having trouble holding back a rise of panic at nothing.  That was what he had told himself, at least.  He knew there was reason for worry; this was a big chance for everyone, and especially for the American and the Japanese.

Then things stopped spinning as Quatre knocked on the door with his delicate, polite rap.  Duo stared at the door, cobalt eyes so wide they were surrounded by white.  Wufei stood and walked towards the door, patting the American's shoulder as he passed.  Then he opened the door.  "Hello Quatre, Trowa, Heero.  Come in.  I'll show you guys to the living room while Duo gets the appetizers from the kitchen, and then I'll show Heero where his room is so that he can put his boxes in there."

At Wufei's words, Duo came alive and out of the corner of his eye, Wufei saw him scurrying towards the kitchen.  Wufei knew that would give Duo a few additional moments to collect himself now that Heero was truly inside.  Trowa and Quatre politely took a seat side-by-side on the loveseat as Wufei talked about nothing as he showed Heero to the soothing sage-green room, but barely allowed Heero to glance at the room as they set Heero's few boxes down, for most of Heero's things had remained at the old apartment while he had been at the institution and were now in storage.  Quatre and Wufei had agreed that a chance in furnishings would be best for Heero. 

Then the Chinese hurried the Japanese out of his room and back to the living room where Duo was entering from the kitchen carrying a tray with three platters; one filled with cut vegetables and dip; a second with various cheeses, fruits, and crackers; and a third with tiny quiche.  It was simple, but filled with things the American knew would appeal to most everyone, although he had not been sure about the two quiche recipes he had used since they were his own creation.  Wufei had long since been awarded the task of taste-testing Duo's recipes so he hid a smile as he took a seat close to the quiche and quickly filled a plate with the treats.  He knew what would happen when everyone else discovered the quiche, and he wanted his share.

It was quiet as far as house-warming parties went, and short; however, Wufei knew Quatre wanted the transition to be easy for Heero, and that would mean allowing him plenty of time to settle in and become used to the new place without having to worry about parties and being social.  No one left before dessert though, and everyone had their fill, praising the food until Duo's cheeks glowed rose and he could not hide the shy, embarrassed smile.

Shortly before Quatre tugged on Trowa's sleeve to pull them away for the night, the blond enticed not only Duo into conversation, but Heero as well.  Then just as deftly, he left the conversation, and shared a quiet smile with Wufei when the two continued talking without his help.  Now the Chinese knew, as he showed his friends to the door and wished them a good night and safe drive, that Duo would automatically make sure Heero was settled, so he would stay out of that.  After he shut the door, Wufei meandered into his room with Angel at his heels and partially closed the door.  Then he stretched out on his bed and phoned Lara.

A little over a week later, Wufei picked up a cake as he drove home with Duo; they had spent several hours at the community college getting Duo's application and schedule figured out.  Wufei had figured going to the community college would be a good way to distract Duo after the American had been kicked out of the apartment by Quatre and Trowa, who were intent on decorating for Duo's birthday party without the American seeing until everything was complete.

"Do I get to see my cake yet?" Duo stared at the box when Wufei returned to the car, knee bouncing lightly.

"No.  Not until Quatre says so.  Otherwise, he'll yell at me."

"But it's my twenty-first birthday!  I should get to see the cake when I want to."  Duo tried pouting.

"No."

"But—"

"No."  Before Duo tried to crawl into the backseat, Wufei glanced at Duo.  "So, you're twenty-one now.  You can drink _legally_."

"Yeah!  We didn't stop at the liquor store!"

"Because Trowa is in charge of that.  Apparently, he's excellent at mixing drinks."  Wufei glared at the car ahead of him, rather than at Duo.  "I'm not going to go buy you a drink just so you can sneak a peak at the cake when I'm not paying attention."

Instead of acting hyper like the American had been doing for a number of hours, Duo's voice was subdued.  "I never thought that he'd be at my birthday party…  In the past when I invited him, he never came.  Now it's like he's being forced to come, and being forced to give me a present…"

Wufei was glad he had begun talking to Quatre so often.  "If Heero didn't want to come, wouldn't it have been easier if he had waited to move back until after the party?  After all, he's been staying with Quatre and Quatre always knows what's going on, and he keeps everyone else informed too."

"I know, man, but…"

"It'll be okay.  Just don't get drunk."  Wufei grimaced.  "Because I am not cleaning up after you if you puke."

"Gee, thanks Fei.  You're real nice to a guy on his twenty-first birthday."  Duo muttered wryly.

"No problem."  Wufei answered cheerily as he pulled into a narrow parking space.  Parking would not be so bad if only other people could learn how to park in the lines.  Moments later, he scooped the cake box up and ordered Duo ahead of him to open doors for him, eliciting a number of remarks about treating birthday boys like slaves.  The Chinese's standard answer was to roll his eyes.

To Wufei, everything breezed by during dinner; everything simply seemed right that he simply leaned back in his chair and basked in it all, chattering with everyone, watching Duo grin and joke.  Then they meandered into the living room where Quatre insisted on gift-giving before letting Duo see his beloved cake.  But first, Trowa was making everyone a drink that involved cranberry juice.  Wufei missed the name of it, but he sipped at it gladly; Trowa knew what he was doing with his liquors.  Duo was more hesitant, but when even Heero was enjoying the drink, the American finally gave in and took his first sip as Quatre rushed his and Trowa's gift up to Duo and hovered nearby, anxiously awaiting the smaller man to open up the exquisitely wrapped gift. 

The American tore through the wrapping and gasped as he pulled out the new, extremely hard to find Nintendo Wii7, along with several games Wufei knew the brunette had been moaning over for weeks.  "Quatre, Trowa, you guys are the best!"  The Arabian already had his camera out, taking picture after picture of Duo hugging the Wii7 box to him, grinning like a child.

Then Quatre softly urged Heero to give Duo his gift, which was in a small bag which had obviously been under Quatre's care.  However, the two gifts beneath the tissue paper and ribbons had not been chosen by the Arabian, and Wufei was puzzled when Duo drew out a simple black mug with a white design upon it he could not quite make out, and it seemed that the Japanese had also given Duo a copy of one of his books, most likely the book that had not been officially released yet.  Wufei watched Duo quietly read something written inside the cover of the book, and then look up at Heero.  The Japanese met the American's gaze and it told Duo something for he smiled softly and gazed down at the two gifts for a long, quiet moment.

The next thing Wufei knew, the American was grinning and begging Lara and him to give him their gift.  Wufei chuckled and let Lara pass the bag over, though she immediately returned to her seat beside Wufei upon which he placed his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.  Duo's face split into a grin as he pulled out a chef's coat and hat, an apron that said "kiss the chef," and a divided notebook where Duo could put all of his recipes.  "Guess I'm all set for culinary school now, huh?"  He said, standing up with a twirl and putting on his new apron and hat.  "Everyone, just wow!  Thanks so much you guys."

The night became hazier as Trowa pressed various drinks into everyone's hand, insisting that they simply had to try Trowa's newest concoction, until Wufei sunk down to his bed, holding Lara close to him.  His last thought was of being happy and feeling blissful.


	54. Chapter 53: Six Months Later

Ah… This is the last chapter of AOYL apart from the epilogue. Wow. It's been a real time of it, ne?

Dedicated to: myfailsafe sorry to make you worry!

* * *

Chapter 53: Six Months Later

_:Entry 1700: I can't believe I've written 1700 entries. It makes me feel totally obsessive about journaling, you know? But I guess when I really think about it, a year's worth of entries is 365, and I've been doing this writing thing for a long while now. Anyway, it's been a month since I made my last entry, guess I'd better look back to see where I left off, huh? I still don't like doing that; it feels so weird being the audience to my own life. Anyway, it looks like I left off talking about Heero's new job. He really hates not being busy. I swear, the better he gets the busier he gets, and I don't mean busy counting things. He's a computer programmer, and he works from home more often than not. He says then he can get away with only spending half a day on the work and get paid for a full day. He's still writing too. So is Wufei, but he doesn't have time to write a book yet; he's too busy with his course work. Even I'm busy, for that matter. I'm one of the top students in my culinary classes, and at home I find ways of making everything healthier. It's a lot of fun, but Heero doesn't cook much now. When we first shared an apartment, he did all the cooking… Meh. Anyway, I also volunteer at the orphanage I used to work at now. Damon's really warmed up to me, but he gets along with Heero the best. Yeah, Heero actually comes with me a lot. Actually, we do tons of things together now. He's still quiet, but he's the best friend I always thought I'd had back when we were piloting. Only we're both a lot healthier now, and we know how to look out for each other. But sometimes I get a little sad by being friends. Heero knows I swing towards guys, but he doesn't know that I really swing towards him. I don't think he really swings towards guys or girls. Still, I'm doing pretty good. I haven't been sick at all, which is really good because right now I'm super nervous because Q-ball is getting hitched in a week and a half. Even though they're not having an actual wedding (they like the idea of a union better,) it's going to be huge because Quatre knows everyone in the universe. But at least I don't have to worry about Relena. She apparently married a rival of Quatre's who refuses to come. Trowa was relieved; I was thrilled. Quatre seemed sad, but he's Quatre._

Wufei looked up from _Plato's Metaphysics and Epistemology_ to Duo running into his study. He removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his other hand. "How many times must I tell you to knock if you're going to interrupt my studying?" As much as he enjoyed philosophy, he was not reading for pleasure alone.

"Sorry, sorry, I forgot!" Duo said, panting slightly from the elevator until he reached Wufei. The Chinese took a long look at the American; he looked wild with his cheeks flushed and stray hairs flying from his short braid. However, Duo's eyes were shining and he could not seem to keep from grinning like a fool. "But I just had to tell you right now!"

"Tell me what? I don't have all day, you know. I have research to do, papers to write, philosophic thoughts to think…." He veiled his interest slightly, though he knew Duo would not be fooled nor deterred.

"It… I… the most amazing thing happened. I never expected it to either. Well, maybe in my dreams but… Well, it actually happened and I'm just so happy!" Duo stumbled around his words, trying to get them out as fast as he could, hurrying too much to make much sense.

Wufei sighed. He had a feeling this might take awhile. He marked his place in his book and set it on his desk. "Duo, slow down. Why don't you start from the beginning?"

"Oh! Yeah, all right, all right. Yeah, that sounds good." Duo paced around the small desk for a moment, trying to find beginning. Suddenly, he turned to Wufei and asked, "Can I just pick some spot and start there?"

Wufei shook his head indulgently, "Yeah, go ahead." He was becoming more and more curious, though he was not about to admit that to Duo.

Duo was silent for a moment, giddy and smiling. "Heero… He likes me! Like… Like Quatre and Trowa!"

Wufei had to chuckle softly. Duo had promised him a story, and instead told him the ending. He smiled; it really was like Duo to do that. "Ah, well, I suppose it's about time that the two of you figured out that you like each other."

"You mean you knew Heero liked me?" Duo asked, scandalized.

Wufei felt like he should be dropping his head in sorrow. Sometimes the American truly amazed him. The only people who had not realized how Heero and Duo cared for each other were the pair in question. Wufei remembered that Heero had admitted his feelings for Duo two years ago, though the American had balked at that. Duo had not been able to believe anybody could feel that way towards him at that time, and eventually he had forgotten about Heero's admission altogether. It astonished Wufei that the usually perceptive American could be so dense, though he readily expected it of Heero. "I do believe everyone except for you suspected it. Why don't you tell me how everything came about, mm?"

"O-oh…" Duo sat down, thinking for a moment. "I guess sometimes it's hard to see what's right in front of you, huh? I must be some sort of expert at not seeing that stuff…"

"Just like the rest of us. Remember, you're also very observant about people's feelings most of the time." Wufei commented. Even after all this time, he still had to be careful what he said around his two roommates. As much as he cared about them, he would be glad when he was able to leave them to their own devices. He wanted them to have that strength, and he had also begun to dream about the future. It had taken him a long time to do that; he had seen worlds that had taken many years to build ripped apart in mere moments. To hope and believe that his world could last, Wufei felt as if he had had to leap across the Grand Canyon.

"I guess you're right…" Duo admitted, then returned to his previous state, grinning. "Anyway, I gotta tell you the story! You're not gonna read through it, right? Right?"

"I've already put my book away, Duo." He admonished his friend. Sometimes, Duo almost reminded him of a child in his excitement.

"Oh, yeah, right." Duo blinked, a bit embarrassed. "Anyway, today at the orphanage, I kept looking up to see Heero looking at me, or glancing away. I guess, kind of what I was doing. Looking away whenever I thought he saw me…" Duo murmured. "He almost never does that, you know."

Wufei knew otherwise, though he chose not to comment at that moment. Instead, he simply smiled vaguely and urged Duo to continue with a gesture.

"After we finished up with the kids—Heero's really been a good influence on Damon, it's really great. In fact…" But Duo shook his head, trying to stay on track. He had told Wufei all about Heero and Damon already. "Well, anyway, after we finished up, Heero actually suggested we go to a café nearby. We ordered coffee and everything, well, actually, Heero had a mocha cappuccino and I had a strawberry iced latte. The crème ones without the coffee. Coffee's too bitter for me. He sat us down at a little table in a corner where it was really nice and quiet, and did that thing where he's really quiet and trying to figure out how he's gonna say what he wants to say without saying a whole lot.

"Finally, he did decide to speak up, which I guess was kind of hard because I was talking a whole lot about the orphanage, and sometimes I, uh, just keep talking. But he just gave me this look and I shut up real fast, and my heart kind of sped up and beat a little harder. I could just feel my eyes get wider and I stared at him. Then he told me that he had feelings for me. Not the regular sort, that he loved me. I think I scared him then because I was so quiet because it was the last thing I ever, ever expected to hear coming out of his mouth. He loves me. Heero loves me." Duo smiled to himself, his eyes sparkling. "Finally, I managed to get it out that I loved him too.

"I guess we sort of skipped a few steps in the dating ladder thing, but I don't mind. I'm just so happy. Anyway, then Heero had to go to a work meeting—trust Heero to have a back-up plan to run off to in case he got turned down… But since he didn't, he didn't wanna go. So he _kissed_ me." Duo fell silent a moment, remembering, "and then I came here as fast as I could. I just had to tell someone!"

"Are you going to go on a date soon then?" Wufei wondered.

"That would be an absolutely brilliant idea! I'll ask Heero as soon as he gets home!"

"I'm happy for you, Duo." He smiled, "but now I'm kicking you out of here. I have a paper I need to start writing as soon as I finish up with this chapter."

"Sorry!" Duo winced, he knew how hard Wufei was studying. "Good luck! I'll cook dinner, so don't worry about any of it!"

Wufei shook his head as Duo left, he was finding he had fewer and fewer things to worry about. Slowly, he opened up _Plato's Metaphysics and Epistemology_ once more. Then he set the book down. He had someone he wanted to tell the news to. Lara. He would let Duo tell Duo and Quatre, but Lara was his to tell. He wanted to hear the excitement in her voice; somehow, she seemed to make everything more real to Wufei. He picked up his phone and dialled.

Ooooooooooooo

A month later, Wufei stood beside Trowa, followed by Heero, Duo. Beside Quatre stood four of his closest sisters, while the rest were seated, along with Lara, Catherine, and a few of Quatre's most loyal servants. The ceremony for Quatre and Trowa's union had begun; it was a very small ceremony given how big the reception was going to be. Wufei thought that was fitting; Quatre tended to keep the most personal parts of his life that way, despite often being in the spotlight. However, for the party half of it all, everyone had to be invited, even Relena, despite the bad terms Duo and Heero were on with her. Thankfully, the blonde had refused as her fiancé was a competitor of Quatre's and despised the young man's brilliance in business.

All of them could have been sitting, or absent altogether, but Quatre had wanted to have the semblance of a Christian wedding, despite it being a civil union. They were all in suits or dresses, and Wufei had found he was not as uncomfortable in a suit as he had thought he would be. This was a good thing as he would be teaching an undergraduate class in epistemology beginning in the spring, and would need to wear a suit.

The justice of the peace, an older man with silver hair and a wrinkled face with a tall, powerful frame announced to the audience, "We are here to join Quatre Raberba Winner and Trowa Barton in civil union." Then he turned to Trowa, his voice more serious now, "Wil you Trowa Barton have Quatre Raberba Winner to be united as one in your civil union?"

Trowa looked at Quatre, a smile playing his lips, though his voice was stoic and serious as he responded, "I will."

The older man nodded and turned to the Arabian. "Will you Quatre Raberba Winner have Trowa Barton to be united as one in your civil union?"

Quatre smiled brilliantly up at Trowa. "I will!"

The justice smiled faintly. "Then repeat after me, 'I, Trowa Barton, take you, Quatre Raberba Winner, to be my spouse in our civil union, to have and to hold from this day on, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, to love and to cherish forever.'"

Trowa nodded, speaking quietly, repeated those same words, staring into Quatre's eyes as he did so.

Once more, the justice turned towards Quatre, "Repeat after me, 'I, Quatre Raberba Winner, take you, Trowa Barton, to be my spouse in our civil union, to have and to hold from this day on, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, to love and to cherish forever.'"

Quatre's voice was jubilant as he repeated those words, unable to keep from smiling.

One of Quatre's sisters stepped forward then and held up the rings on a small, silver platter. Carefully, Trowa picked up the smaller ring, a gold band carrying an inscription in Arabic. As he slid the ring onto Quatre's left ring finger, he said, "With this ring, I join with you in this, our civil union."

Quatre smiled as he picked up the remaining ring, identical to his save the size, he kissed it lightly before he slid it onto Trowa's finger, saying, "With this ring I join with you in this, our civil union."

The justice once more began to speak, solemn voiced though his eyes shone. "By the power vested in me by the --, I hereby join you in civil union."

Gently, Trowa and Quatre kissed. Now, to the world, they were truly together. Wufei smiled, perhaps a bit misty-eyed, and he soon passed a handkerchief to Quatre, who had already soaked his. But soon, Quatre collected himself for family pictures, his eyes and nose neither red nor puffy. Trowa, Wufei noticed, was a bit uncomfortable with all of the attention and pictures, but he bore it well; after all, he was doing it for Quatre. Wufei eventually finished with his part in the pictures and headed towards Lara, "Well, shall we start towards the reception?"

"I suppose so, but it's so much fun to watch them. They look so happy." Lara smiled.

"We can watch for a few more minutes before heading over." Wufei told her, so they waited, watching people pose and smile for more pictures. Duo even convinced Heero to smile in a few of the photographs, something Heero was always loathe to do.

Eventually, the party arrived at the reception and the festivities commenced. Speeches were told, people blushed, laughed, and smiled. Rich food was tried and eaten, and champagne glasses were tapped. Wufei even began one round of the tapping, making a blushing Quatre and Trowa kiss yet again for all to see. Then finally, the cake was cut, and Quatre and Trowa fed each other the first bite. For the day, everything except happiness, joy, and love had been left behind. In a way, it was the start of a new chapter for more than the newly united pair, but for all of the pilots. They were all now into a very different part of their lives, one in which they could love and hope again in. Smiling faintly as he watched Quatre and Trowa share a private kiss when they thought no one was looking and Duo and Heero share a dance to an old tune sung by Frank Sinatra, Wufei fingered the small ring box in his pocket.

* * *

-It's up to you all to decide where Quatre and Trowa had their union.

I used this site: ( www. sec. state. vt. Us / otherprg / civilunions / civilunions. html#3) for a basic civil union ceremony outline as I have never attended one myself.

Well, I'm betting this wasn't quite the chapter you were expecting, but this is where the story led up to, with just a bit more still to come. Please let me know what you think!


	55. Epilogue: Five Years Later

Disclaimer: I think we've all figured out that I don't own Gundam Wing by now. I'm still penniless and all that. I do own Lara though. Thanks for being so cool about her, by the way. I own a few other randoms, but.. uh… yeah.

Dedication: Gundam Wing; after all, without it, none of this would have been possible.

Dedication 2: The people who keep coming back and helping me to keep going and leaving so many wonderful reviews. Love to you all.

* * *

Epilogue: Five Years Later

Wufei helped Lara into her seat, though she never said a word of complaint, he could tell she was becoming more and more uncomfortable. Simple tasks like sitting were a somewhat drawn out process as of late. Still, he thought as he caressed Lara's protruding stomach lightly, both he and Lara were too excited to let the inconveniences weigh them down. No, now they were getting rather impatient.

"So, Dr. Chang," Duo said, knowing that after a year the Chinese still loved to hear the doctor before his name, as the American rushed over for a moment, hands powdery white. "How much longer 'til I'm an uncle?"

"Just under three months." Wufei told his friend smugly. "We're going to call her Meilan."

"Beautiful orchid?" Trowa questioned softly.

Lara nodded, grinning. "I think it's very fitting." Wufei nodded in agreement, that was the flower that first drew them together after all.

"That's perfect! I can't wait to meet her." Then Duo's eyes widened as a timer beeped somewhere and he ran off again to make sure nothing went wrong.

Suddenly, Quatre appeared, looking overly flustered in Wufei's opinion. "I can't find Alex anywhere!" A little girl was clinging to his hand, staring at everything with wide eyes. Anna, the two year old girl Quatre and Trowa had adopted recently was terribly shy with so much going on.

Naturally, in another moment a rather rambunctious boy of five showed up along with Heero, who was a bit wary as the boy who liked to cause a great deal of trouble whenever possible. Wufei smiled faintly when Heero gave in to the boy's pleas and briefly swung him up into the air, around, and down, before gruffly telling the boy to stop worrying Quatre. Though the Japanese had loosened up a great deal, he still needed Duo to keep him in line and keep him from counting his steps on occasion, just as he made sure Duo really was "going to eat that".

The boy obediently trotted over to the still-flustered Arabian. "Dad! I got to help Duo! It was so cool!"

"Oh!" Quatre knelt and threw an arm around his adopted son. "I didn't know where you went!"

"Geh!" Alex wriggled away, at an age when parents clinging to him was uncool. He scurried over Trowa. "Father! It's so boring right now 'cause I don't have anyone to play with 'cause Uncle Duo's busy and Uncle Heero's tired and Aunt Lara's gonna have a baby and Uncle Wufei talks funny! I want to play a game!"

Trowa thought for a moment and got up. He and Quatre had come prepared; he produced a ball and began a little game of soccer between him and his son. He was mostly quiet, but he congratulated Alex on every goal Trowa secretly let him score. His manner was as serious as always, but he got along well with the children.

Wufei smiled as he watched the game and squeezed Lara's hand lightly, feeling her wedding ring press against his palm lightly. The couple talked quietly together, full of quick smiles and guessing alternately about what Duo was preparing and what sort of woman their daughter would grow into.

Quatre watched the game for a moment, nearly sighing; he didn't relate quite as well to the highly athletic, often rude boy, though when he remembered to give Alex his space he often had quite a good time with his son. Anna, however, adored Quatre and soon demanded all of his attention once more. She wanted someone to play with her stuffed animals with her, and the Arabian was all too happy to oblige. Wufei had a feeling she would be an absolutely spoiled.

In another few minutes, the cook himself came out carrying a tray filled with glasses containing a frosty pink drink. "Come on everyone! I'm bring all the food and stuff out now! I'd hate for someone to miss strawberry lemonade!" It was just the thing to draw all of the guests to the table and take their seats, and for camera men to come out to make final adjustments to their equipment. Wufei still couldn't quite believe it all. Duo had managed to get his own cooking show, _Healthy Eats_.

Just over a year ago, Duo had been called with an offer from Food Television to have him have a test run with six shows after they had seen a tape the American had sent in of a food demonstration. The American was entertaining, attractive, and easy-to-understand. He was an instant hit. Now he was beginning his first season, and his family had been invited to try his new recipes. After all, the American believed that cooking was the best when it brought everyone together.

Soon, Duo brought out a tray with grilled chicken seasoned with herbs atop a bed of sliced zucchini and summer squash on one platter and seasoned cauliflower on a bowl beside it. Lastly, he brought out a large bowl containing a colourful salad that used bean sprouts instead of lettuce. Wufei also knew that there would be dessert; grilled peaches lightly drizzled with a honey mixture that he was especially fond of.

Duo grinned and welcomed them all as he sat down to eat, passing the food around exuberantly. The cameras were rolling and he was in the spotlight. He was adoring the attention, and soon they were able to forget about the cameras and the people manning them. The mismatched family dug in, resuming their meal, except for the times someone had to chase after Alex to get him to come back to the table and finish his supper. Though this particular sitting was for _Healthy Eats_, they were drawn together by food as they were at least weekly.

* * *

Not quite what you all were expecting, ne? Well, this is the end of this story. I hope you've enjoyed the ride. I know a lot of you were hoping for a lemon, but I thought that might be a bit out of place in this story in the end and take away some of the focus. This story took a lot out of me and took a long time to finish, but ah, I've loved it so much. I'm just surprised so many of you have liked it, hehe. But yeah, I'd better wrap this up. I'm… uhm, getting a little choked up here. There are a lot of you guys that I'm going to miss…. However, if any of you want to e-mail or chat with me over msn, _dragen underscore eyez__ at hotmail dot com _(I assume you guys can figure out what my e-mail is in the italics; the underscore is the symbol, same with the at) is the way to go. In fact, I encourage you to. I swear I don't bite and I love hearing from new and old people.

Uhm, yeah, and let me know what you think; after all, this is it.

I love you guys!


End file.
